I've tried to do the calculations and see how far along I am. I figure I'm just about a month and a half in. And after heavily researching, I estimate I'll finally start showing in two months. I have only two terrifying months to figure out a plan.

If I'm anywhere near lucky, I'll be able to buy an extra month or two. Thankfully I'm soft around the middle, so a little extra weight won't be noticeable. And I've already started wearing concealing clothing so that it won't come out of nowhere and be conspicuous.

But it's miserable. If I'm not getting sick over nothing at all, I'm having the worst mood swings. I can start out the most benevolent and docile thing in the morning, only to have me morph halfway through the day into an uncontrollable rage monster, and at the end of the night I'm weeping from the slightest provocation. Occasionally it mixes up the order, just for fun. It's a nightmare trying to get a handle on it and not let anyone figure it out. Because there's only so many times I can blame it on 'that time of the month.'

I've begun to think that I broke up with my boyfriend due to the pregnancy hormones. I was so angry and jealous, and that's not normal for me. So this damn baby's managed to ruin me. And I'm far too proud to come crawling back to him. It's killing me, among other things.

Another fun development is increasing dizziness. I'll just be walking along and feel the floor tilt underneath me and get so lightheaded. Not to mention the tiredness. Even when I get a good night's sleep, I forever feel exhausted. This damn intruder is running me ragged.

I refuse to think of it as anything more than a parasite. It's in me, stealing from my life, and I don't want it. I've been trying to think of ways to get rid of it. Starving would be a good idea, if it wasn't already refusing my body to eat.

I can't possibly get an abortion. One, I can't afford it, and two, if my ex ever found out about it he wouldn't have anything to do with me anymore. I've got a glimmer of hope that maybe one day he'll say he's sorry and that he wants me back in his life, but if I kill his child on purpose…

No, it's got to be an 'accident.' Ever since I read that lifting heavy objects helps miscarriages, I've been doubling the amount of weight I normally carry. And overexerting yourself with exercise has been known to help, too. A handy excuse would be that I'm trying to get a bikini body for summer. Either way, it's got to go.

I refuse to be a mother. I will not ruin my life like I've seen so many others do. I am not a statistic. I will not be responsible for something I never wanted in the first place. I'm going to find a way to eject it, even if I have to go fishing in there with a hanger, so help me.