I wish we could take every path; I could spend a hundred years adoring you.
The quarter-mile walk back to Hershel's farm was spent largely in silence.
At one point Lily had offered to help Daryl carry the squirrels. "It doesn't even gross me out." She bragged.
Sometimes she reminded him so strongly of a child. Trying to act adult and impressive. He hated to admit that he found it strangely endearing.
"You know Daryl, I could even help you skin them. I took a class in high school once, Wildlife Preservation.' I signed up thinking it was about preserving the rainforest, eliminating poaching, stuff like that. I was confused at first as to why I was the only girl in the class. Then the first day the teacher comes in and drops this huge, bloodied deer on the desk. He picks up a hunting knife and says, 'Come get it kids.'"
Daryl couldn't help but laugh- imagining Lily with her nail polish and jewelry, staring down a giant slab of dead deer. "Well good, you can make yourself useful."
"Hah, I dropped the class. Switched over to making floral arrangements instead. Probably not the best decision in hindsight now."
"Well, I can teach ya. It'll be good for you to learn."
She smiled mischievously. "You're just teaching me all sorts of things these days, Dixon. I'm not entirely talentless, you know." She looked at him pointedly.
He was taken aback by her boldness. He could tell that she easily could step into the role of femme fatale. It was probably intrinsic to her survival in this world.
Her suggestive smile faded away to one of playfulness. "I'm serious! I mean, we aren't all built for this world. We're not all Dixons. Don't look at me like that. I can totally picture it. Your everyday life. You traipsing through the woods with your bow, shootin' down squirrels, rescuing damsels in distress. You're in your element!"
She had meant it in good humor but a part of what she said really got to Dixon. When he thought about his life before, he didn't find himself particularly missing it. Working construction and mechanics, getting drunk with the same people at the same dives. Screwing the same easy women and being gone by breakfast. Aside from his worries about Merle and the constant threat of death, he had to admit to himself that he almost preferred life now.
And then there was her.
Their conversation was interrupted by the familiar sound of a walker. Dragging its feet towards them a few yards away. Daryl's bow was drawn at a second's notice.
"Wait! I want to get it. Let me put my practice to use." Lily was chewing her bottom lip and looking up at him eagerly.
In a weird way, he didn't want for her to kill the walker. It was his job. He enjoyed being the one to protect her. It gave him a sense of purpose and fulfillment that he previously didn't know that he was lacking.
"We're too close to camp now. The sound of a gunshot might draw more out."
"Then I'll use your bow. It can't be that different."
He felt like telling her that she couldn't be more wrong about that. But the walker was still far enough away and with only one, the threat was small enough. So he lowered his bow and handed it over.
She involuntarily groaned under the weight of it. "Wow. You make this look a lot lighter than it actually is. I don't know if I can even lift it to my shoulders."
"Here, lemme help you." Again, he stood behind her and wrapped his arms flush against hers. He lifted the bow with ease to rest against her shoulder. They were stood so close together that his lips brushed the tip of her ear.
He spoke so low into it that it was almost a growl. "Steady now. We're just gonna line up the aim. Remember, you want to use your left eye." He felt her body shiver distinctively at his warm breath in her ear. She maintained her focus on the shot though. "Good girl, now release the bolt."
She unwillingly gasped at the impact of the bolt leaving the crossbow. The reverb shook her body more than the pistol had. But sure enough, the bolt entered the walker's skull and it collapsed to the ground. Not as clean a shot as Daryl would have achieved on his own, but it did the job.
They stood there for several seconds. Lily's chest rising and falling heavily. Daryl's arms still around her. He could feel her figure trembling ever so slightly. He realized she was crying softly.
All of her confidence and bravado had melted away to reveal the emotional toll that the last few days had taken on her. "I'm sorry." Her lips quivered. "It's just been a really hard few weeks."
He gently released her from his arms. He took the bow from her shaking hands and slung it across his back where it belonged. Then surprising himself even, he wrapped his arms around her properly. Holding her firmly against his solid chest. One arm snaked around her slim waist while the other rested across her shoulders, his hand stroking her soft hair. "It's okay. Go ahead and let it out."
She seemed to relax in his arms. Her breathing resumed as a gentle swell. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all girly and freak out. I'm really not that sad about the walker being dead."
"I didn't think you were. Are you just scared?"
"Everyone's gone. And I can't stop thinking about my nephew Kyle. If he's even alive, he's still with them. I don't think they'd hurt him, he's only a child. But he should be with family. He should be with me. If I was stronger, if I was braver, if I'd stayed…"
"No." Daryl cut her off sternly. "You couldn't stay there. They would have used you up and then killed you when they couldn't use you anymore. Leaving them like you did, no food or weapons – that was the bravest thing you could do." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "You aren't alone anymore. You have us. You have me. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
She seemed to accept his words as truth. Taking a deep breath she pulled away from his chest gently. The vulnerability and emotion were swimming in her eyes as she looked up at him. "You're a good man Daryl Dixon."
It was all of the encouragement that he needed. He removed his arms from her waist. Took her delicate face in his rough hands and bent to kiss her. Her lips were full and soft. He heard a slight whimper in the back of her throat. The sound ignited something inside of him. He pressed his tongue insistently against her closed lips, hoping to deepen the kiss. He felt her body stiffen slightly.
Pulling away, her expression was dazed. Her eyes were glassy and at least a good shade darker. He could feel his face go hot, his own expression slackjawed. He wanted more of her. He wrapped his arm around her and tilted her chin to his.
She stopped him. "Daryl, wait." Her voice was small yet firm. "This past week, I don't know what I would have done without you. I really like you and I'm really glad that you're my friend. But I just…I can't right now."
He could feel defensive synapses firing off in his brain. He pulled away roughly. "I get it." He stormed over to the walker to retrieve his bolt.
"Daryl, would you listen?"
"No, I get it. I'm just a fucking redneck right. It's fine for you to flirt with me and lead me on. I bet all you city girls are just little fuck teases right? But to actually be with me would be beneath you, huh?"
He pulled the bolt from the walker's skull aggressively and took off in the direction of Hershel's farm. At this point, the sun was quickly setting.
"Would you hold up for one second?!" Lily had to jog to catch up to his stride. "Look, you're being a huge dick right now."
"I'm being a dick? You get me to kiss you just so you can tell me that you don't want me to!"
"You asshole, I want you to kiss me more than anything!" He stopped short and looked at her bemused.
"Can't you put yourself in my position for one second? I just want things here to be different. They have to be different." Tears were quickly welling up in her eyes again.
Daryl's brows furrowed. Here she had rejected him and now she was the one upset about it.
"I really, really like you Daryl. But I just can't give myself to you in that way yet. Where I was before this, my sexuality was the only part of me that mattered to them. It was the only tool that I had to survive with. I want things to be different here. Different with you."
He felt his heart breaking. Not from rejection, but breaking for her. All of his insecurities and here she was the one afraid that she'd just be a lay to him. He suddenly felt sheepish, shameful even. The wounds from her previous abuse were still so fresh. And he was jumping at the first chance to pounce on her. The first chance to shove his tongue down her throat.
Almost without thinking, he reached for her hand. He brushed his thumb across her small knuckles. The move was as tender as it was innocent. "You don't have to worry about any of that. I really like ya too. I'll be here whenever you're ready."
She swallowed hard and built up all of her courage to look him in the eye again, "I don't know what it is about you. But I like being around you. I want to stay around you." She continued shyly, "And I do want to kiss you. I want to more than kiss you… Ugh, I don't even know what I'm doing. I can't believe we're talking about this. It's like the apocalypse and I feel like I'm creating romantic drama where you probably don't' even want it..I"
He cut her off with the softest of kisses before speaking sternly. "Stop it. You really do talk too damn much. That's all just details. I want you with me. We can go as slow as you need to."
She let out a deep breath. She seemed at a loss for words but at least content. Timidly she took his hand in hers and they walked back to the camp. Daryl was a bit wary of what the group would say, the two of them returning hand in hand after having disappeared for half the night.
To hell with them. He was holding hands with the most beautiful girl he'd seen. She had reached for his hand. She had pressed her chest to his and kissed him. Even more importantly, she didn't want him to see her as just a screw. She wanted to be more than that. He felt his heart soar in a way it never had. He squeezed her hand, almost as if to remind himself that it was in fact solid and there.
Any concerns he had about the opinions of the group were unnecessary. Chaos seemed to be reigning supreme over Hershel's farm. Shouts were easily audible from a distance away. Daryl dropped Lily's hand and they rushed over.
The first person they ran into was Glenn. He seemed stricken; his eyes wide yet weary at the same time.
"Walkers. Hershel has been keeping walkers in the barn."