First off, thank you for all the reviews! 35 is awesome for five chapters considering I've left you hanging for a while. It's interesting (in my mind) to see that almost all of you have little faith in Mary. I hope you are all enjoying the story as it progresses. Last chapter, a lot of people got excited over the fact Mary is pregnant. A brary baby! However, like all things Downton Abbey, it will not be smooth sailing. I hope you guys stick with the story even after this twist, because there will be M&T interaction. Enjoy!
We'll leave now, so that this moment will remain a perfect memory... let it be our song and think of me every time you hear it.
-A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
"In order for me to hide you away for months, keep all of this from the family, and because of your own actions, you must marry Matthew. I am saving you from not just the family, but society. In return, you must save the family," said Rosamund. Her eyes were hard and a disappointed look graced her face.
Mary knew this was the end. No marrying Tom, no living with him in a cottage far from peering eyes and talk of her dishonor. There would be none of that. No happy ending. If she agreed, she would be saving their baby. Their baby. It was odd to imagine that a living being was inside her stomach and growing. She would give her life away, for the baby. Tom's baby.
"And," said Rosamund. "You have said yourself Matthew is a nice and respectful man. You could do far worse."
Mary gulped down the bile that was starting to rise in her throat. This was her fault. She had given in to temptation and then run away with it while stringing along two men. Mary shook her head and focused on her aunt's words. "Then you must agree not to press me on the matter of who the father is."
Rosamund's lips pursed and her hands tightened before she regained her aristocratic poker face. "Yes."
Mary felt the urge to cry as she stuck her hand out to her aunt and said, "It is a deal then."
Rosamund leapt into action then as she began planning a story and where they would go. What would they tell Robert? They would have to hire maids when they got to wherever they were going, but who to hire? What would she tell her servants?
"We only have so long before you start to show. He said you are a bit along, but we cannot waste time."
"My dresses are already becoming tighter, Aunt Rosamund. I don't understand why we are staying 10 months if I am already along in the pregnancy."
"You must ween the child before you hand it off to a family. That is what we are doing, handing it off to a middle class respectable family. That is the best option we have if we go to France or Switzerland. I haven't decided which is better."
Mary watched her aunt become more frazzled as she tried to think of a story that would permit Mary to leave for almost a year. The thought of being away from Downton, from home for so long was frightening. Mary reminded herself that she would be spending the rest of her life there as Lady Mary Crawley and then Countess of Grantham. That is what she had agreed to.
/
Downton welcomed Mary and Rosamund back within a day. Cora was happy to see her daughter and sister-in-law and sat down with them to talk. This was just a social gathering to Cora.
Mary felt her stomach drop as she thought about the talk she was going to have to have with Tom. It would be brutal, but she knew what the final outcome had to be—her walking away. She would walk away and not dare look back and see the heart she was breaking. That power used to appeal to her, but not anymore.
When the subject of fashion came up and Cora gushed about new hats and Rosamund smiled as if she wasn't hiding a secret, Mary knew she could take no more. She politely made her excuses and vanished from their sight. Mary stood in the hallway, her hands covering her stomach in wonder and dismay at her widening waist. This moment was supposed to feel incredible for a woman. Mary could not help but feel a bit ashamed at the lack of love she felt for the alive and growing being in her stomach.
Her hands fell to her sides as she thought about the fact it would never matter if she was a good mother, not with this child. Not with their child.
/
Dinner was nice because Mary got a last look at her family before she would depart with Rosamund to Switzerland. That's where they decided to go.
"Attention!" called Rosamund as she waved her arm slightly.
Everyone set their glasses down and the wine sloshed back and forth. Exactly how Mary's stomach felt.
"I've got an announcement to make," continued Rosamund. "Mary and I will be traveling to Switzerland where we shall improve upon our painting and drawing and perhaps French too."
Cora raised her eyebrows. "My, my. How long do you plan to be away?"
"I'm afraid it takes commitment and we shall not return before 10 months have passed," Rosamund replied.
At her words, Cora's mouth fell open in an unflattering way and Robert began to sputter. He finally asked, "Why on earth must you be gone so long?"
Mary decided to intervene. "We must be dedicated, Papa. I know I will miss all of you, but this is something I very much want to do and Aunt Rosamund agrees."
"It's a wonderful idea, Robert. Let your daughter have some freedom. Besides, time away makes the heart grow fonder."
Robert nodded at this. Time away could make Mary jump into the arms of Matthew when she returned. He nodded his approval before downing the rest of his wine.
Cora sighed and said, "I still think it is too long for a mother to be away from her child."
Mary's stomach lurched and her fork clanked against her plate. Edith gave her a look and Mary scowled in return.
"Cora, I think it will be fine. And she will be with my sister, do not forget that."
Cora shrugged and then gave Mary a half smile. "If it is really what you want, then of course you may go."
"Excellent."
"I shall miss you terribly," said Sybil.
Edith said nothing and they continued to eat their food.
/
Anna folded Mary's clothes as she processed Mary's words. "Ten months is a long time, milady."
"Yes I know and I will miss you dearly, Anna. Not just as a maid, but as a friend. You have done so much for me that I can never repay."
"Thank you, Lady Mary. That means quite a lot."
"Anna?"
"Yes milady."
"The clothes situation—do not worry about it. When I return I daresay they shall fit me again."
/
It was the next morning, when the servants were loading her luggage, that Mary had the courage to talk to Tom. He would not be taking them to the train station. This would be her final moment with him for a long time.
She headed to the garage and part of her prayed that he was in there, part of her prayed he was not. However, he was and he wore a large smile as he took in her appearance. Mary felt large, but she was glad to see he did not think the same.
"Hello."
"Hello, Tom."
"I am curious to know why everyone is talking about Lady Mary leaving."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, we never would have worked. We are different people you and I. We come from different worlds that do not blend. I think I've known this for a while, but I didn't, couldn't tell you so. Now that I will be leaving for a while, well, you needed to know."
The words burned on her tongue but she pictured the baby, his baby that would have a nice life. He would want their baby to have a good life, she knew that much.
"I don't understand what you are saying. You are being mad after all the things we have done. I'm in love with you, Mary. You cannot tell me that you haven't felt anything."
"Of course I felt things," she cried. "I cannot pretend to be so heartless as to admit I have felt nothing between us. I have. It does not matter in the end what I feel though, because this is how it ends. Today, this moment. I hope you will not think poorly of me forever after."
"I love you, Mary. That is what matters."
"Please, please do not make this difficult for us. I shall think of you as a strong, good, proud Irishman." Tears were starting to fall down the sides of her cheeks as she saw the disappointed look on his face. She broke him. Mary wiped her face dry and walked closer and pressed her lips against his for a brief moment. She pulled away and gazed into his brilliant blue eyes. "And if you think of me, think of that. Pendant tout le temps qui passe, il n'est pas un moment où j'ai oublié de vous."
She turned and pushed open the garage door before heading towards the waiting car. She did not look back.
/
"It will be a long travel, but not unbearable," said Rosamund. Her aunt had been trying to make conversation the past few minutes. Mary nodded in acknowledgement before turning away. Rosamund would have none of it as she asked, "Did you say goodbye to him?"
Mary jumped and practically snarled, "Who?"
"Matthew. Did you say goodbye to him and his mother?"
Mary's shoulders relaxed as she spoke the truth. "No, I felt it best for Mama to explain since she has a way with crafting words."
"It may make him fonder of you, that is true," said Rosamund with a nod of her head.
"I mean no offense to Matthew when I say I can hardly pretend to care what he thinks at the moment."
"My dear, you cannot afford to say such things considering the predicament we are in because you simply did not care."
Mary's cheeks reddened but she made no effort to come back with an equally stinging comment. She found she got tired faster and it was better to save her energy for things worth fighting for.
/
Whatever food they had served did not sit well in Mary's stomach as she rushed to the bathroom for the third time that evening. Rosamund had afforded to be mildly sympathetic as Mary would mutter an apology before leaping out of her chair. The old Mary would have been beyond embarrassed, but pregnant Mary did not give a damn.
She wondered what the health of the baby was considering the amount of times the food that Mary had taken in just went back out. She would have to ask about the baby's health. She could not quite bring herself to admit the baby was hers. Mary was not maternal, she had not thought about it with Patrick beyond the one son they had to have. Well, she would have to think about motherhood if she was to be a wife soon, and according to her aunt they better start measuring her now.
After refusing dinner, Mary curled up and squeezed her eyes shut. Perhaps, she could dream away recent events. She was sure Tom had understood what she told him in French. He was full of surprises. She could not bear to think of his face covered with tears or the thought of him angrily punching his pillow.
Selfishly, she could not bear to think of him not caring about what she told him.
His baby, all of this was for his baby. He would never know and she could never tell him how selfless she was being. If Mary had told him he surely would have forbid her to leave, to not give the idea of a family between them a chance. And really, had she ever been prepared to run off with him? The thought of waking up in the morning was enticing, but could she have done it? Mary did not know if she was strong enough.
/
"This is the decision you want to make correct?" asked Rosamund.
"Are you suggest I get rid of it?" Mary asked.
"I'm not suggesting anything, merely asking."
"I do not think I can. Even if I wanted to, what reasonable place would I go? No, we are in this. We are on the way to Switzerland and we are in this for good."
/
Mary put her feet down on Switzerland soil and glanced around. It would be her home for the next few months and looking at the foliage and feeling the sun beam down on her, Mary thought perhaps this experience would be bearable.
They took a car to the home they would be staying at. The details of servants were still being worked out much to Rosamund's dismay.
All of their luggage was carrying in and Mary wondered how much longer the dresses she brought would fit her and when she would get to wear them again.
The baby was growing and Mary's stomach was proof as she pressed her palm against her naval. Her lips turned slightly upward and she whispered, "Hello there".
Sorry it took me so long to update! I know you might be freaking out that Mary is going to marry Matthew, but there is A LOT to come. Keep your seatbelts on and do not exit the ride, we are just getting started. I hope you review!
Also, the decision of Mary having the baby is not a reflection of my views on abortion or me trying to put my views onto you. I am not here to have this turn into a Pro-choice versus Pro-life debate over a fanfic story. However, I just wanted to clear the air in case anyone thought I was. We are entitled to our opinions whatever your stance (if you have one… most of us do though) on abortion. My decision was based purely on the direction I wanted this story to go. We are all free to talk about it as we wish.
Also, there will be things coming up that deal with adoption and abortion (just talk of the latter, it's not happening because it doesn't work for my plot). I want to say that I have nothing against adoption, even though characters in the future may speak ill of it. As a person who is in fact adopted, I want to say that I think it is a wonderful thing. Back then though there was question of the child not truly belonging or not being loved the same as if they were blood related. So that will be coming up.
After all this, I hope you continue reading and showing your excitement. There is brary to come! Hopefully google translate will do the job if you type the French in there. Please, tell me what you think.
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