So this is it. I was tempted to write an epilogue set a little later, but I figured this said everything it needed to. Hope you like it, I had fun writing it.
Casey was freaking out. Sitting on Derek's couch, hearing him say those things, had made her go a little crazy. The first thing she'd done was run to Sarah's. Sarah would tell her how to deal, how to make the world stop spinning. She didn't even consider that Sarah would be asleep until she reached the hallway leading to her room, and she would have turned around, but she saw Sarah standing there, on her phone.
Sarah hung up her phone and looked expectantly at Casey.
"Derek's gone insane."
Sarah smiled at Casey, "how so?"
"He says he's in love with me! In love! With me! I mean, what the hell?"
"In love with you. Really.?"
"He's clearly insane," Casey continued.
"What makes that crazy?" Sarah was speaking in a slow, calm voice that was absolutely infuriating.
How could Sarah not get this? "He's my BROTHER. Brothers don't fall in love with their sisters!" Casey actually stomped her foot as she said this.
Sarah continued on, in her annoyingly calm voice that made Casey want to punch her, "whenever I call him your brother, you immediately add the word 'step'. What happened to that?"
Casey slumped against the wall. "How could he do this to me?" she asked morosely.
"How could he fall in love with you? That's not normally a question girls ask."
"But what happens now? He's one of my best friends. How am I meant to do without that? I don't know that I can deal without him?" She slid down the wall into a sitting position.
Sarah sat down next to Casey, "you guys can't be friends anymore?"
"He's in love with me," Casey said, exasperated.
Sarah sighed, "Casey, I hate to break this to you, but Derek's been in love with you for years. The only thing that's changed is that you now know about it."
Casey's eyebrows shot up, "you knew!? How did you know? He told you before he told me?"
"He didn't tell me anything, it's been very very clear for a very long time. He's been friends with you while being in love with you for so long now. I don't see why you can't be friends with him."
"He wants to see me naked; you can't really be friends with people you want to see naked."
Sarah laughed, "so you're telling me you've never ever had the desire to see Derek naked?"
"No!"
Sarah raised an eyebrow.
"He's my step-brother, of course I wouldn't want to see him naked!"
Sarah smirked.
"Ok, maybe I've thought about him naked a few times before..."
Sarah's smirk turned into a grin. "A few times?"
"Shut up."
Sarah continued to grin at Casey.
"He's hot, we all noticed. Whatever."
"Ok, so you're sexually attracted to Derek-"
"I never said that!" Casey interrupted.
Sarah raised her eyebrow again, "so you're sexually attracted to Derek..." when Casey grudgingly nodded, Sarah continued, "and you obviously like talking to him, because you do so like, every day, and at length. And last week you said he was really smart. And you laugh at all his jokes, so clearly you think he's funny. I fail to see how a hot, smart, funny guy that you have naughty thoughts about falling in love with you is in any way bad."
Casey sighed, "because he's Derek."
"... And?"
Casey visibly sagged, "and when it doesn't work out, because there's no way it can, I won't have Derek. And, I can't do that. I can't not have Derek."
Sarah didn't really have much of an answer for that.
Casey leaned her head against the wall, "this sucks. Why can't we just go back to being Derek and Casey, like we were?"
"Because Derek wants more."
Casey frowned, "and Derek has to get everything he wants?"
"Casey, honey, he's in love with you. He has been in love with you since before I met him. You can't just expect him to ignore that forever."
"Why not?" Casey whined.
Sarah took a deep breath, "you know that's not fair to him."
"Yeah, I guess so." She turned to face Sarah, "what do I do now?"
"You need to talk to Derek as soon as possible. Let him know why you freaked out and what's going on in your head. He's freaked out and scared."
Casey knew that she was right. What she had done to Derek was wrong. No matter what she was feeling when he told her how he felt, she shouldn't have just left him like that. She was meant to be his friend – if some other girl had done this to Derek, she'd beat them so bad they wouldn't be able to see straight.
The words 'some other girl' floated around Casey's head. She didn't want to admit it to Sarah, but another reason she didn't want to talk to Derek was that if Casey told him they couldn't be more than what they were, he might find that other girl. The idea of Derek with somebody else did strange things to her stomach, she was so used to him being without a girlfriend. It was so different from when they were in high school, and while she knew it was incredibly selfish, she didn't want to share him.
Casey stood at Derek's door. It was now 3:40 in the morning. She had wanted to leave this conversation till morning, but Sarah had told her all about Derek's phone call, and convinced her that she needed to go over now. There was still a light on at Derek's, but she still didn't know if she could do this right now.
Before Casey had made up her mind whether or not she was going in, the door opened. Derek was on the other side, and he didn't look terribly surprised to see Casey standing there.
"Derek..."
"Sarah called, she told me that you were coming around, and I heard a noise."
"I wanted to... I didn't... I... Derek..."
Derek looked wrecked, so different from how he looked just a short while ago when he was telling her how he felt. 'That mole against your collarbone that I would give anything to kiss' suddenly floated into her head.
She tried to speak again, "I don't want to... I can't..."
Derek's eyes went to the ground, "you don't want to be with me..."
She heard 'so you would think I'm smart enough to be with you' in her head. The idea that he didn't think he was smart enough for her seemed crazy. "I do want to be with you..." He raised his eyes to hers and took a step forward, "... but... I can't..."
He stopped, he was frozen in place a step from her. 'For the chance to see you naked once.' Derek, sexy, confident, built Derek, wanted to see her naked. "You can't?" he asked.
In her head, she heard Derek saying 'I love you' from earlier. "I haven't thought this through."
Derek's eyebrows disappeared into his hair. "I can give you time, if you need it."
"Time..." she repeated absently. There was no way her mouth would be able to say all the thoughts currently going through her head, even as fast as Casey could talk.
Derek grabbed her hand, "as much as you need. Really. I just, I can't lose you."
She looked at their joined hands, "I can't lose you either," she said. "Tonight, this morning, whatever you call it, I was going to tell you that we couldn't... be more... because I can't lose you. You mean too much to me, as a friend."
Derek squeezed her hand, "I understand that, I get it. I don't want to lose you either. We can forget it, if that's what you really want."
Sarah's voice was the one that ran through her mind now. 'That's not fair to him.' And it really wasn't. And Casey was fast coming to the conclusion that staying friends with Derek wouldn't be nearly as much fun as being whatever they would be if she just leant forward and kissed him. Because now that he'd put the idea in her head, she couldn't forget it. There had always been a tiny part of her that wanted Derek. Or maybe a large part of her, one that she ignored.
I think I'm a moron, she thought to herself. Here was an amazing guy who was in love her. She loved spending time with him more than practically anybody else in the world. She loved him. Clearly, she loved Derek. She was just amazingly good at pushing feelings back down. She really hadn't thought this through. How could staying just friends seem like a good idea? She asked herself. There was no going back. She would always be thinking about it, and she really didn't think she could cut Derek out of her life. It would be like cutting a major part of her body out, like her spleen or a part of her brain or something. They couldn't go back, and that only left moving forward.
So she moved forward. Now that he'd put the idea in her head, she couldn't get the idea of kissing Derek out of it. So she did. She stepped forward and placed her lips against Derek's. It didn't take long for him to respond, kissing her back and pulling him into her arms. Now this is a good idea, she thought to herself. It felt right. For the first time since they had locked eyes in the kitchen that morning, Casey's mind felt clear.
When they finally broke apart, she said to Derek, "so I'm an idiot."
He looked dazed, "what?"
"I mean, how long did it take for me to realise that you're amazing? And after you spent all that time in high school telling me so. And all the people in our school telling me so. I'm such a moron."
He still looked confused, "so, wait. What? What does this mean?"
Casey rolled her eyes. "When I kissed you just then I had a sudden burst of clarity."
Derek looked at her expectantly.
She smiled at him, "I'm in love with you. Have been for a while."
Derek blinked at her, "what? Really?"
"It's funny really, I spent so much time subconsciously convincing myself that you would never want me and we wouldn't work anyway that when you told me you loved me, I freaked. Who knew you were so much smarter than me? You worked out that we're perfect for each other all on your own, you should get a prize or somethi-"
Derek cut her off with a kiss, pulling her inside and shutting the door. Casey would explain all about her newfound clarity, and how she worked out that they might possibly work out, later. There were better things to do at this time of the morning.
Derek pulled away only to say "I love you too."
Casey rolled her eyes, "well duh, I may occasionally be a moron, but I'm still totally fabulous."
Derek laughed and kissed her again. He'd found a fun new way of shutting her up, one that they could both deal with. And it's not like Casey couldn't use it against him when he teased her.