Chapter 6:
Patrokolos was slashing at DumbMare with vigor and powerhouse. "DIE YOOOO MALFESTED SCUUUMMMM!" He faggoted. DumbMare merely stood still. Patrokolos continued besting on DumbMare's armor, but it did nothing. With each hit DumbMare cackled. "mwa-" *HiT* "aha-" *ClAnK* "yahau-" *ClNk* "ahahaha!" Patrokolos flew into a tantrum. "ITS NOT FAIR! Mother would never have let this happen... She would have given you a spanking for sure... you... YOU... GAYFAGGOT!-" at that moment, Patrokolos's soda can began to glow and time froze. "Wha-!?" Patrokolos cried out in shock. He faded from existence and into a pillarous location. A woman with wings stood before him. "Mo-mother?" He moaned, letting his pants fall down as his dick released a stream of cherry-goodness, known as Patrokoloa. "Son..." She stroked his head... And then bashed it in with a sledgehammer. Patrokolos felt his skull shatter into twelve defined pieces - and watched as they fell down to earth- becoming fragments of Soul Calibur. "WHY MOTHER..." He grew weak. "BECAUSE YOU DARED TO DEFY YOUR MOTHER'S WISHES. BURN IN EARTH YOU SCUM. I HAVE NO SON." As he fell farther down from space slowly approaching Earth's atmosphere he had an epic eliding epiphany! Z.W.E.I., Patrokolos's friend from the past,'s wolf_ was actually a lobo_ ! That sly bastard had tricked Z.W.E.I. into picking an older generation model that was not worth the money or the time! Oh and he realized why his mother did this to him. He had said "GAYFAGGOT", a word which his mother had marched against during her early years. Patrokolos recalled him and Pyrrha sitting in bed together, naked and gently fucking while his mother told them a folk tale which was actually related to the current world events. "And so kids, that is why the terrible land of the United States will never function." His mother in Patrokolos's flashback concluded. As she turned off the lights and was about to close the door Pyrrha yelped. "Mother! Wait!" She turned back and asked, "what dear?" Pyrrha asked timidly, "Why do you have to leave so long during the day and why did you quit work?" Mother sighed, and took a deep breath. "Well, sometimes things are worth fighting for. The gay people of Soul Calibur universe are being discriminated against and are rallying against the word "GAYFAGGOT." We won banning that word, and I expect that none of you ever say it amongst any gay-caliburs, and that includes me young lady!" She spanked the shit out of Pyrrha for 19 minutes straight and then went back to the door, but then turned around and continued her story. "The other times I fight for gender equality... I am a FemiNazi after all. So goodnight kids, I'm off to the lynching !" She finished putting a white sheet over her body and pointed hat on her head. Patrokolos continued falling, realizing his mistake. He would make things right! He had too! He burned up in the atmosphere, feeling tons of pain and when he was disintegrated he woke up back hitting DumbMare with the can. He was breathing heavy- a result of the terrifying flashback. "NO YOU FOOL!" A voice called out from the shadows. It was Maxi! "LOOK at your can! Patrokoloa will be destroyed if you keep hitting DumbMare with it! It is all dented!" For the first time since the start of the battle Patrokolos looked at his can and in his horror saw it was near death. "Stay back kid!" Maxi did a summersault backflip swag lip jump and landed perfectly in front of Patrokolos doing his nun-chuck movement dance. "How did you kno-" Patrokolos was in shock that Maxi had come to his aid in this dire situation."SH! Kid, you know I can't resist protecting a fighter who fights with vigor and powerhouse!" Maxi wa-chawed. DumbMare laughed "TOOK YOU THAT LONG?" DumbMare held his can out and then Maxi hit it with his nunchucks! The can broke in half and spilled all over Maxi. Patrokolos was shocked. "YOU DID IT... YOU defeated..." The victory was cut short, as DumbMare reached into his core and pulled out another can. "AHAHAHAHA. SOUL EDGE HAS HELPED CREATE AN ARMY OF PATROKOLA. ALL ARE AS LETHAL AS THE ORIGINAL! JUST LOOK AT YOUR FRIEND! OR SHOULD I SAY EX-FRIEND? ahahaha!" DumbMare's joke sucked. But not as bad as Maxi was feeling because his face was melted and he could not move! The soda had paralyzed him and ate his skin! Was all hope lost? Maybe not, because over the horizon lay two worriers and one warrior willing to help Patrokolos and Maxi!
It was Z.W.E.I...Algol...and Siegfried! The two worriers and one warrior ran down the horizontal hill and charged at DumbMare! "HEYAAAAA!" They screamed. Siegfried drew his sword, Algol drew his...cannon, and Z.W.E.I. drew his wolf_ . They all stood before DumbMare, endraggled and angrimyled by his atrocious behavioUr. Siegfried began to slash, "DIE YOU HUNGARIAN SC..." Siegfried dropped his sword mid sentence and fell to the ground, bleeding everywhere. Algol also bested into the shallows of the pond he had peed. "SHIT..THE RHEUMATORY ARTHRITIS IS KICKING IN!" Siegfried and Algol cried (40 is soo old o-o). Siegfried began crawling inchingly toward Z.W.E.I., but DumbMare walked over to him and popped open a few PatroKola cans and dumped them on Siegfried's back. Everyone, the entire army, Amy, EVERYONE just stood there and watched as DumbMare poured more PatroKola cans on Siegfried as he painfully screamed and crawled toward Z.W.E.I. with his body disintegrating. Siegfried, after 2 minutes of doing this, grabbed Z.W.E.I.'s leg and stared up at him. "Z.W.E.I...I need to tell you something...important..." Siegfried beckoned Z.W.E.I. to come closer. "Closer" Siegfried coughed. He was now only half a torso. Z.W.E.I. put his ear to Siegfried. "I.. I am...your..." Then Siegfried just barfed all his organs that he still had in his upper body all over Z.W.E.I. in a storm of blood and rage as his blood vessels and body parts imploded on the spot and erupted into a volcanic sphere of fire. Siegfried was no more. "Fuck." Said Z.W.E.I., looking at Patrokolos. Patrokolos held his beaten arm in pain and "HNG-ed" at Z.W.E.I. as he fell over. "SHIT" yelled Z.W.E.I., as he ran up beside Patrokolos. "Please..." Patrokolos began as Z.W.E.I. Yaoied over patrokolos. "Your wolf_ ...it's actually not a wolf_ ..." Patrokolos began. "NO! Why should I believe YOU!" Z.W.E.I. anime pouted. "YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE!" Patrokolos shouted getting up. Z.W.E.I. began to cry kawaii tears of dog. "My life..my life is a lie..." Z.W.E.I. was bested and fell to his knees. "No Z.W.E.I... It's ok...it's not over...it's just..it's just... One generation behind..." Patrokolos touched Z.W.E.I.'s shoulder. "NO! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD THE UPGRADE!" Z.W.E.I. bit Patrokolos's hand and started to run and cry. But Patrokolos kawaiily tripped Z.W.E.I. and his face skidded into the ground and gave him rug burn. "You may not be my sister, but I'll still love you even if your wolf_hound-tech is not V7." Desued Patrokolos, as he began viciously making out with Z.W.E.I. in front of the entire army. DumbMare was completely and utterly confused about what the fuck had just happened. But he saw a mysterious light...a grand transformation was occurring... The lobo_ was upgrading itself...TO VERSION 8?! Everyone gasped. "NO! The prophecy will not come true! We must sacrifice the young emo on the stake to the PatroKola gods before it's too late!" DumbMare pointed at Amy. "O-O" Amy faced, as she was about to face death by PatroKola.