For the Best.
"Fuck."
Remus elbowed him. Ouch, Moony.
Remus didn't seem to care his pointy elbow had practically embedded itself in Sirius' spleen, he looked irritated and nervous. Almost as nervous as Sirius felt.
"Sorry, Mrs Lupin," Sirius muttered, chancing a glance at the woman. She didn't look angry, rather she seemed deep in thought.
She nodded absentmindedly.
"Where's the Professor?" Remus asked, brushing a few still-wet strands of hair out of his eyes. He was probably embarrassed by the prospect of seeing Dumbledore in his pyjama's.
"In the kitchen," she replied quietly, her bottom lips quivering ever so slightly. She looked so broken.
"Okay. Come on, Padfoot."
Sirius followed dumbly behind Remus as he stopped in front of his mother and hugged her tightly, as he reluctantly let go and walked past Mrs Lupin and down the stairs, past all the pictures of his childhood and into the hallway.
Every fibre in Sirius' being was screaming to run in the opposite direction, to take Harry and Remus and just go. He was scared.
He was so scared.
Dumbledore didn't know.
And apart from Remus no one else knew either. Sirius had made sure of that. Merlin what an idiot.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
They were at the kitchen door now, he was out of time. Remus palm was on the handle. Before Sirius knew what he was doing he grabbed Remus wrist and pulled his hand away from the door. From Dumbledore. He needed Remus to know.
Know what, you miserable idiot?
Sirius honestly did not know. What did he need Remus to know? What?
"Sirius, what's-"
Brown eyes met grey, and in that instant, Sirius knew.
"If anything happens in there, you take Harry and run." Make sure you're safe. Both of you. For me. Be safe.
"Sirius-" what's going on?
"Promise me that you'll do it. That you'll be safe. I can't lose you too. Promise." Not you. I know I would die if I lost you too.
Remus gazed at him with an unfathomable look in his eye. It was an expression that never failed to make Sirius' stomach squirm in a not totally unpleasant sort of way. It made him feel as though Remus was seeing him. All of him. He couldn't exactly feel it now, he could only feel the need to throw up, but he knew it was there. It made him feel a little better. A little safer. Knowing Remus and Harry would be safe. That he could keep them safe. Even though he had failed James and Lily, he wouldn't fail Remus or Harry. Never.
Remus nodded. "I solemnly swear."
Sirius knew Remus had wanted to say, "but it's Dumbledore, you daft thing", but he hadn't. Because he was a good man. Thoughtful and kind. Instead of taking the piss at Sirius' sudden paranoia, he pandered to it. He had solemnly sworn. That was as serious as an unbreakable vow between his friends. Sirius could have kissed him he was so relieved. But he didn't. Obviously.
"Thank you, Moony," he said, suddenly aware he was still holding his friends hand and dropped it quickly.
Remus gave him a watery, sort of depressed smile and nodded his head towards the door. Sirius took a deep breath and pushed the handle down and the door swung open. He let Remus to pass through before him, but Sirius couldn't move, his eyes were focused firmly on a scuff mark on the floor just beyond the kitchen door.
You utter coward, the voice that sounded like his mother said.
He felt sick. He was going to be sick. Oh, fuck.
"Good morning, Gentlemen."
Oh fucking Merlin. He was too scared to be sick now. Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant.
"Morning Professor," Remus replied, hovering awkwardly between Sirius who was still clinging to the door handle and Dumbledore, dressed in a midnight blue robe decorated with little golden stars. His pointed hat was sitting on the chair beside him. It was dark green. He must have been in a rush. He was usually much more colour co-ordinated.
Sirius looked at the cup of tea in Dumbledore's hands. At the beard tucked into his belt. At the long, crooked nose. At the half-moon spec-
Oh Fuck.
He'd looked at the old man's eyes. Instead of their usual bright twinkle they seemed to be burning like ice.
"Mr Black, good morning," he said, his grave address held nothing to the look in his eye.
Sirius nodded. "Professor."
Dumbledore motioned to the two empty chairs in front of him. They sat down silently. Sirius felt like a child again. Getting sent to the Headmaster when McGonagall was at her wits end. It was all too familiar. Dumbledore sitting opposite them, hands folded neatly with a cup of tea in front of him. Check. Remus fidgeting nervously at his side. Check. Sweaty palms. Check. James acting like he didn't give a toss, yet worrying himself sick about what his mother would say in her next letter. No. Not today. Never again, either. Oh. James.
Bloody hell, Prongs. Why'd you have to die on me?
They sat there. Silently. All three of them. For one minute and fifty-six seconds. Exactly. Sirius knew that because he had been watching the clock that hung on the wall behind Dumbledore's head. It was unbearable.
Finally, finally Dumbledore spoke.
Sirius wished he hadn't.
"I was under the impression you were headed for Cyprus, Mr Black. Why the change in plans?"
Sirius winced. It was going to be one of those interrogations. Ordinarily, this was his favoured method of questioning, acting calm and pleasant but aiming straight for the jugular. But it wasn't so great when he was on the receiving end.
Moody was going to murder him. The world's most paranoid wizard was going to murder him. And he would probably get away with it. Bloody. Fucking. Hell.
Breathe. Just breathe. Start from the beginning, Sirius told himself. And for the love of Merlin don't say anything stupid.
"I was going. I was. My bag was packed and I got leave from work and everything. But something felt...off." Really, Black? Thats the best you could do?
Sirius found himself incapable of forming anything that sounded remotely intelligent, which was unusual as he was the most proficient liar he knew, not to say that he was a liar, per se. Just that he had the knack for it. For words. For telling tales with a certain flair that had never failed to simultaneously irk and intrigue Professor McGonagall. Not that his old Head of House would ever admit that his antics at school had actually entertained her. Instead she had commented on multiple occasions that he had been the bane of her existence for seven long years.
"Something felt off? Well that explains everything then," Dumbledore remarked sarcastically. Sirius frowned. Sarcasm didn't suit the Headmaster. It felt all wrong. Like putting your shoes on the wrong feet. Like watching your baby brother fighting from the opposite side of a battle. Like James and Lily being dead. Actually, Dumbledore and sarcasm went together just about as well as Sirius and Snape did.
"No it doesn't, sir. It doesn't explain anything." It was Remus.
"No? Mr Lupin, it is my deepest regret to inform you that the Potter's were murdered last night. They were betrayed by their Secret Keeper."
Sirius bristled. Dumbledore had no right to speak to Remus like he was some idiot being played. Not by Sirius.
"Yes. I know," Remus replied sharply. He folded his arms across his chest. Oh, goody. Moony was on the defensive. This ought to be interesting.
"Then am I to assume you are working with Voldemort too? I hardly expected that from you, Remus, of all people," Dumbledore said calmly.
That was it.
"You leave him out of this. He had nothing to do with any of this shit! I'm the one that messed up! They're dead because of me!" Sirius shouted. He was standing. He didn't realise he had done so. He wondered when that happened.
"Sirius." Remus hissed.
Oops, he'd said something stupid.
You're killing it tonight, Black.
"So you admit it? You were working for Voldemort?" Dumbledore pressed. He was now standing too, wand held in his hand.
Sirius could feel the magic crackling in the air. The tension was stifling.
"No, I don't admit it. I would rather die than work for Voldemort. I'm nothing like my family. Nothing."
"Mr Black, I am not to be trifled with. Did you betray the Potter's to Voldemort or not? Yes or no will suffice."
"NO. I wasn't the Secret Keeper! We swapped at the last minute, me and Wormtail. Peter Pettigrew. I thought I was too obvious a choice and I couldn't protect them if I was dead, could I? He was the perfect bluff. We organised it all exactly. Peter would perform the Fidelius and then I'd pretend to go into hiding so everyone would think I'd done it, then he would go into hiding a couple of days later. Then I'd go to Cyprus. Everything was sorted. It had all been done exactly according to plan. They were safe." Sirius collapsed back into his seat, his head in his hands. "They were supposed to be safe."
It was fool proof. Or rather, it would have been, had Sirius not been a fool.
And now James and Lily were dead. It didn't make any sense. James Potter couldn't just die, his ego was too big for that. And Lily was Lily. How could she be gone?
"Mr Lupin," Dumbledore said, turning towards Remus, "were you aware of this change?"
Sirius looked at Remus and their eyes met for the briefest of moments.
Sirius could see the hurt in them, because he had been left in the dark, because he hadn't been trusted. Because of Sirius. I'm so sorry Moony.
"No, but I believe him." Remus says quietly. Dumbledore quirked his eyebrow.
"Very well," Dumbledore said, seeming suitable convinced, readjusting his glasses on his crooked nose. "I must apologise for my behaviour. I'm sure you could imagine, I am most eager to sort this whole mess out before the masses start spreading wild rumours about the 'Boy Who Lived'. The Prophet have upped they game, I think. It's one of their better titles. Their wit has been lacking as of late."
What the hell?
Dumbledore placed a newspaper in front of Sirius. It was the Daily Prophet. It was today's. It was still warm under his touch. He could still smell the ink. He was tempted to wave it under Remus' nose because he knows he likes the smell. He refrained from doing so, just.
"Merlin," Remus whispered as he leaned over Sirius's shoulder to read with him. Sirius could feel his warm breath on the side of his neck. It was rather distracting. "Sirius, look!" Remus said.
Sirius looked down at the front page where Remus was pointing to and could not believe his eyes.
You-Know-Who Defeated.
What? How was that possible?
Sirius read on, each sentence becoming more ridiculous than the last.
We won?
Bloody hell, this can't be real. It can't be over. Can it?
According to Brian MacFusty, Senior Editor of the Daily Prophet, it could. He wrote that You-Know-Who had cast the Killing curse on his godson and instead of killing Harry, he had died instead. It was absurd.
No one could survive the killing curse.
Every one knew that. It was the first thing he was taught by his tutor. He remembered clearly the horrible old warlock, who was so ancient that he had taught Sirius' parents as children, that, 'if he was ever in the way of an Avada Kedavra, he would be dead and no better to his family than a filthy mudblood'. Charming chap. Sirius had been four at the time and even now, eighteen years later, his skin crawled at the thought of that day. Of that moment. Not that that mattered now.
"How is this possible?" he asked.
Dumbledore smiled at him and for the first time in his entire life, it hit Sirius that the man is old. He looked tired and worn out. All pruney looking.
"My boy, if you live to be as old as I, you begin to believe anything is possible."
Remus snorted, but looked terribly embarrassed when saw Dumbledore gazing at him. "Sorry," he mumbled, picking at the frayed cuff of his shirt.
Dumbledore, unphased by the interruption, continued.
"I do believe that Voldemort was defeated last night by Harry. In fact, I know so. From what I could gather, Lily sacrificed her life to save her son's. That is far more powerful magic than anyone could ever produce from wand tip. Voldemort included. I suspect, that her willingness to give her life for her son protected him from any harm, and defeated Voldemort. It really is most astounding.
"It is also why I sent Hagrid to take Harry to his relatives home." Sirius frowned, "To keep him safe, he needs to be surrounded by his mother's blood to protect him."
"No."
It took Sirius a moment to realise he had not said it, but Remus.
"Mr Lupin, I understand the situation must be most distressing, but it is for the best. For everyone."
"Everyone?" Remus asked. "What about Harry? Does his happiness not matter?"
"He will be in the care of his aunt and uncle and a cousin I believe to be only a few months older than he. I'm sure he will be perfectly happy." Dumbledore explained in a voice that Sirius imagined he used to soothe homesick first years.
Sirius was infuriated.
"Petunia is the most sorry excuse of a woman I have ever met, bar my family. She hated Lily and thinks magic is evil. If you think for one moment I'm going to relinquish custody of my godson so you can dump him on someone like that, then...then..." He had no idea what. But it would be bad. Really, truly bad.
"I know this must be hard for you, both of you. But you need to think of Harry. How do you think he will cope growing up in a world where everyone knows about what happened to his family, where every child in our world knows his name. He will be the most famous wizard of this age. Surely you can see that. I think it is better for him to be raised away from all of that. I am only trying to protect him. Please, Sirius, see reason."
Could Dumbledore be right? Would Harry be better off with that miserable excuse of a muggle? That was like asking would Sirius' mother welcome him with open arms if he turned up on her doorstep? Only if she had a knife handy and there were no witnesses.
With mental image in his head, Sirius saw reason. Just not Dumbledore's.
He would raise Harry. He loved the little boy too much to not do so.
Sirius' attention was brought back to the real world by Remus' hand on his shoulder. He knew what Remus was wanting to tell him but too reserved to say out loud.
He wanted Dumbledore to leave.
He wanted to hold Harry.
He wanted to sleep. And so did Sirius.
Sirius squeezed his hand. He looked to Dumbledore.
"I would appreciate it if you left now. You got what you wanted. Peter's the one you want. Though you should know he was an animagus. A rat to be exact. That should help you on your search."
"An animagus? It would indeed," Dumbledore agreed as walked out of the kitchen. He looked genuinely surprised.
Sirius doubted many things as important as that danced so outrageously under the old man's nose without him knowing about it.
It really was a great achievement. They ought to celebrate. Really, they should. Him and Remus and ... and Remus. There was no one else left. James was gone and so was Peter. Sirius didn't think he was ever going to get used to that.
Merlin he needed a drink. Or sleep. Maybe just the sleep would have to do - he didn't think Mrs Lupin would approve of hitting the grog at six in the morning. He needed Dumbledore gone.
Apparently Dumbledore saw that too. Placing his green hat on top of his head and announced, "This discussion is not over." Sirius was inclined to disagree but said nothing. "However, I see that it is in everyone's best interest to keep Harry with you for the time being. I will be in touch very soon. Goodbye, gentlemen. Please say thank you to Mrs Lupin for the tea. It was lovely," and with a crack he disapparated.
There was a moment of stunned silence.
What the hell just happened?
Sirius was comforted to know Remus looked just as confused as he. They stayed motionless for what seemed an age. Remus opened his mouth several times but said nothing. Sirius had no idea how to open his mouth. He didn't even know if he was actually breathing. What now?
The sound of a wailing baby filled the kitchen.
Oh Harry.
Remus left the room silently and came back a few minutes later, Harry cradled in his skinny arms. He was still crying hard but as Remus began to rock him, cooing to him gently, he began to settle.
The poor kid. Did he have any idea what had happened? Did he know his mum and dad were gone?
There were fat tears rolling down Harry's cheeks. Remus wiped away the tears gently with his thumb. An incredible surge of affection towards both the child and the man hit Sirius. Like the night bus had just run him over. He knew he would never give up on them. They were all he had left in this world. They were his family now.
Remus looked at him and gave him an exhausted and altogether miserable smile, but Sirius knew things, as messed up as they were now, would be all right. Eventually.
Because James and Lily were dead and Remus was still brave enough to try to smile. And even though Sirius just wanted to die at that very moment, to go with Prongs and Lily because he was so scared to be left behind, he smiled back. Because he owed it to the Potter's to raise their little boy. Because he had to spend the rest of his life making it up to Remus. Because he was needed.
Sirius walked over to Remus and the baby and held them both in his arms.
They would be okay. Him and Remus. And Harry.
The Boy Who Lived.
Merlin. Did they sell card's for that?
Hello, i hope that if you've gotten this far in this chapter then I haven't dissapointed too badly. I'm really unhappy with the conversation between Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore. If anyone had any constructive criticism I would be more than willing to take it on. Hoping that you'll stick with me as I go along writing this. And please if you've any thoughts, even just say to that you've enjoyed any aspect of this story, your comment would be greatly appreciated. xox.