5a: Estrangement

After leaving the studio, Kokoro lead him opposite the way he came, explaining that it wasn't a long walk to reach her home. "Good for exercise anyway. Have to keep active at my age."

Tahno gave a hum of agreement, then changed the subject. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what's kept you so busy lately? Why haven't you been at your studio or around your family much?"

"Ah," Kokoro gave a sheepish smile. "It's a bit of a complicated situation, but I would like you to know what you're getting into. If you want to hear it."

"I'm all ears."

"My husband is, or more accurately, was , Lighting Bolt Zolt , leader of the Triple Threats. " She paused, letting the thought sink in. " As you might have guessed, I'm not a bender. But Zolt loved me anyway. And I felt the same for him, so I never protested against the Triad's actions. And I never felt threatened by him, because I could defend myself. Back then, my studio wasn't for chi- mending, it was for chi- blocking. I was teaching others like myself how to hold their own against benders, and defend themselves and their families. And Zolt respected that. Even after we had our daughter, I never objected to his illegal practices, because he always made time to be with us, his family.

"But after the Revelation, the Triple Threat Triad was largely destabilized. Zolt was distraught at the loss of his bending, but he begged me to take leadership of the triad. I wanted to help him, and I wanted to help others who had lost their bending, so I agreed. I became a full-time gang leader, and closed the studio. Had to anyway, since Tarrlok's taskforce was all about shutting down anyone who was teaching chi-blocking. But the gang wasn't really about illegal activity anymore. During the revolution, the Triple Threats were a refuge for those who had lost their bending to Amon. I consoled them, and taught them how to deal with their loss, much like I am with you.

"But after it was all over, everything didn't go back to the way it was. There was no magic that returned their bending upon Amon's death. For the weeks that Avatar Korra was at the Southern Water Tribe, we were here, on our own. Many felt defeated, and they isolated themselves. I tried to continue helping them, but they didn't want to listen. They didn't want to confront their loss, and I couldn't make them.

"After Korra returned, bending and all, civilians and upstanding citizens were free to go to her for their bending to be returned. But criminals like my husband, and like the other members of the Triple Threats, were not welcomed. We tried to appease the law enforcement by paying fines and giving money back to the public, but Avatar Korra still wouldn't give Zolt his bending back. But perhaps she was right, as I was still attempting to lead the Triple Threats in his stead, and knew that if he got his bending back from her, he would want to go back to exactly what he was doing before.

"During the last month, I spent most of my time away from home, trying to hold the Triad together. But the others stopped listening to me. The benders had banded together under Viper, one of the Triad's higher members whom hadn't lost his bending to Amon. And two weeks ago, my daughter and I got in an argument over the phone. She made me realize I wasn't helping Zolt any by attempting to lead the Triad. I had abandoned him.

"For several days I toiled over this revelation, unsure of what to do. Then she called me up the night after the festival for Avatar Korra. She told me all about how she had helped her friend—who had lost his bending—come to face his fears and accept what happened to him. After talking to her, I knew that if I really wanted to help those that lost their bending, including my husband, I couldn't come to them as a criminal or a gangleader—they had to seek me as someone who knew how to help them cope with their trauma.

"So, I made preparations to leave the gang. It pained me to put Viper in charge, but the others wouldn't have it any other way. I made a new sign for my studio, and repurposed its upper rooms for chi-mending by way of meditation, massage, and relaxation. Eventually, it will be a sanctuary of peace and harmony. But first, I have to achieve that within my own home, among my family."

For a few moments, they walked in silence. Tahno took his time processing all that she had told him, and putting together what she hadn't said directly. The moment the realization hit him, she was stopping in front of a humble brownstone.

"So this is home. Before we go inside, I should probably tell you where we've met before."

"Zanami." Tahno interjected, without thinking. "I mean," he backpedaled, "she's your daughter. I saw you and Zolt with her at one of our victory parties."

Kokoro nodded. "Yes. She was the one to tell me you completed the first of the tasks."

Tahno shook his head, chuckling lightly. "Don't know how I didn't see it before."

Kokoro chuckled with him. "It's alright, neither of us were quite in our right minds. I have a lot to make up for, and a lot to make peace with, but I'll be happier for it, nonetheless."

Tahno nodded, agreeing with her. Kokoro then opened the door of her home, greeting those inside.

He saw Zanami first. She was coming down the stairs and quickly went to meet Kokoro in an enveloping hug. When Kokoro pulled back, she gestured toward Tahno.

"Tahno?" Zan asked, surprised.

"He was with me at my studio. I invited him to dinner."

Zan rolled her eyes. "Of course you did." She smiled at him and lead them through the foyer to the kitchen, where they found Zolt, cooking.

"Kokoro!" He greeted her. Tahno and Zan sidestepped out of their way while Kokoro joined him next to the stove. Zan then took Tahno's hand and led him to the backporch. They sat on a bench under the windows.

"So," Zan began, "how've you been, Tahno?"

"Good, good. Been spending a lot of time with Ming and Shaozu, job hunting, and exploring new and old hobbies."

"Ah," she nodded, looking away. "You've probably talked with or about Hasook then, haven't you?"

Tahno nodded. "Yeah, I was going to call you whenever I got home today, but I guess I've ended up seeing you before then." They laughed briefly. "How are you holding up?" Tahno asked.

"I'm okay. Relieved even. I liked being with Hasook, but his problems were just building up on top of my own. With us separating, I have time to really focus on what's been stressing me out lately."

"Tell me about it," Tahno asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I haven't been sleeping well," Zan explained. "Miyu was worried about me. She would see my light on under my door late at night, and wondered whether I was okay, but she didn't want to intrude on my personal space. Then Michi came to ask us to help you, and it was a whole other thing added on to the pile. I stayed up all night after the festival, stressing about you, and your loss, then thinking about my dad, and his loss, and then about my mom and how she wanted to help people who had lost their bending. So I called her. At first I lashed out a bit, being passive aggressive about how I hadn't heard from her in a while. Then I calmed down and told her about everything I was feeling, and about all that happened at the festival. She understood and said she'd do better, and make the effort to help Dad. After that I was able to get to sleep, but the next night wasn't any better.

"After having such a terrible time with Hasook, I stayed up late again, stressing about all the things that were going wrong. I finally passed out early in the morning. Miyu let me sleep most the day, but woke me when time was getting close to the pro-bending match. When Hasook told me he wasn't coming, I nearly decided to stay home. But I realized that I needed to get out of my own head and out of my apartment, by spending time with my friends, so I went to the game. Afterwards, I did wholly chew Hasook out, but then we ended up talking most the night. It helped me realize that a lot of the reasons I had gotten so attached to him, despite him neglecting me, was because I needed the distraction from my own problems.

"My dad probably looked pretty okay just now, but that was only after I came here, and had a long talk with him about getting better. He's been so dejected and depressed for so long, just like you were. And Mom just abandoned him when she took over the Triple Threats. I know he had asked her to, but it actually hasn't helped him any. I had tried to be at home as often as possible during the last two months, to be there for him, but he never really wanted my help, all he wanted was to wallow in it. And I enabled him to, 'cause I thought he needed his time.

"But after helping you, and seeing Hasook make up his mind on what he wanted, I knew it wasn't right to let my dad stew like this. He needed help. So I called mom yesterday and requested we have a family dinner to talk about everything, and she was all for it, saying she had her own announcement to make as well. So I went shopping for groceries during the late morning today, and then coerced my dad into cooking about an hour ago. It was actually really nice, cooking with dad again."

She paused in thought, smiling. Tahno took the moment to process it all. Then he said, "So this was why you got upset. You missed your mom when we were dancing to that song, and then you were angry at me for almost going to get my bending back, because your dad was going through the same thing, and he hadn't been able to get his bending back so easily."

Zan nodded, her tearful eyes connecting with his. "Sorry I didn't tell you before. But I didn't quite understand why I was getting so upset in the first place. I've always been so confident and collected, I didn't want to face what was brewing under the surface. And then I ended up taking it out on you."

Tahno chuckled, placing his arm on the back of the bench.. "Yeah, I've still got the bruises."

"I know, I'm sorry. I never meant to pick a fight with you."

Tahno shrugged. "Just glad you didn't firebend at me."

Zan chuckled. "That was sort've the point I was trying to make. That you could be strong, even without bending. But I really ended up showing how strong I was. Or wasn't , to be more accurate. I couldn't see why you would go to Korra , after I had spent the time to help you face your loss. But after I calmed down, I realized it wouldn't be over after one conversation, or one night. Luckily, you had realized what you needed, and understood my anger, even if it was unwarranted. My fighting you, without bending, did not take strength. You deciding to not get your bending back, and facing your mental instability without falling back into old habits , that took strength."

Tahno smiled sheepishly, touched by her words. "Couldn't have done it without your help. You reached out to me first, and you were honest about all of it. And then you were there again, helping me with my garden, and setting up chances for me to reconnect with the Wolfbats. And with involving Kokoro."

Zan laughed. "Yeah, she finally told me she had been helping you when we talked on the phone yesterday. I can't believe she climbed up your fire-escape and through your window while you were sleeping. Guess she really took being a criminal to heart." Zan shook her head, and Tahno chuckled with her. After a moment of silence, Zan looked back toward him. "So, did she tell you about all of it yet? The tasks and everything?"

Tahno shrugged. "Not exactly. When she first came, she said it was all for gaining something I had lost, but wouldn't tell me what it was. I've completed up to the fourth task, but I don't know how many there are. She said I could figure it out by looking up a book on spiritual energies, but I had decided to trust her thus far."

Zan nodded. "My mom is trustworthy, and I know of the whole process you're going through. She and I talked about it at length when Dad lost his bending, but before he asked her to take over the Triple Threats. I'm hoping that after tonight, after having had success with you, that maybe she'll do the same with Dad. He really needs someone there to guide him through all of this, and it should be her, cause it's their marriage that matters, not the Triad."

Tahno nodded. Just then, the back door opened, and Kokoro stepped outside. "C'mon kids, time to eat!" Zan and Tahno followed her, and they sat at the low dining table in the foyer. Zolt and Kokoro passed food around the table, and Zan told Tahno stories about how they used to have family dinners like this every night, and continued the tradition weekly after Zan moved out. They laughed and joked, and got full on the home-cooked food.

Then, it became not so peaceful, when Zolt asked Kokoro how the Triple Threats were doing without him. Zan and Tahno both looked toward Kokoro, and she began to speak.

"It hasn't been good, to be honest. However, it's out of my hands now. I'm stepping down and surrendering leadership to Viper. I'm going back to my studio. And I'll have a lot more time to be here, with you."

Zolt stood abruptly, anger consuming him. "You left the Triple Threats to that weasel? What about my legacy, all that I built? Doesn't any of that matter to you?"

Kokoro stood, placing her hands on his shoulders. " You matter to me. I abandoned you in your time of need because you asked me to. But I'm here now because I know you really need me here, at your side. No matter how long it takes. You aren't in this alone."

"But-" Zolt looked to Zan, his face pleading. "Zan, you've been here for me, tell her not to leave the Triad, tell her she doesn't have to-"

"No, Dad." Zan said, her gaze hard. "You need this. You're not coping, and you're not doing okay. You need to let go of the Triad. It's not who you are, and it's not who Mom is." Kokoro reached a hand toward her, and Zan took it. " This is who we are. Being together, as a family."

Zolt's face fell, and he buried his head in Kokoro's shoulder, crying. Kokoro wrapped her arms around him and consoled him.

Tahno felt out of place among them, but then Zan let out a breath and placed her hand on his. He looked toward her, and she smiled sheepishly. "Thanks for being here," she whispered, and he nodded.

In a few moments, Kokoro had calmed Zolt down and they sat again. Kokoro asked Tahno to fetch the dessert from the kitchen, and Zan followed him.

After preparing it, Tahno paused, staring at the cake. "Will it be enough?" he asked, not talking about the dessert.

Zan nodded, placing a hand on his. "It's a start. Better late than never. If she had waited much longer, we might've faced a very different problem."

Tahno looked up, wondering what she meant. She squeezed his hand and spoke softly as she stared into the foyer, at her parents.

*WARNING: Suicide mention*

"He tried to kill himself a few weeks ago. It was after Korra had refused to give him his bending back. Mom and I were here for him, but when it got dark out, he asked us to leave, go on with what we usually do. So Mom went out to meet with the Triad, just as he had asked, but I was more hesitant. He acted like he was fine, like he just needed some rest, and that he wanted me to go back to my apartment. I almost went. I spent almost half an hour walking only to end up back here. If I hadn't followed my instincts to check up on him, he might've been dead. He made me swear not to tell Mom. He hasn't tried again since, and I think the main reason why was because he didn't want me to be the one to find him."

*WARNING: Suicide mention over*

Tahno stared at her, his thoughts frozen. He couldn't imagine what she must've felt, having that worry looming over her. But he did know how Zolt must've felt, because Tahno had felt the same. Had Zan and Michi never reached out to him, he might've ended up in the same place.

"When Mom and I get a moment alone, I'm going to tell her. She needs to know, and I'm not going to keep it from her anymore." Tahno nodded, and she leaned against him. "I just wish I had done so sooner."

Tahno squeezed her hand in his. "Like you said, better late than never, right?"

She gave him a soft smile. "Right." Together, they brought the dessert to the table and handed it out. There wasn't much more talking among them. Zolt was exhausted, and Tahno could tell he needed time alone with his family.

Tahno thanked them for the meal and told Kokoro that he'd see her tomorrow in the park. Then Zan offered to walk him out.

The early night air brushed over them, and Tahno looked back toward Zan. "So, what about you? Do you think you'll be okay after all this?"

"Heh," Zan smiled, leaning against him, "Yeah, I think I will be. I'm staying here tonight. After the long talk we have, I might finally be able to get a full night's sleep. It'll be nice not to have to worry about everything anymore."

Tahno nodded, then gave her a smile. "Well since I've met your family, would you like to meet mine? You've already met Michi, of course, but tomorrow my Mom will be coming in on a ship from the swamp. Michi and I will be meeting her at the port after my shift at the gardening center. You could join us for lunch."

Zan smiled. "I'd like that." She hugged his side briefly, then turned toward him. "You have a good night, Tahno."

"You too, Zan." Tahno smiled at her, then she turned and went back inside. Tahno took a deep breath, then began to walk down the street. He hailed for a cab, and directed the driver to his home. He felt more at peace then he had in a long time, and was glad to be going home to his nice warm bed.