A/N: I'm not very proud to admit this but I wrote the bulk of this while sobbing through an episode of 'Touched by an Angel' this morning. For real. I was doing OK until the dad told his eldest daughter "You were the first baby I ever loved." Waterworks.

So… a word about my TSOM headcanon. I think my post-Anschluss Maria is more like the Maria in 'B is for Burden'… strong, ready to climb ev'ry mountain and ford every stream for her family. But, you know, she's human, too. And I don't think it is too OOC to imagine that she had a brief spiritual crisis.

I didn't want to get preachy so it's not a very long story. And just a reminder that these are not in order so (yay!) they're back to being married. For now. Let me know what you think…

Disclaimer: same as A-E…

F is for Faith: one character explains an aspect of their religious or moral philosophy to the other

Maria wasn't aware she was holding her breath until Georg put the newspaper down. He had just finished reading the headline story to her, his voice tired and serious and yet calm. They sat in solemn silence at the small table in their hotel suite, their room service breakfast untouched. Maria waited for him to say something, anything. As for her, she had only one thing on her mind.

"Georg," she finally broke the silence. "What about the children? We have to know if they are all right!" He nodded quickly and reached for her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sure they are fine," he answered soothingly. "The reports say it was peaceful. But don't worry, I plan to call home as soon as possible." It disgusted him to characterize the Anschluss in such terms; the fact that it was peaceful mattered little to him. But he could hear the panic in her voice and feel it in her trembling hand. "I also think we should go home. I'm sorry, Maria, I know our plans were to—"

"No! Of course we must go home! I don't know if I could possibly enjoy the rest of this honeymoon now." Georg raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean… I don't mean… Oooh."

"I know, I know what you mean. But we won't be going in the next five minutes, so please try not to work yourself up about it. We should finish breakfast at least and then I'll see if the hotel manager can help me telephone Max." Georg brought her hand to his lips and gave it a quick kiss before releasing it and reaching for his coffee. Maria shook her head.

"I can't eat, not now!" The words tripped out of her mouth. "I'm too worried! It's so wrong to be separated from the children while all this is happening. I'm worried because I don't know what this means, Georg! I don't understand how this could be happening!"

He watched his wife stand and begin pacing around the room wringing her hands until her knuckles were white. He stood up slowly, barely taking a step toward her before she crashed into his arms.

"I'm not sure I understand it any better than you, my dear. This has been brewing for a while now. I honestly believed the chancellor's word that Austria would remain independent." He rested his cheek against her head and sighed heavily. They clung to each other for a while, unsure what else to say.

"Should I start packing?" Maria finally moved out of his arms, her nerves making it impossible to stay still for long. "Maybe we should go try to telephone Max first. Or I could try to telephone and you can try to fix the train tickets?" She froze and looked at him wide-eyed. "You don't think the trains will stop running, do you? How will we get home if…"

Georg shook his head and ran his hands up and down her arms trying to calm her. "We will get home, Maria. I can promise you that."

"The last time I was this frightened I ran away to the Abbey," Maria said with a short laugh, giving him a knowing look. "I've been told not to run away from my problems. I've got to… we've got to face them."

"Maybe just this once you should run away," he suggested to a surprised Maria. "I think you should go to that little church we've passed a few times this week and pray. Find your peace. You'll feel better and when you get back we can deal with the details." He moved closer to her and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. Maria nodded and slowly withdrew from him to get dressed.

Maria returned from the church less than an hour later looking even more distressed than when she left. She entered the suite quietly, barely acknowledge her husband when he greeted her and headed straight into the bedroom. Georg followed her and found her curled up on the bed in tears.

"Maria?" He sat next to her and put a hand on her hip.

"I… I couldn't pray," she sniffed. Her eyes were red and swollen, but most disconcerting was the despair that wracked her entire body. "I tried, but suddenly I didn't know how. I didn't know… who. All my life, I thought I prayed to a God of love, of goodness and truth. How can God let this happen? I don't understand how there can be things like war and death and victory for evil in the world if there is such a God."

"Deep down you know there is," he reassured her, wiping away a tear that escaped. "You're only human, Maria, and even the strongest and most fearless believers have moments of doubt. It isn't a sin. You're being tested."

Maria sat up slowly but said nothing. She was about to contradict him, tell him that it was more than being tested. There was once a very real time when she planned to give her whole life to God, to forsake everything and live a life of service to him. Her faith was deep, the fabric of who she was. This wasn't a test, it was a crisis. Suddenly it felt like a part of her body had been cut off. But as she looked into his eyes, she couldn't dismiss his words too quickly. He was older and experienced sadness and loss, too.

"You've been tested. How long did it take you to believe again?"

Georg shifted on the bed until he was more comfortably settled against the headboard and then he gestured for her to rest against him. He tucked her hair behind her ear, repeating the stroke as he started to talk.

"You should know, Maria. A long time," he paused for a moment. "I was never very religious, you know. I believed in my country, in the war we were fighting, in the navy… when it came to that, I was as fervent as your Reverend Mother. God, however, was rather low on the list of things that gave me a sense of purpose. I was bitter when I lost my career in the navy," he cleared his throat and pulled her a bit closer. "But when Agathe died I started to seriously question what kind of loving deity would do that to me." Maria hummed her understanding.

"You were angry." It was a statement more than an observation.

"I was angry at God, at her, at myself. I figured that if God would take away everything I ever cared about, he didn't deserve my devotion. Besides, it hurt too much to keep asking why. I thought that if I just accepted that there was no God, the pain would stop and the bitterness would go away."

"But I'm not angry," Maria interjected, trying to speak through threatening tears. "I just feel… nothing. That there is nothing holding this world together. On my loneliest days, I never felt like this."

"You aren't alone," Georg said. "You're never alone." The warmth of her in his arms vanished as she quickly sat up and looked at him imploringly.

"How can you be so sure? What is to stop Berlin from demanding your service now?" Maria started to tremble. "Is this God's plan? He brought us together only to tear us apart? No. It makes no sense. There's no meaning in it! There's no meaning in any of it." Maria dissolved into tears and allowed her husband to hold her again. He waited and whispered quiet endearments until she became calm.

"Listen to what you just said, that God brought us together. Do you believe that? Because I do," he reasoned. "But let's say there is no such thing as divine Providence working in our lives. In that case, you and I were merely brought together by fate. And fate could tear us apart at any moment. There are no miracles. There is no hope. Whatever happens will happen whether we believe or not."

"You sound like Max."

"Hmm, don't I?"

Maria stared at her husband. This man next to her was the answer to prayers she never uttered, the very happiness she long denied her soul to dream. He was the fulfillment of every desire in her heart, those newly discovered and those still hidden. The first time he kissed her, it was like the scales had fallen from her eyes and she saw herself clearly for the first time. She was meant to be with him. No man would ever be able to make her feel the way he did. She couldn't believe for one second that it was anything less than a miracle.

"I don't believe that," she whispered. "I know that every moment of my life before we met was just one step closer to finding you."

"Maria, you blew into my life and it was like my lungs filled with air for the first time in forever, like I was given a chance to live again. I marvel at the way you fit so perfectly into my life." Georg brought at hand to her cheek and caressed it gently. "You love me in a way that no one has ever loved me. You are so perfect and beautiful and the fact that you are mine… don't you see? How can I not believe in a good and loving God?"

"Oh, Georg," Maria cried, her face crumpling as she pressed his hand to her cheek. "I love you so much. Thank you for that. I'm just so scared. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to take you away from me."

"We won't think about it right now," he said soothingly, reaching to kiss away each tear until the last one fell.

"You're right," Maria nodded after a cleansing breath. "We've been blessed to come this far together. We can't give up hope, no matter what. I feel so much better now."

"I'm glad to hear you say it," Georg said, a bit of hesitance in his voice. "Because I couldn't get through to the villa. The whole world is on the phone right now, it seems."

"I see."

"I did arrange our tickets, but the earliest we can leave is tomorrow morning," he continued, eying his wife carefully. It was bad enough they had to cut the honeymoon short. He had wanted to give her some good news to cling to until they were able to get home. But instead of disappointment, he noted a rather pleased look on her face. She smiled and leaned in to kiss him.

"So what you are telling me, Captain, is that we still have one more night in Paris," Maria said, working a finger around his tie and scooting herself closer.

"I'm afraid so," he mumbled, her kisses drifting until she was nipping gently on his ear.

M&G&M&G&M&G

Sorry, but I'm going to leave the there. You'll have to use your imagination. And know some of you, you already are…

Next: G is for Greeting