Chapter 6
You know that moment when you first wake up on a freezing cold morning, and the last thing you want to do is climb out of bed? When you feel like you've finally found the comfy spot on the bed underneath the warm covers, but the alarm clock is nagging you to wake up? We never want to leave the comfort of our bed, but the voice at the back of our head is harassing us, reminding us that we have to get up and live life. Of course, we'd all much rather ignore it and stay in bed... but life goes on, and time stops for no one.
An ambulance made the short trip across the street from the hospital to Callie's apartment, and Mrs. Torres accompanied her husband in the back of the rig. Arizona and Callie simply ran across the street and took their place in the waiting room, waiting for any news. Arizona had paged Dr. Altman, Bailey, and any other available doctors who were on-call.
Callie sat in a chair with her face in her hands, sobbing hysterically. Nothing like this had ever happened to her father before, and she was terrified. Arizona's heart broke at the sight of her wife like this, and she wasn't sure what to say – in fact, she knew there was nothing she could say right now. She knew that all Callie needed was somebody to be with her. The blonde draped her arm across Callie's back, and rubbed soothingly, placing her face against Callie's temple and kissing the side of her face softly, whispering, "Shh, it'll be okay.. it'll be okay."
After a few minutes, it seemed as though Mrs. Torres had been dismissed from her husband's room, and joined the two women in the waiting room, grabbing her daughter's hand and squeezing it as they cried together. Very few words were exchanged.
After the heart attack, Carlos had fallen unconscious, and hadn't woken up since. His breathing was short and quick, even with the oxygen mask. After completing a few protocol check-ups, Teddy placed her stethoscope around her neck and began giving orders, "Alright, this wasn't just any ordinary heart attack – it was a big one. He's going into heart failure. Clear me an O.R. immediately, his blood flow is decreasing and his organs are going to start shutting down if I don't get in there right now." The nurse ran to get an O.R. prepped, and Bailey sighed, "One minute you're having dinner with your daughter...the next, you're on an O.R. table..." she said sadly as they began wheeling Carlos to the elevator.
Mrs. Torres had gotten up to step outside and clear her head, she said she desperately needed some air. Callie and Arizona sat alone in the waiting room, with nobody but another couple on the complete opposite side of the room, crying in each other's arms for their own reason. Callie had stopped bawling, and was reduced to sniffles and labored breathing. She leaned against Arizona's shoulder, and for the first time since they arrived, began speaking in a shaky voice, "You know... I used to think that the worst thing that could happen to me was to die...to stop living. But, I've realized now that really... that isn't the worst thing. It's living in a world where your loved ones no longer exist. It's living, Arizona, how do I keep living if daddy dies?" she collapsed into her wife's arms and started crying again, and Arizona's brows furrowed worriedly, she knew this was difficult for Callie, but to question her own life? Arizona had to be strong now, though, so she shook off the concern and continued comforting Callie, "Baby, listen to me. Your father is still alive right now. But if something does happen to him, it's not the end of you. I know it will feel like it, but you need to understand...he will always be a part of you. He will continue living through you, Calliope. When Timothy died, I was sure that my life was over. Hell, I wanted it to be over. But I kept living... and you know what happened? I met you. I met you and everything was okay again, because I knew that as long as you were here with me, nothing could ever be that bad again... you need to believe me when I say, that I will always be here for you. I'm not going anywhere, baby..." The blonde stroked her wife's hair and held her tightly in her arms. Callie couldn't speak, so she only nodded to show her acknowledgment of Arizona's words, and clung tighter to her.
In the O.R. Teddy had just opened up Carlos' chest, and saw the extent of the damage. "My god..." she whispered, "His heart... the amount of damaged tissue is so great that the remaining muscle just can't do an adequate job of pumping blood out of his heart." Altman sighed and shook her head, "I'm fearing this might be a lost cause, guys." Bailey shot her head up at Teddy and look her directly in the eye, "Do you know who this is? This is Carlos Torres... Callie's father. One of our own. Now, there is no such thing as a lost cause until we've done absolutely everything we can. Now, you get back in there and repair what you can. We have to try," she finished through clenched teeth. Teddy stared into Bailey's eyes for a moment before looking back down at Carlos, "Fine, you're right... we can try. Bailey, begin a cardiac massage to try and get a stronger rhythm, and then I will try to repair what damage I can. After the massage, put him on cardiopulmonary bypass. We need to keep the blood flowing, even if his heart can't do it by itself." Bailey nodded and did so.
Callie leaned back and looked into Arizona's bright blue eyes, glistening with tears as well. She kissed her lips softly and whispered, "Thank you, for being here. I love you so much." Arizona half-smiled and kissed her back, "I love you too. I'm here for you.. and for your father, and for Mrs. Torres too. Don't ever forget it." Callie looked down and nodded... "It's just...did you hear the last thing I said to him?" She swallowed the lump in her throat, "I told him to get out of our house... I told him I never wanted to see him again! Oh god, Arizona. I'm a horrible person. I caused his heart attack, didn't I? I never even... I didn't realize it until just now. Oh my god." She started hyperventilating and her eyes filled with tears again. Arizona grabbed her face in between her hands, and looked her square in the eye. "Calliope.. he knows you didn't mean it. You were angry... he was being rude and inappropriate. You had every reason to say that to him, and I think deep down, he knew that. His heart wouldn't have freaked out if it wasn't for previous heart conditions. He may have had heart disease and not even known it... it might have been a matter of time before he had a heart attack anyway. Calm down, baby, it'll be okay." Arizona took Callie's hand in her own and kissed the top of it and then held it to her heart.
At that moment, Bailey came out into the waiting room to report an update. Callie sprang up out of her seat with Mrs. Torres and Arizona following her. "How bad is it?" Callie asked with a concerned expression on her face, looking Bailey right in the eye. Bailey inhaled deeply and began, "Well, when we opened him up, we saw that there was a lot of damaged tissue. His heart is having trouble circulating blood on its own, so we put him on bypass. Dr. Altman is working on repairing as much damage as she can, but since he's in heart failure, his organs could begin to shut down if they don't receive enough blood and oxygen. We are trying our very best, and doing everything we can. I am making sure of it." Bailey said firmly, placing her hand on Callie's arm with slight reassurance. Mrs. Torres put her hand to her mouth and sat down, in complete shock. Callie's eyes teared up again, and she nodded... Arizona knew that Callie wouldn't be able to find any words, so she spoke up, "Thank you, Miranda. Keep us posted, please." Bailey agreed and returned to the operating room.
Two hours later, Teddy had finished repairing as much as she could without doing any further damage, "He's been on bypass long enough already, we can't risk him stroking out. I've repaired everything I could. Let's close him up, and monitor his recovery. Bailey, please give another update to the family and tell them that he's going to have a long recovery, and probably won't be awake for awhile. His heart is exhausted." Bailey nodded and scrubbed out to talk to the family.
Callie was asleep on Arizona's shoulder, exhausted from crying. Mrs. Torres stood, pacing the waiting room, and Arizona was reading a magazine, trying to keep her mind distracted. Upon seeing Bailey, the blonde woke up her wife gently and told her that she was going to get another update. Callie rubbed her eyes and walked over to Bailey, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. After receiving the information that Teddy had told Bailey, the first thing out of Callie's mouth was, "Can I see him? I... I need to talk to him. There's something I need to say." Bailey nodded, "Just be prepared for what you're about to see. There are a lot of tubes and IV's in him to keep him hydrated and healthy, his color is slightly peaked, and he will be unconscious for a while." Callie expected much worse, so all of this was acceptable for now. "Okay," she said simply. Bailey led the way to Carlos' room, and Callie prepared the speech in her head for the hundredth time. She knew her father would be asleep, but at least he was alive. She needed to believe that he could hear what she was about to say. Arizona held Callie's hand tightly as they approached his room, and opened the door.
Sometimes, we just let the world pass us by. Sometimes, that's okay. Because when we can't find the strength in our own legs to get out of bed in the morning, how does anyone expect us to stand on steady ground? When we can't find the strength to leave the comfort of today, it's okay to go back to bed, and wait for tomorrow to see if it's any easier.