But do not ask the price I paid,
I must live with my quiet rage,
Tame the ghosts in my head,
That run wild and wish me dead.
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord, forget all of my sins
Oh, let me die where I lie
Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.
xvi.
On Eponine's way home her mind fills with questions and riddles. She still doesn't not believe she loves him- he loves her silhouette more than he could ever love her. She cannot risk losing her heart for that. She needs proof. She cannot be the image of the girl he wants- he needs to want her for what she is.
She is not his revolution, she is not his fire, and she is certainly not his salvation.
She is simply not his.
If anything, he is hers.
The thought is involuntary and jarring. Eponine stops full forces, contemplating her subconscious.
He is mine, isn't he? She thinks. He has been all along.
She trails on in the rain, her hands stuffed in her pockets. She passes her home. Though she is exhausted, she still needs more time to think. She enjoys the rain more than anyone should. She lets it soak through her- as if it hadn't before. Rain is more comforting to Eponine than hot chocolate, or an old song. Rain is her only friend when the world becomes too cold; her music when the is none; her heart and soul when she cannot find either; the comfort of her mother's arms when she has no one else to turn to. She is the daughter of wind and rain and she could not be happier.
She sings an old lullaby under her breath, her eyes trailing down for a few seconds. She doesn't even have time to look up before the figure runs in to her. They both fall to the wet pavement, staying silent. Eponine is about to get up when her eyes catch the other's.
She could never forget those eyes. They had lost most of their sadness, instead conveying some form of hope. Hope in a creature like that was rare. Her green orbs sparkle up at Eponine. The silence is deafening, the two of them too stunned to say anything.
Before Eponine can say anything, the girl wraps her up in her arms. What odd thing to do, Eponine thinks, I was horrible to her. She uncomfortably pats the girl's back, confused by her own situation.
"Cosette?"
Cosette nods, staying silent.
"I-" Eponine takes a breath. She cannot think of anything to say. She hasn't seen the girl since they were children. Eponine towers over her now, the other barely over five feet. She is thin, but not as sickly as Eponine. Her smile is worn, but gentle and kind. Though the fire behind her eyes would suggest she was more wild than timid. She finally knows what she must say. "I'm sorry."
Cosette pulls back, a soft smile on her face. Eponine has never seen kindness like this. It might as well kill her. "I'd thought you were dead- or worse, but when Marius told me all about you I just knew that you'd grown up to be great! Well, better, at least." She puts her hand on Eponine's shoulder. Eponine tenses, not sure how to take her words. "I forgive you, Eponine. Forgiveness is the most important thing in this world."
Eponine nods slowly. She does not know how to react to that. She bottles it up, leaving the space silent, "...Why are you out here anyways? And barefoot-? You'll catch a fucking cold."
"I'm looking for my dog. He thought it'd be genius to run outside in the pouring rain!" She laughs airily. "Plus it seemed like a sensible thing to do."
Eponine laughs nervously, her body almost completely tense now. "Yeah."
"Now why are you out here? Not running from that blonde boy Marius told me about, are you?"
"Actually I am."
"You know, I went to one of those meetings once. He couldn't speak properly, he kept getting angry... When they mentioned your name I thought he might just run away."
The silence returns. He pines for patria, She thinks. Not for me.
Cosette's expression changes. "Eponine, do you believe in fate?"
Eponine does nothing but raise a brow. Her words are heavy enough to leave Eponine quiet.
"I believe God brought me here to Paris," Cosette continues. "And to Marius, and so on to you. I believe that what Marius told me about-your little thing, was all part of a big puzzle."
Her eyes widen, but Cosette does not slow down.
"Do you love him?"
"Possibly."
"Is that a positive or negative possibly?"
"-Positive." The word pains her.
"Does he love you?"
"Why do people keep asking me questions?" Eponine groans, standing up.
Cosette follows suit. "Why must you be so stubborn? If you don't want him then tell him."
"I don't not want him." She clarifies.
"If you love him, return to him. If you don't, then go home." Cosette offers. "Call Marius- he'll give you my number if you need it. We can catch up."
"Why are you doing this?" Eponine asks, her face softening in exasperation.
"Because I'm an advocate of true love." She takes Eponine's hands with a smile. "And from what I've seen- and what Marius has told me, this is worth it."
"I was horrible to you, Cosette. Why are you fucking forgetting that?"
"Because everyone at least has some good within them. Even you, Eponine."
xvii.
He wakes with a start to hear a noise in his house. He tenses, his breathing heavy. He pulls himself up, surveying the area. He switches on his light… only to see Eponine in his doorway. She's even dirtier, if that could be possible. Her hair even more ratted, it looked as if she'd fallen or tripped (or worse) on the way over. But in spite of all, she is still beautiful. She clings to the doorframe, her thin, tall body almost blending in. The look on her face is far from timid; instead she holds sad grin. She is stuck somewhere between ecstatic and devastated. Her walls are down, but just for him.
"You came back." He doesn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.
"Yeah." She chuckles sadly, her voice breaking slightly. He smiles up her, slightly puzzled by her arrival. "Hi."
She makes her way to the bed and sits next to him. She hesitantly takes his hands in hers. He is nervous, but he sits firmly. He does not allow himself to waver- but then again, neither does she. She has decided to break her own rules. Why shouldn't he?
"How long have you loved me?" She asks nervously. He sees why she's come back.
He softens, moving his hand to cup her cheek. His answer is far from simple. "Eponine, I tried my whole life not to fall in love. I shut women out, I became overly analytical of men- I barely got close to anyone, save Combeferre and Courfeyrac, to protect a concept I myself could not fully grasp." He rubs his thumb softly over one of her bruises. "Then I met you. You were different. You are different. I tried to ignore you when Marius brought you around, but god the things you would say! You fascinated me from the start. But I kept my distance, I knew you wanted nothing to do with me." He seems a bit ashamed. "Then Combeferre started scheduling rallies and I figured it all out." He closes his eyes, trying to figure out what to say. Eponine is appalled- winded, even. She waits for the end with intense anticipation. He opens his eyes again. "I think I fell in love the moment you stepped on stage. I fell in love with the fire in your eyes, I fell in love with your stories of the past, I fell in love with how you held yourself like I queen even though you believe yourself to be a rat; most importantly, I fell in love with you."
She presses her lips to his, their bodies pressing together. She has never had a moment as blissful as this. "I love you too." She moves back just enough so he can focus on her. "I've loved you since you started to believed in me. No one's ever done that." She kisses him again, before shaking her head. Her voice has been altered by laughter and tears. She feels weak for once in her life. "This feels like some big fucking joke. We'd be horrible together."
"I don't care what anyone thinks of us. I don't care if we're problematic or idiotic." He kisses her again, his hands wrapped tightly around her waist. "We're real. You're worth fighting for."
"What a perfect punch line." Her laugh is half hearted and broken.
"Can we try this?" He rests his forehead against hers. "Try… whatever this may be?"
She smiles, knowing exactly what to say.
"Yes."
Epilogue, two months later.
"We'll meet before five thirty, allowing enough time to block incoming traffic to the city. Please note this will be a peaceful protest. No fights, no riots." He sends a pointed look towards Bahorel and Jehan. The whole of the café shows their approval simply. A few 'yes sir's are heard, and some 'fine's. Enjolras stays steady, his presence simply commanding them all. "They will know how serious us school boys can be."
Eponine slips in silently, getting a few hushed greetings and quick smiles. She nods silently, directing her attention towards Enjolras. She feels a proud smile grow on her face. He stands there like a king of some brave new world. She would gladly be his queen on any day. He continues his plans and let's her eyes wander. The men seem so hopeful and proud. Musichetta plays with Joly's hair in the back, while Bossuet hopelessly tries to grab her hand. Cosette leans against Marius, who has his arm wrapped around her small waist. The petite girl waves at Eponine, and Eponine returns the favor. She finally returns her attention to Enjolras, who has only just seemed to notice her. He trails off a little as he sees her. She may be a distraction, but she is his distraction.
She doesn't normally distract him. If anything, she motivates him. He thinks it might be how beautiful she looks, or how proud. He knows what he must do. "We will return to our topic in five minutes. Everyone go ahead and take a break." He nods, jumping off of his step stool. He figures it's more accessible than a soapbox. He politely pushes through the crowd over to Eponine. He stops before he kisses her, knowing both their stances on public displays of affection. So he stands in front of her, a smile forcing itself upon his lips. She smirks up at him, intertwining his hands with hers.
"Evenin', M'sieur."
"Evening, Mademoiselle."
She chuckles softly, deciding to break another wall.
Her lips to press to his and for a moment, no one else exists but them.
And that's the way it is meant to be.
A/N: Wow, thank you guys so much for all the positivity! So sorry for the wait! I've been so damn busy with life and stuff guh… I hope you guys enjoyed this little emotional rollercoaster. I may write a follow up, but I don't know.
Btw, my Cosette is Chrishell Stubbs.