Disclaimer: I don't own Deathnote, If I did you would have seen more of L as a child.

L's Pov:

Mello had looked nothing but depressed since Matt had left, it was expected of course. His best friend didn't even want to look at him as far as he knew, and that thought was reinforced every second that Matt hadn't come back home or answered any of Mello's calls.

Right now the blond was sitting, curled up on the couch and staring at the tv. At the moment some cheap tv show was playing, though Mello most certainly wasn't paying attention. In fact he looked like he was somewhere else completely, thinking about Matt no doubt.

It had been two days, and Matt hadn't shown up to school, hadn't contacted us in any way, and though I knew that he was in fact staying at Misa's, Mello didn't. It was wearing at the teen, that was for sure. I had considered doing something, talking to Mello, or going to talk with Matt, but then I decided that it was probably not my place. Matt would probably just get upset, he needed time to process everything going on right now, needed time to process what he meant to Mello.

It was then, in my musings that the doorbell rang, causing Mello to raise his head and look at me with a questioning look, silently asking me if I knew who it was.

"Soichiro" I informed him as I uncurled my legs and stood up from the couch, making my way over to the door with my hands shoved in my pockets. Soichiro had forgotten the house keys this morning, and clearly Mello figured that out from the nod that he offered me. I made my way down the few steps and unlocked the door, pulling it open to indeed find Soichiro. The older man looked tired out, and as he greeted me and stepped inside he let out a long sigh.

"You're back early" I commented as he removed his shoes, but he only nodded as he slipped on a pair of slippers. I waited patiently, a slight bit concerned until he looked back up at me and spoke.

"Is Mello home right now?" He asked in a firm tone, earning a raised eyebrow from me.

"Of course he is, did you not hear from Sachiko about what happened?" I doubted it, Sachiko kept him in touch with the things that went on here when he was working hard like this.

He sighed again, while shaking his head. "I did, but I just got a call from the school, where is he?" He then questioned.

I simply pointed into the living room, earning a nod from him as he made his way into the next room, with me following behind shortly. Now Mello was sitting up properly, probably having heard our brief conversation and wanting an explanation. Though I could tell he was putting on a facade, the faint outline of tears around his eyes told me he was just as upset as the day before.

"Mello, I just got a call from the school" Soichiro stated as he took a seat on the other side of the couch, leaning forwards with his hands clasped in his lap. Mello narrowed his eyes, but nodded compliantly, urging Soichiro to continue. "They said Matt has not been at school in the last two days, and both of you are failing your assignments completely"

A frown formed on Mello's face, and I was sure that he was cursing Soichiro in his head. "So?" was his short and rather snarky response, causing Soichiro to let out a frustrated huff.

"Look, first, if you cannot keep your grades up we will have to send you back to England" This didn't faze Mello, he knew that if he went back, then so would Matt and their lives would just go back to normal for them once again. I was probably right when I assumed he considered running away just so he would end up back at Wammy's house "-and second. Wherever Matt is, he needs to come back soon, without my supervision and as an orphan from another country-"

"I don't know where the fuck he is!" Mello snapped as he shot up from his seat, his fists clenched at his side as he tried to refrain from punching his foster father. "I know what you're asking me, and I have no fucking idea where he is staying or how to get a hold of him. So leave me alone, I can't help you alright?" He snapped at Soichiro, breathing harshly as he slowly regained his composure.

Soichiro looked stunned as he stared up at the infuriated blond, though he got his own surprise under handle quickly and spoke back firmly. "You don't talk to me like that Mello" He scolded, only earning a snort in return as Mello began to make his way out of the room, scuffing his feet on the carpeted flooring on the way.

"I don't care" He muttered under his breath as he took the turn to go upstairs, leaving behind Soichiro and myself. I slowly turned my gaze from where Mello just was, to Soichiro, meeting his frustrated expression equally.

"Mello is under a lot of pressure, I can't say that what you just did was wise" I commented idly, earning a sigh. Soichiro now knew that Mello didn't do well under that kind of authority, that was for certain.

"I'm assuming you know where Matt is?" He then questioned me, looking even more worn out than he did when he first came inside.

"I do" I responded simply, but offered no other explanation as I turned and made my way to the kitchen. Soichiro, after so many years of knowing me, knew that I wouldn't tell him things that I didn't feel the need to tell him. So he didn't complain as I did this.

Matt's Pov:

"Mattie, you really need to go back, Mel-Mel is worried" Misa complained from the bathroom doorway where she was getting ready for bed. From my place on the couch I only gave a sigh in response and continued tapping buttons on my Psp.

I didn't want to go back, in fact I was terrified of looking at Mello again. My reaction to his confession was..childish. I should have stayed, I should have talked with him, but instead I just panicked and left. Really it was humiliating, and now I was to afraid to go back, he probably thinks I hate him, after all.

Misa let out a huff and began walking towards the couch, shamelessly dressed in nothing but some navy blue lingerie. I ignored her as she plopped down on the opposite side from me, and proceeded to pout in the hopes that I would give in and look up at her. I didn't, and only kept my gaze fixated on my current game.

"Mattie" She demanded eventually, giving in.

"Would you quit with the nicknames?" I snapped in response, finally pulling my gaze away from the game to look at her. She frowned at me, and leaned forwards.

"Matt then, happy?" Her voice had a challenging tone to it, which honestly seemed odd on her. She always seemed so overtly cheerful.

"No" I responded, giving her an equally challenging glare. She sighed again, looking resigned as she leaned back in her seat.

"Look, Matt. I didn't know why you were staying here at first, but stuff spreads in school, and you really need to go talk with Mello" I opened my mouth to argue, but she only held a hand up to my mouth. "Don't, Mello loves you, and you're his best friend. You need to be there for him even if you can't feel the same way alright?" She then removed her hand from my mouth, and waited for me to respond, her expression soft now.

It took me a minute to figure out how to respond, I knew what she was saying, but I didn't want to face it. I didn't want Mello to love me that way, because I couldn't love him. I liked girls, guys on occasion and most certainly not Mello. It just couldn't work, and it could possibly ruin out friendship.

"I can't like him that way though" I replied uncertainly, earning an odd look from Misa. One I definitely couldn't place.

"Look at me"

"What?" I questioned, not understanding what she was getting at.

She waved a hand at her body, "Do you like what you see?"

"Huh? Of course-" I didn't finish, as my eyes went to her body. Her hips, waist, legs, her supple breasts and neck. The silky blond hair, a lighter tone than Mello's own, "Um.." I shifted awkwardly, "What am supposed to say?"

"Just tell me what you think, would you want to touch me?"

What was she getting at now? "I guess, I mean your pretty-"

"How pretty though?" She demanded as she leaned forwards again, giving me an apt view of her chest. I could feel my ears warming up, as well as my stomach churning uncomfortably in reaction.

"You're nice okay? I'm sure lots of other guys would love to get with you" I supplied uneasily, keeping my eyes on hers. At my response she leaned back again, giving me a pointed look.

"See Matt? You must feel something for Mello, or at least, you don't feel anything physical for me as a woman"

"But-"

"I mean look at Light, he prefers L's company over mine" Her voice changed to borderline upset as she brought up the recent break-up. I sighed in relief as she took the questions away from me, I really didn't want to hear it. I didn't like Mello, not like that, I would never.

"L is Light's best friend, of course they want to hang out" I supplied.

"Do you know the last time Light has kissed me?" She almost snapped, causing my to blink in confusion.

"Yea, three days ago when he arrived at school" I told her, dumbfounded, did she not remember? But she only shook her head.

"No, I mean kissed, kissed. I mean the last time it wasn't for public appearances"

"Oh" I knew what she was getting at now, Light didn't like her at all, of course I knew this, but I didn't know it was quite like that.

"Yea" She looked sullen now, as she fiddled with the strap on her bra. "Light never loved me, and Mello loves you-" I didn't want to hear it, I just didn't, but I let her continue this time. "-You shouldn't let that just blow away. Can you do that for me at least?"

At the end of her sentence I lowered my head, avoiding her eyes. "You don't understand" I mumbled, but I wasn't so sure anymore. I didn't know what I thought at this point, didn't know what I felt.

"Fine, maybe I don't, but I said it anyways" She retaliated as a pout formed on her lips, as cute as it apparently looked, I didn't find the pout all that attractive on her. Instead of replying I stood up from my seat and began to make my way out of the room, meanwhile shoving my Psp inside my pocket.

I was just at the doorway, slipping on my shoes when she questioned me. "Where are you going?"

"Just for a walk, I will be back in an hour, give or take" I supplied as I pulled on my vest and gave her a wave, I didn't give her time to respond before I was out the door and walking down the sidewalk. I normally wouldn't have resorted to the outdoors for thinking time, but it was much to crowded in there, at least it felt that way.

I seemed to have had a lot of time to think in the past two days, but it didn't much help. When I first got to Misa's I had cried myself to sleep on the couch, and then I played video games on my Psp for a majority of the next two days.

There was the fact, and fact was that Mello loved me, so much so, and that I couldn't love him back. Or could I? I thought about it as I took a turn down a brightly lit street, but the images I came up with only made me cringe.

And what was Misa getting at back there? If I liked her body? What I had responded with was pretty honest, she had a nice models body. But I didn't particularly want to touch her, but would I rather touch Mello? In any way at all?

I didn't know, I couldn't imagine it, it just felt wrong.

We were practically brothers, everything about it felt wrong, and part of me was afraid that I would lose his friendship if we did anything.

Thats all there was to it, I felt no attraction for him whatsoever. But clearly he did for me, so maybe I could try? I didn't want to mess things up though, I couldn't kiss him just to see if I felt anything, that would mess with his head to much. On that topic, I wasn't even completely sure I liked guys, I had to admit I did like them to a point, and I was very open, but I had never been in a relationship. With a guy or a girl, but maybe...

Thats a stupid idea, isn't it?

After a second of thought I pulled my phone out of my pocket, -Luckily I hadn't forgotten it at Misa's- and turned it on. The time flashed brightly of the screen as '20:34', Half an hour since I had left. I had time, and I could always chicken out of course. I knew there was a small club area just down from Misa's place, I had seen the spot when she picked me up. There would probably be one for teens, where you could get in without an id, and only needed one to order drinks.

It would work, and maybe it would shed some insight on my predicament.

When I found the club district about ten minutes later, I started to doubt my decision. The bright lights, drunken civilians, loud music and general air didn't make it feel like I should be here. It wasn't my style I supposed, but nontheless I headed for one the had some teenagers hanging around outside, not even bothering to look at the name of the place.

I guess I picked the right one, as the bouncer let me in without an id. Though I almost wished he kicked me out, I didn't like it in here. To many people dancing around, chatting, talking, yelling, it was crowded. It smelled of sweat and whatever fruity cocktails they served, which I supposed bars usually were like this, but I couldn't say that I enjoyed it in the slightest.

It really was a stupid decision, coming here. But I was here now, and I wasn't going to leave just yet.

I stood in the doorway for a few moments, trying to get my bearings in here. But what I didn't count on, was being noticed and approached, and I almost started when someone came up to me with a casual greeting.

A guy, about my age, with shaggy black hair and a lip piercing. Decked out in a leather jacket over top a plaid shirt and denim skinny jeans. The leather jacket, I noticed was the exact same one as Mello's, except maybe two sizes bigger, as it was big on this guy.

"Hey" I tried not to show my discomfort as I responded, but I was sure he still noticed.

"You look a little out of place here, are you looking for somebody?" He spoke above the music, but I still had to strain to hear him, maybe that was my nervousness taking over though.

"No, I'm not" I supplied, earning a confusing chuckle from him.

"I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, you've never been to a bar before have you?"

I shook my head in response, and much to my surprise the man swung his arm around my shoulder, his face was really close when he spoke again, though surprisingly he didn't have bad breath, kind of just minty actually. "Thats fine, how about I get you a drink and show you the ropes?"

"Alright, sure" I agreed. I didn't know bars had 'ropes', per se, But I complied, figuring if I didn't, I might as well go sit in a corner and that didn't seem the most exciting, or productive at that.

Besides, I had a plan, a stupid one but it was still a plan. if it worked, I mean, how many guys here could be gay? Actually this guy looks kind of gay now that I think about it..

He grinned as he held out his hand, "Great, you can just call me Shiori, if thats alright"

I smiled sheepishly in response and accepted the gesture, "Matt"

"Oh yea, so are you a tourist or what?" He asked as he began to lead us through the crowds.

"No, I moved here about a month ago, to stay" I supplied, earning a nod from him as we came up to a table with four other guys. He pulled a chair out for me, before flopping down in his own.

"Hey, who's this?"An older Japanese man with short hair questioned as I took the offered seat, while the other three looked, well..drunk and having there own conversations, with only a few glances in my direction.

"found him over by the door, figured he could use some company" Shiori chuckled, "His names Matt, Matt this is Akiharu, Ishi, Goru, and Yamahida" He introduced.

I nodded, casting a smile in their direction, "Nice to meet you"

"Of course red, its a pleasure" Akiharu drawled the greeting, earning a raised eyebrow from me.

"Red?"

"Yea, because of your hair, you don't mind do you?" He chuckled as he received a drink from the waitress and took a sip. It looked a lot like the sake that Mello had sneaked us for my birthday...

Maybe that wasn't a great thought.

"No it's fine" I replied quietly as I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable for more than just one reason.

"Well, Matt, what can I get for you?" Shiori asked me, pointing to the front of the bar.

"Um, I probably shouldn't" I told him uncertainly, earning an expression full of something akin to hilarity.

"Nonsense, you came here, I'm getting you a drink" With that he waved for a waitress, and barely had to wait a few minutes before she came over, dressed in a dark blue apron with her hair tied back.

"What can I get for you?"

"One round of whiskey shots, straight up" He told her and on the order she left, meanwhile Akiharu took to starting up a conversation with Shiori, leaving me quite unsure of what to do, I was certainly regretting my choice by the time the waitress came back. I didn't want to get drunk, I didn't want to be here, this was stupid and I probably wasn't going to meet anyone that I could well...kiss..

"Alright" Shiori drew out as he received the drinks and handed me a shot glass, "Here you go, drink up"

I took the glass but only stared at it uncertainly, I really didn't want to do this, and I was wishing the waitress noticed my young age.

"Well go on, you only live once"

Shrugging inwardly, and unsure at the words, I stiffly tipped up the small glass and swallowed, immediately feeling an only remotely familiar burning in my stomach. I coughed harshly, feeling the strong drink burning in my nose. Though no sooner than I did that were shiori and Akiharu cheering, one of them rubbing my back as I tried to regain my composure.

I didn't quite know how I ended up pressed against the back of a Nissan Micra, with Shiori's lips pressed up against mine and his hands on my hips. But I knew it was the fault of a few to many pressured drinks. I think I had been there for quite awhile before common sense kicked in though, and even as I pushed Shiori away, parts my body certainly said I shouldn't have done that.

"Wha-?" Was his incoherent question as his lips disconnected from mine and he stumbled slightly on his feet, now only a few steps away from me.

I shook my head in response, trying to regain my composure, which seemed to be an impossible task right now. "Can't" I huffed as he just gave me a confused look, "I'm with somebody" it came out before I even really thought about it, and even then it was only a brief moment that I asked myself why. My mind was in to much of a jumble to think properly.

"Well, what're you going to do about that?" He pointed at my jeans, causing my face to flush more than it had already been. I shook my head, not really answering him. He simply huffed and walked over beside me, leaning against the trunk just as I was.

I kept my eyes on the ground as he stood there, all the energy in my body seemed to have just dissipated, and I felt like sinking to the floor. I could barely think, but I knew how bad this was. If anything bad for my consciousness. It wasn't my goal at all to get drunk..

I glanced up when I heard him shuffling around in his pockets, to be met with a cigarette mere inches from my face. Without thinking, I nodded and took the circular stick from his hand, with him lighting it in turn, before I stuck it to my lips and inhaled. Almost immediately I burst out coughing, and I was almost certain that if my thoughts were cloudy before, they were much more now.

As my coughing fit subsided I stared at the smoldering stick disdainfully, my eyebrows furrowed. "This stuff is disgusting" I muttered, earning a disjointed chuckle from Shiori.

"They are, but it helped with your little problem didn't it?"

"Oh" I sounded stupidly, nodding my head in acknowledgement.

"So I guess if you don't want to continue, you should get a taxi or something" He muttered as he stood up straight, I looked up at him in confusion for a few moments, before I pieced together what he said. And when I did, a frown took over my face immediately.

"I guess I have to walk, I don't have any money on me"

"Uhg, here" I watched as he shuffled around in his pockets for a second, before pulling out a few paper bills "This should work"

I stared at him for a while, before he sighed and shoved it at my chest "Just take it" at the command I took the bills, and promptly he began to walk away, waving at me from behind. "See ya"

"Thank you, I guess" I was still quite confused to as what just happened, but I figured that that was the best response, other than that, I really did need to get home, at least I knew that for sure.

Without really thinking about it, and more out of impulse, I took another drag from the cigarette, before I even realized what I had just done and was sent into another coughing fit. cursing, I threw the stick to the ground and stomped it out, before I began to walk away from the building, rather unsteadily.

It took a mere few minutes to hail a taxi, and it was only then that I somehow realized what the bar actually was.

"Seriously?" I muttered in drunken disbelief, before shaking my head and getting inside the taxi that had pulled up beside me. Taking one last look at the colorful building before I closed the door, my thoughts still a mess between the Alcohol, and exhaustion.

Mello's Pov:

I tried to zone out the teachers endless babble as I stared at my pencil, I didn't even went to hear her, let alone listen and take notes. Though I had to pretend I was taking notes, because if she told me to pay attention there was a good chance that I would punch her.

Three days, three days that Matt hadn't even bothered calling, coming to school or anything of the like. I had to admit, the closest description to my behavior was depressed, until this morning when I woke up just genuinely angry.

Angry at myself, I couldn't believe I let myself tell him that, possibly destroying any friendship we might have ever had. And I was angry at Matt, for eliciting these feelings in the first place and running out, and I was angry at everyone else for trying to tell me its okay. It is not okay, Matt probably hates me, or at the least I made him incredibly uncomfortable with my own damned existence.

Damned is right, I had never felt this much loathing for my very existence until now.

Maybe I should just die, its not like I seem to be worth all that much. I'm the kid who was bounced around orphanages for five years, the kid who went to such lengths to win that he hurt himself. The kid who stopped eating because he wanted to be more fit, and now, apparently the kid who fell in love with his best friend and ruined everything.

I didn't even have parents for gods sake, apparently I killed both of them at birth. Hows that for a reason to not have been born?

I sighed as I tried to get myself away from that train of thought, I was being way more emotional than I should have been, even my eyes were tearing up a little. With a glance towards the clock, I noted that school was out in less than five minutes.

Maybe I could just get up and leave right now? It would save me having to talk with anybody else until I got home.

It didn't much consideration before I made up my mind and stood up from my desk, catching the attention the teacher as I quickly gathered up my books and began to walk out of the classroom.

"Mello, where are you going? Class isn't over yet"

I completely ignored her as I exited the room, leaving behind Light and Near in the classroom along with a few of the other kids that I didn't care to remember. I made my way to my locker quite quickly and placed my books inside, before closing it shut.

I was about to walk away when I looked at Matt's locker, right beside mine.

Something felt wrong about just leaving, or more, I felt the need to vent, even in a subtle way. So I pulled out a set of our house keys, and promptly moved up against the metal, and in the top corner I began scraping out two letters into the paint.

Eventually they would just repaint the spot, but it didn't matter that much. Heck, it would probably be better if they painted it over before Matt comes back. Granted he comes back of course, but I was kidding myself saying that he wouldn't. The program we were on together made it so that we would be in Japan for at least while, though why specifically Japan was a mystery to me. That was just how it was.

I took a step back to look at my miniature artwork, before suddenly feeling silly, though almost a little relieved. I let out a sigh and spun around on my heel. I had to leave right now if I wanted to avoid everybody else, so at a fast walk I left the building and began the short trek home.

Ten minutes later I arrived at the house, finding the door to be unlocked, immediately I was curious. Nobody should have been home right now, and I didn't think that Sachiko had a day off from her book club. Unless of course...

Feeling my stomach drop I opened the door, stepped inside and kicked off my shoes. I didn't bother with the slippers, I usually didn't much to the annoyance of everybody else in the house. I dropped my bag on the floor, along with my jacket and hurried upstairs. My feet felt like they were carrying me too fast and too slow at the same time, but nontheless I eventually found myself pulling open my bedroom door.

Immediately my blue eyes met green, and I froze, my stomach felt like ten pounds of rocks as my eyes widened. There, sitting in front of my bed and wrapped in blankets with a Dreamcast controller in hand, was a certain redhead. A disheveled redhead, with bags under his eyes, pale skin, messy red hair and dirty clothes.

Authors note: Alrighty, I'm fairly confident with this chapter, I think it went okay anyways :/ what do you think? any adjustments that I should make? Feel free to PM me if you have the time, I don't bite and I love hearing from you guys! Seriously though, I really enjoy chatting with people because I am not that social in real life.

So anyways, thank you everyone for your reviews so far! They mean the world to me :)