YAY, managed to finish this chapter, finally. So here it is for you, with apologies for its lateness. School keeps me very busy, but I'll try to make the lapses between chapters shorter than this from now on. No promises, though.

For all the lovely comments and support, you all have my deepest gratitude.

Don't own, blahdy blah.

"Her faith is fixt and cannot move,
She darkly feels him great and wise,
She dwells on him with faithful eyes,
'I cannot understand, I love'."
-"In Memoriam A.H.H.", Alfred, Lord Tennyson

THE MEASURE OF MAN
Chapter 6 - The Uneasy Place

"The mission is completed, then, sir."

"Thank you, Tseng." Rufus was quiet for a few long moments, honoring his subordinate's displeasure by letting it hang in the air between them. "I trust Strife is being kept comfortable."

"His physical body is being cared for. I cannot speak as to what Cloud is feeling, if anything. Sir." Tseng did not appear perturbed in the slightest; he was too good a Turk. The displacement of the "Sir" said it all, and more. "Reno is with him."

"Angry at you?"

"Yes. But I've grown used to his anger over these years."

Rufus laughed softly. "I'm the one he'll never forgive."

"Perhaps not."

"You still think this is wrong, Tseng?"

"You wish me to speak freely, sir?"

"Always, Tseng. You know that."

"Maybe you're right, maybe Cloud is what keeps drawing Sephiroth back into the world. Maybe we've cut that string by putting Cloud out of commission. But if you're wrong, Sephiroth will return. And if you're right, Strife's friends will never accept what you've done. We will shortly be at war with them again, ShinRa against the forces of friendship and the hatred of the planet, just as it was before Meteor fell. There will not be the peace you wanted, Rufus. Not in our time or any after."

"The public can be swayed, if I'm right."

"Not Strife's nakama." The Wutainese word was one Rufus would know, meaning comrade, a bond stronger than friendship. "Either way."

"I don't want any of them harmed, if it can be helped. We owe them much. They saved this planet that Old ShinRa nearly betrayed to the death."

In the nearly bare, sunlit office, Rufus was sitting in a chair he had turned to face the windows, the setting sun. His stillness reminded Tseng of past threats, of the Geostigma that nearly ended the Shinra line.

Strife saved us then, too.

"Then, when they storm this building, sir?"

"Let them through to me. I will explain before I die."

"Sir - !"

Rufus halted Tseng's protests with a raised palm and a smile as he turned around. "I'm only half-serious, Tseng. I'm a Shinra, remember. I have escape routes and mechanisms from every room of this building. Remember."

"...yes, sir."

"In any case, it's not a permanent thing. If I'm wrong, Sephiroth returns, and we wake Strife. If Kanawa succeeds, and we have Genesis, we wake Strife."

"I will remind you, sir, that Genesis Rhapsodos, whatever he was in life, was never a person wise to count upon. And considering his feelings for Sephiroth..."

"Then he would want to free Sephiroth from Jenova, no matter the cost."

"Strife loves him too."

"Maybe, Tseng. If so, I am sparing him a fight he must have been dreading."

"Sir..."

"Am I my father yet, Tseng?" Rufus asked with a sad smile.

"No, sir."

"Because intention matters, right? Whether it's the most important thing or not...that's a question for men wiser than we. You can go, Tseng."

The head Turk was at the door, knob in hand, before he remembered. "The apples have regrown on the trees of Banora, sir."

"Really?" Rufus sounded interested. "That may be a good sign."

"They're sour," Tseng said shortly, and left the room.

scscscsc

"Help me get Sephiroth back? You can do that?"

"Well, we've been putting together a plan," Zack said.

"Does it have to do with the Cetra?"

Aerith beamed. "I knew you'd guess."

"So, they know how to get Sephiroth back?"

"Jenova's hold on him must be loosened."

Cloud's heart sank. "I'll have to fight him again?"

"We hope not," Angeal broke in. "Aerith?"

"Cloud, do you remember what I told you about my people?" She didn't wait for an answer. "The Cetra are born to the planet, commune with the planet, and return to the planet. During our earthly lives, we can hear the voices of our ancestors, but they're hard to make out. It's been more like a comforting static since ShinRa started harvesting mako. But once we reach the Lifestream, all the voices become clear."

"But...don't the dead, most of the dead I mean, lose their personalities and become one with the Lifestream?"

"Yes, with exceptions," Aerith said, holding up three slender fingers. "First, there's the Cetra like me, who act as speakers for the rest. Two, those who choose to keep their personalities intact. And three, those who've been infused with Jenova cells. Such people are polluted, unable to dissolve into the ether."

"But...that's..."

Angeal smiled. "Fine with us. We'll become one with the planet when everything on it has died, and until then, we have a happy immortality."

He put his arm around Zack as he spoke, and the sight made Cloud smile for a moment. "So, all the Cetra are intact, except the ones who choose not to be."

"They are very powerful, as all the first race of Gaia used to be," Aerith went on. "They're going to provide the energy we need for our plan, they tell me, as well as escort the volunteers to us and back again."

"Huh? Volunteers?"

Aerith sat down on the grass, tucking her legs beneath her, and the others did the same. "The Cetra have gathered some volunteers who have remained themselves, all souls who have some connection to you or us and are willing to help."

"I'm still confused. What are they going to do?"

"Share their memories with you. Each one has a memory they think will be of use to you, and they want to be heard. With our power combined, we'll have enough energy to show you the memories as they were experienced."

"Basically, Spiky," Zack said cheerfully, "it's like you're gonna be put in a bunch of different bodies, and see what they saw, feel what they felt."

"Like time travel?"

Aerith smiled. "There is no time here. That's why we can do this. And you haven't heard the best part yet!"

"Also the hard part," Zack chimed in.

"When you're finished gathering the information the volunteers offer, Gaia herself will grant you the chance to go into your own memory. This one is important...because in this one you can actually change your actions. Change the past."

Cloud felt cold at the thought, and at the same time... "Gaia told you this?"

Aerith nodded solemnly. "It's very strange when She speaks to you directly. Beautiful...but it reminds you how small you are."

"She's going to let me...change the past? What part of the past? What do I change?"

"She said that when the time comes, you'll know."

"We have no idea how long you'll have, either," Zack sighed. "Could be days, could be seconds."

"Whatever you choose," Aerith said, "the Goddess has agreed to substitute for what originally happened. It will become part of the planet's memory."

"So careful what you do, Spiky, 'cause it's gonna stick."

Cloud looked around at them. Zack, who was faking cheer because he was fatigued and concerned. Angeal, who smiled at him but whose gaze never left Zack for long. Aerith, who was the same bright and strange spirit she had always been. This was not like the circle of companions Cloud had originally saved the planet with, but he recognized this feeling of desperate defiance to beat the odds. This hope that they could.

"When do we start?"

Aerith smiled brilliantly. "Come with me."

Something occurred to Cloud as they all began to walk, and he found himself saying "But the Cetra...aren't they supposed to find the Promised Land?"

"A place of endless beauty and renewal," she said evenly. "You're looking at it, Cloud."

scscscsc

"Cloud, it's me. Call as soon as you get this, okay?"

Tifa slid her cell phone back into her pocket, fairly confident she wouldn't be hearing Cloud's voice any time soon. Maybe it was for the best this time, lest she accidentally allude to the dream she'd had the night before. The metal cold inside the Nibelheim reactor, the red-haired man with cruel eyes swooping on her escort and taking him away. It was enough to make her miss the nightmares of Sepiroth.

I didn't even realize it was Cloud with me when it happened. I was such a selfish girl...I could have gotten him killed.

Tifa's hands felt cold; she pressed them into a spot of sunlight shining onto the bar, willing the chill and the sadness to pass, to become the kind of pain she could work around. Most days she did well, as a mother, a bartender, a friend, occasionally a hero. She was even learning to accept that she might never get over Cloud.

It doesn't hurt so much anymore, Tifa told herself, and it didn't. The feeling had carved out a place in her heart, and the cutting had been painful, but now it was a part of her. It could have been a sadness she she was born with, it ached so quietly.

Movement and the bell over Seventh Heaven's door jarred her at the same time, and her first thought was that the new, mysterious regular had gotten up. But no, the stranger was nursing his second whiskey, and a dark grizzly bear of a man was headed her way, grinning widely and nudging chairs aside with his broad body.

"Tifa!"

She leaned over the counter to hug him. "I wasn't expecting you for another few days."

"Our machinery's undergoin' a buncha repairs. Not much to do for the next week, nothin' Rick and Olan can't handle supervisin'. Thought I'd take the chance and visit. How's everythin'?"

"Oh, same as when you left. ShinRa's mysterious, Cloud is solitary, my customers drink. And a certain little girl of our acquaintance won her class spelling bee yesterday."

"That's my girl!" Barret exclaimed, pounding a meaty fist on the bar. "Smart like her mama. Like all her mamas. Hey, do ya think Marlene will like this?"

He pulled from his duffel bag a large pink teddy bear, with a satin stomach that matched the ribbon around its neck. Tifa smiled, wondering how Barret was going to cope when Marlene's interest in toys turned to boys. He would probably scare off all but the brave, or foolish, suitors.

"She'll love it."

"Got a blue one for Denzel, like a twin, ya know? They still gettin' along?"

"Just like family."

Barret nodded. "That's what I wanted for Marlene all her life, ya know, a family. Appreciate you takin' care of her, Tifa."

"I love her like my own daughter."

"She's been okay?"

"Yeah, still doing great in school and...well..."

Barret looked worried. "And what?"

"You know how Marlene is easily influenced by how Denzel is feeling? Well, Denzel's been a little down since Cloud last disappeared."

"Kid's gotta grow a thicker skin. Cloud's jus' bein' himself." Barret shuffled his feet awkwardly, then sat on the nearest stool and leaned close. "That stuff you tol' me, 'bout Cloud and Sephiroth...didn't tell nobody, like I promised, but you're gonna have to tell me again 'fore I believe it."

"They were in love. Still are, if Jenova wasn't in the way."

"Hell. I figured Cloud wasn't so into ladies when he di'int snatch you up, but Sephiroth?"

"You've got to remember, Barret. We never met the real Sephiroth. What we fought was not Sephiroth."

"Yeah. I can still hardly keep that mess straight in my head, and dat DeepGround thing made it worse, I dunno what they're all about."

Tifa ran a rag over the bar as she began to speak, out of a restlessness she was used to. "I know. The way Reeve explained it to me is that DeepGround started around the same time the SOLDIER program did, that it was a medical facility for wounded SOLDIERs. At some point early on, the former president authorized Hojo to use the hopeless cases for experimentation. Pretty soon every patient was being used for one experiment or another."

"Fuckin' Hojo, wish we could beat his ass again."

"Supposedly, most of the experimentation was with G cells taken from Genesis and from Angeal Hewley's mother, Gillian. The most successful modified humans became the Tsviets, the leaders, and they were kept in a secret lab under the Midgar reactor. When Meteor destroyed Midgar, they were freed."

"Okay, I git it, but what 'bout the SOLDIERs? How come you don't see none of them around anymore?"

"The ones we defeated before Meteorfall were probably the last," Tifa said with a shrug. "Reeve said a lot were absorbed into DeepGround, but there was also a mass defection of SOLDIERs after Sephiroth's death. My guess is that there's a handful scattered around the planet, laying low."

"Damn right."

"Barret, they're not our enemies. They left ShinRa, and anyway, I don't think ShinRa is either."

"They doin' good work, aright, I'll give 'em that. Don't think I'll ever really trust 'em, though."

"I understand. They are making amends, though," Tifa said, touching the pocket that Colin Moray's necklace was tucked into.

"Spiky feel the same way?"

"I think so," Tifa mused. "The other day we heard a newscaster make a big deal about how much security the ShinRa building has. And Cloud said it was just good sense for ShinRa to protect itself, considering how many people hate it."

"They got a right. Spiky's sure got a right. Damn. Any idea what's in his head?"

"Only guesses. Love, guilt for feeling it, fear Sephiroth will come back, a greater fear that he never will."

"Yeah. Well, if you count his hair, Spiky's head is big enough to carry all that." Barret stood. "Better get goin', I told Cid I'd fix his sink, long as he gives me a ride home in one of his fancy ships."

"Cid. He can build a rocket out of nothing, but give him a basic plumbing problem..."

"I know, fucking geniuses. Tell Marlene I'll pro'ly be back tonight."

Barret went out, leaving the bar mostly empty and Tifa relfecting on how she could no longer have a completely honest conversation with anyone but Cloud. He had let no one but her read Zack's memoir, let no one but her be privy to the awful things that had happened to him at the hands of Hojo and Genesis. Cloud had not asked for her silence, but she knew he wanted the rest of the gang to know as little as possible. The pendant was out of her pocket and in Tifa's hand before she knew it, a rain drop like the kind that came from clouds.

"I was with Colin Moray when he received that pendant."

The proximity of the regular customer, the sound of so much of his voice, the content of his speech - all these things were overloading, too much even to trigger a fight-or-flight response. Tifa merely froze, eyes wide, gaze downward, mouth slightly open. The stranger put his hands flat on the bar, probably to show that he was unarmed, and very slowly her gaze traveled up as he spoke again.

"Colin had just made 2nd Class, and his room was right next to mine. I was borrowing a book from him when he opened a package from his ma. A silver raindrop on a chain. For purity, the letter said, to remind him that even a SOLDIER can, in his heart, remain innocent."

Tifa finally looked into the worn but attractive enough face, the scraggly hair framing and half-hiding it. The eye swere a brown that glowed faintly, the unmistakable sign of mako though it had likely been years since his last injection. Tifa's expression asked the obvious question, and the man quietly answered.

"My name is Andrew Lefler, Miss Lockhart. I need to speak with you immediately."

scscscsc

"I was gonna tell it all to you one day, all the stuff in my past that even Tseng doesn't know. Why you, I'm not really sure. Maybe because you've been hurt enough to understand."

His words softly echoed around the metallic room; what now served as a makeshift infirmary had once been an area for weapons storage. The resting body's chest went up and down, and the heart monitor beeped - the only signs that Cloud was alive. Reno stepped closer and took his cool hand.

"Or maybe because you've seen the worst of me, and given me a chance anyway." Reno paused long enough to swallow a sob. "Like when the Sector Seven pillar went down. Cloud, I swear, it wasn't supposed to happen."

He had to stop again, and breathed quietly for a minute or two.

"The order came from the old president, for the pillar to go down. Tseng told me to make it real easy for you guys to halt the destruction sequence, and I did, I thought I did. But it must not have been good enough. Cloud, I need you to know that we never meant for that pillar to fall."

Reno's free hand awkwardly swiped some of the wetness from his eyes. "I know your Avalanche buddies must think about the people who were killed in the reactor explosions. I know, 'cause I think all the time about the people who were in Sector Seven that day. Nothing hurts me so bad, not even things I did when I was a whore. And here I am, doing something wrong again."

Reno smiled bitterly. "Guess I'm hoping you'll wake up and say you're not mad at me for being too late to stop Tseng. The last thing you needed was to be hurt by ShinRa again. I would think Tseng was lying about stopping you from jumping into the Lifestream...but you won't wake up, and it's not 'cause of anything we gave you. Man, what will we tell Tifa and the gang when they bust in here?"

Reno laughed, shortly and alone. Its echo came back nervous and desperate.

"I don't think you were trying to kill yourself, no matter what Tseng saw. This would be a great time for my Sight, as the doc calls it, to help me out, but even without it, I don't think you'd hurt yourself. You wouldn't hurt the one thing Sephiroth loves. Hey, you and I should start a club for guys in love with assholes, what do ya say?"

Cloud was perfectly still, save for his respiration. There were no twitches or eye movements common to dreamers, and the pale young man was almost pearl-white under the stark light. Cloud's skin was cool, and Reno couldn't sense him, not even the way Turks can always feel when someone's in the same room. Or rather, Reno was sensing someone, but it wasn't Cloud.
"You're somewhere far away, aren't you, Strife?" Reno asked softly. "Farther away than simple death would take you."

"He may be in the Lifestream."

"Screw you, man."

"Reno, I know you're angry with me, but please, hear me out. Haven't I always done the same for you?"

Dammit, Reno thought. He didn't turn around, but it was easy to picture Tseng, always in the same kind of suit, always serious with his straight stance and solemn expression. He looked earnest, Reno could hear it in his voice, and Tseng had always heard Reno out, whether it was over a broken curfew or helicopter theft.

"Fine, talk."

"In every ancient culture known to exist on the planet, there have been men who can mentally enter the Lifestream while in unconscious or semi-conscious states. The company's research on Loveless suggests that it may be an allegory, based on out-of-body experiences."

"What does Loveless have to do with Cloud?" Reno asked sharply. "Oh. You think he was mimicking the second hero."

"Strife has survived immersion in the Lifestream before. I can't rule out a suicide attempt, but it may be that Strife thought there was something to gain by going directly to the Lifestream."

"Maybe he was running from you and your trank darts."

"I didn't have any weapon out, Reno. I was not going to capture Cloud."

Reno looked up from the cot, but didn't turn around. "What?"

"I just wanted to talk to Cloud, to tell him our theory of why Sephiroth keeps returning, then ask him if he would be willing to submit to tests here, perhaps a short-term induced coma at the very least."

"And if he didn't want to?"

Tseng smiled wanly. "I was prepared to return here barely alive and admit I failed my mission."

"Honestly."

"On my life, Reno."

Tseng's word was enough for anyone who knew him, especially Reno, but Reno didn't have to like it. He spoke to counter the silence thick in the air between them.

"I was telling Cloud how I wanted to talk to him sometime, guy to guy. So we could commiserate, on all our past and present angst, you know? But I don't think he hears me. I think he's busy."

"Do you know where Cloud's soul is? What he's doing?"

"No...but I think he has a better chance of eliminating Sephiroth as a threat than we do. Cloud knows him better than us...and his intentions are purer."

"That matters," Tseng allowed with a nod. "I hope you're right."

"When I see Sephiroth in my visions, it's usually not like lookin' at a human being. He's dark and polluted as much as a person can be."

"By Jenova." Tseng came a few steps closer. "If Cloud does face Jenova again, I will aid him however I can. I couldn't help Zack when it mattered...I would not like to fail again."

"That was my fault too."

"Aw, c'mon, you two. At least I got to be a hero."

Tseng drew his gun reflexively, but it hung in his limp hand. Reno stared across the table to the half-transparent form of none other than Zack Fair, seventeen forever but wearing the 1st Class uniform he'd been proud to put on. Reno had been expecting him, but was surprised to learn from Tseng's gasp that both of them were having this vision.

"Zack Fair," Tseng said, trying to regain his usual coolness. "Why are you here?"

"'Cause your bathroom is boring," the ghost said with a mischievous grin. "You need to get some books or a strobe light in there."

"What?"

"Just kidding. But seriously, thanks for grabbing Cloud's body. He's pretty used to mako, but we'd hate to send him back to a sick body."

"Is he okay?" Reno croaked out. "Is he with you?"

"Yes to both. Spiky's not dead or anything...although you two might be if Tifa and the gang find out Cloud's being held here. Cloud wishes he could talk to her before we start, but sucks to be us, 'cause our time is limited. A body can only last a little while without its soul, so we have to begin now."

"Begin what?" Tseng asked. "Do you have a plan to save Sephiroth?"

Zack nodded, his short spikes bouncing with the motion. "Yeah, and I'll fill you in as best I can, but first, Reno...we're gonna need your help."

"Me? What can I do?"

"Aerith says what we're gonna do might affect Cloud's body, since he's still connected to it, even though he's not in it. We need someone with a lot of power, like you, to stay by Cloud and hold his hand. You'll be sort of grounding him, making sure the connection between Spiky's mind and body doesn't snap."

Reno opened his mouth to ask exactly how to do that, but realized in an instant that somehow he did know. "I'll do it," he said, squeezing Cloud's hand.

"I knew we could count on you."

"Zack," Tseng called, taking a step closer. "I'm so - "

"Really, Tseng, don't worry about it. It was my time."

"Are you with Angeal?"

Zack beamed, literally glowed with white light. "Oh yeah, and he's not all guilty and glum like he used to be. Death is awesome."

"The president would also apologize, I know, given the chance."

Zack shrugged, and the familiar gesture of his made the two Turks smile. "He wasn't in charge then, wasn't his fault. And he's trying to be a good guy now. Just tell him to be a better boyfriend," he added, winking at Reno.

Reno turned slightly pink, and Zack went on. "Okay, I guess we're just about ready to start - "

"Is there anything I can do?" Tseng asked.

Zack frowned in thought, and scratched his head with a gloved hand. "Any idea what to do when Tifa finds out and busts in here?"

scscscsc

Tifa slid into the chair heavily, imagining it strained against the lead-like weight in her stomach. While waiting for the man across the table to speak, she wondered if, after so many years of fighting, the heaviness of foreboding would ever become less.

"As I said, Miss Lockhart, my name is Andrew Lefler. I used to be a SOLDIER commander, in charge of overseeing cadet affairs."

"Please call me Tifa."

He nodded. "I suppose you're wondering why I've been in here every day for the past two weeks. To be honest, I've been spying. Waiting to see what your relationship with ShinRa currently is, and hoping to catch a glimpse of Cloud Strife."

"Commander - "

"Andrew."

"The only reason I'm talking to you is because I believe you're not our enemy. But you'd better tell me, quickly, what exactly you want with Cloud."

"We want what he wants," Lefler said with an earnest expression. "Sephiroth freed."
"How much do you know about Sephiroth?"

"I know what is common knowledge now, that he lives on as Jenova's puppet, polluted by her and polluting the planet in turn. I know that he returns now and then and is defeated by Cloud Strife. But more importantly, I knew Sephiroth before his fall, when he was a good man in love for the first time."

"In love..."

"You are surprised?"

"...No. Just..."

"I understand," he said, his voice dropping lower. "I hoped to be able to tell Cloud Strife, how Sephiroth felt, but I hear a certain memoir of Zack Fair's has already delivered the news."

"You know about that too? You knew Zack."

"Knew and loved him, as we all did," Lefler said with a soft laugh. "I remember in the days after Angeal's death, how Zack consoled himself by taking on an apprentice of his own, and how this young man drew out a part of Sephiroth we all feared we'd never see. We owe Cloud Strife much."

"'We'? You mean, there are more SOLDIERs with you?"

"We are scattered, but many of us remain in touch. Our allegiance to each other did not dissolve when we deserted ShinRa. We are, in our new homes, doing our part to protect the planet, in return for the mako that was pumped into our bodies, but a few of us are drawing near this new city. We know what Cloud Strife's goal must be, and we wish to help."

The name of this serious man had been tugging at Tifa's mind since he spoke it, and all at once she remembered. "Zack wrote of you in his story."

"Did he?" Lefler smiled. "In a good light, I hope."

"Yes. He said you were kind to the cadets under your watch."

"I tried to be. SOLDIER is - was...is a hard life."

"When did you desert?" Tifa asked softly.

He sighed. "I stayed longer than many. The first wave disappeared shortly after Sephiroth's supposed death was announced. I remained, trying to make order out of chaos."

That last word reminded her of Vincent, and the foes he had lately defeated. "The Tsviets of DeepGround mentioned a mass murder they carried out just after Meteorfall. Was there a disappearance of SOLDIERs then, too?"

"Yes. We think the first wave were recruited into DeepGround, and the third wave was slaughtered by them. I myself went with the second wave, about a year after Sephiroth and Zack were lost. I just...I suppose I'd seen enough loss for one life." Lefler shook his head. "I suppose it's lucky, in a way. We old-timers weren't around to properly train the new SOLDIERs, and so the ones you and your friends faced in defiance of ShinRa were easier to defeat."

"Or it was fate," Tifa said. "Do you believe in that, or the Goddess?"

"Difficult question. I believe in the Lifestream, and that the men who died under my command went there. I believe there is a greater power than us that might alter the course of our lives if it chooses. Whether that thing is good or bad, ultimately...that, I don't know."

"Cloud's been there," Tifa said, hardly realizing she spoke aloud. "More than once. And..."

"Then it must be the Goddess's will that he still lives." Lefler smiled darkly. "Or dumb luck."

"Or Cloud's strength. He has more than anyone I know." Tifa stood. "How about I get us something to eat, and you can tell me how you plan to help Cloud?"

"How, we're not sure yet. But I wouldn't say no to some food. What have you got?"

Tifa headed to the kitchen, and returned a few moments with two bowls. "Pudding?"

He looked at it, and laughed. "Butterscotch. How'd you know?"

"Zack."

"Of course. Zack."

To be continued.