Hidden Machines
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon.
The Pointless Waterfall of Distortion
"Dawn, no, don't go in there again!"
Lucas was panicking slightly (majorly) as his girl friend (note: girl friend, not girlfriend; never!) giddily leaped into the twisted dimensional warp floating in the middle of Turnback Cave.
"Dawn!"
The girl disappeared through the portal. Lucas moaned and then ran through it as well. He closed his eyes as the dimensional rift engulfed him in a nasty sensation of being pulled apart and reassembled. He opened his eyes and found himself in the Distortion World for the first time in his life. He quickly glanced around but failed to find Dawn.
"Dawn?"
"Yeah?"
The sound came from above him. Lucas looked up and paled at the sight of Dawn standing on a piece of earth floating upside down.
"What are we doing here?" Lucas asked carefully, attempting to control his mounting panic. Dawn giggled.
"It'll be fun! Come on, follow me!"
"How?"
"That's all part of the fun! I've got this place memorized like the back of my hand, and you should too!"
Lucas whimpered slightly and tentatively jumped forward onto another piece of floating earth. The erratic force of gravity in the strange world allowed him to jump a huge distance. He found himself staring at a veritable wall of dirt.
"Now what?" called Lucas.
"Figure it out yourself!"
Lucas gulped. He analyzed his surroundings and quickly realized that he needed to step onto the wall. He shut his eyes tightly and whispered, "Dawn, you're dead after we get out," before hopping firmly onto the wall and planting his two feet down at the same time. Even as he knew he would stay on the wall he expected to fall down and crumple on the ground. Instead, the world turned abruptly and he was standing up instead of sideways.
He was already gasping for air (being a professor's assistant generally did not require one to do such brain-bending tasks) as he navigated his path to Dawn. Then, frightening him so badly that all he wanted to do was curl into a ball, a huge mass of plant-like things sprouted out of the ground as though spring had suddenly decided to happen.
He took a furtive step forward and jumped backwards in fright as the plants shrank and others grew.
"Lucas, hurry up!"
By now, the fear was diminishing and an irate emotion was beginning to replace it. If looks could kill, even Arceus would have been severely pained by the glare that Lucas was sending to Dawn.
A good million years later (everything's distorted in the Distortion World…), Lucas had plopped down next to Dawn, who was waiting for him patiently.
"Your first time in the Distortion World can be a bit traumatizing," Dawn said sympathetically, "but at least you didn't have to save the world from imminent doom and get scared into a few seizures by Giratina flying overhead and screaming at you. Or battle Cyrus in the ultimate battle determining the doom of the universe. Speaking of Cyrus, I'm pretty sure he's still in here somewhere…"
"Why did we come here?" seethed Lucas. Dawn smiled happily and pointed at the reason: a huge wall of water in front of them.
"An… upside-down waterfall? Or… a waterfall that flows up?"
"Oh, it only looks like it's flowing up to us," Dawn said. "I've gotten very good at the theories and things of this place. It's flowing down if you're at the bottom of the waterfall."
"What is the point?" hissed Lucas.
"Manaphy, Phione, let's go!" Dawn called, sending out the Seafaring and Sea Drifter Pokémon. "Lucas, you can ride on Phione. Just grab its antenna thing, okay?"
Lucas hesitated.
"Won't it hurt them?" he asked even as Dawn firmly latched on to Manaphy's antennae.
"It's fine," Dawn said carelessly (although Lucas noticed that Manaphy was crying already).
"I think I'll pass," Lucas said. Phione, who had been leaking tears, suddenly smiled up at the assistant. Dawn shrugged.
"Alright, Manaphy, use Waterfall!"
"Huh?"
Manaphy sighed, wiped away its tears, and dove into the water, pulling along an enthusiastic Dawn.
"WHEE!"
The pair slowly moved down the waterfall and eventually reached the end of it, where they appeared upside down to Lucas.
"You don't actually have to use Waterfall," Dawn said casually as she and Manaphy rode back up the water. "It's just fun."
"Why don't you have to use Waterfall?" Lucas asked, curiosity peaked even as his temper flared.
"Because the gravity here is messed up, so you can swim against the water," Dawn said as she landed next to Lucas again. "Manaphy, thanks! Return!"
The girl turned to Phione, who whimpered and hid under Lucas's beret. The boy in question wriggled uncomfortably.
"Looks like Phione likes you!" Dawn said brightly. "Here, take its Poké Ball. You can have it! I've bred at least thirty-six more."
"I have no words to say," Lucas muttered as he accepted the Poké Ball. "Phione, come on. Return. Now, Dawn… YOU DRAGGED ME HERE TO USE WATERFALL ON A WATERFALL THAT DOESN'T EVEN NEED YOU TO USE WATERFALL? WHAT KIND OF STUPIDITY IS THIS?"
Dawn shrugged.
"It's fun. Sort of."
"Pointless girl," seethed Lucas.
Extra:
"I see that you have returned… Dawn, if I remember correctly?"
The duo jumped at the cold voice and turned slowly. Lucas gulped. Dawn, on the other hand, cheerily waved at the creepy old man standing before them.
"Hey Cyrus! How are you?"
"I am fine, thank you. And you?"
"Great! What do you think of this world so far?"
"It's lovely. I am content to stay here for the rest of my life."
"How old are you now?"
"It is my deathday today. I am seventeen-trillion-sixteen-billion-five-million-two-thousand-nine-hundred-twenty-one years dead as of today." Again, the alternate dimension of Giratina was known as the Distortion World for a reason, or perhaps, many reasons.
"Oh, congratulations! By the way, how do you survive without food in this place?"
"I do not. It is my deathday for a reason."
"Oh, so you've been dead for that long?"
"Yes. Why are you not dead? You have been in here for at least a million years."
"I'm awesome, that's why. Lucas here… well, he's with me, so he's at least protected by my veil of awesomeness."
"Ah. Very well. Good day."
And with that, the creepy old man with blue hair walked away.
"He's much nicer that he was before," Dawn observed. "I should come visit him more often. He needs some company."
Lucas blinked.
"Come on, let's go," sighed Dawn. She gazed longingly at the Waterfall one last time. "Or maybe… we can play some more –"
"No. Just – no."