A/N: *grins maniacally* The cliffy is harsh. I hope you'll forgive me. Also, I like the idea that Padmé writes a list - it's such a Padmé thing to do.

Enjoy xx

Padmé doesn't think she can feel any worse than how she currently feels as she wakes from her dreamless, restless sleep. As she rises and looks herself over in the mirror on her vanity, she sighs. Yes, she definitely looks how she feels. Tired and frustrated and miserable. It seeps out of her pale skin, the dark circles under her eyes, the heavy lids, the messy chestnut curls that frame her face. She yawns and rubs her eyes slowly. Part of her wants to crawl back into her bed and disappear under the covers. To sleep away the pain, the constant ache that resides in her chest from being with Anakin but not truly having him. It hurts more than she cares to admit. There are times where she just wants to hide herself in a dark room and cry until her eyes run out of tears, but she is a stronger woman than that. She will not cry. No. Padmé Amidala will suffer gracefully and when the time comes, she will wish him farewell without a single tear, because she is too proud to let him know how much this affects her.

Dormé arrives momentarily to tame her hair into something of a shadow of it's previous lusciousness and conceal the evidence of her lack of sleep, yet no amount of makeup can hide the pain that simmers in her brown eyes. Without a word to her handmaiden, she dismisses her silently with a wave of her hand and goes to wrap a thin robe around her shoulders. She is too tired to speak. In her misery, she almost forgets to put on her slippers, before she heads downstairs for breakfast.

She expects to find Anakin there, waiting for her, and is surprised, and disappointed, when he is not. It's something she had gotten used to when they were here together, when he was her Jedi protector and she was in hiding. Seeing his face, his stunning smile, first thing in the morning. In his place, is C3PO, who greets her formally when he notices her enter.

"Senator Padmé," the protocol droid titters. "It is good to see you."

Padmé smiles at him, another reminder of how brilliant her Ani is. It's hard to believe that a nine-year-old boy was capable of constructing a fully functional, protocol droid, but the evidence is standing right in front of her. "Hello, Threepio," she says kindly as she takes a seat at the dining table. An assortment of native Naboo fruit lies before her, bright and colourful and tempting, and for a moment, she forgets how tired and miserable she feels and helps herself. "This is certainly a surprise."

"Master Ani almost left me behind," Threepio says, his robotic voice sounding insulted. "That good Captain Typho brought us here this morning. They only found us because R2D2 had decided to try and operate the transport." He shook his head like an exasperated mother. "He almost piloted us here, with me on board!" Padmé can't help but laugh at the droid. Sometimes, she notices the similarities between her own R2 droid and Anakin. She believes that they would make a fine pair. They certainly have the same knack for spontaneity.

"Have you seen Anakin this morning?" she inquires as casually as possible, when her heart is yearning to see him. They only have a week together before he must leave her and she wants to make the most of every second spent together, even if it's just being in his presence.

Threepio turns and shuffles over to the window. "Master Ani went for a walk, my lady. R2 is with him."

Nodding, Padmé continues eating her breakfast, though every fibre of her being wants to look for him. She will not disrespect herself, and go chasing him around Naboo. She will wait for him to come to her, like a lady. It's as she sits there, with the morning sunlight bathing her skin as it spill through the large, wide windows, that she realises she has made a terrible mistake. She never should have brought Anakin here. She tempted fate, and it only served to make her feelings grow even stronger, make it harder to comprehend letting him go and now, there was only one thing left to do.

And so, being the pragmatic person that she is, she bids farewell to Threepio and goes back upstairs to her quarters, where she immediately asks Dormé for a piece of paper and a pen. When her handmaiden returns with the required implements, Padmé dismisses her and stares purposefully down at the blank sheet of paper, hand poised ready to write.

Reasons why I should let go of Anakin Skywalker, she writes elegantly in smooth, curled lines across the top of the page. It seems childish, even to her, but she knows it's the only thing she can do. She must think logically about this, because whatever she ultimately decides at the end of this week will no doubt affect her for the rest of her life, and she needs to think everything through, cover every possible outcome, so that she can justify her decision. As a child, Padmé would often make these sort of lists when it came to making a decision and, even now with matters in the Senate, it is her way of covering all bases and making rational decisions. So, it's only natural that she resorts to the same task here, in regards to Anakin.

The most glaringly obvious reason comes to her immediately, that she doesn't even feel the need to write it down, but does so anyway.

1. He's a Jedi.

Though Padmé is not familiar with the Jedi Order and it's stringent rules, she knows from conversations with Obi-Wan and Anakin himself, that attachments of any kind are forbidden. It's always made her wonder how such a rule is in place, when there are master and padawan attachments. Anakin and Obi-Wan are definitely closer than she is with any of her fellow senators; there's almost a brotherly relationship between them, a deep love for each other that is so obvious to her. If they can have an attachment, then surely it can't be all bad, but who is Padmé to question to laws that govern the Jedi Order? She knows that Anakin would be expelled if he was found to have any sort of relationship with Padmé that wasn't strictly friendly, and she can't do that to him. No matter how much it pains her.

2. We would have to live in secret.

She's told him this before, the night he had confessed his deep feelings for her and she'd had to deny her own. "Could you do it, Ani? Could you live like that?" Padmé doesn't know if she could. She wouldn't want to live in secret. She would want to show him off, announce proudly to the world that Anakin Skywalker was hers and hers alone. Nothing would give her greater pleasure. Having to hide their relationship... pretend they feel nothing for each other, it would kill her. She knows this. A relationship built of lies and deception and secrecy isn't healthy.

3. We wouldn't have a future.

Even if they hid their relationship from the universe, Padmé knows she would never be able to have a family with Anakin. They wouldn't be able to live together, or raise children together. If she suddenly fell pregnant, questions would be raised, and the Queen would most likely dismiss her as a senator if she gave birth to a fatherless child - at least, to the public eye. Padmé is only twenty-four. She's not thought much about having a family, but she knows that she wants children in her future, and she also knows that that is something Anakin cannot give her. No matter how happy he makes her, or how much she loves him, it wouldn't be enough, in the end.

4. We will constantly be apart.

The Clone Wars have only just begun, and there is no certainty that they will resolve themselves any time soon. It may takes years, perhaps even a decade, before the war is over - though she sincerely hopes that is not the case - and in that time, Anakin will be off fighting with the Jedi. They will be separated, for months on end. She doesn't know if she can handle that amount of separation.

5. There is a war.

Padmé is against violence. She believes that democracy is the way forward, she has always believed that open communication is the only way to resolve issues. However, she is one of few who hold such beliefs. And while the Republic is at war with the Separatists, Padmé, as a senator, should be focusing all her attention of ceasing the war, of coming up with diplomatic solutions, organising peace treaties and opening communication. Not thinking about a forbidden relationship with a Jedi.

The longer her list becomes, the harder it is for Padmé to deny the only logical decision. The evidence is overwhelming, all the odds stacked against her heart's desire. It can't happen. It will only end in heartbreak for the both of them if they strike something up now. But it hurts, oh how painful the truth is. She doesn't want to believe it. And yet, as her eyes scan the page, she knows it will never work. She must end it now, she must do what she promised Obi-Wan. Even though it physically pains her, she must tell Anakin to let her go, that nothing can happen between them, and she has to do it now, because they are running out of time. He will be returning to war at the end of the week and she knows how fragile he is with his emotions. Anakin will need time to heal.

She bites her lip as it quivers, sniffling hard to force the moisture that begins to well in her eyes back, because she promised herself that she wouldn't cry. With a melancholy sigh, she rests her forehead in her hands and closes her eyes, trying to concentrate on her breathing. It's unfair how cruel the universe is; how it teases her with this all-consuming love for a beautiful, fascinating, unattainable boy, dangles him in front of her with whispered promises and shy smiles and delicate touches, but when she goes to him, he only moves further out of her reach. It's torture.

If possible, Padmé suddenly feels even worse than she did when she woke up. Her body is lethargic, slow, all she wants to do is lie in bed, curl up under the covers and avoid all human contact. Tell him now, that annoying, persistent voice demands, but she ignores it with a half-hearted promise of later. She is no mood to see the broken look on Anakin's face that will no doubt be there when she tells him to let her go. It would be too much for her poor heart. Wearily, she stands, takes her list with her and tucks it in her drawer underneath her undergarments, before shrugging off her robe and climbing back into her bed. Once she is under the covers, she once again calls for Dormé.

"Are you alright, milday?" her handmaiden asks as she enters, a concerned look on her face.

Padmé whimpers miserably and snuggles further into her bed. "Draw the curtains, please, Dormé. I wish to sleep." The sun is suddenly too bright, too painful. She craves darkness.

"Are you ill?" Yes, Padmé wants to say. She is ill with grief. "Should I call for a medical droid?"

"No, Dormé," she assures her. "I just wish to be alone. Don't allow anyone in to see me, will you, please?"

Her handmaiden clicks her tongue, but does as she is told, drawing the curtains shut. "Not even Master Skywalker?"

She shakes her head. "Especially not Master Skywalker."

Dormé bows politely. "As you wish, milady."

It is only then, when she is sure that no one is watching, that Padmé allows herself to shed a tear for the man she loves more than anything in the universe but can't have.

"I know, buddy," Anakin says to the droid, who beeps back an argument. "I said I was sorry."

R2D2 doesn't seem impressed with his apology, and beeps rudely, turning his dome-like head several times, lights flashing. Anakin only laughs. He can understand the droid's irritation - he had left both him and C3P0 back at the Palace - accidentally, of course, but to Artoo, it is the greatest insult.

"What can I say? You try thinking clearly when she's around." Of course, he knows that it's all his fault. He and his carelessness, but when he's with Padmé, Anakin can't think of much else except her. It's a miracle he remembers to breathe, let alone anything else. Her very presence is intoxicating - he struggles to concentrate around her at the best of times, but here, on Naboo, where she is so relaxed and open, it's even harder to resist her.

Artoo is not impressed and titters at him as they make their way along the beach. After his swim yesterday, Anakin feels more confident around the water, more open to it, that he's even taken off his boots and is walking barefoot across the hot sand. It a nice morning, the sun kisses his face with a warm embrace, and there is a slight breeze that tousles his tunic and cools his skin. The water is impossibly blue, so clear and beautiful that he itches to swim again. Perhaps Padmé will join him later, when he returns, and the thought makes him grin stupidly when he remembers what she looked like in her bathing suit. She always looks beautiful no matter what she is wearing, but there is something so sensual and exciting and tempting about seeing her with so much skin exposed for his pleasure.

"Well, you're not in love with her, are you?" he quips with a smirk. The droid shakes and beeps in a mockery of laughter and Anakin sighs. "Yeah, I know, buddy. Believe me, I know." The pair make their way back up the beach, towards the villa. Anakin can't believe that he gets to spend an entire week here, free of worry, or fearing for Padmé's life. It's the best thing that's happened to him in a long time. The relaxation has done a world of good for his prosthetic arm; he is no longer as cumbersome with his lightsaber as he was merely a few days ago. There is a part of him that can't wait to join his master in the war, an even greater part of him that longs for glory, for victory in battle. And yet, he doesn't want to leave this paradise - because that's what it is, and he especially doesn't want to leave Padmé. Just a few days with her and he's already more in love than he thought was possible.

He knows she feels the same, even though she denies it. He can see it in the way he catches her eying him when she thinks he can't see, the way she flushes prettily when he flirts with her, the way she flirts back in that sensual little whisper of hers that makes him hard, instantly. For the first time in his life, Anakin suddenly wishes he wasn't a Jedi. It would be so much easier if he was just a normal man with a normal job. Of course, Padmé is still a senator, not to mention a former Queen of noble birth and there are expectations for her to marry within her rank and status, but even so, Anakin knows he would have more of a chance if he was a humble mechanic than a Jedi. He'd marry her in a heartbeat, if he could. He's never been so sure about anything in his life, expect that he could spend eternity with Padmé and still feel as deeply for her as he does right now. But it's impossible. Attachments of any kind are forbidden by the Order, and he is pushing his luck as it is. Marriage is definitely off the cards. But it doesn't mean he can't dream.

"Do you thinks she'll let me keep you?" He muses to Artoo. "There's no need for a senator to have an R2 series, and besides, we make a good team, you and I." Artoo beeps in response and Anakin laughs. "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?" The droid turns it's head and flashes at him, which is as good a response as any.

Threepio greets them as they enter the villa and immediately starts bickering with Artoo, causing Anakin to shake his head at the pair of them. He leaves them to it and searches around for Padmé. Surely, she should be up by now, and he wants to go swimming again. He finds Sabé in a drawing room and approaches her.

"Do you know where Senator Amidala is?" he asks, politely. The handmaiden turns and once again, he is struck by how similar she is to his Padmé. It's uncanny. To the untrained eye, the are identical, but Anakin knows the difference. Padmé's eyes are almond-shaped and a dark shade of chocolate, whereas Sabé's are rounder and the colour of caramel. Sabé has a squarer jaw and a longer nose, where Padmé has a heart shaped face. And the handmaiden's skin is a shade darker than the smooth, ivory skin that Anakin fantasises about on a frequent basis. Yes, to the untrained eye, they are the same person, but Anakin Skywalker is an expert in everything to do with Padmé Amidala. He knows her inside out.

"She is in her bedchamber," Sabé responds with a curtsy. "She is not feeling well and wishes not to be disturbed."

All Anakin hears are the words not feeling well and immediately, his demeanour becomes more assertive. He locks his jaw and furrows his eyebrows. "Ill?" he repeats, concern coursing through him. He reaches out a little with the Force until he finds her conscience, probes a little just to see how she is feeling. He is hit with a wave of misery so strong he almost lets out a cry of agony. It's so painful, whatever she is feeling, and he instantly sprints upstairs to her quarters. He can't bear the thought of Padmé in pain. If there is something he can do to make her feel better, he will do it. Even if he has to pilot a ship to Tatooine.

"Padmé!" he calls to her as he knocks on her door. "Padmé! Are you alright?" A flood of worry overwhelms him. Perhaps it was something she ate? Or she has news about her family? Or something terrible happened in the Senate? Either way, he is determined to find out. The door opens to reveal Dormé and Anakin immediately presses her for information. "Is Padmé in there? I need to see her!" He is demanding and impatient but he doesn't care. All that he can think about is her, upset, unwell, and he wants nothing more than to be next to her, to hold her hand and smooth out her hair and cradle her in his arms.

Dormé regards him sadly and shakes her head. "Milady is resting and doesn't wish to be disturbed."

Anakin frowns, a growl slipping past his clenched teeth. "I must see her," he insists, more aggressive than before, and he notices the handmaiden's eyes flicker down to his clenched fists before meeting his once more. A flicker of uncertainty crosses her face, but it only serves to make him more annoyed. He doesn't need the permission of a handmaiden to see his Padmé. No Force alive can stop him from making sure that she is alright. Her safety is paramount, it is what he lives and breathes for.

"I'm sorry, Master Skywalker," Dormé says softly. "But milady gave me strict instructions to let nobody enter."

"She'll want to see me," Anakin argues, taking a step closer. He's in half a mind to haul the handmaiden out the window, and he wouldn't even need the Force to do that. He can sense Padmé in her room, sense her despair, her pain and it kills him. "Please! I have to make sure she's alright! I... I lo - I'm charged with her life!" He's about ready to barge passed the handmaiden and force his way through to her bedchamber, when he hears something.

I'm alright, Ani.

Her voice. Soft and light and tired. At first, he thinks Padmé is calling to him from her bed, but when Dormé makes no reaction that she heard anything, he realises that she's communicating with him through the Force, projecting her thoughts so that he can hear them. The knowledge leaves him bewildered. How did she know to do that? The only person Anakin has ever communicated through the Force with is Obi-Wan. To be able to do this, at least a one-way conversation, with Padmé astounds him.

I'm alright, Ani. Leave me be. Please. She sounds so desperate for him to listen to her, even in his mind, that he feels obliged to obey her wishes. Even though he doesn't agree. Even though his body is aching to be with her. Swallowing, he nods his head, runs a hand through his hair, apologises to Dormé, and then returns downstairs.

Get well, my love, he projects back to her, even though he knows she can't hear him, because she is not Force sensitive. But somehow, he knows that she heard him, for he can feel her gratitude, clouded with misery though her aura is, and ti reassures him that she will be alright.

"I've gone mad," Padmé mutters to herself as she rises from her bed and pulls her robe around her shoulders. She's spent all day mulling over her decision, weighing the pros and cons, considering every possible outcome and while her head made a logical decision... her heart feels otherwise. It suddenly occured to her, while she was wallowing in her grief, that she doesn't care. She doesn't care if it's the worst decision she's ever made in her life, because nothing, nothing could be more painful than what she's currently feeling. She was a fool to think she could hide her feelings, to let Anakin walk out of her life. She needed him, like water to a parched throat, like oxygen to drowned lungs. Her own happiness rests in her hands, and unless she wants to spend the rest of her life wondering, longing, then she has to do something about it.

And so, she creeps past a sleeping Dormé, and knocks on the secret door that leads to Anakin's room. As though he senses her, the door opens immediately, to reveal a sleepy, gorgeous Anakin and Padmé swallows thickly at the sight of him. He eyes her with concern, an adorable frown on his face. "Padmé...?" he mutters, voice heavy from sleep, and it's the most erotic sound she has ever heard. "What are you doing?"

"Anakin," she begins, her voice a hoarse whisper. "I can't do this anymore!" Tears are falling freely from her eyes and she blinks furiously, frustrated at her own emotions getting the best of her. "I - I tried, I really tried, but I.. I just can't - " her hands are flailing miserably and the way he is looking at her confirms her suspicions that she has actually gone mad, but she can't stop. The waterfall of emotions that she's been holding back for so, so long has finally reached breaking point and now that she's opened the floodgates, she can't hold it back.

He rests his hands on her shoulders and runs them up and down her arms in a gentle, soothing way. Just his touch on her skin makes her bottom lip quiver with need. "Padmé..." he coos softly, ducking his head a little to stare deep into her eyes.

"Anakin, I - " she stumbles over the words, even though she's said them before, because it's so different this time. Before, on Geonosis, she thought they were both going to die. But now, they are both alive, and will probably be alive tomorrow, and telling him her true feelings will change everything. It scares her, but she's come this far now so she can't back down. "I love you."

He doesn't say a word. Instead, he cocks his head to the side just a little, as though he's processing the information. Padmé can't bear the silence. "I love you, Ani, and I - I can't deny it any longer. It... it hurts too much." She steps closer to him, reaching for his hands, never taking her eyes off his beautiful, blue ones. His eyes are shining and he looks so, so beautiful that she sobs in spite of herself.

"Padmé," he whispers, reverently, her name falling from his lips like a prayer and he bends to press his forehead against hers. "We... we can't... it's not -"

" - I know," she insists, shaking her head against him. "I made a - a promise... to Obi-Wan... that we could only be friends but I - I lied." She is sobbing uncontrollably now, her entire body shaking, and Anakin grips her arms, steadying her, piercing her with his gaze. "I'm so selfish, Anakin," she hisses in disgust. "After you almost... you were in the medical bay and... your arm! I thought - you could have died and I knew... I knew!" she paused to catch her breath, swallowing the flood of tears that rushed forward. "I can't bear to live a single day without you."

Anakin smiles at her, and it's the most gorgeous smile she's ever seen and, as if it's possible, she falls even deeper in love with him. His hands cradle her face, fingers dancing lightly over her skin and she closes her eyes when he ghosts his lips over her forehead. "Padmé..." he murmurs, voice deathly quiet and oh, so delicate. "Oh, Padmé... my love..." He dusts sweet kisses over every inch of her face, kissing away her tears, smoothing over her brow and she sighs happily, feeling lighter than air. It's like no other feeling in the universe, hearing him say her name like that. It's never sounded more right than dripping from his lips. "Oh, how I love you..."

"Ani..." she exhales, placing her hands on his chest. She can feel his heart thumping wildly against his rib-cage and it makes her smile. "I need you," her voice has never sounded more desperate or breathless than right now, but he seems to appreciate it, for he rumbles a low growl deep in the back of his throat. "I love you and I need you and I don't care about the consequences because - because I love you."

Just when she expects him to take her into his arms and carry her off to his bed, he pulls back a little, suddenly insecure and adorably shy and her heart tightens in her chest with love for him. "You... and you're sure you... you want this? Me?" The way he asks, as though he can't believe that this is happening makes her beam so greatly she thinks she could burst with affection.

She pulls him in tighter, winding her arms around his neck, one hand playing with his padawan braid. "Always, Ani," she assures him, completely sincere. "Always."

Then he seizes her in his arms, crushes his mouth against hers and pulls her into his room.