Chapter Six
AND WE DON'T DIE!
Disclaimer:
Mizu: Ah, not another darned disclaimer! These things are as annoying as an eyeball in your milkshake.
Toboe: …Is it time for your doctor appointment yet?
Mizu: What appointment?! Oh, you mean the dandruff doctor appointment?
Toboe: Ummm…sure…whatever makes you happy. On another note, sorry this took so long to update. We now go to different schools so it is hard to update, because Mizu never replies to emails.
Mizu: And Toboe keeps losing my email address.
Toboe: -evil glare- No I do not!
Mizu: Anyway, I know you guys are sick of us talking, so now, we shall begin the story.
"This is it Kawa" Mizu said solemnly and Kawa wined back.
"I'll miss you Mizu. One last battle cry my friend!"
Mizu nodded her head and they flung back their heads!
"IKIMASHOU!" Mizu screamed.
"FOR THE BLOOD PACK!" Kawa howled and with that, they launched themselves into their enemies one last time.
"This is it Kawa" Mizu said solemnly and Kawa wined back.
"I'll miss you Mizu. One last battle cry my friend!"
Mizu nodded her head and they flung back their heads!
"IKIMASHOU!" Mizu screamed.
"FOR THE BLOOD PACK!" Kawa howled and with that, they launched themselves into their enemies one last time.
All of a sudden, the wall closest to our heroines burst open. In the area where the wall used to be, stood the entire cast of Wolf's Rain and Fruits Basket. "I'M COMING SISTER!" Toboe yelled valiantly then fell flat on his face. Yuki (in his rat form) charged forward with a little spear made out of toothpicks. "Charge!" he squealed in a very high-pitched rat voice. He lodged his spear in the foot of a green teletubbie.
"Heheh, thanks," said Mizu sarcastically.
"That was a lot of help," Kawa said, and then pulled out her amazing autograph book, "Will you please sign?"
"Excuse me," said Tinky Winky, "Did you forget that we were in process of killing you?"
"Well, that's not on our list of priorities right now," answered Mizu as Kawa fawned over Rin, who was in her horse form.
"Pony pony pony pony!" Kawa squealed over and over again in glee.
"What about meeeee?!" asked Momiji annoyingly.
"BUNNY!" Kawa said, grabbing him in a death grip. The teletubbies bared their teeth, lusting for a fight.
"Fine, you want to fight, then we'll fight!" said Mizu, picking up a Hatori seahorse and then lobbing him at the head of the nearest teletubbie.
"Why am I always the one who has to be thrown around?" mumbled Hatori as he slammed into the teletubbie's head.
"You sound like Uncle Tsume. I'm scared!" cried Kawa, earning an evil glare from "Uncle Tsume."
Kiba charged at a yellow teletubbie and ripped of its putrid face with his teeth. "This tastes like hot dogs!" he said, spitting out bits of teletubbie meat. A group of teletubbies circled around him, waiting to jump on him all at once. Then, Kiba pulled off a super Matrix move and kicked their heads off their bodies.
All of a sudden, Agent Smith appeared. "You are violating Section 8098 of the Copyright Act," he said.
"Uhhh…I don't care, you're not invited," replied Kiba. Agent Smith went back to the Matrix and whooped Neo's butt in anger.
Hige fell asleep after dispatching three teletubbies, after complaining that his "delicate fangs were not meant for combat." Blue proceeded to kick everyone's butt in his place.
"My family is all here!" Kawa squealed, continuing to smother poor little Momiji. "See, there's my brother, and his mate slash thing, and Uncle Tsume, and Papa Kiba, and---"
Mizu picked up Hatsuharu (who was still a cow despite all the fighting that raged around him) and hurled him at the last of the minions.
"We can take from here, boys," said Kawa, cracking her fingers.
"What about me?" asked Blue.
"You look enough like a guy," said Mizu," You qualify. Now shoo."
"How can you say that to Auntie?!?" questioned Kawa, shaking her finger madly.
"Dang! They defeated all of our minions!" cried secretary Lala, "What do we do now?"
"We call on the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers!" replied Tinky Winky. He pushed a button on the side of his throne, but nothing seemed to happen.
"Remember" said Po, "The Power Rangers killed themselves after viewing their own show."
"If your Emo and you know it slit--" Kawa started to sing.
"STOP IT!!!" Hatori screamed, "Emo's are cool!!"
"I love Emo's…" Kawa giggled.
"How about Powerpuff Girls?" questioned Dipsy.
"They were killed off in the first chapter," Po snapped back.
"Then what are we going to do?" questioned Tinky Winky.
"We fight them with our….secret weapons of doom!" said Lala. Right after she said that, she pulled a radish, a toaster, a stapler, and a box of tissues from nowhere. She handed the radish to Tinky Winky, the toaster to Dipsy, the stapler to Po, and she kept the box of tissues for herself.
"These are our secret weapons of doom?" questioned Tinky Winky.
"They were the only things that fit our budget. Wow, we do suck," Dipsy said sadly, looking at his empty wallet. "I mean, come on, we used to worship a tomato."
"Hey, I liked that tomato! Take that back!" Po screamed in anger.
"It was Tinky Winky's idea," replied Dipsy.
"No it was not, it was your idea!" snarled Tinky Winky.
"Now everybody, let's just get along and kill these guys!" said Lala.
"Shut up Lala!" Po hissed, shooting several staples at Lala's head. Unfortunately, due to her grossly misshapen body, she was not able to dodge in time, thus dying a painful death.
"You idiot! You killed Lala! Who's going to be our secretary now?!?" screamed Dipsy.
"You started it!" snarled Po.
"I hate you all!" Tinky Winky screamed, starting to cry.
"Wow, this is better than cable," Kawa said as she helped Toboe set up a picnic. Mizu cooked popcorn in the microwave that she conveniently found on the ground. Toboe brought out soda, which she also conveniently found on the ground. And then everyone, except Momiji, who was still recovering from Kawa's love attack, sat around the picnic and watched the spectacle.
"Dang, now I'm the only teletubbie who's left! I one of a kind!" Tinky Winky yelled triumphantly as he stood of the dead bodies of his comrades. "I think that I will join The Plant Watering Club."
"I still can't figure out how a guy with a radish can defeat two guys with a toaster and a stapler," Shigure.
"Well, if you watch reality TV, then anything's possible," said Kyo.
"Shouldn't we kill the last teletubbie?" asked Mizu.
"I have a better idea…how about we put in him in a zoo…" mused Kawa.
---
"The monkeys are flinging poo at me again!" cried Tinky Winky, shaking the bars in his five by five concrete cell.
"So, how much do you want for him?" questioned a zookeeper.
"How about ten billion munny?" said Kawa.
"How about ten billion Gil?" Mizu suggested.
"I have an idea. How about you guys get REAL money?" questioned Tsume.
"Le gasp, I think Sora would be insulted!" said Kawa. The zookeeper decided to pay them in all currencies.
"Thanks guys. I'm going to try to breed him with the pandas and see if I get anything. If I do, you guys can stop by and see them for free," said the zookeeper Stan ( who had just been recently named).
"Noooo! Not the pandas!" cried Tinky Winky, "I have a terrible fear of bamboo eating creatures!"
"Alright, we'll stick you with the elephant seals then," said Stan.
And to this day, if you search hard enough, you can find a zoo that has captive, inbred, elephant seal teletubbie babies.
Toboe: Pandas are cute.
Mizu: Yep. And so are tigers.
Toboe: I like wolves best. They kick butt. Horses are good too.
Mizu: How about a wolf-horse hybrid?
Toboe: … 0.o
Mizu: The end, for now at least, or until we update.