Suddenly the world was awfully quiet to James. He blinked in the weak October sunlight that filtered through the tall, thin windows. He was in the infirmary though he couldn't really remember why. Maybe it had something to do with the pain which was seeping into his bones and the chemical haze in his mind. He was warm though, the air was still and he felt safe in the comfortable haze.

He hummed quietly, his hand closing around a smaller, cold hand within his grasp. He heard a small gasp and let his head loll towards the source. "Hey Lilyflower." he slurred in what he thought was a suave way.

"Hey, Potter." She teased gently, clearly relieved as she squeezed his hand back. "How're you feeling?" She asked.

"Shit." He answered honestly. "How long was I out?"

"It's Tuesday afternoon, so the better part of three days."

"How long have you been here?" He said, coughing weakly.

"The better part of three days" she repeated the answer with soft eyes

"Lily Evans missed class just to sit by a comatose for three days?" He asked, feeling a little more like himself again.

"Not even old Clearwater would be mad enough to predict that." Sirius grinned as he walked in, a slight limp replacing his usual swagger. "Nice to see you in the land of the living, Prongsie, you had us worried."

"Some more so than others." Remus added meaningfully as he followed, shooting a glance at the abashed Peter who was hot on his heels.

"Did any of you cry by my deathbed?" James battered his eyelashes at them.

"Awake less than a minute and he's insufferable." Sirius teased.

"Says you … Anyway, it was hardly your deathbed. Nurse Lily saw to that." Remus grinned

"seeing as you two are best buds now it's totally okay for me to imagine that. Right Prongsie?" Sirius smirked.

"Imagine all you like, Black. It's as close as you're going to get." Lily shot back with a smirk, though James looked like a lot of anger was trying and failing to raise its head through his sedated state.

"Ohhhhh, little Lily learned how to banter with the big boys." Sirius crowed.

Lily smiled as the boys settled around them. "Old Clearwater says he did foresee this though, didn't he?" she asked.

"Oh yeah." Peter said, speaking for the first time. "He was telling everyone in Divination how he'd had a vision of James doing something noble and heroic that would kill him."

"You can be a self-righteous little git." Sirius nodded. They all laughed. The relief at James regaining consciousness seemed to have made them all buoyant.

"What else did I miss then?" He asked, wincing as he sat up, carefully maintaining his hold on her hand.

"Well Sirius took a dive off a broom and fractured his tibia, I met your mum and it turns out that that girl Sirius was getting off with in the cupboard at the party was the girlfriend of the Hufflepuff beater. He decided to hex the bludger to attack Sirius as recompense … that's why they were so erratic… James?" Lily said, concerned by how he had suddenly paled.

"You met my mother? When?" He demanded.

"She came in to see you yesterday and she stayed most of the day with us, just talking." She smiled "Apparently you were a hilarious baby." She smirked.

"Oh god no." he murmured. "Did she bring photos?" He asked, looking to Sirius when Lily didn't answer.

"Sorry mate, I was doped." he answered.

"Only the few in her bag she always carries." Remus assured James.

They all fell into a comfortable conversation, though it was clear that James was tiring and starting to struggle as the afternoon wore on into evening. As the sun started to fall Madam Pomfrey ushered them out, insisting they had stayed long enough and that now all they could do for James was to let him rest. The boys reluctantly left but James' hand tightened on Lily's so she hung back with him. "What is it, James? I have to go." She whispered.

"Will you come back, under the cloak?" he asked.

"I think for tonight you need to rest … If you're in here tomorrow night we will."

"No ... Just you. I like having you all here but I just need someone peaceful, someone to help me." He said, clearly embarrassed at having to admit it.

"Okay, tomorrow night, just us." She promised, smiling fondly as she smoothed his mad hair back from his face. "I need to stop looking after you." She sighed, knowing he wouldn't stay this vulnerable for long. Once he had recovered she wouldn't be able to be like this with him. She tried to convince herself that that wouldn't be an issue.

"Thank you Lils for everything … It's a date." James gave her a cocky grin, already falling asleep.

Lily smiled down at him as his hand loosened its grip on hers as he succumbed to his exhaustion. "You bet it is." she whispered, laying his hand gently on his chest and leaving, nodding respectfully to the matron as she left, getting a goodnight in return. She was about to round the corner that would take her to the grand staircase. Dinner was just starting in the hall but she intended to go back up to her dorm and catch up on sleep and work but a hand shot out and pulled into an alcove.

"What the he- Sirius?" She asked.

"Listen, Lily. I've tried to ignore it for James' sake. To be honest I haven't seen him as happy as he has been this term since before his dad passed. But I don't like how you're leading him on." Sirius said far more seriously than Lily was used to.

"Is this because of the hand holding thing?" She asked, taken aback by the conversation. "Because I'm just trying to help him. He needs someone to comfort him, to help him. It isn't going to be an easy recovery like yours was..." She said, winding her free arm around herself "and besides, I am not bloody leading him on, you know how it is with us."

"Do I, Lily?" He asked "Cos I don't think anyone does. Not your friends, not me or Remus. To be honest I don't think you two know either. We're all walking on egg shells here. You both need to sort this out."

"I can't fix what I don't understand. James doesn't see me the way you all think he does. Were mates just the same as you and he are." she insisted.

"I don't think that's true Lily, James and I aren't having fucking eye sex every two minutes and I'm not in there holding his hand to comfort him on his death bed." He hissed.

"Thank you for making your position on me so clear, Black." She said, pulling her arm back. "I'm sorry I've been such an inconvenience but I promise I'm not trying to take him away from you." She said harshly.

Sirius gave her a knowing look as the confused and fearful expression settle on her face. "It' okay Lily ... I'm sorry I - " He sighed. "I'm telling you the truth now. He never once asked you out for a joke and I think you were right to turn him down but he won't ask you again. He's too scared you'll say no. I don't want to see him hurt so if you aren't interested let him know." He gave her a forced smile and walked away; leaving her in the alcove as he slipped into the great hall. Sometime later she remembered how to walk, turning and moving away. Tears were pricking at her eyes as she stormed away. She didn't want to think about this. What was the point? Worryingly, she didn't know whether or not James saw her as Sirius seemed to think he did, and more worrying yet, she didn't know how she felt about that. Slowly she climbed the winding path back to her bed up in the Gryffindor dorms.

…

October wore on just as slowly as James' recovery seemed to. It soon became apparent that the next Gryffindor game would be in late November and there was a high probability that James wouldn't be ready to play. "After the whole bludger thing, no one's that keen to fill in for me out there … You'll be good to play, right Pads?" James asked, wincing as Remus helped him into a large armchair by the fire of Gryffindor common room.

"Yeah, of course, Prongsie." He nodded. "I'll take seeker if you want, actually I'll play anywhere." Sirius said, flopping down onto the sofa opposite the chair. James nodded with a sigh as the others settled, pulling out work as they splayed themselves around on the rug.

"We could move one of the chasers to fill in as a beater for you, but who?" James frowned.

"That new one in sixth year who's built of muscles but ain't all that bright?" Sirius asked, looking over at James.

"Ah Gregson" he nodded. "That leaves us a chaser short; we should be able to sort that."

"What about Remus or Peter?" Lily asked, shifting a little to warm her back before the fire. They both protested far too quickly, insisting that they were too clumsy, that they would bring shame upon Gryffindor for all time. She chewed her lip, nodding at this information.

"Oh well, at least they're discounting the points Hufflepuff won." Remus tried to reassure them, it didn't really work.

Another few days and James was just waking with a slight limp though he still tired easily.

…

"Lily? What the hell are you doing up there? Get down here." And with the sound of James Potter's voice, Lily's beautiful escape drained away from her. She looked at the green of the quidditch pitch far below her, its expanse pierced by a boy, pale face upturned to watch her, fear and fury in his eyes.

It was the week before Halloween and James' recovery seemed to be progressing a little better; he limped a little less now though he still tired alarmingly fast. It was in one of the long sleepy stupors he often succumbed to that she had slipped away. Giving a breezy lie about potions essays and charging James' care to Remus, she knew he was capable of it. Instead she had slipped out into the grounds, the heavy fog as her cover, and taken to the air.

Flying released her. It was her cure for anything at it was her secret. There was no drama or conspiracy when she wound the hoops. All of the worries from exams to Death eaters melted away from, as tough she could urge her broom fast enough to leave them in her dust. But now James Potter was intruding on her sanctuary, shaking its foundations so much she wasn't sure how she had ever thought it secure in the first place. There was a reason that very few people knew that Lily would sneak out to fly, the reason being she didn't want James to know. Her heavy heart dragged her down to the ground faster than James's anger.

"What the hell are you doing out here, Potter?" She snapped, his threat making her defensive. He frowned at his surname, the change in her attitude threatened to give him whiplash, just an hour ago she had been holding his hand by the common room fire, smiling and laughing.

"Whoa Lils. What are you doing here? You don't fly" He said soothingly.

"I do fly. You just didn't know. Is there a reason I shouldn't be here?" She demanded, fingers tightening around the broom on an effort to calm her.

"We couldn't find you, we were worried." He sighed, making Lily feel intensely guilty on top of the injustice of having her escape stolen from her.

"You knew where I was … the map …"

"Peter has it, and no one's seen him all day" he told her. She soon relaxed, sitting on the damp lawn, James stiffly joining her.

"So you can fly, Lils?" He asked

"Evidently so." She nodded.

"Show me?" He smiled. An interesting thing happens when you put two show offs together, the competition raises the stakes so high that the pace of the game can't help but follow, so it was with Lily's flight. Having an expectant James before her made it all the more vital she do this well, as though it would win her back her escape. For ll this time she had hidden. Now there was no reason to, she was free to show her skills.

"This Lily is a QUAFFLE" He said, summoning the mentioned ball. Her eyebrows shot up. Did he honestly believe that after seven years in the wizarding world she didn't know the rules of quidditch? It was practically an insult. Before he could say another word Lily had snatched the ball and shot into the air, weaving and twirling in the most skilful way she could manage, showing her full potential. She then fell into the position of a chaser in one of James' training plans she had heard him explaining. She followed the tactic as though there was a game raging around her, finally moving to effortlessly throw the ball through a hoop from a considerable distance. She let the ball freefall until it had a large head start on her. She pointed the nose of the broom down vertically until she was in a steep dive. A quick glance at James' face proved that the display was having the desired effect; he was awed and a little terrified at her trajectory. The pitch was her stage. A foot from the ground she plucked the ball from the ground, pulling her broom up sharply so she sped away from the ground.

She did a few languid rounds of the stadium on the way back to him. "This James. Is a quaffle" She said, pressing the ball into his chest with the barest hint of a self-satisfied smile.

"That was … amazing" HE said after a while of staring at her, she nodded simply.

"Yes, I am." She said, frowning at his confusion.

"Lils, why did you never try out for the team? We've been looking for a player like u for years" He said, exasperated.

"Isn't it obvious James?" She asked, sighing when he shook his head. "It was already fifth year when I got really into flying, you were already captain by then. If I'd turned up to try outs and you'd put me on the team … you know what it would have looked like." James nodded; he had been so vocal in his affections for her it would have looked like he was letting her on the team just to score points with her, no pun intended.

"Surely they would have realised I'd put you through for skill after they'd seen you fly, seen you play like that? Do you really care about rumours like that so much so that it'll stop you playing what you love?" He guiltily realised that it had been him blocking her from her hobby, forcing her to sneak out to the pitch to practice with no one else about.

"Who ever found the truth preferable to a rumour?" She asked with a sigh, someone would always believe it was bias that got me in. I like to be judged fairly, on my abilities and this is my sanctuary, I can't have whispers tearing it apart." Whispers were like fire, consuming the halls of Hogwarts, student by student. "It was bloody hard practicing without you finding out" She said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"How did you, then?" He asked; attention caught.

"I sneak out at night or in bad visibility. In the holidays I went to the forest by Alice's house and we practiced together. You know all times you asked me to Hogsmede? There was a reason I couldn't go …"

"You hated me."

"That too …" She blushed

"You were practicing while I was gone." He realised, his tone incredulous. She nodded with a smile.

He considered for a moment, looking at her. She was soaked through from the fog, the patriotic red and gold dulled by the dim afternoon light and water. Her cheeks and nose were pink from the biting cold and her anger at his intrusion seemed to have a bated. She looked relieved. She didn't have to hide anymore; they both knew there was a way for her to play. "Take the chaser spot in the next game, Lily. She raised a hand to pull her damp hair pout of the ponytail it was in, giving her a moment to consider. "We both know people would make the same assumption" She said carefully. They were treading close to the line that would make them talk about the elephant in the room. Sirius wanted them to declare themselves, but how could she when she was only becoming more and more uncertain herself?

"No one would assume that, Lily." He said softly. "We're not like that now."

"We're constantly together and more often than not we're holding hands, people are already talking" she sighed.

"Is that really a problem?" he asked, looking at her intently.

"I don't know James … I really don't … maybe soon it won't be but I don't know." She looked down, not wanting to see his reaction, wondering if this is what Sirius meant by leading him on. She blinked in surprise as he took her hand gently, loosely enough for her to pull away from him, she considered it too. It transpired that her fingers curled around his, the elephant went back to its corner of the room and they went back to their safe buffer zone of limbo.

"Just … consider flying for us, Lily. Gryffindor deserve a good game. I think we could find a way to keep rumours at bay" he smiled.

He continued before she could argue. "Come on Lily, you'll freeze if we don't get in soon" he started to lead her along until she could no longer argue. She wanted him in the warm as he wanted her to be, him getting pneumonia would really screw him over right now.

"Fine." She sighed, trudging through the mud. It was just starting to rain as they entered the castle, winding their way back to the common room through secret passages at a leisurely pace. The common room was empty, unusual for a Friday evening.

"Are they all at dinner?" James asked, Lily shook her head slowly.

"Ended hours ago" She frowned before shrugging it off. "I'm gonna get cleaned up and do the reading for McGonagall." She smiled, letting go of his hand, heading for the girls staircase.

"Don't forget the charms practice too." He called after. She nodded and smiled to him uncertainly before she ducked into the staircase.

She was smiling as she jogged up the stairs, broom over her shoulder. She pushed the dorm door open easily. "Oh you're all up here, we wondered where everyone was." She said, throwing her broom onto her bed. It hadn't landed before she noticed that something was very wrong. Her four dorm mates were all grouped together, watching her silently. Mary and Alice were sitting on Alice's bed, arms around each other tightly, Mary wasn't looking at her at all, pale and fragile, Alice looked ill. Lily glanced at Marlene who was leaning uncomfortably against a bed post and then to Dorcas; she looked venomous and vindictive, a combination that was never a good thing.

"What's going on?" She asked, taking half a step backwards, winding her arm around herself, as though it would rebuff her uncertainty.

"Where were you Lily?" Dorcas asked simply.

"Out on the pitch, I told Alice …" She said, nonplussed.

"Why did you go out when you did?" She asked again. Lily didn't like the accusation in the interrogation, tripping over herself to keep up with Dorcas put her on the back foot.

"You know why" She snapped defensively. "So none could see me."

"You came in with James" it wasn't a question.

"Yes"

"So he was with you on the pitch."

"He found me there"

"You flew for him?"

"Yes, is that a problem?" She asked indignantly.

"So you flew for him when you won't for us? I thought all the cloak and dagger was so he wouldn't find out and then you just show him"

"I chose to, I really don't see how it has anything to do with you. If you must know, he's already seen me." Lily snapped.

"You spend a lot of time with them now Lily. "

"Mary wanted me to get to know them; it's not my fault that we get on now."

"Well don't let us get in your way, it's time you left."

"Excuse me?" She asked incredulously, walking to her bed. She picked up her broom and went to sit, barely catching herself as Dorcas vanished her bed. "What on the name of merlin is wrong with you?" She raged.

"We won't be second best anymore lily. This will hurt less" Marlene said, not looking at her. Mary and Alice were crying now.

"Where would I go?" She asked blankly, looking to them.

"Anywhere but here" Dorcas cut in. "Go to your marauder seeing as its them you chose."

Lily's final barrier broke, she bypassed anger and defensiveness, turning on her heel and leaving the room with stiff, unnatural movements. She didn't hear the sob behind her. Once the door was slammed on her back she was running down the stairs, tears streaming down her face.