Title: Cradle of Blood – chapter 6 – Memories, sharp as daggers.
Pairings: Zero x Kaname. Some Kaname x Zero also, and a few secondary pairings.
Warnings: AU. Sex slavery, prostitution, mature themes and lemons from time to time.
Do not read if you're underage or dislike graphic yaoi and dark themes.
Spoilers for various elements of the VK manga.
This is AU, so Zero grew up as a hunter in the notorious Kiryuu clan, was never bitten and didn't go through the trauma of being turned into a vampire.
*currently replying to reviews from previews chapters, will post the replies in the 'reviews replies' forum later* :D
This chapter was actually written a few weeks ago, as I always write them in advance to be able to still post if deadlines bury me suddenly or something, so it's hard to resist the temptation to post it all at once. ;D *lol* But then, it would also be way too long. As it is, it already is longer than some of the previous ones, but I didn't want to cut after the dream. That way, it can progress a bit farther sooner. :)
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The pureblood tossed fitfully on the bed, hair splayed on the pillows, face tense, small drops of perspiration pearling to the surface of his forehead as the nightmare unfurled once again in his mind. He would usually dream of the past every so often, but it seemed that it happened more often when he was particularly weakened, the pain that tortured his body making his mind more vulnerable as well.
He relived in his sleep the events of ten years ago, seeing that fateful night once more. The blood splattered on the snow, the screams, the wood of the massive double doors of Kuran manor splintering with a sickening wailing noise before they caved in and the enemy armies flooded the grand hall.
What for, had his parents fought for peace for so long? What for had they condemned the war and refused to take part in it? What for had they held onto their pacifist stance until the very end?
Utmost irony, they were betrayed by the very same council the last Kuran King had set up… and by the flesh of their flesh, Kaname's uncle Rido.
And it was their own people who guided the hunter armies to them.
Worse yet, it was their own people who attacked the manor long before the enemy armies could even arrive to the place.
Kaname would never forget the grim determination on his parents' stoic faces, already before the attack, the moment their messengers returned with news that the war was indeed lost and that the horrendous rumors of the late were true: the hunters were reducing into an unspeakable form of slavery all the vampire survivors.
Life as a pureblood had already been hard and dangerous enough that those two had long before started dreaming of a world where their children may escape from it, but now things were countless times more dire and extreme.
But the Kurans were powerful and decided. Juri had an idea, for which she'd long researched the ancient spells that their clan held secret. Haruka now whispered to her that perhaps the time for them to try it had come at last. Their eyes met as they exchanged a loving gaze, and Haruka squeezed Juri's hand lovingly, shared determination visible in their soft eyes.
Juri had then taken little Yuuki's hand and pulled her away, ushering her towards the southern wing of the house. Suddenly seized with a bad feeling at the sight, Kaname called out for his little sister. The little girl did the same, tiny hands reaching for her older brother desperately, calling out his name as her mother pulled her into her arms and carried her away. Kaname made to follow, but Haruka held onto his son's shoulder and pulled him back, preventing him from running after her, and the door shut, parting the two siblings. It was the last time Kaname saw his beloved sister as herself.
Haruka explained to Kaname in much too gentle, overly sugar coated words --which the boy felt he was too old to need, but in his father's eyes he would always be a little boy--, that they intended to do something to Yuuki and him, that would ensure that they would have a future in that world, a future where they could be safe from the horror that would follow for their race.
They wanted their children to escape not merely this one conflict, but an eternity of worries and danger, escaping into the blissful freedom and peace of a world they could never achieve as purebloods. He didn't mention the price to pay, but Kaname knew, and a lump in his throat prevented him from saying a word, suddenly realizing with horror why his father had kept him close to him. Each of the pureblood parents intended to sacrifice themselves for their children...
Already, the couple had sent a messenger for an old friend of Juri's that they knew they could trust above anyone else… and to whom they intended to entrust their children, once the ritual the two purebloods intended to perform had turned their offspring human, making them finally safe from the hatred of the hunters.
The children were unsure of what exactly would happen –not even Kaname knew exactly how his parents were planning to go at it, as he didn't know exactly how the spell worked-- but they were separately ushered around and prepared, made to wear warm clothes and told to be ready for a quick escape when the moment would come.
But before the hunter armies arrived, the council's army did.
The war was lost, and rather than remain on the front fighting the last losing battle, they gathered and headed for the Kuran manor, to do the last bidding of their leader, Asato Ichijou – Ichiou.
The council had already fallen by now, but it wasn't an official matter anymore. Ichiou sent his men there for personal gain.
The moment where a storm turns is the one thing that is forever etched upon one's memory, that dreadful moment when you finally realize that perhaps all is lost. Each tragedy has one such moment, one such turning point when the psyche finally grasps that this is it, there's no coming back from this all.
For Kaname, it had been the sound of the wood splintering, before the massive front doors of their house gave in and burst open as the council's men rushed in.
The enemy didn't have things easy however, for Haruka was anything from weak. Army or not, it took a madman –or a mad vampire, more exactly—to go against a pureblood at the summit of his power, especially one furious and hell-bent on protecting his family. Kaname too was decided to fight, despite how young he was, but his father forbid him, insisting that he had to be the one to protect his son, as well as Juri and Yuuki.
But nothing is perfect in war, and the soldiers realized quickly that the entry hall blocked by Haruka was a bottleneck where they would be wiped out. Already, a large part of the army had diverted to other areas of the house, breaking in through countless windows and doors, spreading through the manor like a disease, a cancer taking over what was once a pure and pristine house where the Kurans had lived the happiest moments of their lives.
Kaname saw dread in his father's eyes for the first time in his life when they both realized that the southern wing had been breached.
But if Haruka left that spot, through which the largest part of the enemy army was still trying to break in, they would be completely overrun, their escape paths cut as well. He had no choice but keep them at bay, unable to go check on his wife and daughter, and he growled in furious frustration, his aura tearing through a new wave of the enemies forcing the entry.
It was Kaname's turn to come into action, and the young pureblood broke off running as fast as he could in the direction Juri had taken Yuuki to. Corridors, rooms, stairways flew by as he rushed for the hidden room in the second floor, where he knew the two would be. They couldn't use the secret underground area or they'd be trapped without escape if the enemy finally took the house, so Juri must have taken Yuuki to this room instead.
As Kaname approached, the scent of blood was so overpowering that it brought tears to his eyes – his mother's blood, spilled in such quantities…
To his horror, the door was broken, the room ravaged. He stepped inside quickly, and nearly screamed. The blood he'd smelled all the way there was everywhere. On the ground, walls, ceiling, staining the furniture, splattered over Yuuki's spare little bed, dripping off her toys, staining everything, soaking deeply into the soft pattern of the padded walls, slipping between the cracks of the floorboards.
Emptiness was everywhere, no sight of Yuuki… only a gaping hole on the wall through which the wind blew snow into the room, whipping Kaname's face with new gusts of cold, as if mocking him and his inability of protecting his loved ones.
The only thing stopping him from sinking into utter despair was the fact that the scent of his sister's blood was nowhere to be smelled, which meant that she was unharmed, as of now. If he could find her in time.
He was already decided to jump into the night through the hole in the wall, but the noise he heard next finished convincing him completely: Yuuki's little voice, screaming with utter terror.
Kaname practically threw himself out of the gaping hole in the wall, landing on the snow outside with a powerful grace unexpected in one so young. Snow crunched under his feet as he ran faster than he'd ever ran in his life, panic clutching his heart at the idea of not arriving on time.
But he did arrive, and the sight that greeted him chilled him to the bone. On the adjacent hill, Yuuki was running, screaming at the top of her little lungs in sheer terror as a horde of enemy vampires ran after her, catching up fast, practically already surrounding her.
Level E's… So the council could still fall even lower than Kaname had originally imagined they could.
Sending an army after them was bad enough, but releasing hordes of level E's into the wilderness to cut their exit was unbelievable. Strategically speaking, the ensuing chaos was a master move to both keep them in and slow down the hunter army so that Ichiou could get what he wanted before the hunters got there, but the consequences of such acts for the innocent population were unforgivable! There were villages and farms not far, which would inevitably be swarmed by such large numbers.
Not that Kaname had any time to worry about the collaterals at the present moment. In a movement too fast for the enemy to even see him moving, he was dropping among them, standing between the hungry group and the little girl, precise and lethal as his fist crushed through the skull of the first one.
He suppressed a flinch when the bone gave way under his hand, brain matter coating his fingers in a sticky manner and splattering out of the level E's exit wound, blood spraying Kaname himself as well as the shrieking little girl.
He'd never killed anything in his life. He was eight years old, and rather sheltered even for a pureblood.
Vampire development made that at that age he was already physically mature –to the point of being able to reproduce even, if he so wished—but his body's maturity didn't make him mentally prepared in any way for the bloody mess that was to follow.
The scent of the fallen level E's blood only drove the others more crazed, and soon they were in a frenetic madness, throwing themselves at the two children.
With speed born of sheer panic for the safety of the little girl behind him, Kaname downed one after the other, using only one arm because he didn't dare let go of Yuuki – he held onto her little winter coat with all he had, afraid she'd be swept away or run with fear and be out of his sight and among the enemy if he let go even for a second. Meanwhile, she hung from his leg, clinging to his coat and screaming in absolute terror as blood sprayed everywhere and the guttural cries of the hungry horde closing in on them horrified her.
Yuuki was now human, due to the spell that Juri had placed on her to seal into a deep slumber all of her vampire genes. She was deprived of her pureblood aura or senses, but however much a human's hearing may be less sensitive than a vampire's, it didn't change a thing when it came to a situation where there was nothing that could be done to escape the enemies' hungry wailing invading her mind and frightening her into complete panic.
Ironically, Kaname was now glad that the enemy had unleashed level E's on them. Pureblood or not, he wasn't sure if he'd have been able to down them all if they had been a well organized and rational group of warriors. The fact that they were mindless ex-humans driven by insane hunger made them much more predictable, and it also prevented them from using teamwork to take him down.
His muscles screamed at him from all the repeated movements, his mind growing more and more dizzy from using his power to such a level to constantly shove back and tear away the brunt of the group so they wouldn't close in on them while he fought the ones at hand. He was still too young to crush them by waves as Haruka could have done, but he was already using a level of power unbelievable for his age, strength born out of the sheer fear he felt for Yuuki's safety.
At long last, even mindless beasts understood their mistake in facing a pureblood, child or not, and the ones who were farther back but still could see the action started to finally panic and retreat, scattering into the snowy forest and the nearby hills, no doubt deciding that delicious-looking or not, this prey was too well-protected. They rushed away, intent on preying on the nearby villages where easier prey may be found.
When the last enemy was on the run, Kaname collapsed to his knees, exhausted, chest heaving as he tried to suck in more air, choking on his own breath, lungs burning from the exertion. It felt like molten lava had been poured into his chest, and he coughed as he choked, his arms shaking violently from all the swinging and crushing, the muscles burning from having been used too much in too little time.
Around them, the bodies of countless level E's were dissolving into dust, the heaps of it so high that they concealed the snow completely. It would have been a feat even for an adult, but for a child of his age, it was unthinkable. Kaname had long lost count of how many enemies he'd downed, but their numbers were astonishing. He was covered in blood, soaked from head to feet, the sticky level E filth coating his arms, his clothes, splattered all over his face, all over Yuuki, all over the snow all around them.
Yuuki was crying softly, clinging to his back like he was the only thing left in the world, and Kaname fought his aching muscles to shift back and pull her into his arms, bloodstained or not. She was almost as bloody as him anyway, and the comfort was more important for the little girl at the moment than worrying about whether he was going to get her dirtier. Now that the horror was over, the pent up emotion was breaking loose, and she sobbed softly against his chest while he hugged her tightly, gentle arms wrapping around her warm little body while he kissed her head, doing all he could to remember that she didn't have his memories and he had to be careful not to scare her further.
He jolted when he heard a female voice coming from the woods, calling out in fright "Kaname-sama!!"
A young girl about his age emerged suddenly from the woods, with a flushed face from running through the snow and smudges of blood on her nicked cheek and all over her slender arms. Strands of her short hair clung to her face, damp with perspiration, and her cargo pants and fitting Chinese top were splattered with the dark blood of the level E enemies as well.
Seiren.
She'd apparently been fighting the other end of the horde, desperately trying to get to the spot where she could feel the pureblood's aura. She was probably able to finally break through and approach after Kaname's impressive feat had scared the enemy into fleeing.
"Kaname-sama, are you hurt?!"
Kaname straightened himself, tugging Yuuki close to reassure her, glad to see the bodyguard alive and mostly unharmed –or to be more exact, future bodyguard, as Seiren was the daughter of Haruka's personal bodyguard, and destined to protect Kaname when they grew up.
He assured her that he was fine, and pulled little Yuuki into a better hold before getting up with her in his arms. Yuuki clung to his neck as he hugged her to his chest, and she broke down further into uncontrollable sobbing, not knowing that he was her beloved brother, but trusting him already with all her heart because he was her savior.
Shortly after, a human appeared in the clearing, arriving from the same direction than Seiren. A man with long blond hair, in a dark coat, a bloody sword in his hand.
The instant the man had appeared, at first Kaname had tensed, recognizing the presence of a hunter, but as soon as the blond stepped closer and out of the shadows of the tall pine trees, Kaname immediately recognized him by the exuberant scarf wrapped around his neck, before he even saw his face. The boy's tense look melted into a smile of complete relief and trust as he ran towards the man, carrying little Yuuki in his arms.
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Back in present time, Kaname tossed about in bed, his body slick with sweat, his sleep shallow and bringing him no real rest as he relived in his dream –or better saying, nightmare—the moment when he had to let go of little Yuuki.
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She clung to him with the despair of a condemned person about to be dragged away to the gallows, but he gently pried her fingers off his blood soaked sleeves, whispering reassuring words and trying to explain to her that she must trust Cross and go with him.
That might have been the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life. Not only handing her over –at that point, he still had illusions that maybe they'd be okay and be reunited after the fight was over—but also managing to reassure her and find the right words to calm her down, when in truth he was just as shaken and close to breaking into tears as she was. He wasn't that much older than her after all, a mere two years.
Cross wanted to send Yuuki to safety under Seiren's care and go back into the manor with Kaname, to look for Juri and to ensure that Haruka and her would be safe --if such a thing was possible, especially with the plans that Kaname knew they had and Cross suspected as well from the fact that little Yuuki was no longer a vampire.
Kaname didn't have the courage to tell Cross about Juri. Not only because he knew what the man felt for her, but also because Kaname himself was much too close to breaking down at the moment, and he feared he would anytime now, if he had to open his mouth to explain about his mother's death. He knew that she couldn't have survived whatever exactly it was that she did to turn Yuuki. He knew enough about the spell she'd used to know that there was no returning for the person placing one of those.
So instead, he did the only thing he could, and convinced the man that it was imperative for him to take Yuuki away before the level E's returned or the hunter armies arrived. Kaname insisted he had to go back first before he could follow them, and Cross finally relented, after promising he would do all he could to find him later, once Yuuki was safe.
They left then, with the little girl crying softly in the man's careful arms. Kaname forbid Seiren from returning to the manor with him, and instead ordered her to serve Cross and protect Yuuki with her life, for as long as she could. The girl looked torn for a second, searching his face for any signs of uncertainty, and finally resigning herself to obey when she found none. She had tears in her eyes as she saluted him and turned around to run into the night after Cross and Yuuki.
Kaname wanted to watch them retreating and wait until Yuuki was completely out of sight, but he didn't have the luxury to do so, with the little time that was left. He intended to return to the house and convince his father to escape, perhaps have the two of them go into hiding or something.
He was adamantly against his father's idea of sacrificing himself so that he could be human and escape the hunters' grasp.
But as it often is in life, one's best hopes and most determined decisions stand no chance against the ruthless whims of fate.
Kaname somehow managed to make it through the woods unfound by the hordes or the enemy army, and slid back into the manor through a window in a wing of the house that hadn't been overrun yet. He ran in the direction where he could feel his father's aura coming from, and as he neared the door leading to the main hall, he felt the ground shake almost on same time than a loud rumble resounded through the house.
The front part of the manor had collapsed into itself, Haruka's power sealing the main entry that had been bristling with enemies so much that he could no longer hold them back.
In a moment, the older pureblood had crossed the distance between them and was beside his son, startling Kaname with how fast he'd moved.
The boy was still breathless from all the running, but quickly told his father about how Yuuki was now safely in Cross' hands, and how they had to run away quickly through the unguarded side, before the hunters arrived or the council army recuperated from the distraction Haruka had created, and finished surrounding the house. Kaname was already turning around, urging his father to follow him quickly, when Haruka held him in place.
Kaname froze with foreboding, but the words his father said then still puzzled the boy completely, at first.
"Forgive me, my son…"
And then, before understanding had the time to dawn on Kaname, a wave of energy rushed through him from the spot where his father had put a hand on his shoulder, and the boy's whole body went completely limp as if any strength he might have had had faded away in one second. He fell into Haruka's arms, conscious but unable to move and utterly horrified that he hadn't foreseen that.
Haruka knew Kaname would refuse to let his father die to turn him, and the older pureblood had no intentions of endangering his offspring by wasting one more second in trying to convince him.
All he still had to do before going to join Juri in afterlife was to ensure that Kaname became human. The hunter armies where almost upon them, but once the spell was done, they would view Kaname as just a human child rescued from the vampires swarming the areas of the house that Haruka had blocked off.
Kaname would be safe, and one way or another Cross would find him and take him under his protection. Haruka knew he could trust the man. He knew Cross' devotion for Juri –and in turn for her children—was the same as his. The two men shared a tacit understanding of each other, stemming from the fact that they shared the exact same feelings for the woman they both loved.
In a way, that ironically made Haruka sometimes feel closer to the hunter than he did to his own brother, who also loved Juri, but in such a different and twisted manner.
Pushing open the door of his study with his foot, Haruka carried Kaname over to a fauteuil and gently propped him sitting down on it. The boy struggled to break out of the momentary paralysis, but it was to no avail as his father's power was too strong for him, and Haruka initiated the spell that would bind down the young pureblood's vampire genes and disguise him as a human child without memories, in the eyes of everyone, even the boy himself.
But once more, fate's cruel fangs had a way to pierce into the flesh of the best laid out plans.
Haruka had already initiated the ritual and could no longer interrupt it, when their very worst nightmare of all burst through the door. Rido.
Not only Rido, but Rido with Ichiou in tow. Their army might have been just a decoy, or perhaps it was still meant to capture Yuuki and/or Kaname, but once it failed they decided to come inside themselves.
Unable to move, Kaname watched powerless as Haruka tried to fight Rido and failed, the already initiated spell taking away all of his strength and preventing him from fighting with his full power.
The horrible images that followed had seared themselves into Kaname's memory for ever and ever, never to be forgotten. One way or another, Rido had known about the ritual. Maybe not how to actually perform it, as it was ages old and kept secret, but he'd definitely known what it was that Haruka was doing.
Ichiou and him had come there knowing, due to Rido's spying, that this was what the Kurans had planned to do for their children.
With the sadistic glee of a man who is enjoying seeing a world he didn't care for fall down in flames, Rido crushed his brother and held him down, hunter sword piercing through his chest, while the ritual Haruka had initiated came to completion, inexorable as the wheels of fate turning, and impossible to stop once it had been started.
Haruka's life and blood poured freely out of his body, not onto the body of his child that he had wanted to save, but onto that of their enemy, Ichiou, while Rido laughed with a vengeful glee at seeing his brother defeated on all fronts.
Tears running down his face, Kaname finally managed to break free from the paralysis, the sheer horror of it all snapping him out of it. But it was much too late.
Even so, the young pureblood was determined to avenge his father at least. Rido tossed Haruka's body at him, and it crumbled into a shimmering dust right as it fell in Kaname's arms.
The young pureblood bellowed in fury, and lashed out at his uncle, intending well to fight all out and take him down.
But the best intentions cannot overcome all obstacles, and inevitably Kaname lost and was captured, despite the damage he managed to cause Rido.
It was the beginning of the end…
Tossing restlessly on the bed, Kaname whimpered softly, his body instinctively curling up into a ball in an attempt to protect himself, as his dream delved into the moments after the fight with Rido, and he relived the horror that followed that fateful night.
He never saw Yuuki again after that night, but he knew she was safe. If Cross had been caught by the enemy, Ichiou would have been delighted to torture Kaname with that info, or perhaps even bring the little girl there. So at least Kaname had the solace of knowing her safe, and it was what kept him alive through the worst moments.
The young pureblood was prisoner of Ichiou for some time after the war. The conditions of his imprisonment were so horrible that he'd actually lost track of time completely, and never did find out exactly how long it lasted, but it felt like ages had passed.
By the time Ichiou had enough of his usual daily games and dragged Kaname to the brothel for a brand new type of game, the pureblood was an empty shadow of himself.
There was another rather difficult period as they 'trained' him to serve the customers, and then his life at the 'house' properly started.
Compared to the times at Ichiou's place, he assumed that it could only be less bad. Not having Ichiou around would be enough of a considerable relief to have Kaname almost think that he could be almost okay with that life. …Or at least, he thought so until they put him on the open-to-the-public list and he met the most extreme customers.
And until he found out that, far from having forgotten him, Ichiou was taking extreme delight in the young pureblood's life of servitude, and planned to come back regularly to remind him that no matter where Kaname was or what he did, he'd never be free of him. The 'house' was a mere extension of Ichiou's playroom, a place where he could still come for Kaname any time he so wished, or merely amuse himself from afar with the pureblood's daily suffering.
Kaname was trembling with rage and horror by now, tears rolling down his face at the memories that played in his mind as he slept.
However much of a façade of submission and control he may put up, it only fooled the others. No matter how much he tried to fool himself, he always came back to the same conclusion: he was as broken as ever, with no chance of ever escaping this nightmare or being whole again.
But for some mysterious reason that he couldn't fathom, the face of the silver haired customer appeared in his dream then, piercing through his despair. He couldn't possibly understand why that hunter's smile soothed him and blocked away some of the fear that was eating at him, but he inevitably relaxed slightly on the bed, his sleep becoming less agitated now that the images of Ichiou and the torture faded away, chased by Zero's presence.
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Several hours before…
New tears were welling up in Kaname's eyes, and he tried so hard to hold at least those back in. He shivered uncontrollably, sobs that he couldn't conceal racking his body as the cool air chilled his wet skin further. The pureblood jolted when he felt a soft warmth wrap around him --the hunter had placed a plush towel over his shoulders, and was gently drying his back and arms. Against his best efforts, against all that his reason told him, Kaname broke down once more, leaning into the hunter's arms, sobbing unabashedly with his face buried against the man's chest, letting go of all the broken pieces of control he'd desperately tried to hold onto and failed.
He didn't know how long he'd cried, nor when his exhausted body finally passed out in the other's protective arms, unable to think anymore, or even care where he was or what would happen to him.
.
He woke up in bed, his naked body pleasantly dry and warmly wrapped in the sheets and the bed coverlet, head comfortably propped by pillows, his aching muscles numbed by sleep, to the point that the pain was just a dull thing present in the background, rather than the lancinating agony it had been the previous day. It would be a whole different story once he was more awake or if he moved, since he hadn't had any blood yet and was healing extremely slowly, but all in all, much to his surprise he was feeling already a lot better, or at least as better as he could feel before having blood. …So much that that he suddenly realized he must have slept for hours, to be feeling that way.
A surge of panic ran through his body before he turned his head and found the hunter laying next to him with his head propped up on a hand, apparently having been watching him sleep. Kaname's face colored slightly, embarrassed that he hadn't noticed the other's presence sooner. But then, on top of the drugs blocking his abilities, he was so messed up from the recent beating that it was already impressive that he could tell where he was at all.
Zero smiled reassuringly, a soft, protective concern in his eyes when he asked "you okay…?"
Kaname nearly broke down again, at the sheer warmth that seeped from the hunter's gaze, traveling straight to his aching, wounded heart that was desperately in need for that kindness, especially now.
One instinctive glance at the ornate wooden clock on the wall told Kaname that the night was almost over. Zero had stayed next to him through the night, watching over him, comforting him when he tossed in his feverish sleep.
The hunter had done more than merely watch him sleep. He'd cradled Kaname closer, and reassured him when he saw his sleep turn more agitated. He'd held him, caressing his hair all along, whispering gentle words into his ear, until the pureblood's sleep slipped back into a more peaceful rest. Zero had stayed there for him, keeping him warm and safe all along, both from the nightmares within him and from the inevitable outside threats that would have arisen if the hunter had left shortly after the bath.
Kaname would still need to get blood to heal his wounds, and get more rest before he was able to 'work' again, but the hunter had given him the chance to rest much more than he could ever hope if he was just on his own: the 'house' would want him functional right away, the handlers wouldn't give him a moment of respite even while he was supposed to be healing, and they usually just all grew impatient and ended up putting him in the teahouse to service customers with other parts of his body while the more wounded areas were healing.
And shortly after Ichiou's visits, when Kaname was still all shaken and vulnerable, that was even worse than usual, and ended up with him failing to provide satisfactory service, and just getting punished worse.
So to actually get the luxury of not only escaping that but actually being able to sleep and rest properly was completely unexpected.
The pureblood didn't know what to think. He felt something akin to butterflies in his stomach, and the feeling of his heart swelling in surprise in his chest was only rivaled by the size of the lump in his throat.
Tears were something he tried his very best to not show any of his tormentors. They inevitably spilled out in the most brutal moments, but he still tried to control himself as well as he could, especially the rest of the time… and yet, with this hunter, he didn't know what to expect, and the man's puzzling gentleness kept taking him by surprise over and over, threatening to make him spill embarrassing tears so regularly that Kaname burned with renewed shame. But this was a bittersweet feeling, so different from the type of shame he felt when Ichiou or even the other customers touched him.
Zero's presence was soothing, in a way that the pureblood couldn't possibly comprehend. Not only did he not understand why the hunter did those things for him, but he couldn't even understand his own feelings anymore.
Fighting the lump in his throat and the tears making his eyes wet again, Kaname blurted out "Why…?"
The hunter chuckled softly, those amethyst eyes so warm that for a second Kaname had the mad wish that he could lose himself in them forever.
Zero ran a hand along the pureblood's bare arm in a soft caress, locking eyes with the pureblood and admiring the shimmering beauty of his gaze. The chocolate-brown tinge in Kaname's eyes was almost completely gone by now, the garnet-like color in them much more visible in the dark, wet and glistening beautifully from behind dark lashes heavy with tears.
"I thought we'd covered that already last time… 'Why not', remember?"
"But… I have nothing to offer you… I am nothing. You have no reason whatsoever to be nice to me." And I'm so deadly afraid that sooner or later, you'll grow tired of this game and go back to being like they all are.
Against his best hopes of keeping his cool and not opening up to anyone, Kaname was getting inevitably tangled in the other's gentle gaze, more and more unable to pull back up what little was left of his mental barriers. He felt so torn open already, so exposed bare for all to see… what little he had left, his heart, was all that he still tried to protect.
He'd grown used to the horrifying idea that he had no chances of salvaging his body, but he still had hopes that his heart at least wouldn't be completely shattered.
Ichiou had already torn him to pieces so often that there were days Kaname didn't even know if he still had a heart, but this was different.
Ichiou was a whole other problem, one he couldn't do anything to protect himself against. But Zero was just a new customer of the 'house'.
If he started falling apart to the point that he'd open up like that to any random customer, then he was lost for sure, not only in his body but also in his heart. What little he still had left would be shattered with no return.
Still too weakened to regain his composure just yet, the pureblood couldn't stop himself from letting out a soft whimper at the thought, curling up into himself further on the bed.
But Zero wasn't just any random customer of the house. And Kaname understood that a little bit more when the hunter pulled him closer again, in response to his whimper. Kaname didn't know whether Zero still thought him half awake or not, but the soothing contact was unbelievable. He'd needed it so badly… The hunter had held him during the night, but he was asleep. Now that he was awake and far more conscious than he'd been the previous evening, he could fully enjoy that contact, however much his reason told him he shouldn't wish for it. A ragged sob escaped the pureblood's lips as he burrowed against the other, burying his face into the hunter's chest while Zero held him close and whispered soothing words into his ear, lips brushing the edge of the pureblood's ear lobe, sending shivers along his whole body, not of fear but of delight this time.
No… No, don't!! You'll lose yourself completely!!
But then again, wasn't he already completely lost? Wasn't he already so utterly broken and hopeless, abandoned by all and at the mercy of constant cruelty that knew no bounds?
The edge of his abused conscience told him he was clinging to illusions, and that he'd already lost everything, so his heart was dubiously worth worrying about by now, but the pureblood still couldn't help but desperately fear the moment when the hunter would inevitably drop the mask or change his mind, and crush everything Kaname still had left.
If he came to rely on that gentleness, and then lost it, he feared what last little bastion was still standing in his heart would shatter to pieces.
But for now, before it happened… maybe he could just stop thinking?
There was nothing he could possibly do to stop the hunter from destroying him if he decided to do it. So perhaps, worrying about it before it happened was pointless, inevitable as it may be?
The pureblood couldn't simply not worry about the issue or not be conscious of how deeply vulnerable he was, but maybe… just maybe he could forget to think altogether right now.
Whatever the future may hold, for the time being, for the few hours or minutes left, maybe he could just shut off and abandon himself in those gentle arms, letting go of any rational thinking and just soaking in this warmth that he so desperately needed.
Let him be crushed later if the hunter decided to do so. Horribly dangerous as the plan was, Kaname didn't really have any other options.
The pureblood whimpered softly, snuggling closer, and the hunter's warmth enveloped him, soothing lips brushing against his ear and whispering sweet nothings, gentle fingers running through his hair, caressing him softly while the hunter's words lulled the pureblood into a semi-asleep-semi-awake state.
Despite the need to rest more and his own semi-conscious decision to just forget about thinking altogether for the moment, Kaname was deeply, instinctually afraid of what would happen once the hunter decided to leave… or even what might happen while he was asleep. He couldn't help but trust him for the time being, but he still maintained a partially watchful state, heavy-lidded eyes glazing over slightly as he slipped in and out of sleep, relaxing in the hunter's arms.
Meanwhile, Zero was terribly puzzled at himself.
He'd been acting on instinct for a while now, because the pureblood was just so tragically broken that the deepest instincts in Zero reacted to it, compelling him to pick up the pieces and try to do something, but now that the vampire was, well, as safe as he could get considering the situation, the hunter was wondering what in the world had possessed him to make him feel such an urge to protect this bloo… this person.
A day before, he'd have said 'this bloodsucker, this vampire, this beast, this slave' …any of the such. But suddenly, Kaname was a completely different thing in Zero's eyes.
The hunter inevitably thought back to something he'd often wondered. If they look so human, who's to say they don't feel pain and shame the way humans do?
Before, it had been a philosophical musing. He'd pondered on the question, absentmindedly, like he may idly ponder whether it was really decent for the cow in the field to become the steak in his plate… before shrugging it off and eating said steak.
Now, the rhetorical question had become a serious concern.
He knew that such ideas would amount to nothing in the society at large –his master had driven home the point that having such ideas was really dangerous, in fact—but Zero couldn't help thinking that regardless of what may happen to vampires in general… he felt an immense urge to hold in his arms this vampire in particular, and make things less bad for him.
It was foolish, perhaps. Most certainly.
Soothe a vampire's suffering? Counterproductive to say the least, for a hunter, no?
But then, vampires were there to service them, according to the current society. Most people choose to just do it viewing them as enemies, but there was nothing wrong with Zero spending his time in whatever way he pleased, right?
So who would know that when the pureblood and him where alone in that room, they were spending time in a peaceful manner rather than a brutal one? So what if Zero had this sudden urge? Who would ever find out and be able to point a finger to accuse him?
Who would ever believe a slave even if Kaname did tell anyone?
The hunter could do absolutely anything he wanted to the pureblood in his arms, and get away with it all the same. So he might as well just follow his instincts and see if he managed to eventually figure out why he felt so attracted by him and compelled to be gentle to him.
He was young, he had a good position in the Hunter Association, fairly good revenues… there was no reason for him not to take a favorite. After all, many hunters had slaves of choice in the 'houses', vampires who still serviced other customers all the same, but which those hunters came to visit more often than they visited another… there was no reason why Zero couldn't do the same, regardless that he was young and had only recently started coming to the blood district.
Naturally, in the others' case it wasn't done out of a gentle emotion, but rather because they enjoyed their favorite's body or in many cases took a particular pleasure in tormenting them rather than another, but all in all, in the eyes of everybody else nothing would change since no one would know that Zero visited the pureblood with a different idea.
The young hunter eyed the clock, mentally calculating when he'd have to leave to make it to the Hunter Association on time for work. This was going to be a hard day… He hadn't slept at all through the night.
He may be naturally kind and feel bad for the wounded pureblood, but he was still a hunter, and nowhere near out of his mind enough to close his eyes in the presence of a vampire, regardless that said vampire had no chance to possibly harm him. It just went against every possible instinct. So he'd stayed awake all along.
Damn… Ichiru was going to kill him for this later.
He'd left a message in their answering machine earlier, telling his brother that he'd be home really late, but he ended up not going home at all. He'd phone him later to make sure that Ichiru wasn't worried, although considering that it was by night and he was in his off-duty hours, Ichiru already knew he wasn't in mission or anything, so he wouldn't be very worried. Not that Ichiru usually seemed worried, even the times that Zero did get home later than him... Sometimes, it was almost as if he didn't care, but that was impossible, of course. Right?
Zero couldn't help but shift in bed slightly, unconsciously wanting to chase away the instinctive train of thoughts that occasionally returned to disturb him.
The small movement made the pureblood open his eyes a bit more, still half dazed and clinging to the hunter. Zero ran a hand through Kaname's hair again, and picked the moment to tell him he had to leave.
A brief flash of fear showed in the pureblood's eyes before it was carefully concealed away. In a way, Zero made him utterly open and terribly in danger of being more vulnerable as a result, but paradoxically, he also had strengthened him by providing him with the rest and support he'd needed to make a more smooth transition between his post-Ichiou mental state --completely torn apart --, and the more guarded state he usually had when he faced everybody else.
Normally, it took him a lot more time to make the transition all the way, because the handlers and other customers would go on brutalizing him shortly after the older man left, resulting in Kaname's still raw mind being thrown from a horror to another, unable to get the necessary respite to rebuild his barriers. In Zero's warm embrace however, he could rest and even –unexpectedly—relax enough to start to find himself again, a little more at least.
It meant more than he could put in words, much to his surprise.
Of all things, he never expected that the hunter would not only be so kind to him, but even provide him with a 'safe place' where he'd actually felt momentarily well enough to pull back together the shattered pieces of himself, at least as well as he could anyway, considering how broken he inevitably had been for the past ten years.
Rebuilt barriers or not, the pureblood couldn't help the deeply wistful sadness in his gaze when the bed shifted with the hunter's weight leaving it.
Kaname bit his lip to not ask the incredibly dangerous and foolish question that was dancing on his tongue. 'Will you come back?'
The hunter had helped him, for unfathomable reasons, but wishing he would return, much less wish the man would go on being so gentle… it would be nothing short of stupid.
He'd only be opening himself up for more hurt later if he let the man know that he wanted to see him again.
To the pureblood's surprise, the hunter turned back to him with a soft smile as he rearranged his clothes, and asked "Is there something you'd like from outside, such as a book or any type of food that you can't get here? I was planning to bring something to pass the time when I come see you again tomorrow."
For a split second, Kaname froze and stared at the hunter's face, not understanding the words that came out of his mouth. Then, he flushed so terribly red that he had to muster all his will to not embarrass himself further by instinctively burying his face in the pillows in a pathetic attempt to hide his flaming red face.
The hunter had seen straight through him and his hope to see him again, and worse, he offered such unthinkable things that Kaname didn't even know how to begin answering that question, and flushed even harder, if such a thing was possible.
Even with the currently dim lighting, there was no way the hunter could have missed the embarrassing blushing, but rather than feeling more concerned by that, at the moment Kaname's mind was too busy being in overload about the offer and what it implied. He tried to fight around the lump in his throat to figure out what would be the proper answer for such an offer. He'd seen a lot of things in those ten years, but hunters bringing gifts to vampires was certainly not one of them.
Once more, the hunter provided the solution to the pureblood's dilemma, interrupting his frantic search for the right answer. "It's okay if you don't know what to say. I'll bring a box of sweets or something."
Technically, tea, other beverages and many edible things were available in the 'house' if the customers so wished, but Kaname had of course never tried them, as they were for the guests, not for the slaves. With an instinctive nostalgic pang for everything that was so utterly lost, he couldn't help but wonder if the hunter's choice of snacks would be in any way be similar to things he'd eaten in the past.
The pureblood tried to get up to see the hunter to the door, but the mere movement of shifting his hips to try and sit up sent a spike of pain shooting through his body in a wave so brutal that he immediately fell back on the bed. No, moving wasn't exactly a good idea at the moment.
If he had his healing abilities, he'd be all fine by now, but with the drugs in his blood this pain could go on for days if he didn't have any blood. Of course, it wouldn't be the case, as the 'house' would ensure that he was ready for work quite soon, whether he was fully healed or just barely able to walk. Kaname would much rather have stayed in pain a bit longer instead of having to service the customers, but he didn't have a choice over any such decisions, of course.
The hunter looked back before exiting, and nodded at him, before whispering a soft "Take care…" like he did the previous time.
The pureblood was surprised enough that he nearly didn't react on time, and only nodded back right before the door closed. That man really had a knack to get him off-balance.
But against everything that Kaname's reason told him about dangerous hopes and foolish illusions, the pureblood couldn't help but lay back in bed and inhale deeply the comforting scent of the hunter on the sheets surrounding him. It made him feel so unexpectedly safe that his chest felt too tight to hold his heart in it.
Belatedly, he realized he'd forgotten to ask his savior's name.
.
.
.
[tbc]
The title for this chapter is still from a song by "HIM". XD *loves their songs for soundtrack of this fic* XD *lol*
This time, it's the opening line of "Killing Loneliness". :D
NOTE:
If you are wondering why they both behave slightly differently, it's because while they are still the same people, they have lived very different lives from the ones they had in the normal VK storyline, so it inevitably influenced their outlook of the world and the way they react to various things:
Zero still grew up among hunters, but he wasn't present at the death of his parents, and was never turned into a vampire, so his hatred for the whole species never went to the extremes it has in the series. (The death of his parents was a tragedy, but the memory of the war was still somewhat recent too, Zero didn't lose everything like he had in normal VK, and as a result in the end it didn't have exactly the same effect.)
Kaname on the other hand, is of course still a pureblood and influenced by the way he was raised, but he has also been a slave for the past ten years, and is much too used to being beaten for no reason, so by now he knows better, and is a lot more careful and submissive than he was when he'd just been captured.
On top of that, Kaname didn't go through the same things he did in the manga, of being under Ichiou's guardianship etc, so he didn't get used as much to the same type of powergames and mental struggles from the same type of more cold/calculating viewpoint. The type of abuse he's suffered after the war was a lot more direct and lacking in subtlety.
To give a more exact idea:take the innocent and trusting Kaname from the flashbacks in the manga (yes, that Kaname that chairman Cross would say was so innocent and each time cutely fell for whatever story the chairman made up), and then imagine how he might turn out if instead of having had to learn to manipulate people under his authority, he was captured while still innocent and gentle, and was completely traumatized by years of abuse and slavery. (I'm going with the setting that vampires hit puberty earlier than humans, for survival reasons.)
Keep in mind this is AU, so a lot of the settings are different, some just a little, others a lot, so of course that inevitably affects how the characters are, even if they are still the same characters. ;D Certain details change.
