Electricity pulses through my veins, jump starting my fragile heart and making it pound. Maura, my Maura, called... My mind is vacant yet painfully full at the same time. I want to say so many things to her, but my brain is overwhelmed. I bite my lip anxiously and the sharp, copper taste of blood lets me know that I'm still alive.
"Maur?" My voice is timid and vulnerable, but I don't care. I just want to hear Maura talk to me. She could say anything and it would be music to my eager ears.
I began pacing about ten minutes ago when I found out that my mystery caller was Maura. I still feel the little butterflies whirling around, adrenaline-induced and wildly excited.
"I'm not sure what I should say to be honest, Jane. I don't know if I should scream or whisper. I'm not certain of anything right now...all I do know is that I miss you to the degree of physical exhaustion. I am tired of missing you, Jane...I'm so tired!" Maura's voice is filled with an array of intense emotion. I can feel the pain of her longing through the phone and it leaves me with goosebumps. I'm so sorry…
"Baby, I'm so sorry... I promise you that I will make this better, Maura, I promise. None of this was to hurt you, believe me. I want to kick my own ass for breaking your heart..." I want to tell her every minute detail of what happened that night, but I swore I wouldn't. Besides, if I were to reveal my undercover mission to Maura, I wouldn't do it over the phone. Nothing over the phone is secure…
"Please don't promise me anything, Jane. I can't take another letdown from you...because this is by far the worst pain I've ever endured. This is torturous." Maura's tone is dark and troubled. I pace to my bedroom window and peer down to the city below. I wish my beautiful genius was hiding somewhere just beyond the glass in front of me. But she's thousands of miles away…
I am infuriated that I cannot say anything about Stefano to Maura. I push out a gust of angry breath as I try to conjure up a way to mend the situation. "I have to fix this, Maura, I don't care what I lose along the way if it means that I never ever have to live without you again. Can I come to you?" My hands are shaking like dry, brittle leaves in the wind. I try to swallow back my fear, but the feeling lingers deep within me.
After a long, contemplative moment, Maura finally breaks the silence. "Not now, Jane...soon, but not now." Tears sting my eyes and I crumple to the floor in a heap of hopelessness.
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Every ounce of self-restraint that I possess was depleted as I spoke with Jane tonight. Hearing the gentle rasp in her voice, just as sensual as my memories prove, was exhaustingly difficult. I wanted to break down and take Jane back more than I will ever be able to explain with words. My eyes were closed the entire time as I pictured Jane lying next to me, huddled under thick blankets. As my mind painted beautiful scenes of Jane here with me, I was painfully aware that she is on the other end of the continent.
I would have dropped everything so that Jane could have flown here on the first plane out of Boston. I would have quit my job, sold my house and met Jane at the terminal. The amount of things that I would give up is infinite so long as she and I are together. That is precisely why I cannot let her come to Los Angeles. I can't lose myself in Jane anymore. As much as it kills me, I am doing the best for myself. For the time being, I have to be selfish and focus on my career.
The next few hours pass like minutes and soon morning light creeps through my drawn curtains. I decide to shower and get an early start on my charts this morning. I was pretty useless as both a contribution to society and a Medical Examiner yesterday from drowning in the steep darkness of my depression. Spending that precious time on the phone with Jane is what is going to get me through today. It is safe to say that I am still entirely in love with Jane. An all-knowing sensation within the innermost depths of my stomach tells me that I will never get over her. Like the earth is undoubtedly beneath the ocean's waves, so my heart is forever held in Jane's fingertips.
Even as I work, I continue to lace pleasant memories of Jane through the endless facets of my mind. Flashes of beautiful moments between me and Jane play before my eyes like a romantic movie. The times we spent cuddled on the couch watching sports, Jane falling asleep with her head in my lap, running outside barefoot and in pajamas just to kiss beneath the falling rain. Those moments of pure bliss when we embraced, when Jane held me in her arms, when the touch of her skin made everything right.
The magnitude of shock I still feel from breaking up with Jane continues to shake me. Seeing her wrapped around another person will always haunt me. The image of the handsome man falling in love with Jane, the look of unrequited adoration on his scruffy face, tears a pit in the bottom of my stomach. Especially since she was mine. Especially because the man eyed Jane, my Jane, like she was the only woman in the world. I try to shake the thought of her loving someone else and concentrate on our conversation earlier. I think back and try to picture myself. What were my expressions? Did she hear the desperation in my voice?
"Knock, knock..." A deep, but cheery voice sounds from behind me as a soft knock raps on the door to the morgue. I turn to see my colleague, Dr. Maxwell Shea smiling in the doorway. Oh, you handsome devil, leave me alone…
"Dr. Shea, nice to see you...can I help you with something?" I try to engage as little as possible, but I can't seem to get around him. Dr. Shea strides across the room towards me with ease. I want to hide from him.
"Same to you, Maura. As a matter of fact there is something I was hoping you'd help me with..." Dr. Shea stands on the opposite side of the patient lying on the table in front of me. A sweet, musty scent fills my lungs and I reflexively take a step closer to him. No, Maura, slice the body in front of you and pay no attention to Dr. Shea…
"What is it?" A small part of me wishes for the attractive man to embrace me, to push his lips against mine, but I silence my longing. Strict professionalism is my newest mantra. Besides, I only want him because I want to feel something other than sadness. I want to hurt Jane, but I won't. Even though she deserves it…
Dr. Shea raises his hand and runs nervous fingers through his thick locks, ending in him scratching the back of his head. "Well, I need a sophisticated, dedicated, preferably attractive woman, such as yourself, to accompany me to a Winter Wonderland Ball. It's an undercover assignment to collect intellect and secure a position within an extremely active sector of mobsters."
**Sorry about the wait! I've suddenly become very busy in the past week. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! Sorry it's so short…Promise the next chapter will be longer! As always, I love hearing your feedback and thoughts. This story is about to get a little crazy so get ready! Thank you for reading and following**