Chapter 6: Two Veils to Hide My Face

She wasn't sure how long the first kiss lasted. Five seconds, ten seconds.

He broke it off.

But then he started the second one. And the third.

They remained in that awkward position, his arms around her waist, her hand buried in his hair as she turned to her side, craning her neck to find his mouth and his warmth. She didn't know if Kanda was drunk or not. She found herself hoping that he wasn't—that he had made this conscious decision. No matter how painful her neck was, it was worth it.

She stopped only to turn around, to wrap her arms around Kanda's neck and pull him lower so that they could kiss in the way she had never kissed someone before—a delicate stream of actions that hinted at something deeper and darker, a path that she knew Kanda was wary of embarking on but couldn't resist because his hands were sliding up her back and lifting her so close to him that she was nearly off the ground.

The door to the patio slid open. Kanda released her immediately and turned away, assuming the position of leaning nonchalantly against the railing. She did the same, her heartbeat pounding in her ears, surprised at Kanda's instant reaction.

"Why're you two out in the middle of the cold?" said a voice behind her.

She didn't turn around. She knew it was Lavi, and she needed several seconds to regain her sense of control before confronting him.

Surprisingly, Kanda recovered first.

"Are you drunk?" he said sardonically.

"No," said Lavi defensively. "I'm sober."

"Fat chance."

"If you're going to talk about who's drunk, Lenalee is gone."

Iris, also sober, frowned when she heard this.

Kanda's outburst vocalized her thoughts.

"And you left her alone?!" he snapped. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I—"

"Do you want Komui to kill you?" snarled Kanda. Iris could hear him leaving the deck and re-entering the apartment, where the kiss never happened. Komui, she guessed, was Lenalee's overprotective brother. And Lavi, she guessed, was not protective at all.

She was still not in the ideal state of mind to deal with Lavi, though she was in better shape than before. The aftermath of the showcase was still fresh, but kissing Kanda had given her a not-so-surprising power trip that she knew she could use to confront Kanda's best friend. There was, at this point, no other option.

She turned around to face him. Lavi's gaze was cold and his lips pursed. No pretenses. He knew what they had been doing.

"You're not a very good boyfriend," she commented.

"Kanda will take care of Lenalee," he said evenly.

"Oh," smiled Iris. "And I assume you'll take care of me?"

"Kanda's not here for you to toy around with," said Lavi coolly.

Iris chuckled and approached him.

"I always thought you were like me—we'd be sugarcoating this conversation if you were. But I'm beginning to think you're not quite on my level."

"And I'm beginning to think you're more arrogant than you should be."

"Face it," she said, stretching her arms out over her head. "Kanda likes me. You hate that he does, but in your efforts to stay a truly good friend, give him the choice of figuring that out for himself. And that's why I'm saying you're not on my level."

"Meaning you'd approach it differently," said Lavi.

"Of course," she smirked. "Because I like him too, and I don't like you. But unlike you, I don't really care if he thinks I'm a good friend or not." She smiled sweetly. "So don't get too comfortable, hon. Keep clinging to your morals, because I'll be taking that pretty throne of yours soon."

She left the party alone, exhausted in more ways than one. Two weeks of non-stop practicing had drained her, but the challenge she'd extended Lavi was more worrisome. She was not in Kanda's head completely yet, and Lavi still was his main confidante. Yet if she were to call that evening a competition, she would have won—Lavi had slipped up more than he'd thought. She had enough interaction with Lavi to make very educated guesses as to how he would react, and she knew that Lavi would share everything with Kanda. Kanda, after much cajoling, would also tell Lavi and Lenalee what exactly he and Iris had been doing on the porch. What so plainly appeared to be gossip was actually several chess moves in one go, except she and Lavi were the only players.

She did not like Lavi. He was smart and also seemed to be more invested in Kanda than normal. The less contact they had, the better—which was why she was surprised to find Lavi sleeping on her couch the next morning.

She stared at him. Surely Lavi had to be smarter than that…this not only confirmed what she'd been thinking of the night before, but was also making things a little too obvious. She frowned. The challenge that Lavi was supposed to pose was sadly lacking.

The redhead stirred.

"Hey," said Iris sharply. "I know you're awake."

Lavi's eyes snapped open, and he sat up immediately.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be sleeping over at Lenalee's?"

"She's sleeping in Kanda's room," he explained. So maybe it wasn't that obvious, then. "She was too drunk to get back home."

"Twenty-four hour notice, my ass," Iris muttered under her breath as she made her way to the kitchen. "Breakfast for four then…"

"Three," groaned Kanda as he emerged from his room. "I don't think Lenalee's going to be able to stomach anything, and…"

His voice trailed off when he made eye contact with Iris. She could sense the initial rise in tension—the warning to not mention last night—before he scowled.

"Could you put more clothes on?" he snapped.

"I'm wearing shorts," she said, lifting up Tyki's overlarge shirt slightly as proof. "Don't be so coy, virgin."

"Shut it, woman."

"I walk around like this all the time, Kanda," she said. "Why so demanding all of a sudden?"

He glared at her. "Tyki's not even here, so you don't have to parade around in his shirt."

"What, jealous?"

Kanda was right about to retort when Lavi intervened.

"How's Lenalee feeling?" he asked.

"Shitty, with no thanks to you, Sherlock," said Kanda, genuinely angry. "Why didn't you make sure she wasn't doing shots? You know she has the worst alcohol tolerance."

"She said she was fine," said Lavi defensively.

"Of course she did! She was drunk! She can only take three shots—max—in an hour, and yesterday she had six!"

"My bad, my bad," said Lavi, raising his hands in surrender. "I was too busy wondering where you'd been whisked away to—"

"I am nowhere as vulnerable as Lenalee," snarled Kanda.

"Really," said Lavi loftily.

Kanda hissed audibly. It had been a low blow on Lavi's part, but Kanda let it slide. "You should've been watching her."

"She'll be fine, Kanda," said Iris, patting him on the shoulder. Surprisingly, he didn't stiffen to her touch. "I'll make her tea and give her a change of clothes. Don't panic."

"I'm not—"

"Seriously, dear," she said dryly. "You're acting like her brother or boyfriend. Lavi's the one who should be panicking. He also should've been the one taking care of her last night, instead of you…" Iris smiled at Lavi, who was barely masking his glare. "But to hell with traditional relationship norms, mm? Kanda, what do you want in your pancakes?"

"I don't want anything," he muttered. "I'm going to check on Lenalee."

"The last thing anyone with a hangover wants is to be annoyed, Kanda. Don't bother her. Just let her rest."

"I'm going to take a shower," said Lavi. "Kanda, you have clothes you can lend me?"

"In the closet," said Kanda curtly. "Don't wake Lenalee up."

"I won't."

Kanda waited until Lavi had exited the room before following Iris into the kitchen. She was rummaging around the cabinet for the pancake batter, only to find it on the most top shelf.

"Damn it, Tyki," said Iris under her breath. "I already know you're two feet taller than me…no need to rub it in."

Kanda reached over her and set the box in front of Iris.

"Thanks," she said.

"…Last night," he said in an undertone.

"Yes, hook-up buddy?"

"Shit. So you do remember."

"Kanda, your kisses are so incredible—"

"Not so loud," he hissed, unmistakably slightly red. She grinned.

"I didn't drink much last night," she said, pouring oil into the pan and spreading it over the surface. "I just said that to egg you on a bit."

"So now what?" he said shortly. "Are you going to tell Tyki?"

"Probably."

"And?"

"The 'and' depends entirely on you, dear. If you want to pretend like it never happened, then we can do precisely that. There were no witnesses."
"So essentially," said Kanda darkly, "you don't care."

She gave him an appraising look. "You really don't know me at all, Kanda. I would never tell you whether or not I care. What would happen if I cared and you didn't? I'd lose face."

"And what if it's vice versa?" he said irritably.

"You've lost face so many times in front of me, it hardly matters any more," she chuckled.

"Woman—"

"Just kidding, dear." Kanda glared at her. "Look, just give it some thought, okay?"

"Give what some thought," he said angrily. "That's the thing, I have no idea what we're supposed to do with this—where are we going with it?"

"You mean you want an exclusive relationship?"

"No, woman, I don't like you—"

"God…" she muttered, pouring batter in and waiting for it to start sizzling. "Look, this is what I mean, okay? Why don't you decide first what you want, as in whether or not you like me or not. Once you decide what you want, we can talk about it. I'm not pushing anything, Kanda."

A door down the hallway opened, so Kanda did not reply. A severely sick-looking Lenalee stumbled into the kitchen.

"Stay in bed," ordered Kanda.

"I…feel gross…" Lenalee's face was a light shade of green.

"Keep an eye on the pancakes, Kanda," said Iris, handing over the spatula. "Here, Lenalee, you can use my shower and I'll get you a set of clothes."

"Thank you so much…"

"No problem, dear."

"I'm so sorry about this," said Lenalee as Iris steered her out of the kitchen.

"Don't be," said Iris, sneaking a glance back at Kanda. "Some of us just have a higher tolerance for things than others."

Tyki came back later that afternoon with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine.

"Hi, love," he said, leaning down and kissing her. "I'm sorry I missed your big night."

"No worries," she said as she absentmindedly flipped through the channels on the T.V. "It was a complete failure anyway."

"Don't say that…you were only dropped in front of everyone in the middle of your solo." Iris glared at him, and Tyki returned with a cheeky grin. "Too soon?"

"Much too soon."

He spotted Lavi's camera bag in the corner of the room. "You still have guests?"

"I didn't invite them," scowled Iris. "I wish they weren't still hanging around, but Kanda seems worried that Lenalee will puke her brains out any minute."

"No hangover is that bad," said Tyki mildly, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"No, I'm pretty sure I've felt that bad before," said Iris with a shudder. "Lucky you…you can out-drink anybody."

"Just imagine how shot my liver is."

"That's so morbid. Don't remind me of your imminent mortality, okay? How was the family?"

"Good," shrugged Tyki. "Road was fine—as expected. Cyril was insufferable—as always. He and Lulu thought it was appropriate to sit me down and tell me to re-evaluate my life goals…" Tyki pulled a cigarette out of his breast pocket and lit it. "So annoying."

"Did you listen to them this time?" said Iris jokingly.

"Somewhat," said Tyki grudgingly.

"Eh? Really?" She looked at him concernedly. "I didn't think you were serious."

"Well," he said, cracking his neck, "the whole deal about me being twenty-six and having no significant contribution to society wasn't that convincing until they went on to say that by the time I'm thirty, you'd probably have saved the world twice—"

Iris snorted audibly. Tyki gave her an amused look but continued.

"—and they said that if I didn't take my life seriously now, career-wise or romantically, I'd be left stranded pretty soon. I tried to say that I'd always have you, but they didn't believe me. When I thought about it more though, I realized that they may be more right than I thought before. If you and Kanda work out…I dunno."

Iris sighed and leaned her head on Tyki's shoulder.

"Yeah…I wanted to talk to you about Kanda."

"…Something happen?"

"Sort of. He's still confused and I told him that I wasn't going to push it if he didn't want to, but…I think we need to stop sleeping together."

Tyki smoked his cigarette in silence. She could tell that he was somewhat aggravated at the news.

Iris sighed. "Maybe we should've never slept together in the first place. It makes this relationship harder to change back to how it was before."

"…I regret the first time we had sex but nothing after that," said Tyki coolly. "Our relationship was bound to turn in this direction from the start—we just managed to fight it off for long enough."

"Are you angry at me?"

"I'm not happy," admitted Tyki. "As hypocritical as it may seem in comparison to what I've been telling you about Kanda."

"Does that mean you didn't believe what you've been telling me?"

"No, I did mean what I said. I guess I just didn't expect it to happen so soon." He looked down at her. "Did you guys sleep together?"

"No," scoffed Iris. "You know I don't move that fast."

"No, but it was Kanda."

"Do you think he'd move that fast?"

"Touché," said Tyki. A pause. "Well? Is this our breakup?"

"If you mean in terms of what we tell unaffiliated people, then I suppose so. If you mean between you and me…you know I don't want to let go of you."

Tyki smirked. "Sexually or otherwise?"

Iris kissed him on the cheek. "Of course in all ways. You are a fantastic lover."

"I know."

"That being said…even so, I think the sex should stop."

"Fine…damn Kanda. Virgin doesn't even know what he's making you give up." Tyki sighed. "I just wish this could've continued until I stopped hosting completely and figured out what I needed to do. I would have liked your support."

"You know I'm always here as an emotional support, Tyki. I'm still going to text you every detail of my life unless you want me to stop."

"Of course I don't want you to stop. I like knowing every detail of your life and vice versa."

"Then are we okay?"

"…Yeah," said Tyki, kissing her forehead. "You're going to have to bear with me a bit…I might not be as responsive sometimes, and other times I'm going to want to make out. Just let me know what's okay and what's not."

"Of course. Take your time, Tyki."

Tyki exhaled and stood up. His teeth gritting his cigarette, he put on his jacket and turned to her.

"Well…I wish you the best of luck in all your romantic endeavors with apparently the number one kisser on the face of the planet," he said wryly.

"Don't be sarcastic, dear. It doesn't suit you. No need to push yourself."

"Fine. I'll see you later, babe."

Tyki opened the door, only to reveal Lavi Bookman at the entrance, just about to knock.

"Oh, hello," said Tyki.

"Hi," said Lavi amiably. "I'm guessing you're Tyki?"

"And you must be Kanda's friend."

"Lavi Bookman. Please to meet you," said Lavi, sticking out his hand.

Tyki shook it briefly, then turned around casually to meet Iris's eyes. "Where is Kanda?"

"He's downstairs with Lenalee," said Lavi. "We're going to head into the city, so I'm just here to grab my camera."

"I see." Tyki did not say anything more than that, instead watching as Lavi took his bag from the corner and turned to leave without a single word to Iris. Iris, of course, had to acknowledge this blatant cold shoulder.

"Don't be so rude, Lavi. You could at least say hi. Have fun," said Iris sweetly.

"Thanks," smiled Lavi, though it was hard not to miss the edge in his voice. "Nice meeting you, man."

Tyki waited until Lavi disappeared down the hall.

"Charming, isn't he?" said Iris, reaching over to the coffee table in front of her and selecting a bright red bottle of nail polish. "He's good, but not good enough. It's hard for him to contain his resentment around me. Wouldn't look at me in the eye if he could."

"He looks familiar."

Iris unwound the cap to her nail polish. "Have you seen him before somewhere? Maybe affiliated with someone from work?"

"Perhaps…" said Tyki. The tone of his voice made Iris look up from her work.

"Tyki? Something wrong?"

"I'll have to think about it," he answered. "Be careful, Iris. I don't think he's as easy as you make him out to be."

She smiled. "No, perhaps not. But I have a couple cards that he doesn't know I hold, and even if he did, he really wouldn't want me to play them."

Despite that somewhat ending things with Tyki had been Iris's choice, it did not change the fact that after he'd left, she sank into an incredibly foul mood. Familiar questions, ones that she'd often tried to suppress, began to circulate. Maybe she had made a mistake—maybe Tyki really was The One because the world never gave you a perfect match and Tyki was the best thing that would ever happen to her. And she had just given that up for a mere boy she'd known for less than six months and had no guarantee. It was very unlike her to operate with no guarantee.

She knew how Tyki felt—it would be the same if Tyki had suddenly announced that someone important enough to him had appeared, causing them to halt their relationship. No one wanted to be the one left behind, no matter how "happy" they were for each other. The move that Iris had made had potentially ruptured a relationship with Tyki that would never return to normal. What was worse was that Iris did not even know for sure if Kanda was worth giving Tyki up. These possibilities made her uneasy, and in addition to the presence of Lavi and Kanda's unbelievable oblivion to absolutely everything, she found her attitude difficult to control.

"Did Tyki stop by?" said Kanda when the three of them returned that night. Iris was washing the dishes after having eaten dinner alone. The flowers that Tyki had brought her were propped in a vase on the countertop.

"Yeah," said Iris. "For a while."

"Did he have work?"

"I think so."

"You only think?" said Kanda blandly. "I thought you knew everything about him."

"Kanda," said Iris wearily. "Don't push my buttons right now."

"What," he scoffed, "you upset about something?"

"Even if I were, it's not like you'd really want to hear it."

"Got that right, at least," muttered Kanda.

"Are your friends staying again tonight?" said Iris, internally hoping that Lenalee was well enough to go back to her own dorm and drag Lavi along with her.

"No, Lenalee wanted to head back but Lavi insisted that it was better not to since we got back kind of late."

"It's not even late—they had more than enough time to go back," said Iris irritably.

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," she said. "Are you all just going to hang around here tonight?"

"Probably."

"I'm going for a walk then."

"Seriously, if something is actually wrong with you then—"

"What?" said Iris acidly. "You want to talk about my feelings? Yeah, right."

Kanda's arm twitched, as if he was restraining the desire to hit her. Iris noticed and arched an eyebrow. Kanda, knowing her implications, scowled.

"You're only like this when you're mad at me," he said. "Considering that I haven't been around all day, it's some fucking stupid conclusion you came to when I was gone. I have no idea what decisions you come to by yourself, woman. Spit it out or I'm leaving."

Iris took in several breaths before she replied.

"Looks like you finally have a better handle of me," she said dryly. "Sorry for taking it out on you."

"What happened?" he said bluntly.

"Tyki and I talked. We called it quits."

Kanda looked confused. "Called what quits? You're not friends anymore or just not sleeping together?"

"Sleeping together," said Iris. "We're still friends…I think. If he's okay with that. I don't think I could deal with it if he weren't though."

"…Why did you suddenly decide to stop it?"

"Because…" Iris looked at Kanda head on. "Because I know you're confused about last night. And the fact that I didn't give you a straight answer on where we would go with this probably didn't help you too much. I talked to Tyki today about it because I wanted to…I guess let you know that I am serious. That I would be okay with being exclusive."

Kanda just stared at her.

"Though…from your facial expression, I'm guessing that Lavi talked to you today and had just managed to convince you that you were going to forget about it, right?" said Iris lightly.

"We just talked about it a bit," said Kanda vaguely.

"Right," said Iris under breath, making a movement past Kanda. Her irritation with Lavi had reached a point where she was starting to lose focus—she had this planned out, she was going to stick to the plan and it didn't require her tormenting Lavi just yet—but at the rate Lavi was ticking her off, she was going to end up pulling out all the cards without knowing absolutely everything what he had in store. She had anticipated this, but had not anticipated just the degree and speed of Kanda's conviction. "Well, I'm going to go for a walk. You can think about that a little more. If I'm not back by the time you guys go to bed, don't worry about it. I need to cool off."

"Iris—"

"Not. Now," she seethed. Kanda backed off.

Lenalee was leaving Kanda's room right as Iris was heading out.

"Iris, do you want to—"

"I'm good," interrupted Iris, smiling as benignly as possible. "I'm just heading out for a bit. Text me if you want me to pick anything up from outside."

"I…"

Iris did not even bother staying until Lenalee finished her sentence. She slid into her boots, grabbed her coat and was out the door. She strode quickly down the hallway but instead of descending the staircase, she went up to the rooftop. Though it was possible that some stupid couple would be commencing their passionate expressions of love for one another on the roof, the temperature in New York had reached a biting twenty degrees that would make sex on a rooftop highly uncomfortable.

Iris pulled her coat closer to her body and welcomed the frosty chill that enclosed her as she stepped onto the deserted roof. She chose the side that was slightly elevated and sat down against the railing, looking across at the glowing lights of the taller apartment complex and buildings across the street. She and Tyki came to the rooftop often over the summers, when the breeze was warm and they could watch the stars for hours. Or, at least that was what Tyki would do. Iris would stare determinedly at the street across from them, or, if they were lying down, she would curl against his body and just close her eyes. It was on the rooftop last summer that she had tried her first and last cigarette, just because she thought Tyki (and admittedly Cross) looked so good doing it that she would give it a try. Of course, she had been reduced to a pile of hacking coughs and tears as she'd tossed the white stick as far away as she could, much to Tyki's amusement.

"You don't approve of my smoking anyway," he had chuckled. "Don't do it if you don't want to."

"I just…" she'd said while blinking the tears out of her eyes, "thought you looked really sexy."

"What are you in, high school? Smoking's bad for you. You've told me a million times. Looking sexy isn't worth killing your lungs."

"Hypocrite."

He'd shrugged. "I just do whatever makes me feel good, Iris. I have no grand ambitions in life and if smoking makes me feel good, I'll do it. You, on the other hand, have serious plans for the future and have no reason to compromise them by smoking."

Iris let out a breath, struggling with the urge to call Tyki. Truthfully, she did not know where to draw the boundaries now. Tyki had said that he needed time, but with someone so detached in sex, surely he didn't need an emotional break? They were still friends and she needed advice. Surely that was…

No. She would have been furious if Tyki had done the same thing to her and then called her for advice. Tyki had acted graciously enough. If all he required was space, then Iris could do nothing but give it to him. So she went over everything in her head, alone, trying to think as clearly as possible without Tyki's voice of reason beside her.

Iris had made the first move, and Lavi had played back. His retaliation had been an expected move, but Iris had been hoping to sneak in another preventative play before Kanda actually made a decision. What she had just told Kanda had turned out to be damage control, but that annoying thing about damage control was that no matter what, the damage was still done. She was just unsure of how much she had managed to salvage. The facial expression Kanda had had when she'd left, as well as her obvious display of anger, hopefully indicated that the damage had been minimal.

"Things with Kanda not going too well?" said a voice in front of her.

Iris gritted her teeth for a second but forced herself to relax. She sat up, finding Lavi in front of her. The familiar glowing end of a cigarette butt dangled in front of him.

"You smoke?" she said, surprised.

"Occasionally," he shrugged.

"Do your friends know about this?"

"Nope."

"You're not afraid I'd tell them?"

"I'm smoking in front of you, aren't I?" he said wryly. "Clearly, I don't care very much if you know."

He was speaking with the air of a very self-satisfied man. It annoyed Iris.

"I'm guessing you and Kanda had a very long talk," she said.

"It wasn't all about you," he clarified. "Don't get too cocky."

Iris stared at him. She tried counting to three—she was more controlled than this—but she was dangerously close to tipping point.

"So what did you tell him?" she said evenly.

"That there's no way you're being serious emotionally, you just want to manipulate the shit out of him," said Lavi with a grin. "It's not like I was lying, was I?"

"Oh, so all of a sudden, you think you get me?" she smirked.

"You said that to me yourself," said Lavi. " I only repeated what I heard."

"That's only because I said what you wanted to hear," she said. "Don't you think this game is becoming a bit one-sided?"

"As in it's too easy for me?" said Lavi, leaning against the edge of the roof and peering down below. "You think that kissing Kanda is going to get you in his head, but I think I blocked that passage pretty quickly."

"No, you did not," said Iris lightly. "You assume you know me. Exactly where you get that confidence is beyond me, but you didn't even take into consideration the possibility that so far, my play has been perfect and I have you exactly where I need."

Finally, Lavi's smile ceased to exist. "I was unaware you didn't want Kanda after all."

"Lavi…" she said, stretching as she stood, "you bore me. It's disappointing."

"Explain yourself," he said evenly.

Iris stood next him and looked down at the city below her. She was now very much in control of the situation—the more she thought about it, the play that Lavi had made was easily correctable. She had just left Kanda with news of a significant sacrifice on her part—giving up Tyki. If that didn't prove how serious she was about Kanda, she didn't know what else would.

"No matter how much smarter you are," she said lazily, "you are exactly like Kanda. Believing in the world. That there is only good and bad, and good always prevails. Even when you're talking with me, no matter how obvious it is that I'm your enemy, you think I'm telling you the truth about how I really feel."

"I know your mask drops when you're in front of me," he said.

"Hon, my mask drops in front of Kanda. It doesn't mean the real me is suddenly only capable of telling the truth. It's quite the opposite, actually."

"So what you told me last night, about wanting to manipulate Kanda. I'm guessing you were lying?" he said disbelievingly.

"Some of it was true," she said. "I do believe that I'll usurp you very soon. But are my ambitions for Kanda so malicious? Of course I'd tell you that, because that's what you want to believe. If you heard it from me directly, then it would be that much easier to convince Kanda that I am not serious about him at all, and your throne would be safe and sound. But tell me, Lavi." She leaned her chin on her hand and looked at him. "Just why do you protect your throne so diligently?"

"Because I'm Kanda's friend," he said edgily.

"And Kanda needs your protection?"

"You know how he is," said Lavi, his one visible eye glowing coldly. "People like you tend to get under his skin without him knowing."

"Ah. Understandable. But are you sure it's not something else? Something a little less selfless?" She smiled at him, which he returned with one of his own.

"Do elaborate, Miss Fairing."

"It's nothing much, Lavi. I just wonder…how would Kanda feel if the best friend he's confided everything to has actually desired him all this time? Wouldn't he feel very…betrayed?"

She was watching for a reaction, and it was at this point that Iris finally appreciated that Lavi was a worthy challenge after all. His expression did not change, and other than the slightest rigidity that took root in his profile, there would have been no reaction entirely. She had to be impressed—had the situation been reversed, she would have found it impossible to hide the obvious changes in her expression.

"Is that your final trump card?" said Lavi with a cold smirk. "You think I'm gay and that I'm in love with Kanda? In case you've missed reality, Iris, I'm dating Lenalee."

"Oh, please," she scoffed. "Stop clinging to that ridiculous relationship—that's what gave you away in the first place. What boyfriend goes to look for his best male friend instead of looking after his drunk and completely vulnerable girlfriend at a party? What boyfriend insists on staying the night at his best guy friend's house instead of going with his girlfriend to her room for some privacy? You're going to tell me that you flew all the way over here from London and aren't going to sleep with your girlfriend because you'd rather spend time with your bro? Not possible."

"It wouldn't be," said Lavi coolly, "except you don't know Lenalee. We've never slept together. She's not ready and I'm not pushing it."

"Ooh, what a good boyfriend." She gave him a mocking wince, as if wounded, but then smiled widely. "Wrong. Lenalee is not that innocent. If you're not sleeping with her, then who is?"

"What do you mean?"

"She asked me for birth control today," she said. "Yes, I know what you want to say—birth control can be prescribed for other reasons. But anyone panicking that much about missing a day of birth control is not taking it for other reasons."

Lavi, at long last, was silent. Iris examined her nails, admiring the manicure she had given herself and feeling very satisfied.

"You're good," said Lavi finally.

"Thank you. I try."

"It doesn't matter that I've liked Kanda for ages," he said. "I've kept it to myself. I haven't done anything to hurt him."

"You and I both know that's not the point," said Iris, no longer smiling and looking at Lavi seriously. "In this world, intent matters. If you were to confess to Kanda, it would shatter your entire relationship because this whole time, Kanda has confided in no one but you. His past, his fears, what little hopes and dreams he has—he has poured them all in you. It has given you a very special role in his life, one where he is utterly dependent on you, but it comes with high stakes and a heavy burden because you can never break away from this role without undermining everything Kanda considers you. He wanted a best friend and you gave that to him. You want more but you can never get it because the moment you tell him, Kanda will think you betrayed his confidence. His entire life, he has been repulsed by the idea of contact and desire. If he knows that you have those feelings toward him, he will think you're exactly like all those people who abused his trust in the past."

"I've never—I wouldn't abuse his trust," said Lavi harshly.

"I know," said Iris simply. "And truthfully, I think Kanda knows too. But he won't be able to control his emotions, love. Not when his two best friends have been lying to him this entire time."

"Leave Lenalee out of it," said Lavi dangerously.

"Why? She's been playing along with you this entire time—I'm guessing to cover for you in your moments of overt affection for Kanda. It's all an act, and only Kanda doesn't know. If he finds out, he will close up and both of us will lose the guy we're fighting so hard for."

"…Why are you fighting for him? If you know all these things and just want to torment him—"

"I don't want to torment him," said Iris. "I would do anything for Kanda."

"For Kanda or for yourself?"

"Both," she said sharply.

"And would that include taking away the only two people in the world who understand him?" said Lavi coldly.

"…No. I don't want to. I know Kanda cares deeply for you and Lenalee."

"But you would," pressed Lavi.

"If you get in my way, yes, I would. Lavi, I do want to take your place but I don't want to kick you out completely. I am perfectly willing to admit that Kanda needs more than one friend in his life. I just want to be that special one you can never be."

"What makes you so different from me?"

"Everything," said Iris. "I have never lied to Kanda about my intentions. He knows they are blurry and he knows I am coldhearted. He knows I will do anything for him and he knows I am attracted to him on an emotional and physical scale. I have been very open with what I want to do with him and because he knows all of this and is still living with me, I know I have the chance he has never given to you. This is what I mean, Lavi, about us being on different levels. You are so conscientious of Kanda's feelings that they've cost you your own, and only now, when you've seen someone else navigating both equally well, do you realize that you've made a huge mistake."

"…So what? As long as Lenalee and I don't meddle with your business, you'll keep quiet?"

"Yes."

"And you'll do whatever you want to Kanda in the meantime."

"I'm not going to hurt him."

"But the moment we interfere, you will tell and you'll hurt him in the worst way possible."

Iris thought for a minute. "I suppose you could see it that way."

"So at the end of the day, you are willing to hurt Kanda."

"Depends on what you think telling him the truth will do…but I suppose yes. It would hurt him, if even just for a short while. Truthfully, I think it'd be better in the long run—I'd want to know if my friends thought I was stupid and needed protection so they lied to me my entire life," said Iris.

"We don't think he's stupid."

"Really? Honestly, sometimes I think he is."

She had nothing else to say and truthfully had spent much too long explaining herself to Lavi. Kanda really was stupid if his friends went to such ridiculous lengths to protect him. The world still turned regardless of whatever hardships people had; despite whatever issues he'd had in the past, Kanda had surrounded himself with very loyal friends and Iris could not help but hate them. Patience exhausted, she turned to leave.

"Che. I really didn't want to use this now," said Lavi.

"Secret weapon?" she said mockingly as she turned back to face him. "Don't kid around, Lavi, you don't have anything about Kanda to use against me—"

"I know you're entertaining an offer from Capital One," he said.

"Why, yes," she said mildly. "I am. And?"

"Is that your only job offer?"

"As of right now, sadly, yes."

"Wrong. I know you're entertaining much bigger offers from bigger names—Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, and in the meantime, you applied to ten different law schools. Pretty divergent career tracks, but I suppose you're proficient enough to cover all bases."

Iris stared at him, all pretenses evaporating. The reins over the conversation had quickly switched hands—Iris had told no one about her career plans, not even Tyki because he wouldn't understand them. Capital One had just been a name she'd thrown out because she didn't need it; Goldman Sachs was the big one she was thinking about until she heard back from the law schools, but no one knew about those—

"You're not as good at hiding your thoughts," remarked Lavi. "Looks like all my sources were right."

"How the fuck—"

"The Bookman family is a very prestigious family, Iris Fairing. In your efforts to be a self-made woman, you neglect and ignore the true powers of generational influence. We have connections everywhere. This kind of information isn't hard to find out at all."

"So now what?" said Iris acidly. "You're going to block all my career passageways? How?"

"I thought your history with Cross Marian would do the trick," he answered casually.

Lavi was standing close to the edge of the roof and for one split second, Iris thought that one swift push would send Lavi spiraling over the border to his demise—but murder was punishable by death and Iris was not quite smart enough to hide a murder just yet.

"You don't deny it," said Lavi. "I thought you would."

"Of course I do," said Iris coolly. "That was all just a misunderstanding—he was helping me out with Tyki—"

"That is what's on Columbia record," said Lavi knowingly. "But it's obvious that they would've believed your bullshit excuse over the truth since it was that much prettier—your personal life with a host is obviously something Columbia has no jurisdiction over and is more preferable to the notion that Columbia's top professor and student are sleeping together."

Iris's blood ran cold. "…You have no proof."

"Quite the contrary, I do. You and Cross Marian dined at a variety of restaurants across the city, many of which the Bookman family is invested in. I have several compromising photos that I think will do the trick should I be asked to present evidence. And I suppose if I had to, I could confront Cross himself, but that's always annoying."

Iris had stopped breathing at this point.

"…You know him?"

"Very well, unfortunately," said Lavi.

Iris could barely bring herself to ask. "…Where is he?"

Lavi arched an eyebrow. "But that's besides the point. Cross isn't in the picture—yet—and I'm not going to fork over unnecessary information. I'm just giving you a short preview of what I could do if I wanted." Lavi blew out a breath of smoke. "I really didn't want to do this, but I needed to know if you were willing to hurt Kanda. Now that I know you are, though, I don't feel so bad."

He walked past her and she caught a glimpse of the triumphant smirk on his face.

"I underestimated you," she said.

"Yes, you did. I'm not afraid to play dirty and unlike you, I have the deductive skills and the resources to play the game well."

"This isn't over."

"For now, yes, it is. You say nothing to Kanda about me and your career options are as open as you want them to be."

"So that's it? We're just at a stalemate?"

"I guess," said Lavi easily. "Just depends on who you like more—Kanda or yourself."

The door shut behind her, leaving Iris alone on the roof. She mulled in silence for several seconds, thinking about what she had done since last night—from kissing Kanda to ending things with Tyki to just showing all her cards to Lavi—she began to laugh weakly as she repeated each and every mistake in her head over and over again and she realized, yes, this was what it was like to make mistakes, play too quickly, think too easily, and this was the feeling of what it was like to completely and utterly lose.

Iris sat in Joe's Coffee, cold, hungry, and tired. She had gotten very little sleep the night before—after her conversation with Lavi, she had been very reluctant to return home and had waited on the roof well into the night before she couldn't bear the cold any longer.

She sat at a table with her bags and books, for no matter what was going on in her personal life, finals were approaching and she needed to study. The asshole that was Lavi was returning to London today, much to Iris's relief. She had, without a doubt, gotten her ass handed to her. She needed time to think about the humiliating defeat and gather her sense of control.

Her phone remained close to her. She desperately wanted to text Tyki but refrained. Kanda was another option, but after everything that had transpired, she truly had no idea what her next move would be.

She sat with her laptop open in front of her, waiting for the line to get shorter so she could get much needed caffeine. As she scrolled through the front page of Google news, her phone buzzed.

It was a text from Kanda. Where are you?

It put her in a better mood, but she hesitated before replying. I'm at Joe's studying. Did you drop off Lavi?

She flipped her phone over so she wouldn't keep staring at the screen, waiting for Kanda to text back. Her gaze glossed over the articles. Breaking News, it read, CEO of esteemed business firm Carlton and Associates accused of sexual abuse of minors. Disgusted, Iris scrolled through the list.

Her phone buzzed again. She counted to seven in her head and flipped it over.

Yeah, Tyki's car is parked where he left it. Why are you studying?

She frowned. What kind of question was that? She was studying because there was much to be studied and finals were swiftly approaching.

Because finals are in two weeks…? And you're not studying?

She turned her attention back to the news. Military base bombed in Syria…Tensions between North and South Korea lead to canceled summit…

She glossed over the rest of the page and closed out of the window. There were always going to be sick people in the world. She just had to protect herself and that was it—she should've been putting her time to better use by finding out what kind of family Lavi actually came from and why he knew Cross…

But Iris couldn't bring herself to Google it. Cross had a plethora of academic articles and interviews as well as a very lengthy Wikipedia page all to himself—she knew it because she'd written quite a bit of that Wikipedia page, though she would never admit it to anyone else. After Cross had left, she had combed through those articles extensively, trying to find a clue to where he had gone. Of course, that was all very useless and any reminder of that time was unwelcome. With her ego sorely beaten by Lavi, she was in no mood to remind herself just how useless she could be.

Her phone vibrated again.

I thought seniors didn't have to study anymore. And I only have one final.

She grimaced. What kind of sophomore only had one final? And now that she thought about it, what major was Kanda exactly? She couldn't even imagine what Kanda enjoyed studying.

She got another text, this time from Tyki. Relief filled her.

Where are you?

She gave the same reply she'd given to Kanda, and was instantly rewarded with a Stay there, I'll come meet you.

Iris yawned and looked up, pleased to find that the line had been reduced down to two people. She stood up and approached the counter, thinking that coffee was going to be the best thing that happened to her in the last forty-eight hours.

"Hi," said the barista, "what can we get you?"

"I…oh," said Iris, suddenly realizing that she was empty-handed. "Sorry, I left my wallet in my backpack—hang on."

"We can go ahead and get started on your order," the barista chirped.

"Oh, thanks, I'll have a—"

"Two double Americanos—leave room in one," said a voice behind her. An arm extended out beside her, holding out a golden credit card to the barista. "It'll be on me."

From the moment he had spoken, Iris knew exactly who it was. She stared up at him now, caught so off guard that she legitimately couldn't think of any words to say.

He seemed to know these things, and after he looked at her face closely, turned back to the barista.

"Actually, make that a triple Americano," said Cross Marian generously. "You look like you'll need it, Iris."

free talk:

and cross makes his appearance. :)

hello world after much too long. a huge huge huge apology for making you wait for forever - i know a lot of people will be reading this and have to reread everything before because it's all been forgotten. sorry! life got very busy. i hope you are all doing well, and i'll try my best to update more consistently over the summer.

in the meantime, i hope you enjoyed this chapter. it was a little slow at parts but i think mostly everything was necessary, especially the long talk iris had with lavi. i wanted her to meet her match, hence not as much obvious kanda and iris interaction in this chapter, though there are the subtleties that i hope will do. obviously, this is iris's chapter - it's told entirely in her POV and it's also the first one where she seriously makes mistakes and loses. of course, having cross show up at the very last minute doesn't help.

please review! :) i'll update on my LJ as well.

xoxo,
m.n