Disclaimer: I don't own LoZ.

This chapter sucks. I mean, compared to the other ones. Since there wasn't much to write about. But I still tried my best for what Midna says. Unfortunately, I had to replace her real text for fake stuff, when her saying "You were staring off into dreamland" would have been so funny!

Anyway, Chapter 6's material was found on Youtube, walkthrough materials with me "translating" the speech. "Zelda Twilight Princess 11- Hidden Move 1 Ending Blow" by chunglo, and "The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess Walkthrough Episode 14" by OPFFIX.

To the Zit-Poo Temple We Go

Impy left me to travel through the Zit-Poo Woods on my own. With no companionship of any kind. To face all the scary evil monsters in the dark depths of the forest. All alone.

You'd better believe I broke out into song and dance.

Wisely, I decide to go as slow as I possibly can through the woods, just to savor the time without telepathic light spirits and nonsensical unhelpful Impys. I get about five feet from the Faron Spring, and then a Deku Baba pops up and ruins my party. Preparing to vent my frustration on the oh-so-scary monster, I draw my sword.

And Impy's shadowy face is right in front of mine. I yell and fall back.

"Heh peepee mew up there!" she cackles, grinning toothily. "Toot go peepee, me own your boot," she explains, demonstrating a sword swing and the proper way to hold a shield. Then she laughs, and lifts her arms in a mock-shrug, a self-congratulatory gesture. "Mad bay, copy pour me on!" and with a self-satisfying little giggle, she disappears.

Yes, Impy, to swing a sword you pee in my boots. Good job. You are indeed a mad bay. I imitate her stupid mock-shrug like she told me to, do a very bad impersonation of her stupid giggle, and continue hacking my way through the woods.

Only, when I get to the entrance, I find the gate locked. There's only one person who could be responsible for this act, and it's MR. LANTERN-DUDE. I really should learn his name. Oh, well, that's a quest for another day. I storm off to his stupid house with his stupid oil shop and his stupid fire and his stupid soup.

He looks surprised to see me. Hunh?! So... it's the Ordonian! You seemed familiar, but then your clothes seemed kinda different, so I got thrown off for a second!" he explained sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

Yes, this dress once belong to my girly great-something ancestor, a former hero. Isn't it just so bold? And what a beautiful shade of forest green it is!

It's a TUNIC!!!

I nearly wet myself as the insistent Faron telepathically yells this in my mind. And now Mr. Lantern-dude is looking at me funny. "Listen..." he says, "Things have been gettting a little rough around here, so you should watch your step, okay, guy?"

Sure thing. Now please let me go to the forest temple to blindly walk into monumental dangers that put my life on the line and the fate of the world in the balance without a care in the world.

Mr. Lantern-Dude is not telepathic like Faron, and continues oblivious to my thoughts. "There are so many monsters now... I got kinda scared and closed off the path to the temple..."

Weeny.

"But...you, guy... you wanna get back there, huh?" he says, reading my mind.

… Oh, Goddesses DAMMIT ALL. Why is EVERYONE a mind-reader?! I simply nod.

Lantern-Dude starts looking for something in his pockets. "You sure do looked geared up for it...So here you go!" he says, holding out a small key to unlock the path to the forest.

You got a small key! This key opens the gate to Faron Woods.

"Oh yeah...The woods on the other side of this cave are covered in really thick fog, so make sure your lantern is full!" he warns me. "You're definitely going to need to use your lantern a lot in there, so bring all the oil you can! And check this out! I have a special, one-time offer of a bottle full of lantern oil for only 100 Rupees! How 'bout it, guy? What a bargain!"

No, thanks. I shake my head.

He seems shocked. "What?! That's not right, guy! But I gave you that lantern for free...Man..." he groans under his breath.

Oh, do shove it.

"I also sell oil on its own, so come back when you run out, guy!"

Seeing my chance, I run away.

I mutter nonstop as I walk through the caves, killing Keese and Deku Babas as I go. What is up with everyone giving me nicknames?! So far, I've got "armpit pop", "guy", "ray", "bread", and, last but not least, "chicken shit". Who knows how many I'll have accumulated by the time I manage to pull myself out of this mess?

I come out on the other side of the caves, and I see what Lantern-Dude meant my thick fog. The stuff is nasty and purple and covering at least the first three feet of the forest floor, and I'm afraid of what might happen if I stick so much as a toe in that stuff. Remembering what Lantern-Dude said, I take out my lantern.

...Where is my lantern.

...MONKEY!!!

I am about to run after that girl monkey from before when I remember how humiliating it would be to chase it in Hylian form, and so, while the monkey swings it around on the edge of the pier and disperses the fog and beckons for me to follow, and Midna jumps up, yelling, "Ned kicked this! That me do to know me SHIT!!!", I am writhing on the ground having an battle between my Hylian dignity, sanity, and inner beast. Impy gets my attention by kicking me where it hurts, but since she's a shadow it doesn't, and I immediately stop pretending to be going through a horrible painful transformation and chase after Miss Monkey. She leads me through the woods in an unhelpfully roundabout way, swinging the lantern, and I kill enemies when necessary.

After a much longer time than it should have taken to get through the mist, we finally get through the mist. Miss Monkey starts screeching at the top of her lungs, doing some form of victory dance, before letting my now-empty lantern (very considerate of her) clatter to the ground. Then she runs off. Oh well, nobody cares about Miss Monkey, really.

When I emerge in North Faron Woods, I decide to ignore the two ugly Bokoblins in favor of a shop rum by a bird that has lantern oil. I go to buy some...

The bird screeches. "GRRRARRR! FWEEEEEEEEEEET! Hey! Punish the evildoers!" It then proceeds to fly at me, pecking and clawing.

THE EVILDOER IS YOU, YOU STUPID BIRD!!! But I like my eyes, so I "punish" the poor evildoers. I'm never going to enjoy killing Bokoblins again. I will forever remember this day and how they were wrongly accused of evil by a berserk evil bird, and how I was forced to deny them their life. Anyway, that's over, so I go back to Mr. Evil Bird.

Mr. Evil Bird cocks his head. "...Huh? Hey! The evildoers are all gone?"

No, just you left.

"Wait... are you a customer?" the bird asks.

If that wasn't evident before...

"Oh! Hey! Sorry! So sorry! Please forgive me!" it screeches loudly, wildly flapping its arms. Then it turns to business mode. "Welcome! Hey! Buy something! Anything!

I dip my lantern into his vat of oil and drop 20 Rupees into his box. "Thanks! Hey! Thanks so much!" he cheers. "Thank you! Hey! Thank you! Come back sometime! Hey!"

Whatever. Shut up.

Glad to be rid of him, I head for the Forest Temple.

...And find a glowing gold wolf, with one red eye, blocking my path.

When I walk up to it, it crouches into an attacking position. Carefully, I respond by drawing my own sword.

But he leaps on me before I can think, leaving a trail of blurred afterimages behind him, and the world goes white.

"Cliffy"? I think not...

Oh, great. I'm stuck in some white foggy otherworld now. And in all directions I look in, there's absolutely nothing. I can hear the wolf panting, but I can't see it.

Suddenly, the panting stops, and as it stops, I realize it was coming from behind me. So I turn. And come face-to-face with a really big, tall, scary, one-eyed skeleton warrior. Who glares at me, throws his shield in front of him, and raises his sword.

Can my day get any better than this?

Oh, well. If it's a fight it wants, it's a fight it'll get. I lunge, miss terrifically, and get my ass handed to me, complete with a graceful landing on my back.

As I get up, I almost have a heart attack as it tells me, "A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage."

O...kay....I stand up, thoroughly confused.

He stares at me sternly. "You may be destined to become the hero of legend...but your current power would disgrace the proud green of the hero's tunic you wear. You must use your courage to seek power...and find it you must. Only then will you become the hero for whom this world despairs. If you do find true courage, and you wish to save Hyrule from the horror it now faces...Then you will be worthy to receive the secrets I hold!

...Yay?

"Draw your sword, and I will teach you the First Hidden Skill: the Ending Blow!"

I take out my sword and face him, and he begins a long explanation of sorts.

"Enemies that are filled with energy will quickly recover and attack again even when stunned by a powerful strike. The ending blow is a secret technique you can use on stunned enemies to end their breath before they spring back into action. When an enemy lies collapsed on the ground, stunned, target them and leap high into the air and deliver a final strike. Now, try it on me!" After crossing our swords, he falls into a ready position. I strike him a couple of times before he falls back, and then I follow his instructions and drive my sword through his ribcage, quickly drawing it out and flipping off him.

After a moment he gets up and nods in approval. "Hmm. That was a pinpoint strike. Never overlook your opportunity to deliver the ending blow! The first hidden skill, the ending blow, has been passed on!" he announces.

YAY!!!

All I do is nod and demonstrate one last time before doing that awesome sword-twirly-thing that annoys the crap out of Talo. Because I am awesome. I have a HIDDEN FRICKING SKILL!!!

"There are six more hidden skills to pass on," Skeleton-Man tells me. "Those are only for one who carries the blood of the hero...the one whose spirit is that of the sublime beast. Grow powerful. Test your courage. And when you find that you need another skill to overcome the threats that face you...Search for the statues that howl with the sound of the wind. Seek the sound that calls the spirit of the beast to awaken me again."

Okay. Damn, this guy is really long-winded...

"A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage," Skeleton-Man reminds me. "Remember those words...Farewell!"

And the world goes white again.

All right! I'm back in Faron Woods, new and improved with an awesome sword technique! And now, I can finally start my quest to get rid of Impy and kick monster butt in the Forest Temple!

Since this chapter was so boring, I'll see what I can do before the end of break. But I have a feeling that until we get to Twilight in Eldin Province, these will not be as fun. And if you thought Faron was interesting, well, just WAIT until you see Eldin! And if you get worried about that, you will CRAWL when I introduce Lanayru!

And yes, I am intent on giving everyone a nickname.