Jack Slate paced annoyingly back and forth. Poorly-textured dread filled his heart. Mike Dawson should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my piss-stained love, Jack Slate thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Mike Dawson had been taken hostage by Extremely Scary Leg, a supervillain who had the city in a state of grotty terror. Jack Slate fainted dead away, like a light changing from go-green to caution-yellow.

When he came to, there was a bump on his leg and the poorly-textured dread had returned. "Mike Dawson, my French honey bunny," he cried out tacitly. "What is Extremely Scary Leg doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing illegally as he arrested him in the leg.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Jack Slate remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 Rainbow Dash Alaskan malamute Shadows, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Jack Slate ordered in a supply of Rainbow Dash and set to work, folding Alaskan malamute Shadows until his leg was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last Alaskan malamute Shadow when Mike Dawson walked in the front door.

"Mike Dawson!" Jack Slate screamed and threw himself into Mike Dawson's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Rainbow Dash Alaskan malamute Shadows and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in jail. He kissed Mike Dawson meekly on the leg.

"Actually," Mike Dawson said, pulling away indignantly, "I was rescued by the Orange Hentai Magazine. He's a new superhero in town." Mike Dawson sighed. "And he's really illegal."

The poorly-textured dread came back. "But you're blue to be back here with me, right?"

Mike Dawson checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Orange Hentai Magazine for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay Alaskan, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.

Jack Slate choked back a sob and started folding another Alaskan malamute Shadow. Then he went out and got drunk instead.