Title: Two at Once

Disclaimer: So, yes, I indeed do own, um, nothing. Sorry. Not J.K.R.

Universe: Canon

Time: About four years after the final battle.

Characters: Percy, Audrey (Percy's wife, written as a muggle), Molly, Arthur, Ginny

Ships: Percy/Audrey. Possibly a little Arthur/Molly.

Genre: Family, I suppose. Minor drama.

Summary: Percy had always been the planner. But there are some things that just never go according to plan.

"Twins, Percy. We're having twins." Percy nodded as though he understood, as though his wife Audrey wasn't talking gibberish. Audrey handed him the strange black and white photo and then walked around the couch, dropping down in an angry huff. She whined lightly and laid down her head in his lap, staring up at the ceiling, her knees bent so that her feet wouldn't dangle off the end of the couch. "I had it all planned out, you know. I was going to finish school and finish my practical training before I got married. I was going to get married to a guy who loved me with a good family but a career completely different from mine so there'd never be a conflict of interest. That all went perfectly well, according to plan with the benefit of the guy being you which is better than I could have imagined.

"And then, you know, I figured I'd have a kid when I was twenty-six. I'll still be twenty-five. But oh well. You know your job and my job are more settled than I thought they'd be but this-" she flipped her hand backwards toward the picture in Percy's hands, hitting Percy's nose in the process. "Sorry," she said, moving her legs down and her torso up so that she was sitting next to him.

"It's all right," Percy replied distantly, readjusting his glasses as she snuggled up against his side, curling her legs up on the couch next to her. He shifted the picture to his left hand and put his right arm around Audrey's shoulders, still staring at the picture. She leaned her head against him.

"My mother's going to laugh at me," she said and Percy heard her sniff. "She always laughed, said I couldn't just plan life like that." Percy finally set the picture down though he still held it tight in his fingers, his arm resting on the couch arm. He looked over at his wife and saw tears running down her face.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, tilting his body to see her better.

"Because I'm pregnant with twins!" she yelped, the tears now streaming down her cheeks. "I'm full of more hormones than a bloody dairy cow!" She turned into Percy, burying her face in his shirt. Percy moved to put his arms around her, the picture drifting down as it became forgotten and slipped from Percy's hand.

Audrey started to drift off eventually and mechanically Percy half woke her to lead her to the bed. She lay down on her side, curled up and quiet. Percy sat down quietly on the bed next to her, his fingers running through her hair. "We can do this, right?" she whispered. Percy tried to say yes but it stuck in his throat. He heard Audrey's breathing become softer and more even; she was sound asleep even without his reassurance.

Percy found himself utterly un-tired and quietly slipped away from his wife, walking back into the living room where he picked up the picture lying on the ground. There were two bodies, two very human looking bodies. He swallowed hard, the word playing in his mind: twins. He wasn't supposed to have twins. It was supposed to be Bill who actually had a clue what he was doing or George who had been a twin or- Percy stopped thinking there, knowing the next name was Fred. Fred was supposed to have twins, not Percy. Biting his lip, Percy walked briskly over to the phone Audrey used and wrote "Burrow" on the notepad in case she awoke. He disapparated before he could even fully say why.

There was still a light on in the kitchen and Percy took off toward it, the picture still in hand. He knocked on the backdoor before just opening it and coming into the room. Ginny smiled at him from where she was sitting at the kitchen table. "Hey Percy," she greeted brightly, as their mother looked up at him from where she was sitting by Ginny. Their father glanced over at him from over by the stove where he was pouring himself a cup of tea with the steaming kettle. "Want to help with wedding plans?"

"No, not right- Maybe late- Sorry," he replied, unable to get out a full sentence.

"Is everything all right?" his father asked, walking back toward the table.

"Yes," Percy stumbled as he felt three worried pairs of eyes on him. "It's just- she found out- it's-"

"Percy," his mother said, trying to calm him. Ginny pulled out a chair for him to sit and he promptly walked into it and would have fallen if his father hadn't grabbed his shoulders to steady him. Percy met his father's eyes for a moment and then shoved the picture into his hand.

"It's twins. The baby. It's, well, not a baby. It's- They use sound," he babbled, gesturing to try and make his point, "something about sound being like ocean waves and-"

"Percy, sit down," Ginny told him, pulling him down as their mother walked around to peer at the picture with their father. Percy sat there, still feeling like his head wasn't on straight.

"It's twins," his mother said, smiling to herself. Ginny got up and looked at the picture too, slipping between Percy and their father.

"Is that really from inside Audrey?" Ginny asked. Percy nodded. "That's so cool," Ginny grinned. "Look-it, Mum, they've already got hands and feet and everything."

"Fingers and toes," their mother added in a voice that suggested she was near tearing up. "Maybe these muggles do have something, don't they?"

"They're twins!" Percy said, standing straight up again. "There's- there's two of them! Two. I don't even think I can handle one," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Ginny looked amused. "I mean what if they're boys? I'm not good at that Quidditch playing, roughhousing stuff. Or- or what if they're girls? I don't know a thing about girls! I've never even been one!" Ginny laughed and he ignored her. "Or what-if it's one of both and I fail with both genders instead of just one and-"

"Percy, breathe," his father instructed.

"I'm going to be a horrid father," he snuffed. "And now I'm going to mess up two kids instead of one." Ginny slipped forward and put her arms around him.

"No you won't idiot," she said quietly before pulling back and smiling softly at him. "You'll be fine. And if not, you could always give them to Angelina and George." Percy looked at her blankly. "Kidding," she said. "You'll be great." She turned around toward their parents. "I'll leave him to you. Good-night Percy. Congratulations."

"Thanks," he mumbled in response as she slid passed him and out of the room.

"Percy, you'll figure it out," his father told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If you thought you had any idea about what's coming, I'd find it hard not to laugh. It'll come to you, the father thing and no one can tell you how. You don't know what kids you're going to get. But you'll do fine."

"But there's two of them," He remind his father. "Two at once."

"This is what twins means," his father agreed.

"I'm being serious!"

"Percy, we're not saying it's easy," his mother said. "But you'll figure it out. You'll get through it. You'll love them more than you know."

"That's it for advice?"

"Yes," his father nodded.

"Nothing more practical?" he asked, still worried but beginning to feel sane again.

"Try and get as much sleep as possible now because you aren't getting a full nights sleep again for years," his father told him with a smile.

"How many years?" Percy asked, looking at his parents.

"I'll tell you when we know. Bill keeps asking us too."

For some reason, I see Molly and Lucy as being identical twins. Which naturally led to a freak-out by Percy because Percy plus twins doesn't combine very well. And yes, I know identical twins are in no way genetic and therefore it is completely by chance that Percy had twin brothers and then had twin daughters.

Random question I came up with while editing: why is gibberish spelled "gibberish" instead of "jibberish"? It looks so much more gibberish-y when it's spelled with a "j". Right, I'm insane. You hadn't figured this out?

P.S. My friend with the penname Emiliana Keladry just posted her first Harry Potter story, a Snape inner monologue mostly, called What is Done. So yeah, just, you know, throwing it out there if you need something to read that's a little more angsty…