"What the hell is gong on here?"

No. No no no. This was not happening. It was not Jared. Jared came from a very traditional family. Traditional meaning, "We hate gays." For him of all people to see us, was… Terrifying. I pulled away from Connor and just stared. Connor, well… Had a different approach to the situation.

"What the fuck is it to you?" He yelled, standing up. Jared stared up at him, clearly intimidated by Connor's height, but he still didn't move.
"I mean, you two are gay? Seriously? Why? What's the point? It's gross. You need to grow up, Evan. I mean, what about Zoe? You had a crush on her just a week ago! Staring at her like a lovesick puppy, and now you're making out with her brother? It's creepy!"
"And what the fuck is it to you?" Connor repeated, stepping closer. Then came the rough shove that sent Jared to the ground. Connor was angry. I was terrified. This date could not have ended worse. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

"Jesus Christ, you're insane! Stay away from me in school, Evan. The brownie points with my parents aren't worth hanging with a faggot. Plus, once they find out, they'll tell me to stay away anyway."

That hurt. Jared wasn't a friend, but those words hurt. I wasn't gay, though. I was pretty sure I was bisexual. Did that even matter? I was about to be outed when I wasn't even sure myself. I loved Connor. I knew that, and still do. What I didn't know is what my mom would say or do when she found out I had been spending my summer secretly dating a boy. She would send me to a different therapist, or pray the gay away camp. What would Connor's parents do? Would they make us stay away from each other? Ridicule me? Make Connor's life hell? What the hell was going to happen to us?

Then I came back to reality, out of my prison of a mind. Jared was walking away, and Connor was… Crying. Seriously? Crying? That was the last thing I expected from him.

"Connor… It's going to be okay. I know it will. Please, just stay here with me. It'll work out."
"I'm crying because I'm going to be forced out of the closet. The whole fucking tough guy act was so I would be like a guy, and not the flamboyant gay my parents imagine all gays are. I'm fucking fragile on the inside, Evan. I don't want to be made fun of at school. I don't want to deal with more bullying than I already deal with. I just want to disappear."

"Connor… It's going to be okay. Let's… Go to your house, and tell your parents before Jared tells everyone. I think they would take it better coming from you, than Zoe coming home and saying that you're gay. Let's just do that. Please."

"Evan… I'm so fucking scared right now. I don't want to be disowned, or homeless, or anything like that. My parents have never said shit about gays, but they haven't said anything in support either. What the fuck are they going to think?"
"We just have to go, and find out."
"What about telling your mom?"
"I… Should probably tell her too. Before Jared does. But the word may spread from his family to mine as soon as he gets on the bus and calls his mom. Oh, god, I'm so fucking scared now. I don't want to go to therapy. I don't want to do be torn away from my normal life. I'm finally functioning, almost. I called a pizza place yesterday and actually ordered. I actually went to the door and paid the guy. I actually did it. And now… I have no clue what's going to happen."
"Evan… Let's go. We can't stay here longer, in case that fuckhead comes back. I never want to see him again. If I see him at school, the tough guy thing won't be an act. I'm going to kick his ass."

I-I-I-I

And suddenly, we were at Connor's house. There were three cars in the driveway. Why three? My mother wasn't here already, was she? No, none of them were hers. Maybe Zoe had a car of her own. I know Connor never got his license. His history and current use of drugs-well, he claimed to be clean since we started dating-had prevented him from getting a permit, let alone a license. His parents wouldn't let him, and I doubt the DMV would either.
"Evan… They're home. Stay out here until I call you. I'm going to tell them alone. I don't want you to have to see them if they start screaming. If you hear screaming, just leave. Go home. Don't stay to see what happens. I don't need you to see that."
"I want to stay with you. As terrifying as it is, I want to stay."
"Please, just leave. I can't scar you like that."
"I…"
"Please."
"I… Okay. I will."
"Whatever happens, I love you Evan Hansen. Just wait for me, and just… pray. To whatever god there may be."
That's what I tend to think. Did he pick that up from me?

It didn't matter. I just stared into his wet eyes, then stood up on my toes to kiss him.

"I love you, Connor."

And inside he went. The door shut, and there was pure silence. Even when I pressed my ear to the door, I heard nothing. The door must have been made of solid wood.

So I waited, and waited. I checked my phone every ten seconds, but it felt like ten minutes in between the times I checked. I stood as hours (minutes) passed, before I heard Connor call me with a shaky voice.
"Evan, come in." He whimpered. I'd never heard him like that. It was painful to hear that fear. Did his parents scold him? Did they want to ream me out too? Did they want to banish me from their house forever? Did they want to call my mom? Back into my brain I went, feeling all of the deep fears and anxiety that it could possibly muster.
"Evan, please. It's okay." Connor said again. Even if they told me to stay away and never come back, Connor needed me. I could tell by his voice that he needed me more than anything.

I wiped my palms, and I stepped inside, and I walked down the hall, and I looked around, and I eventually saw Connor and his parents.

Here was the moment. Connor and I were going to be forced to separate.

"So, this is Evan Hansen? He looks nothing like what we expected."

Wait, what? Were things actually going… Well? Were his parents accepting him and welcoming him?

"They… They knew since I was a child that I was gay." Connor stuttered as he stepped over and hugged me. "I would always stare at the underwear packages at the mall, apparently. And only the men's boxers."

"And you would grab at them, up until you were nine." His mother commented with a giggle She was staring right at me, a bright smile on her face, and it was… Refreshing, I guess? My mom usually looked extremely stressed after work and school, or I wouldn't see her at all. Sometimes she would smile, and tell me about how she loves me… I knew that would end soon. My phone was going to buzz, I was going to be commanded to come home, and it would be over. No more Connor, no more… 'gay' stuff, no more happiness in general. As soon as I finished that thought, Connor let go of me.
"Connor, he's so cute. Oh, but what happened to your arm, sweetie?"
"I, uh, fell out of a tree. Connor was-"
"You're the one he took to the emergency room? We wondered why there was an uber charge to the hospital. He never told us."
"He was probably getting high right after. We didn't see him until late that night, right?" Zoe suddenly commented. While Connor's mother was looking me over and being as welcoming as possible, and his father smiling while sitting in his big recliner, Zoe looked extremely sour. So she was the homophobic one of the group?

"How did a druggie get a boyfriend before me?"

Oh. She wasn't homophobic. She was just jealous.

"Zoe, stop making fun of your brother. He was so brave to come out to us like this, and even bring his boyfriend to us." His mother cooed. What a nice tone of voice. I wish my mother would be like that to me being bisexual.
"I haven't… I haven't used in a month. I'm clean." He muttered, without a shred of pride to his voice. Sobriety was something to be extremely proud of. Had he not told anyone?
"Connor, have you really stopped using? That's wonderful news! What got you to stop? Was it Evan?" Connor simply nodded in response to his mother's excitement. "Oh, you've been such a good influence already. Please, stay with him. Let me get you two some lemonade. You look very warm, Evan. You're sweating a lot."
"I, uh, I have anxiety, actually, and this was probably one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I thought for sure I was going to be rejected."
"Oh, sweetie! You're always going to be welcome in this house. You're such a good influence on my son already, and he's never been calmer than before. Do your parents know? Should I have them over for dinner? You must stay, of course! I want to learn all about the boy making my son happy."
"Honey, please. The boy looks like he's about to fall apart. Give him a little space."

"It's, um, just me and my mom right now. My dad left when I was seven, and he has a wife and other kids now that are his priority, so… I just live with my mom."
"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Why don't I call your mother and invite her over, then? I'd love to meet the woman that raised a boy like you. Connor gave us the quick version of you. How you always smelled nice, and how you had a calming voice, but that you always spaced out and didn't speak as much as you did with other people at first. And he told us your favourite ice cream flavour, and he told us about how he showed you his secret fort and that it's still standing. He's said so many wonderful things, although it was just in the past couple minutes."
"Please don't call my mom." Was all I said in response. After she stared at me, completely puzzled, she said,

"Does she not know? I know this is a rather conservative town, but I'm sure she'd love you anyway. If she's anything like you, that is."
"I… A family friend is going to tell his parents, who will tell her, and that's when I'll know her reaction. I just know that she thinks being gay is a treatable condition, and…"

Why was I saying so much? Did I really become that relaxed after being accepted? After that, I just froze. His mother looked concerned, and his father did but in a different way, and his sister just looked… Irritated.

"Your phone is ringing, Evan." Zoe finally said, breaking the silence.

It was. So I checked. And it was my mother.