Chapter 6: The Unbearable Burden

A faint pounding noise became louder. He only opened his eyes when he realized the noise was coming from his door, not his head.

Lifting his head, he stared at the door, for a moment trying to remember where he was. He slept much too deeply these days. He would wake up forgetting things. It was not a good habit for an alchemist.

Ed stumbled to the door and peeked one eye out. "It's breakfast time," Riza said seriously, as if it was some sort of top secret mission. "You should head to the mess hall in the main building right away."

"Uh… right…" Ed replied, yawning. "Yeah, I'll go there."

Riza marched off.

Edward turned back to his room and picked his jacket up off the floor, slipping it on and zipping it up. He fumbled with his hair for a few minutes, trying to braid it, but lacking patience, he instead pulled it into a ponytail at the nape of his neck.

He headed down towards the main building, and his head began to clear.

"Hey, you, boy!"

It was Vincent from yesterday. He greeted with a wave as he approached. "You look like you haven't slept at all."

"I did," He said. "I'm just not awake yet."

Vincent didn't leave. "You know, this whole place has been buzzing about you. I heard rumors about you. They say you're supposed to be dead. Weird, ne?"

"Yeah," Ed replied, absent of enthusiasm. "Weird."

"You must be one of those fellows who doesn't go down without a fight. Me personally… well, I just plain don't like to fight. I leave that up to my partner, Whyte."

"He prefers to be called Luke, right?" Ed questioned.

"Yeah. That's why I don't call him Luke. I like driving him batty, ha-ha! Besides, he needs to loosen up. He'll go psycho if he doesn't."

"The way he glares at people, I thought he already was… Where's he?"

"He prefers to sleep in," Vincent shrugged. "Not a fan of breakfast. Too loud."

Ed rubbed his eye with his fist to vanish the sleep from it. His legs panged a bit still from his run the other day.

"You sure you're okay?" Vincent asked. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," Ed growled through his teeth. Truth be told, he was starving. Even getting up that morning, he could tell that he'd lost a little bit of weight from the lack of eating and all the running around he'd been doing. He'd had to put another notch in his belt, and he barely had the energy to hold his head up.

-

The mess hall was loud and overcrowded with men. Some chewed with their mouths open, some talked with their mouths full, and others just plain talked and laughed loudly. It was irritating Edward to no end as a migraine began forming.

Vincent had INSISTED that Edward sit with him, and after the blue-haired boy chatted with him for ten minutes, Luke appeared, looking just as tired as Edward and twice as annoyed.

"You join us for breakfast, I see," Vincent chuckled. "What may I ask did you crawl out of your blanket grave for?"

"I wanted to see if Blondie here was going to eat…" Luke said intriguingly, looking directly into Edward's eyes. "I'm suspicious of you."

"Talk about blunt," Vincent said. "Hey, man, Ed's cool! He just doesn't eat breakfast. You don't either. That doesn't make you weird. Everything else does, though."

Ed felt uncomfortable under his gaze. This man… his eyes didn't seem human. He felt like they were boring into his mind. He felt like this man was all-seeing… He knew Ed's gifts, his faults… and he knew what he was… It was maddening… He'd never felt like this around another person before.

"You look uncomfortable," Luke smirked, his eyes dancing. He was enjoying Edward's discomfort! What kind of man was this?

"Well, stop staring at me," Ed replied, trying to sound calm.

"Maybe you just do not have the energy. I'll get you something to eat," He stood, his smirk still dancing upon his face.

Ed thought back to that cup of coffee… perhaps it had just been hot… He'd been so paranoid about himself for the past few days that he didn't trust himself to do anything!… but he needed to eat… He'd die if he didn't…

Luke dropped a plate in front of Ed, covered with pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Ed looked at Luke, then down at the food, then back at Luke.

"Go ahead and eat…" Luke said, then leaned his chin onto his hands. "Fullmetal."

Vincent spit out what he was eating. "WHAT?! You're THAT Edward?!"

"Of course," Luke replied for him. "Though I find it rather odd that the Fullmetal Alchemist who's supposed to be dead is not only walking among the living… but no longer has his metal limbs…"

"Ooh, really?" Vincent asked in excitement, grabbing Ed's right arm

"No! Let go!" Ed yelped, trying to jerk away his arm.

"Huh?" Vincent asked. "What are these markings?"

Ed felt as if his blood had frozen over.

Luke's eyes danced with glee. He was enjoying this almost too much.

"N… nothing…" Ed mumbled, unable to speak louder than that. His face showed utter tranquility though his composure was quickly slipping under the surface. He yanked his arm away. "Just a tattoo."

Ed took hold of the fork on the plate and scooped up a large bite of food. "No worries," Ed smirked, shoving it into his mouth.

"Vin! Luke!" A military officer ran to the table. "The Lieutenant is looking for you. Something about the initiation ceremony this afternoon!"

Luke growled, getting up, and Vincent followed.

As soon as they were gone, Ed spit out the food, feeling his mouth burning just like his throat did the night before. He'd figured as much… Now he was sure that he couldn't eat real food anymore… but what was he going to eat?!

He got up and tossed his uneaten breakfast in the garbage and turned to head out. There was no reason to stick around after all…

-

"Damn it…" Russell mumbled, laying on the counter with his head propped up on the cash register. "I wish Ed would have told me more about the other side and stuff…"

"Big brother… You're really into alchemy these days…" Fletcher mumbled, placing more new books onto the shelves.

"Well, yeah, duh, Fletcher," Russell replied.

"No… I mean… maybe a bit… too much…"

"What do you mean?" Russell asked, raising up, glaring.

"It's… it's just that alchemy is all you talk about, all you think about, Russell!" Fletcher whimpered. "It's an obsession, and normally I wouldn't mind, but I know that you've constantly thought of crossing the line in the rules!"

"As if you haven't."

"No, I haven't! The closest I've got is screwing with the red water, Russell!" Fletcher shouted. "I know you've thought of the forbidden practices, and you're itching to try it, despite knowing the consequences!"

"That's not true!" Russell replied angrily, jumping to his feet. "Don't think you can read my mind, Fletcher!"

"I can't read your mind, Russell, but your eyes make it so incredibly obvious! They're so dark when you think like that!" Fletcher's voice squeaked as he yelled.

"You're wrong…" Russell muttered, eyes downcast.

"I'm not…" Fletcher whispered, unable to be heard by his brother. He turned away, tears in his eyes and went back to work.

Russell stomped up the stairs and slammed the door.

-

"Oh, this is too good!" Envy fell out laughing from his spot on the roof. "They're assigning that idiot to the job of Fuhrer! They're even setting up an award ceremony outside! This is going to be so fun!"

"We're gonna attack the military?" Redemption asked, horrified.

"They'll never expect it!" Obsession giggled with delight.

Rebellion looked to Redemption lack of emotion, just eyeing his expression.

"This'll be a blast," Envy said maliciously. "I'm looking forward to it…" He lifted up his bag of red stones and poured some into his hand.

Ed felt every mark on his body feel like they'd set on fire. He froze in the mess hall's doorway, unable to move. The only thing preventing him from screaming out in pain was his determination to not be discovered. The pain didn't subside as he'd hoped, but instead grew in intensity until his vision was flashes of black and red, and he couldn't hear anything.

He vaguely remembered blurred faces and the sound of someone screaming in the distance… and then all went quiet and dark.

When he came to, he was curled up on the floor, surrounded by military men. His whole body ached, and he felt exhausted.

"Fullmetal," Roy's voice caught to his ear as the soon-to-be Fuhrer came through the throng of military dogs and knelt down next to him. Edward just stared at him, not trusting himself to speak. Roy turned and barked some orders at the men, and they quickly dissipated in a fit of whispers.

Roy grabbed Edward and lifted him off the ground. Ed slowly began to get his thoughts back in order as he was carried out of the room over Roy's shoulder like a potato sack.

"Hey…" He said in a scratchy voice once his thoughts cleared, "Put me down…" Even though he was unsure if he could walk, he was still too stubborn to allow Roy to cart him around like a child… and he'd be damned if he'd mention anything about him that was childish.

Roy set Ed on his feet, then crossed his arms, glaring with his one eye. "What the hell is your problem, Fullmetal?!" He shouted furiously.

Ed put his hands in his pockets. How was he supposed to answer that? He didn't even remember what happened. "Uh…" was all he could say before Roy started again.

"What are you trying to pull, you idiot? I hear you scream bloody murder and find you writhing on the floor, and all you say is uh?!"

Ed was silent.

"Answers, Fullmetal," Roy growled.

"I thought I told you that it's none of your business…" Edward said, too tired to put any bite into his voice.

"If I find one of my men seizing on the mess hall floor, you don't think it's my right to make it my business?!"

Ed kept his eyes downcast. If he looked up at Mustang right now, he just might break. All the thoughts and feelings that had been haunting him for the past few days, and now this, were boiling over, leaving him nauseated and lost.

"You dumbass," Roy snarled.

Ed felt his stomach lurch in the need of what he did not know. His hands trembled in his pockets.

"Leave me alone… I came here because you wanted me here, and if you don't want me hear anymore, I'll just go," Ed finally responded, calmly but sternly.

Roy sighed, defeated. "What the hell is the matter with you, Elric? You've always been reserved, but never quite this much. You've become so enigmatic that it's almost as if… you're not even human."

The words burned like skin to a hot stove. He forced himself to hold his poker face, even though his mind had lost it's stability.

"I have my reasons, Fuhrer sir," He replied acidly. "I'd prefer if you'd stop trying to pry into my personal affairs."

"I will for now… but if it happens again, I'm not going to let it slip by unnoticed. Got it?"

Ed gave a slight chuckled and marched off, giving Roy the finger.

Roy grinded his teeth, turned on his heel, and walked in the opposite direction. "Frustrating little bastard…" He grumbled.

Edward headed out of the building. As he traveled across the yard, he watched military folk setting up for Roy's ceremony. They would stop, stare, and whisper about him when they saw him.

Ed sighed, unaffected. "What's the deal with that idiot?" Ed wondered, referring to Roy. "Is a fancy ceremony really all that necessary to help his ego boost?… Ah well…" He entered the dormitory for the state alchemists, headed up the steps, and locked himself in his room.

Yanking off his shoes, he crawled back under the covers and bent his knees up to his chin.

He took in a deep breath after a moment, and suddenly tears were rolling down his face. The pain…the unbearable burden…why me?! He sobbed in silence until he fell asleep. The last thought in his mind…

When was the last time I cried like this?…did I ever…?