A/N- Hello! I am aware that this chapter isn't on Twilighted yet, and I'm not too worried about it. Just didn't want to keep you guys waiting :)
EPOV June 16, 2010
Clean linen, roses, and childhood. That's what the house smelled like. When I pushed open the door, I realized just how much I didn't belong there. It was too much.
The dirt on my boots couldn't wait to dirty Esme's pearly white carpet. I hastily pushed them off and stepped aside to let them in, embarrassed at how long I had been standing there. Esme still had tears in her eyes and was clutching onto Carlisle's arm.
I raised a hand to the back of my neck and rubbed, letting out a huge breath. My eyes stung.
Carlisle smiled and shook his head in disbelief. Stop being so goddamn happy to see me, I internally begged him.
"We've waited for this day for four excruciatingly long years. You have no idea how happy we are."
He gently grabbed my shoulder and led me into the family room. On the way there I caught a glimpse of my piano in the music room. I flexed my fingers, trying to remember the last time I had played. Carlisle noticed.
"You will be able to play all you want. Let's just talk."
Shit. I hate talking.
Esme sat down on the couch and I followed her. Carlisle sat on his lazy boy across from us. She reached over placed her hand on my cheek, "Edward, sweetheart. How are you? Really. Don't lie." She was searching my eyes, but I knew she would never find what she was looking for.
I took in my surroundings again, feeling like I was in a dream. "As of now, I'm okay, I think. Just tired maybe. I don't know."
I couldn't actually explain. They would think I was crazy. Right now, I'm supposed to be joyously happy. Jumping around and crying and hugging, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Some where deep down, I might be happy. Mostly, I'm just tired and shaky. I really want to play my fucking piano.
"You don't have to talk about it right if you don't want to. But I want to know what happened," Carlisle said seriously.
My body went rigid. The Walls were constructed expertly, as they had slowly resided with the assault of memories. I rubbed a hand over my face, shaking my head while my fingers covered my eyes. I didn't want to look them in the eyes. How could I tell them without admitting what I am?
Esme got my point, "Of course, that will wait. Right now, your home and that's all that matters. I will go make brunch, you must be starving." She had no idea.
Carlisle was still studying me, most likely wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I really want to be happy, but I just can't care. After Esme cleared her throat, he looked away and stood up. He went to follow her, but turned around.
"Aren't you going to play now?"
I opened my mouth to respond somehow but he was gone. I stood up, still shaking, and walked through the kitchen to the music room. Something was sizzling on the oven. I didn't look, but could see Esme and Carlisle at the island, looking at me.
After they took me, I remember drawing keys on my yellow sheets with sharpie. If James knew, he would kick the shit out of me. When they weren't home or sleeping, I would get on my knees and play, hearing beautiful things that no one else could.
But that was in the early months. After moving around so much, I lost my piano sheets.
I felt myself walk up to the bench and sit down. It was hard and cold. I said a silent hello, and immediately felt like a dumbass. I shook my head and took a deep breath.
My hands were miraculously steady, a trait I had gained in the last couple years. I flexed my fingers. Every one of them was dirty, and I saw blood on a couple of my knuckles. I scrubbed them on my jeans until they were pink and raw. My fingers hovered over the keys for a brief moment. They wouldn't go down. I couldn't push them down.
I don't know how long I sat there, staring at nothing and not playing. I knew Esme was watching me, and I wanted to play so bad for her. I knew what I had to do, the son she wanted was gone, but I could try to imitate what he wrote. I dived into her favorite song.
The next thing I knew, she was sitting on the bench with me. "I almost forgot how it went. Thank you so much." She was crying and I felt uncomfortable because I didn't deserve her praise.
"Edward…" she began slowly, "I think I should tell you that the kids will be here any minute. They… don't know about you being here. Just be prepared for whatever… okay sweetheart?" She stared at me for another minute or so, while I awkwardly averted my eyes.
I knew she was telling me that if they don't like me anymore, I should be prepared. Or if they think I'm a homeless, serial killing, motorcyclist, don't be alarmed.
She nodded and got up and I was lost again. I'm sure it was expected of me to play Clair De Lune. It was my favorite piece to play. It had been so long, but I knew it by heart and began to play it right away.
I played it loudly, soaking it up, until I heard a car engine. Doors slammed. My vision blurred and started shaking. Jesus, get a hold of yourself Masen. Cullen. Damnit.
But I only stumbled over a few notes, until I was back on track playing much more quietly, so I could hear. Outside the front door, I heard laughter. A lot of it. The sound was odd; I can't remember the last time I really laughed.
"Well Jelly Belly, knitting is a great way to relieve stress." said a booming voice right outside the door. Emmett. Emmett, Emmett, Emmett.
The lock clicked. I never stopped playing. I was getting to my favorite part.
"You could have rejected him a little nicer. It was kind of harsh.," a girl defended, but she sounded like she was smiling. I didn't know the voice. Someone new? Or maybe I was just a big enough asshole that I forgot my own sister's voice.
The door opened. There was a storm of footsteps.
"I know! He was crushed. Did you see his face? Man, that guy has it bad for you!" No, that was definently Alice.
"Seriously, Newton's asked you out, what, fifty times this week?" Rosalie said. I pressed a little harder on my keys. It was all too real.
Everyone laughed again. Suddenly, no one was laughing.
"What the hell is that?" Alice asked quietly. I realized I had been playing to loud. I stopped.
"It-it must have been Carlisle. He can play a little. Maybe it was a CD?" I heard Rose suggest without feeling.
I saw Carlisle walk past me, smiling, going towards the door. Esme was right behind him, with wet tears on her face. "When you're ready," she whispered.
I bit my tongue and tasted blood. They entered the room my League was standing in. It was so goddamn weird for everyone I loved to be in the same room, so close to me. It was even odder to admit I loved them. I had been telling myself not to love them for so long; I think I needed to learn how again.
"Oh, it was just you Daddy," Alice said, sounding uptight.
There was a pause, and I knew Esme was about to say something. I couldn't stand the wait, so I stood up. I sat back down. Then stood up again, internally calling myself a pussy. I walked out before I could convince myself not to. My fists were so tight my knuckles cracked.
The first thing I saw was Emmett McCarty. Naturally, he was huge, much bigger than me. He fit the name Superman. He was a couple inches taller and had bigger muscles, but he looked clumsier. I was horrified when I realized I had sized him up, like I was going to fight him.
I didn't deserve them. I should go and never come back.
He had his arm around a hot blonde girl. I quickly figured out it was Rosalie. Christ. They were together? She looked like a model with her long hair and legs. I didn't really expect anything less though.
Then Jasper, who was tall and skinny and longish blonde hair, looked exactly the same. I looked at Alice and realized they were connected. She was clutching onto his hand so tight I thought it would break off. I glared at their hands. What was that supposed to mean? Of course, I don't have the right to be the big brother anymore. Alice's hair was shorter. She hadn't grown much and looked puny next to Jasper. We didn't look related at all. Good.
Carlisle was right. Things had definitely changed.
I shoved my hand through my hair, extremely uncomfortable and not looking anyone in the eyes. Something clattered to the floor. It was Alice's designer sunglasses. She breathed out a single word.
"Batman."
I winced, feeling the pain in my chest when Alice said it, but I looked at her. Then she flew at me. She jumped into my arms and locked her legs around my waist. She was holding onto me for dear life. I slowly put my arms around her and squeezed gently. I was sick of all these fucking emotions. Tears just would not come, making me feel even more out of place.
But this was Alice, Black Canary, my fucking sister. So I squeezed her harder, which was really all I could do. I could hear her sobbing into my shoulder. There was not another sound in the world, until she spoke.
"God, Edward. Are you real?" she asked childishly, pulling her head back to look at me, but I still felt way to unworthy to look into her eyes. I just stared at the wall or her shiny black hair.
"I think so. Are you?" I asked seriously.
She let out a giant sob and leaned into my shoulder. I remembered the rest of the League.
I gently put Alice down. She was way to light.
I looked at everyone else. Jasper had tears in his eyes, which made me feel like a complete douche bag. I was the only one who wasn't crying. He looked into my eyes, and I couldn't stand it.
"Well, what the hell happened to you?" he asked. He was covering up a much larger question. The question everyone wanted to know and the one I wanted no one to know.
I shrugged helplessly and looked down. I looked up when I felt a finger on my chin. It was Rosalie. She raised her hand and I knew she was about to smack me. I closed my eyes and welcomed it, knowing I deserved much worse.
But it never came. Instead I smelt vanilla all over me, and she threw her hands around my neck. She was crying too hard to say anything. She pulled away wiping away some of her tears, but she was crying so fiercely it was impossible to get all of them at a time.
They were all just staring at me. I heard Emmett suck in a breath to say something so I looked up at him.
"Holy hobo, Batman," he said quietly. Everyone looked shocked at his words, but I found myself laughing at them. It wasn't real, happy laughter. It was dry and ironic. Then they looked, shocked, at me. They didn't know that I had said that exact same thing to my reflection this morning.
I stopped laughing when I remembered that a homeless murderer was exactly what I was.
Then a beeper went off, making everyone jump but me. Esme sniffled and wiped her cheeks.
"Brunch is done. Let's go eat. Together," she said relishing in the words. Then I felt two little hands slide into my own. To my left was Alice and to my right was Rosalie. They smiled watery smiles.
"We aren't letting go," Rosalie said. I squeezed their hands, getting a brief flashback of a game of Red Rover.
They pulled me into their kitchen.
"Oh, we're going to need an extra chair," Alice said. Her voice was wavering.
"No, no, no Alice. I'm leaving, you guys should be alone," said the unidentified voice from earlier. I shifted my body to see her, and quickly turned away. Of course, she was abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous.
"Isabella Swan, I would be severely disappointed in you if you left us now," Rose said, dropping my hand, "this is your family too."
So she was a replacement. I didn't blame them. She was reeking of innocence and perfection, the complete opposite of me. They obviously don't need me anymore. I'm sure they'll realize that soon. There was an awkward silence that Alice quickly interrupted.
"Well Bat- I mean Edward- this is our best friend, Isabella Swan. Bella, this is my brother, Edward," Alice absolutely glowed when she said this and I was hit with more guilt.
I looked at the girl, Bella, and gave a brief nod of acknowledgment.
"It's... great to meet you Edward, but really I should give you this moment of privacy," she said.
Esme put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "You are too sweet Bella. Please stay, and eat something. Our family wouldn't be complete with you missing now would it?"
Bella smiled at my mother and hugged her. "Well, I guess I can. But only if you're sure its okay…" She might have looked at me when she said this, but I was pretending to be interested in the wood finish on the floor.
"Can we eat now please, I'm freakin' starving," Emmett said impatiently. He kept shooting me glances, just like everyone else.
There were murmurs of uninterested agreement and Alice and Rosalie took my rough, dirty hands in their perfect ones again, and led me to the kitchen. Everyone sat down at the circular breakfast table. Alice was on my right, then Jasper, then a seat for Esme, Bella, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie was on my left. I couldn't help but wonder why Bella was sitting in between my parents.
Esme filled our plates with eggs, bacon, fruit, and buttered toast. Everyone got a glass of ice water and a glass of orange juice. Bella whispered something to Esme, and she visibly shined from her words, thanking her.
They quietly started eating, not knowing what to say. But I didn't touch my food, just stared at it. I couldn't remember the last time I ate other then the burger from the flight. I usually ate whatever I could find with the little amount of money I had, if I had any. This mostly equaled boxes of off-brand macaroni and cheese that was unsettlingly orange.
It was pathetic, but I felt like I was in a dream. I bit my lip not sure what to do. I knitted my eyebrows together and tilted my head a little still glaring at my food. My steaming, delicious, food.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see people chewing slowly and looking from me, to my plate, to the person sitting next to them, wondering what the hell I was doing.
Feeling like a freak, and anxious to get rid of the empty feeling inside of me, I raised my hand and picked up my toast, took a tiny bit, and swallowed without chewing, hating myself the whole time.
How the fuck am I going to make it if I can't even eat with them? What are they going to ask me? Are they going to demand I tell them everything, and be exactly the old me? What is going to happen when they realize that I've changed and they don't want to look at me anymore?
I remember being 13 and the only thing I wanted in the world was to be back with my family, and to forget any of this ever happened. Now the only thing I was is to get away from them and the wasted kindness, unnecessary love, and their goddamn happiness.
I realized I had been griping my fork a little too hard and had attracted Rosalie's and Emmett's full attention. I sighed and took a drink of the delicious water, remembering the yellow-tinged water that seemed to be a trademark of every apartment/hotel we stayed in.
"Are you okay sweetheart?" Esme asked. It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.
I pushed the words that bubbled to my lips away. I wanted to tell her to never fucking call me that again. I was far from sweet and my heart was… my heart was just dead. But instead I said, "I'm fine. Really," in that same low, gruff voice. I hated the way I sounded.
She was quiet after that, and everyone took care not to look at me. I could tell they were just dying to ask questions. Today must have been extremely confusing and surprising for them, but all I felt was tired. More old and tired then I had ever felt.
By the time everyone had finished and was holding their stomachs, I had just finished my toast and some fruit and was quite full. My stomach wasn't used to large amounts of food. Esme stood and started taking everyone's plates. When she got to me, she looked concerned. I just nodded and looked away, my failure nearly crushing me.
Nobody else stood up, and for some reason they weren't looking at me anymore. I was grateful, but didn't understand it. They were sharing secret glances with each other, reminding me how out of the loop I was. But the oddest part was how they kept looking toward Bella like they were lost, as if for some sort of guidance.
My head was downcast facing the table but I snuck a glance at her. She really was fucking cute.
A/N- Well there you go! Thank you so much for reading, reviews are cherished and I always reply.
PS - If you happen to be a Beta reading this and your interested, I need you, so let's talk :)