A/n: I'm sorry this is so short! I have a deadline for my thesis soon and I've had to put all my writing energy into that, instead of this. It's truly horrible. I just managed to write this out, for I had it in mind already, but the rest will have to wait a little longer.

My apologies!

Chapter 6

Epov

I didn't know what to do. Bella seemed to be hiding and folded into herself to the point that she didn't seem to be able to find her way out. It tore me into pieces, seeing her so distressed. She couldn't look at me, couldn't face me or talk to me. If I tried saying anything she started to panic, and if I asked to touch her, to try and calm her down or help her through the pain and shame in any way it only made things worse.

I wanted to ask Carlisle to come, hoping he had any professional suggestions to make. At least he could tell me whether this was normal or not. Should I be worried that something more was going on mentally? Was she losing touch with reality? But how could I bring her back without the risk of traumatizing her further?

I didn't dare do anything. Even the smallest attempts were met with horror and panic. Was it me who was doing something wrong? That thought caused me more pain and horror, though I was certain it was a far cry from what Bella must be feeling.

If only killing someone could make undone what they did. I would break the promise I made to myself. I would make myself a murderer again, even taking the chance of losing the love of the creature that was dearest to me, if it meant I could take away what Bella had gone through, and was going to have to deal with from now on.

I hovered just outside the bedroom door as night fell. I turned on the lights, hoping to create a safer atmosphere for Bella, trying to anticipate any fears she could have. Would she be afraid of the dark? She'd be afraid of many things. My mind worked furiously at trying to construct plans and strategies that might save Bella from unnecessary pain, anxiety or distress. But without her communicating with me it was all mere guesswork, based on the research I'd done.

If only I could run out and get some medicine to put her to sleep. At least she'd been calmer and more peaceful then. It would only delay things though. It would only keep the misery back for so long.

Alice and Jasper would be here by the early morning, assuming they'd taken the first available night flight, which knowing Alice's tenacity, and knowing Jasper's efficiency and resourcefulness, they had. I checked my cell-phone. No messages. That meant everything was going well. Only a few hours and they'd be here to get Bella what she needed.

Jasper would be of great help to figure out how Bella was doing, even if she couldn't express it verbally. I had a good idea of course, but that was just a broad sketch. I wanted, I needed to know exactly what she was feeling, what she was thinking, what she was fearing, so that I could counteract anything that needed to be counteracted. I wanted to make it right, I needed to fix it, despite the tiny part of me telling me that that wasn't really what she needed…

Alice could help the most, probably. I suspected she could take care of Bella in a way that I, as a man and as her lover, couldn't. Bella had always trusted her.

And They could both help me too. They could tell me if I was doing this completely wrong. Maybe I should just take Bella right to hospital. But I just couldn't bring myself to do anything against her will.

I was worried about Bella's physical state though. About her being sick, but also whether she'd sustained any injuries, or if something should be done in terms of her reproductive system. The presence of semen on her clothes meant that no condoms were used. Both sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy were horrible, but real possibilities. Something should be done about that soon.

But I wanted to ask her. Not only did I need her to tell me what she felt and what she knew about her own condition, I also wanted to let her lead in any decision-making. What if she didn't want Carlisle here? I couldn't call him before I knew that. Alice and Jasper were already on their way, Bella would understand that there was hardly anything I could do to stop Alice.

But for everything else, I wanted to put Bella in control. I knew both instinctively and from my research that that was the best for her. It was the only way for her to fight her way out of this. I knew she was capable, I had absolute faith in her.

Right now she was shutting down, though, and I found myself unsure what to do right now. I could no longer stand back and give her space. I could no longer hear her gasps as she tried to cry silently and pretend I was doing something else out here. What was best for her? This conflict was unbearable!

I busied myself with the soup again. As soon as it was ready I poured out a bowl. I picked up a spoon and banana in my other hand. I hoped that eating the soup would work up her appetite, though I doubted it.

I set all this and a new bottle of water on the nightstand beside her. Bella was still rolled into a ball, facing away from me. I couldn't just leave her here, I couldn't ignore her quiet sobs shaking her frame.

"Bella…" The sound of her sweet name reverberated in the room. She stopped crying, but stopped breathing again as well. I frowned and walked around the bed swiftly. Then I laid down beside her, figuring it might be better to put myself at her height. I kept as much distance as the mattress allowed though.

Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, her cheeks were wet and blotchy red ad her eyes were swollen and res as well. My heart tightened further at the sight. I took a pack of tissues from the nightstand drawer on my side and laid it between us, within her reach.

"Some tissues, if you want." I offered. Her breathing re-started, a little stunted but calmer, and her eyes opened slowly, her chocolate irises drawing me in once more. Her hair was stuck to her humid cheeks and mouth and I resisted the urge to push it back. How long would it be before I could touch her again, I wondered sadly.

A few minutes passed in silence as the night wore on. We simply stared at each other. I didn't dare disturb the delicate balance that I had found, so I kept my expression open and warm. Her eyes reflected slight panic, conflictedness, pain, fear and shame. What was she thinking now?

The soup was pretty much cold now, I could smell it. But I didn't dare get up to warm it up again, didn't dare break the eye-contact I finally had managed to maintain with her. I also wanted her to eat. She looked exhausted, sick and frail enough to have me worried plenty just about insufficient nutrition.

"I made some potato-leek soup if you want. I added an onion and a few carrots. I wasn't sure if that would improve the taste. You should tell me if it's horrible." I chuckled encouragingly, hoping she'd smile even just a tiny bit.

She didn't, but her expression did relax. Another few minutes passed. She still didn't move, but I could hear from her breathing that her nose was obstructed and it was making her uncomfortable. Her eyes flitted to the pack of tissues.

"Go on, play some trumpet for me."

Bella's eyes snapped back to me, her expression one of disbelief, as if she were questioning my sanity. I chuckled again. It was funny seeing the surprise on her face. Usually Emmet was the one saying silly things to lighten the mood. And it worked in most cases. Without him around I had to improvise. I didn't mind sounding silly or stupid, I was just happy I seemed to finally be breaking through Bella's state of extreme distress and desperation. She needed relief from the tension.

Finally, hesitatingly, Bella took out a tissue, turned around to face away from me and blew her nose. This gave her the opportunity to see the food I had brought.

"It smells good." She blubbered with her runny nose. Oh Bella, even in this state the first thing she thought of was to give me a compliment.

"Try it?" I pushed. "It might not taste as well as it smell thought." I joked. The humor seemed to be working, so I decided to keep it up.

"I…" Bella grimaced as she stared at the bowl of soup that was probably just room temperature now. "I'm not sure I won't be sick again." She looked down and fumbled with the sheets, definitely embarrassed. She was thinking of the bit of mess she'd left for me to find. The smell hadn't exactly been pleasant, but it didn't smell that much worse than human food. And I'd been much too worried about Bella to care about cleaning up some vomit.

Besides, the worst-smelling thing by far, the thing that I had been revolted to touch, was now hidden in two zip lock bags and pushed at the back of the cupboard under the bathroom sink. It seemed childish of me. But what else was I supposed to do with it?

"Don't you worry about any of that." I assured her. "Just try a little, so I know if you like it, or if I have to prepare something else." If she could just hold down a few spoonful's, even that would help. If only to convince her she wouldn't throw up again.

She breathed in deeply once, her face becoming that determined mask when she decided to do something she didn't want to do. She picked up the bowl and cradled it in her lap on top of the sheets as she started to eat. I waited patiently for her to say something, but instead she started to cry silently again a few spoonful's in. I took the bowl away from her when it became too difficult for her to keep eating.

I panicked. Had I pushed her too much? Did she feel forced to eat? I'd kept telling myself to let her decide! Had I really gone too far? What was happening?

"Bella…" I trailed off as I set the bowl and spoon back on the nightstand on my side. She'd barely reached halfway. Maybe cold soup just wasn't tasty at all. I'd heard of humans eating cold soup, though… "Bella, talk to me. What's wrong?" Somehow I didn't think she could get this upset over cold soup.

"You…you made me soup." She sniffled and blew her nose again, her tears kept coming. Her breathing sped up more and more until she was gasping again.

So she was upset over cold soup? "I'm sorry if it's bad." I apologized, not finding any joke worth making this time. "I'll make you something else, or I'll order something. Anything you want, just tell me." I pleaded, my hands itching to take her in my arms, to touch her, to rock her back and forth as she was now doing on her own as she attempted to comfort herself.

"No." She shook her head, her voice breaking over the one short word. Her cries and her panic intensified, just like before. What had gone wrong? I didn't understand! "I can't…just eat soup you made….for me. Not after…what happened." She managed to speak between her sobs.

Of course I knew exactly what she meant, though I was still lost as to how this related to my soup. I opened my mouth but couldn't quite figure out what to say. Instead I just asked her for an explanation. "What do you mean?"

Her cries doubled in intensity a she burst into more tears. Her hands clenched into fists and sheheld then pushed tightly against her lips. Lord, what had I done! I couldn't do anything right! I begged Alice and Jasper to come faster. I was at a complete loss. My hands hovered near her, ready to catch her if… if what?

"I cheated on you." She spoke barely above an audible whisper, the words muffled by the fists in front of her mouth. The sheets in her lap were drenched at this point. I stared at the wet spot for a moment, not knowing how to respond for a full second, a long time for a vampire.

And then it was there again. Rage of such nature that only one person could keep me from acting on it. Luckily that person was next to me, crying her heart out. But my wild murder fantasies were back, playing in the back of my mind.

"Bella." I spoke, a little more harshly than I had intended. But I was determined to set this straight. This was not something I could let her believe, let her destroy herself with. I understood now why she'd cried about the soup. It was out of guilt. She thought she was guilty of cheating on me, and it was probably the most ridiculous thing she'd ever thought or said to me, neck and neck with her belief that she wasn't pretty enough for me and that I didn't love her.

She didn't look at me when I spoke her name, and this time I really wanted her to see my eyes as I spoke the words, so that she could see how true they were. I sat in front of her and slowly took her fists, which she was still pushing against her lips. I didn't try to pry them away by force. I just slightly pulled to let her know what I wanted. It took some time, but after a while she finally released her muscles and let me take her hands away from her face.

With this first step done I trailed my fingers up her wrists, and when she didn't react badly I kept going up her arms, over her shoulders, her neck and up to her cheeks, where I brushed away the flowing tears. I finally pushed her wet and sticky hair behind her ears and then lightly held her head up so she'd look at me, leaving her room to pull away if she wanted. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel trapped.

"My beautiful, wonderful Bella." I said when I had her attention again. "I married you. Because I love you so much that I could never imagine not spending every moment of my existence alongside you. I…" I had to remind myself not to get lost in a monologue of how much I loved her. "I know you, Bella, probably better than you do yourself. At least for some things. I also know how other people are, definitely better than you do. You wouldn't believe…what people think sometimes. Even humans can be monsters, I assure you. So there is absolutely, not a single doubt in my heart and mind that this was not your choice. This was not your fault. There is nothing" I said that word a little too savagely, and I had to push the murderous fantasies back again, lest Bella should see my own black thoughts in my eyes, "that made it in any way acceptable for those…men…to do…that…to you." And every word rang true as I said it. I held between my hands the most precious, the most pure being I had ever encountered on this earth. And these abominations had done this to her. There was no way in a hundred millennia that I was going to let her feel guilty about it. Or at least I wouldn't keep quiet about it.

A/n: I hope this is okay for you guys. I've done a little research on the subject, but not nearly enough to really be confident that I'm portraying this right. So don't hold it against me if you think it should be different. I don't claim to be absolutely right on anything on this subject.

This aside I hope you still enjoyed the read :)

Aoiika