Chapter 6

I Don't Have a Choice but I Still Choose You

-Edward-

It is difficult to stay in the house for any amount of time. I become intoxicated by Bella's scent. Jasper reacts to my lust. The entire house reacts to Jasper's lust. And I have to either try to ignore the house full of horny vampires or race out to the woods and masturbate (because there is no way I can do that with my family listening... not the violent way I need to anyway). This is incredibly embarrassing. I'm over 100 years old, you'd think I could control my teenage hormones by now. This was pretty much the cycle for the first three days. I chose to test myself. Stay for one hour. Take one breath. Stay for three hours. Take in four breaths. Think of Bella but control yourself. It was a slow process but it's getting easier as each moment passes.

At night I lay in my bed. Alice has opened her mind and began searching her visions of Bella as she has done every night. This is the first time I am allowing myself to listen in. I could always see the images but I chose to ignore them, not paying attention to the images and sounds as they flew through my brain. The visions race through her mind at lightening speed as she tries to think of everything all at once. And as usual there isn't anything to help. Just a lot of little clips. No major reveal of the bad guys or information on her true identity. I watch with Alice seeing most of the visions for the first time. I am in a lot of them. And in none of them am I trying to drink her blood. And even more shocking I am not violently molesting her either. But in a large number of visions I am kissing Bella. One I am taking a defensive stance, attempting to protect her from some unforeseen evil. A few we are simply talking. I see some of her and Alice doing all those things that girls do to bond. There are several of Emmett teaching her inappropriate things for his own amusement. A lot of Carlisle examining her. More of me and Bella together. This time we are under the steaming hot waters of a shower completely undressed. I can see the perfect swell of her breast and point of her nipple. It makes me want to hunt her down this moment and touch her but the me of the vision just takes in the lovely sight with a perfect calm. I can see me carrying Bella on my back as I run near full vampire speed. There are some random clips of Bella doing random things. There are full conversations, Bella speaking to each and every member of my family. And finally Alice tries to concentrate on the evil that lurks in the shadows for Bella. But as usual all she can see are dark shadows. They move too quickly for us to get anything clear on them. It's as if they know about Alice and are constantly changing their mind to keep her out of theirs. And eventually Alice slowly quiets her mind having seen enough of the future.

I draw in a long breath. The venom pools in my mouth and I swallow it back. I feel the familiar wave of longing but I suppress it. I don't feel Jasper react to it. And the house remains quiet. Thank God. I finally did something right.

Alice barges into my room and sits beside me on the bed, a large smile on her face. Her thoughts immediately betray her. "I told you so!" She wraps her small arms around me in a hug.

I laugh and shrug her off. "Let's not get too excited. It was one breath. I'm no where near her and the house still smells too much like bleach for me to concentrate on much more than that."

"Oh please!" she shouts at me. "Give yourself some credit. This is huge."

Alice begins to shield her thoughts from me by translating her favorite books. "What?" I growl.

"I'm just doing what I was told. You asked me to keep my thoughts to myself." We sit in silence for a little longer. She continues to translate in her mind. "She's been asking about you, you know." That peaks my interest. "We've been telling a lot of stories. It seems to help her. She learns more that way." Alice rambles as she talks very quickly. "She is very curious about the brother she has never met. Especially when you came back. She hears the slamming doors and has sensed a change in the mood."

"I can't-"

"Yes you can!" She argues. "I've seen it. And I'm sure you have too."

"Your visions aren't always the most accurate," I remind her. "We were supposed to be entertaining a vampire. And here we are in a very strange predicament involving a very fragile human."

I didn't need Jasper's power to sense her anger at my comments. "You're ready. And yes, my visions may sometimes be flawed but not this time. Edward I can't tell you how many times I've looked at this moment. You can't keep hiding."

"I'm not going to hide forever. Just for the foreseeable future. I don't want to hurt her." She allows me another quick peak at one of her visions. Bella and I outside, smiling and holding hands. "Stop that. Your not going to change my mind."

She smirks as she walks to my doorway. "The future disagrees with you."

I lie in my bed again and allow my mind to wander. I go over all the information I have gathered on Bella and try to make sense of the situation. Hoping that in all the details I will be able to find something to help us discover her identity. Or find a way to help her. But of course if there was something we would have already found it. So instead I find myself thinking about Bella. I play all the visions Alice has shown me involving Bella. And oddly enough I am always right beside her. And there is no worry of me hurting her or losing control. Me playing the piano with her beside me. Bella sleeping, curled up against my chest. Us taking a walk. Playing video games together. Cooking. Holding hands. Lips gently brushing. The way her naked body glistened in the steam of the shower. Conversations I will have with Bella. That wide beautiful smile as she speaks. She has a confidant way of talking, of always being careful yet sure of what she says. Even if her mind is damaged. It was like watching her life unfold in fast forward. It was like watching a life we would have together. That we could have together if I wasn't so dangerously infatuated with her.

As if on cue Alice opens her mind again and floods my brain with more visions of me and Bella together. Most of them you would consider boring. Nothing more than simple conversations. But I hang on every word. I memorize the way her lips curl into a smile. The analyze the way her brow wrinkles when she is deep in thought. I hold onto the sound of her laughter. I try to imagine the heat of her lips as they move against mine. And suddenly I am hit my a realization. It isn't Bella's future that Alice keeps looking into this time. It is mine. If I stay on the course I am currently set on, Bella is my future. And I am more than a little terrified by that.

"Alice, stop," I whisper just loud enough for her to hear me.

"Sorry," I hear her apologize directly in my mind.

I continued to pour over thoughts of Bella until dawn breaks. And by then I have become aware of some very strange things. The bloodlust has mostly passed. And underneath the lust something else has boiled over that might help me through this. Though I have never personally met Bella, let alone been in the same room as her, I somehow seem to have fallen in love with her. All the visions that Alice has shared with me have shown me so much of her that I can't help but feel that they are more like memories we've already shared than moments that are still yet to come. I have seen them so many times. I have spent hours dwelling on them. I haven't met her or talked to her yet, but when we will it will leave me no choice in the matter. She is exactly the type of girl I have been waiting me met. Sweet. Gentle. Innocent. Loving. Forgiving. Now that I've seen my future, what do I do about it? Do I embrace it and hope for the best? Or do I walk away?

"Alice," I call out quietly.

She dances into my room almost instantly. She has seen this moment coming. "It's time?" She says it more like a question even though I'm sure she already knows how this conversation is going to go.

I nod slowly. "It's time. If you can guarantee-"

"Make up your mind right now and I will show you." She smiles widely. I take a deep breath and cement my thoughts and actions as Alice welcomes the vision of how my first meeting with Bella will go.

XXXXX

I descend the stairs with a newfound confidence. It's much easier to face your future when you've already seen it. My family sits around the rarely used dinning table, to say they all (except for Alice of course) wear shocked expressions is an understatement.

"Edward," Esme gasps and jumps from the table and runs into the kitchen. She returns with her bleach bottle.

"Esme, please," I frown at her. "Will you stop with the bleach."

"But..." She glances warily at Bella.

"You won't need that anymore. Please, sit." I motion to her chair and she reluctantly follows my direction. I take in my first breath in Bella's presence. I can feel the instinct take over and allow the venom to begin to flow making my throat burn, I easily ignore that. It takes me a little longer to ignore the slowly rising lust. But a few deep breaths later and I am left with a sort of calm. I'm sure it wouldn't have been possible if it were not for my sureness in Alice's vision. I look at Bella and study her. She is just like was in Alice's vision. The fresh wounds on her skin have healed leaving only her scaring that would hardly be visible to the normal human eye. Her long brown hair falling loosely in waves around her shoulders. Her brown eyes sparkling with innocence. Her cherry red lips curled into a sweet smile. I feel the tightness of the lust bubbling again and force myself to look away to regain control again. Thankfully it only takes a moment.

There is one seat open at the table, the one to the left of Bella. I ease myself into the seat and turn to her, a lopsided smirk playing on my face. If I were a human I would imagine this would be one of those moments I would say I had butterflies in my stomach. But the only thing in my stomach is the blood of a deer and any nerves I had before were squashed with Alice's vision. So far it has gone exactly as expected. I remain still for a moment deep in thought. I could hear the voices of my family members, all of them in disbelief of what I was doing, but still nothing from Bella. I focused on her and tried to block out everything but what I should be hearing from her. But there was still nothing but silence. It was wonderful. But it was also extreamly frustrating. Good thing I already knew how this conversation would go. But I can imagine that in the future it was going to get really annoying. "Hello," I say to her softly. "I'm Edward."

"Hello," she says, smiling in response. "I'm Bella. I've heard a lot about you. I'm glad that we've finally met. I was beginning to think that you were..." she pauses as she searches her small memory for the right words. "That you were avoiding me. That maybe you didn't like me."

I couldn't contain the laughter. "No, it's rather the opposite."

"Rosalie doesn't like me," she says matter-of-factly.

"I despise you," Rosalie spat.

"Rosalie!" Carlisle snaps.

Rosalie scowls. "I'm not going to lie to her. So if you'd rather I keep my opinion to myself don't force me to be here."

"Come on, babe," Emmett interrupts. "Can't you see the fun in this?"

"Emmett," Carlisle sighs. "This isn't a game."

Bella ignores the commotion surrounding her and continues her thinking. "Esme and Jasper don't like me either."

"Bella," Alice interrupts. "Remember, we talked about this."

"Yes, I know what you've told me but Emmett tough me about opinions. And I have formed my own opinion and that is that they don't like me. Rosalie doesn't like me and she doesn't spend any time with me. They don't spend any time with me either so they must also not like me. And you can't tell me I'm wrong. Emmett says opinions can't be wrong. It's simply how I chose to interpret the world. Did I get that right?" She turns to Emmett for approval.

"That's right, Bella." Emmett's laughter booms from him. "See, babe. It's fun." Rosalie scowls and quickly leaves the table, slamming doors behind her as she leaves.

There is a silence that falls over the table before Bella speaks again. "Your family speaks very highly of you," she says to me.

"And they of you." I look around the table Alice is smiling from ear to ear nearly vibrating with excitement as she bounces excitedly in her chair. Jasper looks a mix of confused and relieved. Everyone else is watching carefully waiting for me to jump at Bella's throat.

She turns away from me and takes another bite of cereal. "Will you be helping me with my lessons too?"

"Not today. I'm afraid I have some other things planned for the day but I hope to in the near future." She nods and returns to her cereal. "You have come a long way since you've joined our family."

Bella nods again. "Yes, Carlisle, Alice and Emmett have been very good teachers. And Carlisle says I'm an excellent student. Mostly because he says..." she pauses and wrinkles her brow as she thinks. "Something about the memories being there I just need to be reminded about something. I don't know. It's incredibly frustrating. If I already know it then why don't I remember it? It seems so easy for everyone else."

"With time it will become easier," I reassure her as much as myself. "And remember how much easier it has already gotten." The statements are true for the both of us.

Bella nods and finishes her last bite of cereal before placing her dirty dish in the sink. "Is it time for my lessons now, Carlisle?"

"Yes, let's go to my office today."

"It was wonderful to met you, Edward." She addresses me with a smile. "I hope to be seeing you more often now. I think there is potential for a friendship for us."

"I couldn't agree more." I smile at her as Carlisle leads her into his office.

"Oh, Edward," Esme gasps as she wraps her arms around me in a motherly sort of way. "It's so good to have you back. She doesn't bother you anymore?"

"It's difficult but I'm managing it." I pull myself away from Esme's embrace and look to Alice. "What's next?"

"Wouldn't it be more fun if you did this on your own?" She rolls her eyes at me.

"Not a chance. Let's go hunt. We have some things to discuss."

"Oh, but... You don't need some privacy?" She asks quietly.

"I think I'm over that." I give her a look and she understands. Her eyes frost over as she concentrates on a vision. It brings a smile to her face.

"Oh, thank God." Jasper smiles and lets out a heavy breath.

"What did I miss?" Emmett joins in.

"Alice, isn't it better if we not do this here?"

"Of course," she sighs and we immediately run out of the house together. And we don't stop running until we are deep into the forest. "So you're in love!" She yells pulling me into a hug.

"I don't know if you can call it love or not. It doesn't make sense. How do you fall in love with someone you haven't met?"

Alice smiles broadly. "I take all the credit. It's all because of me. You might not have had those moments with her yet but you will. You've fallen in love with what is to come. It's how I felt with Jasper. I loved him long before I ever met him. I kept having visions of him and with each one the more I saw of him the deeper I fell in love. It's easy to figure out what's to come when you've already seen it."

"So what comes next?"

"Haven't you seen enough?"

"I don't want to hurt her."

"Trust me. You can't. We've both seen enough to know that it is going to go well. So let's just leave a little to your imagination. We know where it's going now let's see how you get there. Let's hunt. I want to get back before it rains. I don't want to ruin this dress. And you don't want to miss your future."

"Now you're just teasing."

"Yes, I am," she says with a smile as she races past me and begins our hunt.