AN: I don't own Twilight.
Um...WOW! I woke up this morning to a ton of new followers and reviews! You guys are amazing and I'm over here trying to figure out how to make sure I don't let you all down!
FYI- I am using an ipad to type all of this up, sans keyboard. It's like...drunk texting to the 100th degree! On the plus side of things, I think I may have found someone who is willing to help me clean things up a bit. Yay!
November 9th
Cougar Rock- Washington.
Bella
It was cold.
I was kicking myself for not thinking this through. It's November for crying out loud! I had spent the better half of a day hiking through some incredibly gorgeous and incredibly cold mountain trails. I usually wasn't this whiney when I was doing what I loved best.
Then again, I was usually in the middle of a rainforest, not climbing Mount Everest.
That was a tad dramatic.
With the sun swiftly sinking below the horizon, I decided to set up camp. The rest of the group would be hiking out in March to join up with me. I was hoping the next trip would be much warmer.
I wasn't planning on hiking entirely to the climb zone. I was just using this time to get familiar with the area and prepare for any additional supplies or tools we may need for the big outing come spring time.
This was really going to be my first long treck in colder climates. I was beginning to see that I was better suited for beaches and bushwacking.
The upside to this new terrain was the easy access to wood. I only had to scavange for less than ten minutes before finding enough wood to light a pretty decent sized fire.
Once I had camp set up, I made myself comfortable by the fire, admiring the night sky and drinking a scalding hot thermos of Cocoa.
This outing really could have waited until later in the season, but I was begining to go crazy in Forks. There was just too many memories of an entirely different life.
Hell, I was an entirely different girl. Sometimes when I allowed myself to really analyze that time in my life, it was like I was watching a bad movie.
I used to get angry.
Angry at Edward and the Cullens, but mostly at myself.
That girl in that movie was weak. Not because she was blood and bones and flesh. Not because she was soft and warm. She was weak because she had allowed herself to be weak. That girl would never zipline or parajump or rock climb. She didn't believe in herself enough to even play tennis.
That girl had her nose stuck in book's, reading about everyone else's adventures instead of having her own.
The only daring thing she ever did was fall for a man who spent his every second fearing a loss of control. Controling his bloodlust, controling his speed, his strength, our relationship.
Edward was a control freak.
I knew Edward like the back of my hand. I knew he left Forks because of some misplaced notion that he was being noble and doing the right thing for me. I also knew that while I used to think of myself as weak... Edward thought I was as fragile as cotton candy.
The woman sitting here today would have to disagree.
I would counter that out of the two of us, I was far stronger. I wasn't afraid of falling, or drowning or bleeding. Sharks existed and yet I still swam in their territory. Parachutes sometimes didn't open, and yet I still jumped. Poisonous snakes are everywhere in the jungle, but I still chose the scenic route with lush vegetation over the well beaten path.
Risk was something you had to take if you wanted to really live.
I took numerous risk's. I also spent a lot of time learning and practicing how to minimize those risk's.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a death wish. I had a life wish.
I loved freely and deeply and without restraint. Some people would say I was too free. I am aware that my Vlog may give the impression that I have a plethora of men who constantly come in and out of my life, but that isn't the case at all. I had only had a handfull of sexual partners in my life, and while that may seem like a lot for someone of my age, I had also experienced a lot more than most people who were old enough to be my grandparents. Sometimes I did kiss strangers, sometimes I got too drunk on life and lost my inhibitions. I didn't regret a single kiss. They helped make me who I am.
Edward was correct about one thing at least, he was dead.
How could you ever really be alive if you spent every second trying to stamp down the very things that made you feel alive?
While there was a huge piece of my heart and soul that would forever be linked to his, I had to keep moving. Keep exploring and feeling and growing. Edward was weak, but I had learned to be strong, and I had found peace in that strength.
Vlog # 492
"Hey viewers, Bella here. If you are wondering why I am being so quiet right now it is because I am currently camped out on a mountain cliff in the Pacific Northwest in the middle of November. Yes. You heard me correctly. No, I haven't lost my mind."
I quickly panned the camera around to show the viewers the amazing scenery.
"...you see that view? It makes it all worth it." I continued
"The real reason I wanted to film right now though is up here on this ridge...I don't know if the camera is going to show it very well..."
I turned the camera up towards the ridge and slowly zoomed in.
"...can you guys see that? That right there my friends... is a mountain lion." I whispered.
"...I don't think she's a threat, she hasn't gotten any closer even though she is more than capable of doing so. I think I have just peaked her curiosity. Just look at her...she's magnificent.. I just wanted to share this experience with you guys, because how often do you get to see a thing of beauty like that in their own natural habitat?" I smiled into the camera once more.
"...alright travelers, I'm going to sign off now and try to get some better photos of her to add to the blog for you guys. If you haven't had a chance to view the website and it's content, please do. I linked it below in the description. Until next time travelers." I waved before clicking the camera off.
I only managed to get a handful of good photos of my morning visitor before she eventually got bored and moved on to better things.
I decided to spend another evening on the mountain. It was cold but I needed to suck it up if I ever planned on visiting any of the Nordic countries.
Which I did.
I spent most of my day hiking and snapping photos for my website. It wasn't updated as frequently as the YouTube channel, because it took longer for the writing bug to inspire me than just turning on a camera. It was an excellent tool for cataloging all of my adventures in photo format.
Somewhere between eating my Fourth energy bar of the day and reactivating a new pack of handwarmers; I made a mental note to buy a book on edible vegetation in the Pacific Northwest. Dried eggs and granola bars were great, but it sure made life boring.
During my trip out of Cougar Rock, I ran into a group of backpackers who were just heading in.
Their names were Lucas and Amy. I stopped to chat with them for a moment about the trail conditions, as well as the weather.
They were far more experienced in cold climates, as they had just made their way back from a Six month trip throughout Alaska.
Amy recognized me from my Vlog and asked if she could get a few photo's with me. This part of my life was the part I had a difficult time understanding. I was just a regular person, and even though I had a very public channel on YouTube, I wasn't really interested in fame. Sometimes people recognized me and sometimes they didn't. I wasn't really famous, just familiar to a small group of people who shared the same hobby as me. I willingly allowed her to snap a few photos and we went our separate ways.
I had to set up camp halfway through my trip back to Forks, due to a sudden snowstorm. I made sure to find a good spot that was facing away from the bone chilling wind and huddled into my Antarctic sleeping bag. It was a cold night indeed.
I had never been happier to use a warm shower than I was the next evening when I returned home.
I was not cut out for cold weather traveling.
I quickly uploaded the Videos I had taken to YouTube, and wrote a short paragraph on my website to accompany the photos I had taken.
There was a massive uptick in subscribers and viewers for the channel, and I was slightly baffled by this.
I wasn't really posting as frequently or creating as much content as I had been when I was in South America.
I did notice that the questions people were posting were becoming increasingly personal as well. Maybe being in the States made people feel like I was more attainable? More...real?
I already had a plan to create a few videos that were geared towards travel tips and the like, a way to create more content during my downtime in Forks and connect with my viewers.
I always had a few comments from people who were wanting to try their hand at traveling as well. These comments were usually my favorite. I loved the idea that by me sharing my travels I was inspiring others to go out in the world and explore it's every corner.
"How was your trip?" Charlie asked me from across the table at dinner that evening.
"It was great. Cold though." I pretended to shiver.
"Yeah...your not in Mexico anymore Bells." Charlie smiled.
"I think I may need to read up on some material for colder climates and maybe buy some different gear as well." I nodded.
"You could always swing by Newtons. They have gear that's aimed more towards local trips." he suggested.
"I was planning on swinging by to see what they have tomorrow actually."
"Good. Maybe you could catch up with some of your old friends from school while your there." he took a drink from his beer.
"Maybe." I tried to smile, but I'm sure it came out as more of a grimace.
"What's so wrong with having normal friends?" Charlie must have seen my discomfort.
"My friends are normal!" I scoffed.
"It's not normal to never lay down roots Bella. Everyone needs to have roots. A place to call home...and shower." he wrinkled his nose in distaste.
"We shower!" I defended.
"Not frequently enough if you ask me. That boy that stopped by last week... and who does that anyways? He ever heard of a phone?" he wiped his mustache with a napkin before continuing.
"You can't tell me you all hike around on foot across the country just to catch up with someone." Charlie ranted on.
I blushed. We had definitely done some catching up. Several times.
In fact I would venture that me and Mav had moved passed the catching up phase a while back.
"Oh. I see." Charlie looked down at his plate.
"You dating this boy then?" he looked up at me.
"Char...Dad. I am more than willing to have this conversation with you. As an adult woman, I feel no need to defend my choices. The question is if you really want to hear the what I am about to tell you?" I folded my hands in front of me, in a very business-like manner.
"Er...no." he conceded.
"Alright then." I smiled triumphantly.
"It's just...hear me out Bella..." Charlie began again.
"Alright. I'm listening." I motioned for him to speak.
"How long do you plan on living this way? You ever think about settling down or buying a home?" he asked.
"I don't really see myself living that way in the immediate future. No." I shook my head.
"Why not? I mean...you could still travel from time to time. People do that you know. It's called a vacation"
"That's true, also not the point. I want to see the world Charlie. All of it. I can't do that with a Nine -to- Five job and Two weeks of vacation every year." I explained.
"A lot of folks want to see the world Bella. That doesn't mean they just leave society behind and become a nomad." he countered.
"I did." I shrugged.
"I though maybe this was just a phase, you know... like a trip you would take before you head off to college and get a degree."
"Dad, I'm sorry to disappoint you...but that would make me miserable. I would never be happy in that type of lifestyle." I explained.
"Bella. I'm not disappointed. That's not what I meant."
"Well...then what is it you want me to say?" I rocked back in my chair.
"I don't know Bells...I just...I worry about you."
"I know you do Dad." I smiled.
The topic was swiftly dropped after that.
"So your mom called while you were out. She want's you to visit her in Florida." Charlie broke the silence a moment later.
"I know." I sighed heavily.
"She misses you too Bella." he admonished me.
"I know. It's just that she can be so...exuberant." I searched for a kind way of saying it.
"Yeah." Charlie laughed quietly to himself.
"What's so funny?" I quirked a brow.
"Nothing. Just...I like some of the comments she writes on your videos." Charlie choked out.
"That's not funny Dad!" I tried to keep a stern look on my face but failed.
"Sorry. I know it's probably embarrassing for you."
"I've gotten used to it by now." I took a bite of my food.
"Really? I don't think I could ever get used to..."
"No! Not really. Have some mercy on me and drop the subject already!" I laughed.
"Alright. Alright." Charlie nodded in agreement.
"How's Sue doing by the way Dad?" I fired back.
"Er...good." Charlie put my blush to shame.
The next morning I found myself inside Newton Outfitters, looking at gear. I was trying on some new hiking boots when Mike Newton approached me.
"Hey Bella!" he greeted enthusiastically.
"Hi Mike. How have you been?" I answered politely.
"Good. Good." he shoved his hand's into his pockets.
"That's...good." I tried to smile.
"So uh... you in town for long or just passing through?" he asked.
"Just passing through." I lied.
"Oh yeah? So your not going to hang around for the holidays?" he looked disappointed.
"I am actually, but I have a bunch of side trips I'm taking in between. Busy schedule." I tried to cover my bases.
"Right. Yeah. I watched that video about Rainier..." he trailed off.
"Yup. That's the plan." I nodded awkwardly.
"Alright well...I'll let you get back to your shopping I guess."
"Nice to see you Mike." I returned to lacing up the boots I had on.
"You too Bella. See you around." he waved lightly.
I tried not to stay too long after that.
Thankfully, I had done quite a bit of research the evening before on what gear I would be needing. It didn't take me long to make my selections and pay for my goods.
"Hey Bells." Charlie called when I came into the front door with my arms loaded down.
"You want some help with that?" he asked as he greeted me at the door.
"No. I think I got it." I made my way up the stairs to deposit the goods.
I had just sat the bags on my bed when Charlie called up the stairs.
"Hey Bella, before I forget...you have a message on the answering machine! I'm headed out to Billy's."
Nobody ever left messages for Charlie at the house, too new school for his taste. He didn't even have an answering machine when I first moved in with him.
"Thanks Dad! Have fun." I called down.
I spent the next hour reorganizing my pack and making room for some of my new gear. I was about ready to tackle my ever expanding inbox when my stomach growled noisily.
Deciding to make myself a sandwich, I worked my way downstairs.
The red light blinked on the answering machine in the kitchen counter. I pressed play before opening the fridge.
There was a long pause and then a familiar voice filled my kitchen.
I froze in my tracks, the jar of mayonnaise slipping from my hands.
"Hey Bella. It's Alice. Alice Cullen? Um, if you could give me a call back that would be great. My number is..."
Alice Cullen?