AN: Lucky girls and boys, you get an early chapter this week. And I'll post another before the weekend's up too.

Previously... I was resting my head on his bicep and his clean, soapy, scent filled my head. His body was pressed against my back and it was then that I realized that his other hand… well, it was cupping my right breast...

Chapter 6 – Friends without benefits.

It had been a weird morning for me. I mean, his hand on my boob had started it all. The Lovely Asleep Mammary Explorations, or LAME as I had decided to code name it to myself, had started the weirdness. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do about it… me actually liking his warm hand there, that is. I couldn't make heads or tails of my thoughts, my nerves were a mess. When I added the residual depression of being abandoned by Edward to the looming threat of Victoria, coupled with my new found pricking skin was now being from Jake's wild eyes, I was a mess. It was all of it, but mostly, I kept replaying the feeling of Jacob's hands on me. Even if it had been in our sleep.

I don't know why I'd been so careful rolling my boobs out of his hot, huge hands. It turns out that Jake is an extremely sound sleeper. After I'd come to the conclusion that I did, in fact… kind of… a little bit… like Jake's hands on me, I'd lay awake for a good ten minutes panicking over what the heck I was going to do about it. Even after the confession to myself, I was still battling with my inner conflicts.

There was still so much of myself that I still had bequeathed to Edward. It was almost second nature to thinking of him when thinking about hands and lips and bodies. Almost. It was strange even contemplating a relationship with someone other than Edward. Not that that was what I was doing. I was only admitting to liking the physicality of Jacobs's hands, his warmth, and all-round masculinity. That was all it was, physical attrition. No thought of the L word. Just the enjoyment of the LAME.

I was refusing to admit to myself that if you add, physical attraction, to male best friend then that male becomes a boy and it equals boyfriend, which generally leads to the L word.

I loved Edward. There wasn't any room in my tattered heart for anyone else. Even if Jake's hand did feel exceptionally warm and secure across my back and my skin was covered in a fine prickle of goose bumps… the good kind.

Eventually, with the call of my bladder forcing my hand, I slid out of my bed and off the truck. I'd managed to bang my knee on the tailgate, walk all the way to the bathroom and back, eat a cold pop-tart, and boil the water for a coffee. All the while Jake was still lightly snoring under the covers. It wasn't until I opened the second-hand cooler we'd scored in Corvallis and let the scent of the half eaten rotisserie chicken from yesterday escape that the beast awoke.

I did my best all morning to avoid any real conversation. I wanted to know if he was aware of the second base he'd stolen last night, but I was too chicken to ask. A part of me had started to wonder if he'd did it on purpose in the middle of the night when he'd been woken up or something, and then just fallen asleep in that position. But I didn't think that seemed like Jake's MO. I figured he'd be the kind of guy who'd ask first. Or at least have the confidence to try second base when the girl was at least awake.

I still didn't want to admit what a physical attraction to my best friend meant, but what I did know was that suddenly, like a crazy person, I was mesmerized by his hands. I couldn't stop watching as he did things. The way he gripped his spoon as he shoveled Fruit Loops down his throat. The way he combed his fingers though his short, glossy hair. The way his hands ran lovingly over the hood of my truck after he'd checked the oil for the last time.

I found myself following him like a little puppy all morning too. He just assumed I was still scared, which I was—I was terrified still of Victoria finding us, but that wasn't why I was following him around the camp site. I realized after the third time I caught myself staring at the way the muscles in his back moved as he leaned under the hood, that I was following him so that I could look at him. I was staring after one LAME which, for the record, I was still too chicken to explore any further. And Jake, apart from noticing my weird stalkerish behavior, was acting completely normal. Yeah, I was pretty sure he was totally unaware he'd felt me up.

But I wasn't. I was acutely aware. I don't think I'd been this aware of anything in months. I don't think I even used to watch Edward this much. It was always him who had watched me.

It was like I'd been living under an oppressive, looming cloud for months and finally, now that the fog had lifted, it was all hitting me at once. I suppose that I had been living under a cloud.

A giant, stormy, cumulonimbus kind of cloud. One that was dark and menacing. One so powerful you couldn't see the beauty of the blue sky beyond.

Now, away for the stormy clouds and bitter memories of Forks, I could see the blue sky. The gray cloud and the cold-front that it had created were still over there on the horizon, but when I looked up, I could finally see blue skies. And the fresh, fluffy, white clouds kept taking the shape of a wolf. I kept trying to convince myself to see the diamond shimmering in the sunshine. But my eyes keeps roving back to the warmth of my own person sun.

That sunshine gave the tree the kick it needed to shoot our new roots; strong and steadfast.

The tree was beginning to thrive.

.

We packed up camp early and drove straight through the meat of Oregon, only stopping for food and gas. In that order of priority.

Sometime just before lunch, we got a text message from Jake's friend Embry.

*WU (_o_)? YR HS's worth a mint- 3G. JC and me are taking thm to a anon in Seat. We'r rng bak to LP 2 see if the V's are NE 2. W B acct#? NE I&I yet? It's a HPOA. ^5 IUH*

"What the hell is this crap?" I said, staring at my screen.

It occurred to me that maybe I should, as an eighteen year old in the twenty-first century, understand text-speak. But I didn't. LOL's and CUL8R's weren't big on Edward or Alice's modes of communication.

I'd let a lot of their way of doing things dictate how I lived my life, including how I communicated. Which was with hand written letters, like an eighty year old. They were frozen in time, merely mimicking the way modern humans interacted and I had let myself become frozen too. I'd become paralyzed in the state I'd been in the moment he left me.

That needed to change. I needed to plug back in. Shame I worked this out the same week we decided to go off the grid.

"What's a HPOA?"

Jake took the phone. I swear I could see his cheeks coloring under his tan.

"Um... Ahh…. It's just Emb being a dork." But his stammering and general lack of eye contact, I somehow doubted that was all it was, and I was ninety-nine percent sure he wasn't going to translate the message in its uncensored version for me. I forgot sometimes that Jake was just a normal teenage guy. And guys talk to their buddies about guy things. I know I didn't have any brothers, but I'd hung around guys at school, I wasn't naive enough to no be able to guess what topics they might be talking about. Did I feature in their guy-chats? I wasn't sure if I wanted them to talk about me or not. Depended on what a HPOA was I suppose. Even then…

Jake pulled to the side of the road. Killing the engine as he scrolled through the message. He took a few seconds to read the jumble of alphabet and numbers.

He chuckled a little to himself, clearing his throat before translating for me.

"He says he's managed to find a buyer for our bikes. Three thousand. Jarred and him are going to deliver them to an anonymous buyer in Seattle then run home as wolves. They want to scent out the more north-eastern area of our little pocket of supernatural land on the way. Oh," he added, locking the screen, "and they needed your account details to transfer the money."

Then without further discussion, he started the car back up and nailed it back on to the highway. His hands were gripping the wheel as his fists pulsed around the ring. I decided I probably should be glad I was getting the censored version. I'd google it later.

I didn't have the time to dwell on it though… we now had another three grand to play with.

We were stopped at a rest stop on the outskirts of a little town called Benson. It was dry, sparse and a little desolate. Such a far cry from the winding cutouts of mountains we'd driven through for half the morning.

Jake was on to his third chicken and salad roll, I was barely though my one when I broke our consuming silence. "I was thinking we could get a normal car and just stay in cheap hotels now that we have this extra money coming in."

Jake eyed me, taking a long swig of his soda. "I don't think that a great idea Bells. As great as three grand is, it's not going to get us far in hotels, even cheap ones. A week or two, tops."

He put down his can, his fingers playing with the tab, flipping it back and forth until it came off in his fingers. He looked up at me, shame shadowing his eyes, "besides, I don't want you staying in those kind of dives. You deserve the Plaza or The Four Seasons, Bella. Not some seedy and sleazy hole because it's cheap and I can't afford to get us somewhere good." I could hear the self-loathing in his voice. I hated hearing that tone in him. "I really think we should just stick with this original plan and keep the money for other stuff like food and gas."

I was quiet for a bit. I hadn't considered how demoralizing it might be for him to not being able to help pay for anything. At least now, with the sale of the bikes he fixed, we were just about even fiscally. I wanted to make a point of giving him some power in our choices. God knows he'd had enough choices taken away from him lately. I wasn't about to be another person on that list; even if it meant trading in my classic old girl for an ugly, brown mini-van.

"Okay Jake. We'll keep camping, but the only thing I'm insisting on is a thicker mattress." I stood, pressing my hand into my hip as I arched my back, stretching and twisting. "Those bed rolls just aren't gunna cut it."

…

"Left or right Bella? Quick!" He was shouting, panicking me as we hurtled down the off ramp towards Boise. We'd crossed over into Idaho a little under an hour ago and it's wasn't until now that he tells me he's not sure where the car dealership is.

"I don't know!"

"Can you at least tell me which way the university is? I the lady on the phone said it's near there."

"I can't. I swear, Jake." I gave my phone a little shake. As if jiggling technology somehow makes it work faster. "The stupid circle is still going around."

"Well then just tell me," he said, a little more softly and without the stress in his voice. "Left or right? Your car. Your choice."

He moved into the middle lane, stopping at the red light he looked over at me, his eyes gentler still as he looked at me. "It's your choice."

I refused to acknowledge the potential double meaning in his statement.

I sucked in a deep breath, looking up and down the innocuous service road, neither directions offered any kind of clue as to which way to go. "Left."

Of course right had been to way to the dealership. We'd found it though… eventually.

I had been thoroughly impressed with Jake's negotiating skills. I don't know if it's the confidence of the wolf, or just how he is, but he managed to barter the salesman down to a straight swap. My Chevy for the Aerostar.

And that is how we found ourselves on a Monday afternoon, parked in the back corner of a Boise Walmart, stuffing the mattress we'd just bought in to the rear of our new ugly van. Yes. Jake and I had bought a bed together. And a whole lot more.

With the cash we'd saved on the car and the money coming in from the bikes, I finally felt confident enough to start buying a few more things to make life a little more comfortable. Like a table. And some chairs. And a really good cooler, one that would actually keep our food cold for more than a few hours and fit everything thing we'd bought. I felt like we'd bought enough food to feed a family of six for a week. But after watching Jake's eating habits over the last few days, I knew we'd be grocery shopping again by Wednesday.

It was only early afternoon, but I could already see Jake starting to show some of the antsy signs he'd shown yesterday. The wolf wanted out.

"Let's go find somewhere to camp tonight Jake, and you can go for a run while I fix dinner."

Jake looked up from the family size box of cheez-it's he was inhaling. "Is it that obvious, huh?"

I nodded, letting out a chucked breath, "I think the lady at the checkout thought you were on meth or something, the way you're twitching and scratching."

He chucked, licking the cheesy salt off his fingers. It was distracting. "Meth," he scoffed. "If only, hey?"

I didn't answer him. My eyes were glued to his fingers as they held the cardboard box… And as he licked each one clean… They were strong and sure… and big. Jake really did have huge hands. He made the box look like the miniature play ones I remember having a kid when I played shop. Everything about Jake was huge now, he dwarfed everything. I imagined his hands could wrap around my waist easily. A girl would feel really safe and petite in those strong arms and huge hands.

I realized then that I was staring… again. I cleared my throat, blinking away the mental images forming in my mind. "Yeah, if only she knew."

Jake narrowed his eyes at me, cocking his head as he looked me over. I think he was trying to decide of I was crazy or maybe if I was about to pass out or something. I saw the moment his eyes zeroed in on the way I was staring at his hands. I jerked my eyes away, over to a car reversing out a spot a little over from us, but it was too late. He'd seen.

I felt the flush begin to burn at my cheeks. How humiliating to be caught staring like a tween at the hot man with the huge hands.

"Sorry Bells, you want some?" His arm offered out the almost empty box of Cheez-its. Maybe he hadn't caught me.

Thankful for small mercies and his assumption, I took the box and picked a small handful of the dregs of crackers. "You're a pig, you know that?" I laughed, showing him the small palm-full of broken and crushed crackers I'd managed to scoop off the bottom. My laugh was forced and sounded completely fake to my ears, but Jake was happy to take it at its face value. He laughed, snatching the box back before tipping the last of the crumbs and salt into this mouth.

"Wrong animal family Bells, I run with the tribe Canine." He smirked as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Okay, okay, so I'll make sure to compare you with a poodle next time."

"I think I'd rather it be an Alaskan malamute."

I smiled, forgetting my weirdness for the moment. "Alright, for now on, you're a Labrador."

I loved this. Just us, being us, forgetting all the crap. We laughed together for a minute before piling into the van, and heading to a local campground that backed up to the river.

We managed to get another good, secluded spot at the RV Park. Jake helped me to set up a few things before the call of the wild got too much for him.

"Just go," I said pushing him towards the cover of the river. He stepped back, letting me push him. I knew that if he hadn't want to be shifted I would have had more luck pushing a brick wall.

My fingers lingered on his muscles as my palm pressed flush against his pecs. His chest was as hard as a concrete. Molded and compact. Hot. Oh god.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," he placated with a smile. Then he stopped and I suddenly was pushing an unmoving brick wall. He wrapped me briefly into a hug. "I won't be gone long. You sure you'll be all right?" his voice mumbled into my hair.

I nodded, my forehead pressed against his bicep. His massive bicep. I felt my heart accelerate as I inhaled the musky scent of him.

His arms let me go and he held me by the shoulders at arms lengths. He lowered his head, making sure to look me clear in the eye. "You sure you'll be okay? No freaking out? Trust me, I'd have smelt a vamp. And there's none around here."

He really had no clue the effect he was having on me. I was grateful for that, but I was in so much trouble.

I nodded again. "Yeah, I know. I trust you Jake. Just go," I said, pressing, again, my hand against his chest. His hot, hard chest. So much trouble. "Then you can come back."

My fingers were still tinging long after he'd turned and run off. My mind was playing, over and over again, the sight of his muscular back as he took off his shirt while running toward to river at a fast trot. I saw, just before he disappeared through the trees, the way the afternoon sun had shadowed his shoulders, highlighting the thick valley of muscle running along his spine.

I was still refusing to admit to myself that when I added this newly recognized physical attraction, to Jake— who was without doubt my best friend and soul mate of sorts, then that new combination might start to less resemble best friend and look a lot more like boyfriend. Or at least lead to things girls do with their boyfriends. I felt a little shiver run over my skin at the thought.

Jake and I weren't there yet. I still wasn't sure if I was ever really going to be ready to be there... doing those kinds of things... with Jake. Every time I started to appreciate the closeness of Jacob's warm skin next to mine, his heat instead would remind me of Edward's burning cold touch. I hated that I still felt some kind of sick sense of loyalty to Edward. Maybe I was sick. I was troubled… That much I knew.

I slumped back on the edge of the tailgate ready to wait out Jake's routine evening absence. I threw myself back, using the duffle bag that was tossed in the corner as a pillow. I dug my hand in from behind, pulling out the sharp corner digging into my neck. I needed something to take my mind off all my mixed emotions.

I pulled out the old paperback copy of The Story of a County Town, that my Lit class teacher, Mrs. Richey, had had lent me for spring break. Until now, I'd forgotten I'd thrown it in the bag as I'd rushed to pack that night Jake and I had fled on our little impromptu road trip. I held it to my face, it smelt like a library— musty and grassy— the corners of the book were smooth and dog-eared, the spine was creased from being read, over and over, again. It was perfect in its imperfections. It had lived a life in the hands of its readers.

I flicked to the back, reading the biography on the author. E.W. Howe, for the most part, was a long forgotten author. He was older than Edward. He was only a few years younger than Jasper. But his works were still good, and many of his ideas were still valid. I skimmed through the bio, resting the book on my lap as I rubbed my hands together. I could still feel the warmth that touching Jake left behind on my fingers. I smiled to myself as I read one of Howe's quotes. Written in the classic serif typeface of yesteryear, it was still ringing true with how I was feeling now.

"The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship."

No, shit, Edgar Watson Howe. Love and friendship… I had both.

AN: Thanks for reading.

If anyone really cares... and can't speak "txt talk", Embry's message:

WU (_o_)? YR HS's worth a mint- 3G. JC and me are taking thm to a anon in Seat. We'r rng bak to LP 2 see if the V's are NE 2. W B acct#? NE I&I yet? It's a HPOA. ^5 IUH

Translates to...

"What's up asshole. Your Harley sprinter's worth a mint. $3000. Jarred Cameron and me are taking them to an anonymous person in Seattle. We're running back to La Push to see if there are any vampires Northeast too. What's Bella's account number? Any inebriation and intercourse yet? It's a hot piece of ass. High five if you have."

... I've made our unassuming, quiet Embry a dirty SoB :-D

Let me know your thoughts.