Prince of Persia meets Jerry Springer episode five:
Long-lost relative?
Disclaimer: I do not own prince of Persia, or any related trademarks or ideas. Those are the property of Ubisoft, and the prince's original creator.
(Camera comes on, and as usual the little blue bubble on the side, with today's topic).
Jerry: welcome. We're still with the Persia family. (Camera pans the stage, and we see all of the princes sitting in their respective chairs). But today, we're in for another little surprise. (As usual, the princes show their own personal expressions of apprehension). A special guest, I guess you could say. (Shuffles note cards) We have a busy day today. Shall we get started?
(Audience cheers)
Jerry: Let's get this show on the road! (Takes a seat on the stage, along with his guests). I'd like to know how everyone is this morning.
All princes, except for one: good, Jerry. (The one who doesn't answer, is of course, the Dark Prince, but he isn't long in his reply. Again, stereotypically, his voice seems to come from thin air).
Dark Prince: (a little too ecstatic, as if he is planning something dastardly) terrific!
Jerry: (barely suppressing a flinch) very good. Glad to hear it. (The dark Prince's tone still bugs him, and so he quickly moves on to the next segment of the show). But that's enough for small talk. (Turns to the Blue Prince, as he is a less intimidating of the group). Blue Prince, (the blue Prince looks up expectantly. He is happy to be the center of attention, finally).
Blue Prince: yes, Jerry?
Jerry: I have a question for you. It's on family matters. While you were growing up in your father's palace – did you ever meet – or were you aware of – a cousin? Someone who might compete with you for the throne?
Blue Prince: (totally caught off guard) a cousin? No, I don't suspect so.
Dark Prince: unless it was one of your father's dirty little secrets, and he kept him tied up and tortured somewhere.
White Prince: look, you! Just because you have the mind of an evil spirit, doesn't mean the rest of us do! Quit interrupting a perfectly decent show, with your indecent commentary.
Dark Prince: oh forgive me, your Majesty!
Red Prince: would you two shut up? I have enough to worry about, without your incessant bickering giving me a headache!
(Blue Prince trembles, still not used to the easy fury of another part of himself. The White and Dark Princes, however, immediately clam up).
Jerry: sorry. Anyway, please continue.
Blue Prince: (unsteadily) as I was saying before, I never knew anything about extended family. My father never spoke of it. And I doubt sincerely that he would keep such an important secret from me. (Looks at his other selves). From all of us.
(Other princes nod in agreement).
Jerry: interesting. Are you sure?
White Prince: quite positively. My father and I were never one to keep secrets from each other. A dishonest person, makes a dishonest Prince, he used to say.
Jerry: (proudly) well, I just happened to –
(A loud, continuous screeching interrupts him. It is extremely loud, especially in an auditorium that has gone completely silent. Everyone cringes, for the sound is like silverware on china. A very manly, and confident voice follows).
New Prince: there's one. (Everyone hears the shimmering sound that occurs, when you gather a light seed in the next-generation Prince of Persia game. It is followed by a mysterious woman's voice, chanting in some ancient language. The screeching starts anew). Another one.
Elika: My power grows stronger.
(All the princes look on, as if seeing something disturbing. Suspiciously, they follow the movements of these new arrivals, as they leap around collecting light orbs).
Elika: we must collect more.
New Prince: (makes his jumping "hup" noise). Here's another.
(In one of the chairs, you can see the blue prince fidgeting nervously with the dagger of Time).
(Finally, the visitors hop onto the stage. Light orbs have appeared around the perimeter of the stage. Quickly Elika and the new Prince run around collecting them. When all is said and done, they finally walk up to Jerry).
(Jerry, along with the princes, looks anything but comfortable).
Jerry: (nervously, as if he is expecting one of them to have a nervous breakdown at any moment) welcome. Elika, was it?
Elika: (casually) yes.
(Next to her, the New Prince is rolling his shoulder, as if he has a crick in it).
Jerry: and you must be the Prince?
New Prince (surprised, slightly irritated). Whoa, whoa, man! I just met you, and you're already calling me a prince? I have been through this with Elika already! I'm not a Prince, and I'm certainly not going to turn into one, okay? I'm a grave robber. Say it with me: "GRAVE_ROBBER."
(The princes exhibit varying expressions. As we expect, the Blue Prince and White Prince exhibit signs of disapproval. The red Prince appears slightly interested, and the Dark Prince only chuckles).
Jerry: all right, well, just have a seat. (Clearly, this is not what he had in mind when he invited this new family member).
(The new Prince takes a seat next to the red prince, but Elika remains standing. She prefers to stay on her feet, and keep an eye out for danger. Jerry doesn't bother asking if she would rather take his seat. It's obvious she would have done so, if she wanted).
(The princes survey their new guests, and vice versa).
Jerry: (clears throat) okay, well, let's get this show on the road. (Leaning forward) I'd like to welcome you, Mr. Grave Robber. (He seems uncomfortable with the title, and would rather call this new man with curious red then blue scarves, "Prince." Already the situation makes him look like an idiot). I invited you here, because I believed you were in the same family as these very young gentlemen here.
(The New Prince looks at his company, raising eyebrows at their attire. He looks like he would rather steal from them, then admire them).
New Prince: what's with the get up, guys? You look like all the royals I've ever stolen from. (The more noble princes blanch, as if they're picturing themselves the victim of one of these robberies, or much worse).
Blue Prince: I don't know who you are, ruffian, but we are indeed Princes of Persia. (The other two nod in agreement. The Dark Prince mutters something into the room, but it's unintelligible. Whatever it is, it sounds devious).
New Prince: I see, I see. Princes of Persia, huh? (Looks at Jerry). And I suppose you invited me here so I could steal from them, right? (The look in his eye is hopeful). Man, I'd be able to get a whole palace with rooms with really thick carpet!
(From behind the chairs, Elika rolls her eyes).
Elika: not this again.
New Prince: what? It's true!
Jerry: (seeing the grounds for a possible argument, he quickly changes the subject) carpet aside, no, Prince, I did not call you here so you could rob them. (The new Prince flinches, not liking to hear either piece of information).
New Prince: damn. What am I doing here then? I don't like to engage in anything that's not going to be profitable for me, you know.
Elika: (from behind him) oh, come on! You're helping me fight Ahriman! You're doing that to help me, aren't you?
New Prince: (shaking his head) look, I care about you, all right? But I'm just helping you so I can get back to my life. I can't have the Lord of Darkness getting in the way of my lucrative business. I mean, how many graves am I gonna be able to rob, if that guy -- God -- takes over the world? Not many. And that's not gonna work for me. (Looks at Jerry, and then at the other princes, who have voiced sounds of horror). And for the record, I am not a Prince. Please don't address me as one.
Elika: (slightly wounded) well, you could be.
Blue Prince: I'll say you're not. What kind of Prince robs innocent people?
New Prince: I didn't say I was, genius. How many times I have to tell all of you that? I am a professional grave robber. I don't wear crowns—I steal them, all right?
Jerry: (exasperated) okay, so you're not a prince. I get it. But do you at least have a name I can address you by?
New Prince: (staring a little sexily through his scarves that he has now wrapped around his face) maybe I do, maybe I don't. What's it to you? I usually don't like to give my name out to strangers, unless it happens to be a beautiful woman. (Elika slaps him on the side of his head). In stereotypical Prince of Persia game fashion, the New Prince voices an "ooowwww!").
Elika: you haven't even told me your name; so don't go giving everyone else that lie.
(In the meantime, the Red Prince has given the New Prince a high five for his comments about only telling your name to a beautiful woman).
New Prince: (coolly) some things are just better left unsaid, you know?
Elika: (walks around to the front of the New Prince's chair) better left unsaid, huh? You mean like where you got that magical sword, for instance? Or how about that gauntlet?
Red Prince: (piping up, eyes glittering with desire) I'd like to know where you got that, as well. It would come in handy.
(The new Prince moves away from the red Prince slightly).
Elika: (continued) or why you wear those scarves all the time?
New Prince: I thought I told you that already. They seem to believe in me. Every time I wear them on a job, I always come back with more loot than I know what to do with.
Blue Prince: you certainly don't dress like you're wealthy, let alone successful. (New Prince ignores him). Honestly, I've seen peasants with more class.
(For the first time since this series of shows began, the Blue Prince gets a genuine laugh from the Red Prince).
Red Prince: that's for sure.
(By a sleight-of-hand, the new Prince flips off his crimson relative, using the fingers on his hand with the gauntlet).
(At seeing this insult, the Red Prince gets up, drawing his sword. Curiously, the New Prince hasn't drawn his weapon).
Red Prince: what's the matter, "Aladdin"? You scared? (New Prince doesn't answer). Ha! I knew you were nothing but a coward! Unlike me, you are not brave enough to face your own fate!
(And irritated blush seems to be forming underneath the blue and red scarves, but it's hard to tell).
New Prince: (frustrated) I'm not a coward! I can't draw my sword out of battle mode! It's the way I was raised, dude!
Red Prince: (laughs) right. (Takes a swing at the New Prince).
(Suddenly, the New Prince's gloved hand comes up toward his eye, in a kind of battle stance. He can now draw his sword. He does so. It is long and curved. An odd light seems to emanate from it, as if under godly influence).
(Suddenly too, Elika is close to him).
Elika: I think it's one of Ahriman's soldiers, but I don't see any corruption! Please be careful!
Red Prince: (confused) corrupt-ti-whadda? What in the hell are you talking about, woman? And who the hell is this "Ahriman" guy? (Suspicious) is he related to the Empress of Time?
Elika: (comically confused/frustrated face) the Empress of time? I have never heard of her.
Blue Prince: (panic stricken) oh, no! He could be related to the vizier!
White Prince: (quietly) you're right. I don't know what I shall do, if I have once again failed.
(Meanwhile, the New Prince and the Red one, have begun to circle one another, like in the new Prince of Persia).
Dark Prince: it's quite simple, really. You will just turn into me, and then I will take over the throne.
White Prince: no! If I fail, it will not be because I did not try to change fate! (Joins the fight. The New Prince has dealt his attacker swift retribution. The sword is more dangerous than it looks).
New Prince: (surprised) what? Hey! There's only one of me, and two of you! Elika! I need your help!
(White Prince has transformed into his Dark self).
Dark Prince: (chuckles) bloodshed! This is more like it!
(As she does in the game, Elika jumps in front of the prince, somersaulting into this just-appeared enemy. She is covered in light, and chanting).
Elika: for the light!
Red Prince: Aahhh! What is this stuff!
Dark Prince: it's worse than losing my sand reserves! It stings!
White Prince: good. Perhaps now you will be purified of your darkness.
(Elika volleys into the dark Prince two more times in succession, knocking him against the far wall of the stage).
Elika: for Ormazd!
(Now the duo has turned their attention to the Red Prince. The new Prince throws him up in the air, and hits him with his sword. Elika joins him, and their enemy is tossed through the back wall, and into the green room).
(A continuous stream of bleeped-out speech comes from the greenroom).
New Prince: (worried) Elika, are you all right?
Elika: I'm fine. We have to keep moving. The healing grounds are not here.
(In the corner, the white prince is slumped against the wall, groaning. The Dark Prince no longer holds sway over his body).
(One of Jerry's guards runs over to help the fallen prince to his feet. He rises, looking shaken. He dares not look Elika in the face).
White Prince: (in his seat) thank you.
(For the first time, the Dark Prince comes over the air, but has only sounds of pain to make, not his usual flippant commentary).
(New Prince has helped himself and Elika look back over to their seats).
Red Prince: (screaming) all right, you she devil! Time to meet your end! (Charges out of the greenroom, and heads straight for Elika, hammer raised. He picked it up somewhere).
New Prince: no! (Steps in front of Elika, deflecting the attack with his sword. The weapons become locked, and just like in the game, Elika positions herself at his back, for extra support). You're not going to hurt her. Not on my watch.
Red Prince: oh? So you are noble.
New Prince: whatever. I guess you could say that.
(Both Elika and the Prince increase pressure on their foe, and after a few tough minutes, gain the upper hand. The Red Prince is pushed back. Just as he is about to engage them a second time, the room suddenly turns a hazy yellowish-gold color).
(Everyone freezes).
Blue Prince: what is going on? This wasn't supposed to happen!
Red Prince: no! It can't be! (Fast-paced rock music begins to play).
(But it is. The Dahaka brakes through the walls of the studio, roaring. His tentacles move with tenacious energy. He will capture and kill the prince who dared to jump through time).
(The audience scatters, screaming. The room fragments, and swinging bars, ledge pieces, smooth walls, and shafts appear. The Red Prince begins to run the newly appeared obstacle course).
(The Blue Prince screams, fainting).
Red Prince: (to the Dahaka) I thought I defeated you! And yet you return, you bastard! (He leaps, narrowly escaping a black tentacle).
New Prince: holy crap! And I thought the corrupted were scary!
Elika: (fiercely) it's Ahriman! He's here! We have to defeat him once and for all!
New Prince: that's not the King of Darkness, Elika. But even if he was, what are we going to do? We don't have a little tree to trap him in.
Elika: (turning to him) that's right, and whose fault you think that is?
New Prince: (crouching, ready to attack at any moment) Princess, I hardly think this is the time to discuss this.
Elika: (power glittering on her hands) it's your fault, and you know it. If we're going to stop this, we need the Aura. I'm sorry, but to have any chance at succeeding, I need to find my people. (Leaves the area).
New Prince: Elika! Wait! You can't leave me – I mean, us – when this thing is right here!
(There is no response. Elika has already left for unknown lands).
Red Prince: quickly! Get me some water! That's the only thing that will stop this demon!
(Luckily, there is a water cooler is nearby, and some paper cups. The White Prince staggers to his feet, and goes to retrieve one. He is able to give it to the Red Prince just in time).
Red Prince: (brandishing his precious Dixie cup full of water in front of him like a lit torch) get back! Get back, I say!
(Jerry turns tiredly to the one and only camera and cameraman left standing).
Jerry: well, this isn't what I expected. Hopefully will have things sorted out by next week, and we can get down to some real business. (Looks on at the destruction and chaos around him) that is, if we're still here next week. That's it for today's show. As always, I'm Jerry Springer, and this has been your daily dose of reality.
(Feral screaming, clashing swords, and monstrous roaring continue as the camera fades to black).
A note to my readers:
Thank you to all of you who have read my fan fiction so far, and thank you also, to those who have yet to read it. It really means a lot. So please read and review this latest installment.
I would also like to apologize for my lack of consistency. I know it has been a long time since my last update, and even longer since the one before that. I would like to promise you that I will be more regular, but I don't know if I can. All I can say is that I will do my best to keep more episodes coming.
And if you somehow worried that this is the final episode, don't be. I have at least two or three more in mind. After that, I might post some of my other projects.
In the meantime, please enjoy, and let me know what you think!
-WildePrince