Sorry it is taking so long to update. I am back at school and the computer I use for my writing is not at the same house that I live in on weekdays. I will try to do as much as I can when I can. Sorry again for the delay. Also, I am inevitably still having trouble writing this, so once again, thanks for the reviews that help me keep trying.
I cannot believe that I actually kissed her last night. I know that was my original plan and everything, but still. I know I'm usually calm and confident but I am surprised I had the courage to go through with it. I mean kissing Cameron, I think I am still in shock. I know she didn't technically kiss me back or anything, but I will live in my denial about that as long as possible. Maybe she was too shocked to respond or something. At work I avoided her like the plague. Probably didn't help my case, but I was so nervous that she would reprimand me for kissing her. I wanted to hold onto my fantasy as long as possible.
I managed to get through the whole day without seeing her once. A little part of me thought that she had not come into to work today, but I was too paranoid to ask. I felt like someone could see on my face what I had done. So in the middle of my musings a heard a knock at my door, which is truly strange because I don't get visitors. Since I started my job at Princeton-Plainesboro I seem to get people breaking in frequently, but not visitors. I opened the door just to promptly feel like slamming shut again. Cameron was standing on my doorstep. After a few minutes of just staring dumbly at her she asked if I was going to invite her in. Feeling like an idiot I moved aside to let her in, just to have her brush into me as she walked past. I must be dreaming.
I closed to the door, but when I turned to face her she launched herself at me slamming me back into the door. Not really caring about the throbbing in my back, I immediately kissed her back. I still wasn't sure that I wasn't dreaming, but I didn't care at this point. If this was just a dream, it was OK with me. I tried to turn us so I could be in control, but she was not having that. She just pushed me against the door even harder. She pulled away, giving us just enough room to breathe, when she looked me in the eye. I saw the recognition in flash in her eyes and realized that my dream was about to come crashing down.
As expected, Cameron pulled away from me even farther and I didn't fight it. She muttered something about that was not why she was here. I asked her why she was here then and she seemed shocked that I had heard. She tried to walk past me to get to the door, but I wasn't letting her go without an explanation, so I grabbed her arm and spun her to face me. She just kept repeating that she hadn't meant for that to happen while trying to shake my grip. I eventually let her arm go, giving up the fight for now, seeing as how I couldn't get even a real sentence out of her. After she left I just slid down the door and put my head in my hands, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
If I knew anything, it was that there was no longer a chance at friendship between myself and Cameron. It had to go one way or the other, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach it wasn't going to go the way I wanted. Tomorrow was going to be a make or break day for a relationship. I eventually got off the floor and collapsed on my bed to further wallow in my misery.