Author's Note: The inspiration came from two different sounds but one message of love. Robbie Robertson's Somewhere Down the Crazy River and Dead or Alive, In Too Deep. The following, an excerpt from the obscure Dead or Alive song from Youthquake (c.1984-1985 Warner Brothers).
You have brought me a lot of things
But the main one that you've brought was trouble
You put your finger to the trigger and you shot my heart
Well now, I'm really gonna burst your bubble
I could take a plane and I could fly away
I could steal a car and I could drive away
But I'm in too deep, there's no getting out of it
In too deep, no doubt about it
The context from the writing standpoint focuses on the Suzanne character, where she is commitment shy (reference verse—'could take a plane and I could fly away…'—fleeing relationships, steering away from heartache). She realizes that she is also in love in Gibbs as well—"in too deep, there's no getting out of it."
"Hi."
The date on the calendar was exactly a year Jethro and Suzanne shared their first kiss. He remembered, smile wide and proud and instead invited Suzanne over to his place Sunday afternoon. It was the standard Chinese dinner by candlelight at his home with pleasant surprises. Jethro's basic kitchen table had a cloth, place settings for the two. The flowers for Suzanne served as a centerpiece, though set slightly to the side.
"Gibbs..." She smiled, eyes shifted to the floor.
"Special occasion..." His hand gently lifted her chin, as a kiss landed on the forehead. "Felt like doing something special."
"Well, it's certainly beautiful."
With exams over, she anxiously awaited the results to determine her ranking in the Law and Policy Program. The Commencement ceremony planned to recognize members and the top ten graduating students from the University. Throughout her academic career, Suzanne consistently made Dean's List each semester. The lowest grade received at Georgetown was an A minus with Dr. Sorenson. Magna Cum Laude honors were a given for both schools—Public Policy and Law. The acme, the zenith of university academic achievement was Order of the Coif, where the top 10% receive membership in the national law school honor society for the encouragement of scholarship and advancement of ethical standards in the legal profession. By a sizable margin, Suzanne was selected to speak. It was a given. Notes for the commencement speech Saturday afternoon, however, remained unfinished and without a topic.
Certain elements described the unpredictable, dynamic year. It was pleasurable to have each other around for special moments as a friend, more than a friend. Tierra firma—firm earth, land. That was her academic, personal and spiritual philosophy for life—solid grounding. His presence provided a delightful extension for the challenging year. Suzanne's goal was to finish the program, ready to serve on a larger scale from a time of regrowth and renewal.
"You're very quiet, Susie."
"Just… distracted." She chuckled. Suzanne was quieter than normal. Instead of devouring the vegetable lo mein, she pushed the noodles with chopsticks. In academia, she was fearless, even ferocious. Gibbs admired all of Suzanne's qualities, including her inhibition, genteel attitude in courtship. To remain preoccupied rather than obsessed with academic ranking, she agreed to perform with the Dance Troupe for a weekend performance. He occupied the chair beside Suzanne, taking bits and pieces from the containers onto the plate. With the movement, his arm gently brushed against hers. Deliberately, a reach for the steamed white rice nuzzled against her ribcage. She jumped in surprise, with Gibbs sharing a sly wink.
"Hey, I loved your performance."
Suzanne simply nodded to acknowledge a thank you, finally beginning that small portion of food.
"You inspired me…" She softly admitted.
Distraction was a universal theme, as Gibbs' mind focused more on physical delights. Away from the classroom and work, disguised behind the glasses, drab uniform was a stunningly beautiful and tempting woman. Suzanne's tilt of that long neck and sensual moan from their last date tested predetermined kissing and deep voice was enough of a stimulant. The kissing eventually led to touching—intimate touching-nights ago. He still remembered the exact tone as explored inside her body by touch. By instinct, she winced with surprise by the wiggle of a solitary finger. Can't help it, as he continued closer inspection via soft light. His mind flooded with queries for his girl. Some, appropriate based on personal desires.
'Oh, God...never?'
She nodded no. Often brokenhearted misunderstood by suitors years prior, even exploring a vocation with the Church as a Sister, Suzanne was accustomed to goodbyes from men after weeks, several months without physical contact. Sex and sexuality remained unexplored territory. She refused to discuss at great length or share personal stories.
'Just lay back…' Gibbs kissed her lips slowly, his tongue weaving in and out rhythmically in her mouth. It was with Jethro Gibbs, finally, she allowed a physically intimate encounter, another chance to let down her guard with affairs of the heart.
'Oh, God, Suzanne…' Gibbs eyes fluttered as her muscles contracted against his finger. 'Let me..."
A brush of the finger, and seductively, Suzanne cried in pleasure.
'Oh, you feel so good, Suzanne...'
'Jethro...'
'That's it, Sweetheart...' Lovingly, his eyes melted with hers.
Gibbs' responses were in kisses and smiles, as his fingers directed Suzanne to orgasm her very first time.
'Shh…breathe slower and let it go.' Gibbs suggested, watched as Suzanne moan and tremble. Her body naturally followed the motion, adjusting and relaxing.
Robbie Robertson's Somewhere Down the Crazy River played in the background. The song only intensified Gibbs' unfulfilled appetite from the previous night.
Yeah, I can see it now
The distant red neon shivered in the heat
I was feeling like a stranger in a strange land
You know where people play games with the night
God, it was too hot to sleep…
Gibbs anticipated the lovemaking from close observation. Definitely, an element of surprise, mystery and intrigue he often described Suzanne as a person. As a lover? The downward glances, the soft quiver in her voice from excitement, and genuine shyness remained intoxicating instead of infuriating. That first time, he vowed, would take all night and well into the morning. Suzanne deserved a lengthy introduction and lifetime journey to unconditional love between a man and woman. Jethro Gibbs wanted to whisper truthful, reassuring words wrapped in Suzanne's arms to end their first anniversary: 'I'll be gentle...'
Suzanne finished with dinner, decided to move onto the couch. The sunset was beautiful from his window, and the rays glistened across her ebony skin tone. The mystery remained: why she led such a secretive life? Suzanne appeared confident onstage and danced with freedom and uninhibitedness. On his mind were legs, those long, muscular and toned legs in the multi-layered thigh barre skirt and matching long-sleeved leotard. How her magnificent toes perfectly align to support arabesques or complimented in a series of synchronized turns, those legs accentuated an overall perfectly toned frame. Only God, Suzanne and to a point Carl knew exactly size, firmness on a detailed level.
Gibbs was not at all jealous at her longtime dancing partner featured in the picture. He was "Carl" as in fifth year professional football player tight-end Carl Baker. He began dance with the Washington Dance Troupe off season for hobby and part of a healthy fitness regimen four years ago. Carl's arrival was much needed when the director noticed Suzanne at practice, in performances skillfully hitting the focal mark, emphasizing on the proper gesture but had unequal male partners to showcase her talent. Immediately the two complimented another, working together so well to convey a believable story into the dance world. He properly refrigerated the food and joined Suzanne on the couch.
Catch the blue train
To places never been before
Look for me
Somewhere down the crazy river
(Somewhere down the crazy river)
Catch the blue train
All the way to Kokomo
You can find me
Somewhere down the crazy river
(Somewhere down the crazy river)
Suzanne's guarded talent shined on stage, and it was a huge contrast from the single-word, awkward personal interaction. Gibbs yearned for the two personas to meld. General descriptions of her work-fierce, funny for the spectacular, brazen and flirtatious in individual work, and fragile, feminine with duets—a cavalcade for emotional range. The reporter penned pure sensuality for the byline and summarized the spotlight dance as a 'coming of age.'
I'm a man with a clear destination
I'm a man with a broad imagination
You fog the mind, you stir the soul
I can't find, no control
The singer crooned the confession, Gibbs' thoughts he possessed at the time. Suzanne raised her head slightly, and their eyes met. 'Catching that train' to places never been before eased into Suzanne's focus. Those calming, consuming, come-hither blue eyes of Jethro Gibbs had the advantage to persuade and seduce.
'I'm in too deep, there's no getting out of it; in too deep, no doubt about it. ' She thought as the space narrowed, with him inching closer. One hand covered Suzanne's, stroking them both softly to alleviate the shaking. The other played in her hair. Their conversations, the confessions—all rushed, jumbled together.
'I love you. I am in love with you.'
Easy to say and easier for Gibbs to admit with Suzanne McNamara. Months before, he admitted she was the second woman he loved with the same intensity. Rightly so, his loyalty was to first wife, Shannon. Six, seven months was all it took to find a second beloved. He did everything to woo the cautious woman.
'I know you love me…or falling in love with me…'
He was right. Suzanne remained afraid to admit love. The last ingredient missing from their relationship: Suzanne reciprocating physically. Gibbs wondered if she would at least admit the same aloud.
"Happy Anniversary, Suzanne." Gibbs whispered, reaching forward, gently, sweetly kissing her with short pecks. His kiss lingered longer by a simple trick: a simple flick of the tongue's tip against her upper lip. Suzanne immediately widened her mouth slightly, enjoying, reciprocating the same intensity. Convincingly, her body curved backward as Gibbs moved forward. The song continued in the background.
"Gibbs…" Suzanne whispered.
'There's one thing you've got to learn is not to be afraid of it'
"Let's go upstairs..." Gibbs suggested, breathing heavily against her ear. The invitation inside his bed was not to every woman.
'You like it now. But you'll learn to love it later…'
'You love him, Suzanne.'
"Gibbs, I…" Suzanne stammered.
"I love you, Susie…" He muttered, showering her neck with short kisses. "You are just so beautiful..."
"Will you wait for me?" Suzanne whispered, burying her head in his shoulder.
"I've been waiting for you..." He muttered in frustration. With the comment was a long pause. Moments later, Gibbs simply used a finger to adjust her chin for their eyes to meet.
"I was ready to make love to you because you felt amazing the other night, Suzanne..." His thumb brushed her cheek. "It was a moment in time you let down a wall and invited me into your life."