Chapter 5
"I'm a beast, I'm an animal, I'm that monster in the mirror."
- Usher
Back downstairs in the room given to me by Amethyst, I stared into the mirror mounted on the wall. Blood - my brother's blood - still flecked my face and covered my hands. My fault. I had caused this blood to be spilled. The whip and I. Ambrosine and I. The monster and I.
I could feel myself slowly being lost to the monster Ambrosine had forced into my head. There was a steady, rhythmic pounding in my skull, but I couldn't tell if it was real or just my imagination. Either way, it hurt.
My consciousness came and went - one minute I was there, the next I wasn't, the next I was standing over one of my siblings with a knife in my hand, my face contorted and unrecognizable. How did this even work?
What had she done? How could I get back to myself?
Staring into the mirror once again, I gritted my teeth, willing the monster out. Of course it didn't work, but it made me feel better. Like I had something resembling control over myself. Ambrosine wouldn't like that, no, not at all.
Of course, the point of this exercise would be lost the minute she decided she wanted me to do something, but just the same, I had to try. I was a king. I couldn't afford to be lost forever. My country couldn't afford it.
After all, I just had to wait. They'd told me after Ambrosine left - of course, expecting me to follow - that Susan had managed to get out. Hopefully they were right. If that was the case, then they would come and rescue us and I'd be fine, because the healers would find a way to save me from the darkness she'd inflicted.
I glanced up, toward the open door, as I heard footsteps. She was coming back. No. Pleasepleaseplease don't let her ask me to do anything. Pleasepleasepleaseno, I have to keep myself together for just a little longer, I'm not ready.
My hands clenching into fists, I rose and turned toward the door. I had to keep myself together.
I had to.