The only sound was the soft hum of the tires on the road surface. The van itself was completely silent.

Much to my disappointment, Guardian Andrews hadn't even given me a sideways glance when Dimitri had ordered him to sit in the back of the vehicle with Eddie. So as I drove, my nerve endings were alight as a tingling sensation continued to consume my senses. Having him so close after so many years apart was a whole new version of torture. I suppose I had to count myself lucky that he hadn't demanded to drive.

I could still feel the blankness of the guardian mask stretched across my face at least. I was actually keeping my emotions away from my expression. Okay, so it had only been a few minutes, and I still had to make it back to the academy, but I took the little victory for what it was. My hard work was actually paying off – thankfully.

I glanced in the rear-view mirror, watching Lissa stare out the window for a brief moment before turning my attention back to the road. Our reunion hadn't been tears, hugs or fireworks. But I really hadn't expected any different. Lissa had been terse and regal, like any royal would be when meeting a lowly dhampir she didn't know for the first time. That was the part that irritated me the most. She did know me, and the fact that she had chosen to act otherwise hurt…at lot.

I get that the last thing she would have wanted to do was cause a scene in front of so many strangers, but I found it cruel that she had acted so elusive. She had only glanced at me once as Dimitri told her the plan for travelling to the academy, and her eyes had been cold. I know I more than deserved to be yelled at, hell, I would have preferred if she'd just slapped me. Almost anything would have been better than her completely ignoring my existence.

Christian was sitting next to her, of course. He was the main reason I had avoided speaking to her since we'd left the airfield. He'd made it perfectly clear he wanted Lissa to have nothing to do with me. I could accept that in a way, after all he would have had to pick up the pieces I'd left shattered when I left.

"So, this is where you've been hiding Rose?" Eddie asked, successfully breaking me free of my thoughts.

My lips pulled into a tight line, it was all I could do to not let my mask slip. "I haven't been hiding." I attempted to keep the defensive strain out of my tone…but failed.

"Then what exactly have you been doing Rosemarie?" Christian snapped, his voice filled with contempt.

I forced the air from my lungs and struggled to hold on to my composed outer shell. Breathing exercises had been one of the most talked about techniques in the research I'd done. Apparently by keeping your breathing regulated you could work through the toughest of emotions. Something about keeping your pulse steady…the details weren't important as long as it worked. And if you were too upset before you could even consider slowing your breathing – which I most definitely was – they recommended taking slow, deep breaths in order to relax yourself, even if just a little. That's what I was aiming for.

Dimitri glanced at me briefly, reminding me I was yet to answer. His usual guardian mask was perfectly in place, but I was sure I caught a flicker of sympathy in his eyes.

"I've been building a life for myself," I replied, regretting my words as soon as they fell out of my mouth.

Christian scoffed. "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."

"And that affects me how?" I enquired, fighting to keep my tone level. "I don't expect you, or anyone else, to understand my decision Lord Ozera. I essentially don't give a flying fuck if you especially do or not. Actually, thinking about it, I don't see why I should have to explain myself to you, when it's none of your god damned business."

I sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to calm the adrenalin beginning to thump around my entire body from my little speech. The earlier tingling sensation had disappeared, thankfully, and I'd been left with anger that threatened to undo all my good work. At least anger was something I could work with.

"You really are a bitch Rosemarie," he muttered. "As always, everything has to revolve around you, not the ones you hurt along the way."

Silence fell once more, uncomfortable and suffocating. My grip on the steering wheel tightened, my knuckles turned white from the strain. Of course I was the bitch in the entire situation. No matter what Lissa and Dimitri had done, I was always destined to come off as the one who had caused all the problems. It was infuriating.

"Breathe Roza," Dimitri whispered as he leant across the centre consol.

I released the air I hadn't realised I'd been holding, and tried to ignore any part Dimitri had played in it. I wished more than anything he didn't have such a strong effect over me. I wished I could completely ignore his existence. I forced myself to concentrate on the road, even though my eyes kept willing me to look at him. The problem was, no matter how many times I looked at him, nothing would change.

He didn't want me anymore. I had to learn to live with that.

After ten more tortuous minutes of smothering silence we finally reached the academy. I was beyond thankful the airstrip hadn't been any further away. I lowered my window as one of the guardians manning the gate approached the car, his head down, his face blanked out by the brim of his baseball cap.

"Guardian Hathaway," he said in greeting as a sly smile crossed his lips. "You're looking…good…as always."

Of course it was my luck that Guardian Nichols would be on gate duty. I tried to ignore the fact that he was eyeing me like I was something he wanted to devour in a heartbeat, it was sickening. Apart from my one almost slip up, I'd made it clear I had absolutely no intention of sleeping with him. He just didn't seem to understand that I was serious.

"Would you just open the gate?" Dimitri growled. His voice was cold and distant.

Nichols turned from the car, muttering something under his breath as he returned to the small control room to release the gate. I didn't hesitate on driving through, the quicker I got to where the Queen needed to be, the sooner I'd be free.

Instead of heading to the garage like the other vehicles would, I turned left, following the single lane of loose stone around the inner circle of the academy. I wasn't about to make Lissa walk to the administration building, no matter how annoyed I might have been with her.

She had just travelled across the world. I was sure they were all exhausted. The others could at least go straight to their accommodation – provided someone knew where it was – but I had no doubt Phillips would be waiting to see Lissa as soon as she arrive.

I stopped right in front of the stairs leading into the administration building, but made no move to exit the car. Neither did anyone else. I sighed inwardly. What were they waiting for? A guided tour with the one person they could barely stand to be around?

"Headmaster Phillips will be waiting for you in his office," I said. "He will be able to fill you in on the accommodation arrangements in place for everyone, as well as the schedule he's put together for your visit."

"You're not coming?" Lissa asked. It was the first time she had spoken since we'd left the airfield, the first time she had spoken to me at all. I was stunned to realise she almost sounded like an upset child.

"No," I replied curtly. I shook my head before continuing to explain. "I have things I need to get done. Guardian Andrews will take you from here."

It was a lie. I had no idea if they bought it, but they at least began to file out of the car. Except Dimitri. He remained seated and buckled in next to me.

"You're her guardian," I said, in case he had somehow forgotten. "So go."

"She will be fine with Eddie and that other guardian," he replied as he stared out the windscreen. "I'm sure you will need help with the bags anyway."

"I seriously doubt that," I muttered as I pulled away from the building. "I'm not that seventeen year old you once knew. I'm sure as hell not weak." Okay, another lie. "Anyway, I thought you, of all people, would understand the danger present, even when safely behind the wards."

I saw him flinch from the corner of my eye and instantly wished I could take back those words. It was a low blow. Even after five years, it was obvious he was still haunted by what had happened to him.

I found myself hoping he didn't still blame himself for what he'd done during his brief stint as a strigoi. I shook those thoughts away. He'd made it perfectly clear that it was no longer my problem to deal with. I also didn't enjoy the reminder those thoughts brought with them.

I could in no way imagine how hard it had been for him when he'd been restored. But that restoration had caused him to hate instead of love me. It was selfish I know, but I found it hard to think about anything but the pain he'd caused me once he was dhampir again. What he'd said had been a million times worse than anything he'd done to me when he'd been strigoi.

Maybe I had the advantage of being able to know strigoi Dimitri hadn't been the person I'd fallen in love with. He'd lost his soul during the transformation. If only he'd been able to see that too.

I pulled the van into its designated spot in the garage and jumped straight out. I needed to avoid him. Twenty minutes in the car had been more than enough to last me a lifetime.

With his ridiculously long legs, Dimitri made it to the back of the van well before I did. He had it wide open, and was already unloading the few bags we had packed in. Even through his suit I could see his muscles work as he lifted and moved. A gasp spilled past my lips as I realised I was staring at him.

I had to fight to keep my guardian mask in place. He was affecting me too much, and I was finding it increasingly difficult to be near him. It was a relief when I saw him lift the last bag from the van, closing the swing door behind him, grunting with what sounded like exhaustion…perhaps impatience.

I turned my back to Dimitri as he busied himself with the pile of bags that had been left. I figured he was looking for Lissa's belongings, probably Christian's as well. I wasn't going to be much help with that since I had no idea what I'd be looking for. Plus I needed to get away from him for the sake of my own sanity.

I could only stay strong for so long before I would crash back to earth.

"Roza," he called as I neared the edge of the garage.

I was almost home free – or as free as I was going to be during the royal visit. I considered for a moment that it would be better – less painful – to just continue walking as if I hadn't heard him, but I knew I was going to have to face him at some stage. With a sigh I turned around, he was closing the distance between us quickly, striding with purpose.

"Yes Dim…Guardian Belikov?" I asked as I stammered around his name.

"Can we talk?" he enquired as he rose his left eyebrow. He face, as usual, was giving nothing away.

"I don't have time," I lied yet again, but there was only so many times I could hear those heartbreaking, gut wrenching words fall from his lips. Once had been enough to last me an eternity.

"Please," he said with a soft sigh. "It will only take a moment."

"Around here a moment is hard to come by Dimitri," I countered. "Anyway, you made your feelings perfectly clear five years ago. I got the message loud and clear, I doubt there's much more that needs to be said."

There. I'd said it, and I was sure that even my guardian mask had stayed intact. But as I looked up into those pools of chocolate that were his eyes I saw his was torn. What he had to be torn over, I had no idea. The voice that now voiced its bitter opinions over my head and heart was screaming at me to run.

But I couldn't move. I was frozen as I gazed into his eyes. For the first time since the attack on St Vlads I could see the man I'd fallen in love with. Strong, stoic, a God in every sense of the word. Yet buried inside of him was a whole other side, the one that showed tenderness and love. That's the side I caught a glimpse of as I stood in the garage. That's the side I wished had never left.

"I lied Roza," he whispered.

"Lied?" I questioned. "About what?"

While he might have answered with his lips, his reply held no words. One hand wound greedily around my waist while the other tilted my chin. Simultaneously he pulled me to him and angled my face to his. His lips met mine with an urgency I'd never felt before. He instantly took command of my mouth, his tongue enticing mine to join his sensual dance.

And I felt like he might actually suck the remaining life from my body right there and then.