Aftermath

Part VI: The First Step

There was no tab to settle, as Sano had made the arrangements and paid in advance. They left the restaurant, arm in arm, Megumi looking pensive and Sanosuke beaming at everything in sight. Several minutes passed.

"I was going to discuss this tomorrow," she said softly, "but I think that would not be wise. I am not changing my mind, Sano. But you may change yours."

"Uh-uh. Nothin's gonna make me change my mind. I blew it before. Not again. This time I ain't lettin' ya go."

It was not his imagination. She did squeeze his arm.

"Sano… I have no money. I work all day, every day, and most of these people cannot afford even the simplest medicines. Most of what I had saved has gone to buy supplies for those who need them. I have not had the time or money to buy so much as a decent kimono since I came here. I cannot afford to pay you. Most of my meals come from the innkeeper's generosity." She fell silent once again.

"And? First off, you're not the type to take charity. You've earned those meals and then some. Besides, if we need extra, I can take on odd jobs. I'm no longer afraid of workin'. Never was, just never saw a reason to. Now, I got a reason." Through the darkness and shaggy long hair, she could see his smile was genuine.

But she was already on the defensive. "So if things get better, you'll go back to being a layabout and a sponge?" Everything she had ever cared about before had been destroyed. Every person she had ever loved had left her, one way or another. Even in Tokyo, she had hesitated to grow close to anyone. Her feelings for Kenshin aside, she had kept the others at as much of a distance as they would allow – even Sanosuke himself.

~But he's here, now. He came back, and he came back to stay here. But anything could happen. Anything could change that. He's not as severely damaged as Kensan was… Unless you count brain damage. But one wrong move in a fight, and he's as dead as anyone else…~ She shuddered.

Sano, misinterpreting, didn't notice the trepidation in her voice under the skeptical tone. "Oiy! I said I've changed. I said I wasn't gonna leave you hangin'. What do I gotta do to prove it to you?"

She looked at him, imploring him with her heart to understand, but he had looked away. She released her grip on his arm and shook her head. "Forget it. I wouldn't expect a tori-atama like you to understand."

~How can I understand it if you won't explain it?~ he wanted to yell. He tried taking a deep breath, but it didn't help much. "How can I understand if you won't explain?" he growled.

"I shouldn't have to tell you. You should be able to figure it out on your own." Even as she said the words, she knew how hurtful and pointless they were, but she found it hard to stop. The old patterns were hard to break, and for some reason every interaction with Sanosuke had always ended up in misunderstandings just such as this. She had been defensive by offense for so long…

"If you're gonna be that way about it, Fox." He moved to shove his hands in his pockets, then remembered that the formal hakama and kimono he wore lacked such affectations, and crossed his arms instead.

"Thank you for dinner," she said, somehow making it sound like an insult. "I won't trouble you further this evening."

He was tempted to let her return home alone out of pique, but being Sano, enjoyed the perversity of making her suffer his presence even though at the moment it hurt him as well. "No way. I said I'm walkin' ya home, and I'm walkin' ya home."

Wordlessly, she flipped her hair at him and stalked in the direction of the clinic. ~And to think just a few minutes ago I was ready to… to… Oh, sometimes I hate him so!~

The rest of the trip was silent as they each stewed in their own misery and confusion. Had they known how parallel their trains of thought ran, one or the other might have said something to make peace.

~I know I shouldn't get so pissed, but she knows just how to get to me! What was I thinking, coming here like this? Shit. Everything was so amazing just a few minutes ago. Where did everything go wrong? I knew the ring thing would be a stupid idea.~

Megumi was no less hesitant in blaming herself. ~I know I shouldn't get so defensive with him. I know it's my fault. But especially since… the attack, it's been even harder to trust anyone. I don't have a single close friend here. Oh, Kami, I am so lonely! And it's all my own fault.~

But pride kept them both from speaking, and they arrived back at the clinic still sullen and silent. Megumi found herself fidgeting with the ring inside her sleeves. For a brief moment, she considered giving it back to him, but something between petulance and desperation made her hold back. As angry as she was, she held close to two thoughts: first, that anger is always fear in disguise; second, if she returned his ring, Sanosuke would very likely disappear from her life again – but this time, forever. Deny it though she might, that was one consequence she was not prepared to face.

~You're not fired. I'm sorry.~ But when she turned to face him, she could not say anything beyond, "Thank you for tonight." Her throat was tight and the words came out clipped; she could hardly look at him.

But he was shaking his head. "No. I'm not lettin' it end like this. You may hate me right now, but I ain't leavin' at least until you unfire me."

"That's not even a word!"

"Like I care?"

"And that's always your problem. You don't care."

"Would I be here if I didn't care?" He threw the words out like punches, wild and hard.

"If you thought you could get something out of it, yes!"

"Okay, and just what exactly am I getting out of this?"

A hundred possible answers, ranging from "heartburn" to "really ticked off" occurred to her, but habit had her coolly say, "Nothing, but not for lack of trying."

He cursed, a string of profanity that would have impressed even an old sailor. "Don't you get it, Megumi?"

The police officer Satomura came around the corner, hat in hand. "Forgive the interruption, Takanisensei, but the neighbors… They are concerned…" He glanced cautiously from the doctor to her apparent companion.

She bowed, partly to hide her blush. "I ask forgiveness, Satomurasan. We will take our… discussion… inside."

He bowed and apologized, but he watched her go inside and laid a hand on Sano's shoulder. They were of a height, but Satomura had the easy bulk of a very powerful man. He clearly knew his business. "I don't know much about you, Sagarasan. But I promise you that if you hurt our Takanisensei, there is nowhere in Aizu, nowhere in all of Japan, that you will go and not hear of our anger. This is not a threat, but a simple statement of fact. She has never let anyone get close to her since she came here, and if we ever found out who first hurt her so badly that she cannot trust anyone, the responsible party will regret it for a long time to come."

Sano shook his head. "That guy's already in jail. And remember, Satomura, that her family came from around here; she's lost everyone. Would you give your trust up that easy, if you – Damn."

The men shared a long look of understanding. "It seems we both learned something tonight," the officer said with a sad smile. "She had a difficult time after the war, didn't she."

Sano shrugged. "I dunno much about most of it, but yeah. She's had a tough life. All I wanted to do was make it better for her."

The sad smile grew more complex as Satomura nodded. "That's all any of us wants for her."

Sanosuke looked at the other man, comprehension dawning. "You like her, dontcha." A lopsided grin spread on his own face.

"We all like her, Sagarasan."

"No, I mean you like her, like her. Did you ever tell her?"

"It isn't that way, Sagarasan. We just want her to be happy." He shrugged. "Me, I'm betrothed to be married soon. She's a good girl. It would be nice if Takanisensei could find someone to make her as happy as Miyokosan will make me. Just be careful with her, Sagarasan. From what you yourself say, she's been alone for so very long." The policeman released Sano's shoulder and nodded. "See you later?"

"Yeah. Later," the former fugitive said, befuddled.

Megumi had gone inside and not heard any of the conversation. She had decided that Sanosuke had simply decided to leave and so had started untying her obi to prepare for bed. Angry and ashamed, she berated herself silently as she folded the deep burgundy fabric neatly and lay it over the hanging rack. She had slipped the floral kimono off her shoulders; it was hanging around her waist when she heard his footsteps approach and stop.

He only had time to think, ~Ohshit,~ before her delicately balled fist knocked him into the wall.

"Oh, wonderful. Not only does he walk in on me, but now he's unconscious as well," she groused to any passing spirits. She conveniently ignored the fact that it was her own punch that had put him there.

She dropped a towel over his face and quickly changed into the yukata she kept for sleeping, then draped the kimono over the hanging rack as well. ~I'll pack that up tomorrow. In the meantime, what to do with this ahou?~ She nudged him with her toe. He groaned. She sighed and picked up the towel.

"Don't you know better?" Shaking her head, she slipped out to the kitchen and the large chunk of ice. Knocking off a few chips, she wrapped them in the towel and placed them on the definitive bruise that was forming on his chin. She also noticed some swelling.

He groaned again and his eyes opened; he looked at her warily. "Damn," he said and winced. "You're stronger than you look."

"More likely you've grown soft over the years," she said loftily.

"Trust me, I've taken some hits… Not even Kenshin could knock me out like that," he said, sitting up.

"You probably never walked in when he was changing."

He looked at her. She looked back, and suddenly he found his lips quirking. It hurt, but he gave into the laughter that bubbled up at the oddity of the idea. She stared in outrage before she too had to giggle, the almost silent laugh that was her real laughter.

He pressed the ice to his face again as they subsided. "That really hurt, woman. You seriously pack a mean uppercut."

"You really deserved it."

"Not really."

"No," she conceded. "Not really. But it felt good."

"For you, maybe," he grumbled, but he was smiling a little. "Now, you wanna try that whole being adult thing we were talkin' about before? Everything was goin' so well, and then… what happened?"

All traces of amusement left her features. "Oh. Sano… Everything was so wonderful... You went all out and made arrangements for a fabulous evening, and I went and spoiled it because I was afraid."

"Of bein' alone again?"

She nodded.

"I told ya. I ain't gonna leave ya alone."

She shook her head. "Anything can happen. What if there's a fight? What if –"

"What if somethin' happened to you? You think I would wanna go on without you? But I would. I'd know that we'd had whatever time together we were meant to have. I don't go in for religion much, never have, but sometimes I think I wanna believe just to have somethin' to curse out. Or sometimes to thank." He thought for a second, then grinned again. "Usually to curse out." He moved the ice pack a little. "You'd be okay. You know… I was just talkin' with Satomura. He said you've never let anyone get close to you. You can only spend so much time before ya need someone to talk to, ya know."

~Here I go again. If Kenshin could only hear me now. Nah, forget that. If Kenshin could only be havin' this conversation instead of me! I wonder if she woulda decked HIM for walkin' in on her…~ Rather than inspiring jealousy, the thought amused him. ~Yeah, probably, but she'd've offered to make up for it after. With interest.~ THAT thought made him pointlessly jealous. ~I'm just no good at this stuff.~

She remained silent, looking at the floor off to one side. "I've lost everything, several times over. I have so little now. I don't even have any friends beyond… beyond the 'Kenshingumi', really." She smiled a little as she recalled Yahiko's nickname for those people who had been drawn to Kenshin by circumstance but stayed out of personal attachment.

"Do you know what Satomura said to me?"

She shook her head. "Unlike some people, I don't eavesdrop."

Something in her expression told him she was not talking about him. "Heh. You knew she was there?"

"I knew both of you were there. Kensan gave it away."

"He said something?" That would have been unlike the rurouni. Sano thought back to the day they had met Megumi.

"No. It was the way he moved, the way he was so alert. I may not know how to fight, but no fighter can read a person better than a doctor. We know the intimate workings of the human body, we know how a person moves and why, and that makes it easy for us to determine even the slightest changes in movement. I could see by the way he moved his head when he heard her footsteps, his expression… When a doctor is paying attention, there is very little that can get by her. Or him. For example, the time you and Kensan fought when you had found your friend, Tsukiokasan. I never said a word to anyone else, but I recognized the mark of a reverse blade to your ribs. But I also saw that you two were even more at peace with one another, and so my diagnosis was an acute case of conflicting principles which was best treated by the passage of time."

Sanosuke looked at her agape. "You could tell all that just from one bruise?"

Megumi flipped her hair back over her shoulder. "Did it sound like I was making it up?"

"Actually, you were pretty dead on," he conceded.

"The problem arises when a doctor allows her feelings to cloud her judgment. It happens more often than you'd think. We're supposed to be objective and levelheaded all the time…"

"Is that why you always keep pushin' people away?"

"Push peop—I do not push people away!" she cried indignantly. She rose and turned away.

"And what do you think you're doing right now? Kitsune, do you realize how fond these people here in Aizu are of you? Do you have any idea how much they care about you?" He had been thinking about what Satomura said, and the way the shopkeeper had acted, and how pleased Karitaku and his wife had been when Sano had told them of his intentions, and about the restaurant… "I didn't plan the sakura and the sunset. That was arranged by the owners of that restaurant, and I'd bet everything I have – even though I mostly don't gamble anymore, much – I'd bet everything that they did it to show their thanks. There's only one other thing that's keeping you from being constantly surrounded by friends, onna, and that's you."

She whirled back to face him, her hair flinging out and around her as she advanced on him. He pressed the sodden towel to his bruising face and backed away slowly.

"Tell me I don't have the right! Tell me I'm not allowed to be afraid to trust, to care, after everything that's happened to me! After all I've lost! Tell me I'm wrong to want to keep what's left of my heart from breaking again!"

Suddenly he seized her hand, gently holding it up between them. "See that ring, which by the way I'm glad ya didn't take off? That ring means I ain't leavin' even if you wanted me to. I ain't gonna go ANYWHERE. And just to piss you off, I'm gonna live a long damn time. Oh, and I'm also gonna take you places and make you have fun even if you hate me for it."

He expected her to yell, to snap, to make some high-handed comment. He expected her to break down in tears and unburden herself, sharing all the pain. He expected anything but what she did next.

She laughed. And again, it was a real laugh, not the proper, ladylike sound that they'd all learned early on generally meant trouble for someone. "Now THAT is the sort of proposal I would have expected from you to start with."

Shrugging, he grinned, trying to ignore the relief that flooded him so heavily he thought he might fall over. "Yeah well. Seems a certain fox I used to know always did think I was a bit slow on the uptake."

"I still have nothing. I can't pay you as my assistant."

"And what about as your husband?"

"Husbands don't get paid."

"I'm not talkin' about coin," he said.

"Oh," she said flippantly. "So the real reason you want to marry me is free room and board after all?"

He pretended to think about it for a moment. "Yeah, let's go with that."

"Baka."

"Kitsune."

They smiled at each other.

"Okay. So now that we're clear on the rest of that, and I ain't gonna push you for an answer on that." He took a deep breath; the change of topic was risky. "I do wanna know who did that to you."

"Who did what?"

"Doctors ain't the only ones good at readin' people, remember. I'm no Kenshin but even I can tell you're scared whenever someone makes a sudden move in your direction." Thinking it over, he realized that she could tolerate casual contact, but when he'd reached for her, or pulled her closer, she seemed to be fighting panic. ~So there's some hope, but if I don't kill the bastards who hurt her, neither one of us is ever gonna get over it.~

"I…"

He pointed to the ring. "Not goin' anywhere, remember?"

She looked up again, granted him a fleeting smile: a fox startled out of her den. "It's nothing."

He leaned back, crossing his arms. The effect was spoiled by the trailing sleeves of the kimono as he fumbled with them. "Damn it, I'm never gonna get used to wearin' this thing," he grumbled. "Don't lie to me. Whatever happened won't go away on its own."

She shivered, and he realized that the night had grown cool again. And she was wearing only a thin yukata.

"Wait. I got a better idea." He rose, gingerly touched his jaw again, and shook his head. "That really hurt. I'm gonna get some more ice, and you go lie down and get under the covers. Then I'll sit with you and you'll talk."

She flushed. "Sano, I may not have turned down your proposal yet, but I'm hardly going to take you to my bed!"

"I ain't tryin' to get into your bed," he shook his head. "But you're shiverin', and the last thing any of us needs is a sick doctor."

She couldn't argue with the logic of that, and so she followed his instructions, pulling the blankets up securely around herself. She had curled up on her side and her back was to the door as Sano reentered. She looked so small, balled up under the covers, her long hair fanning out behind her in an inky spill of silk that cried out for his touch. He sighed and moved around to lean against the wall she faced. Pressing the ice to his tender jaw, he looked at her and his chest ached with the expression on her face.

"I try not to think about it," she said finally. "It was only a month after I arrived. The clinic had just opened a week before the… incident. It was late; two men came in. One of them said he had a headache and wanted me to give him something for it. They were clearly drunk. Typical yakuza, former samurai who didn't want to give up their spoiled lifestyle, who didn't care about who got hurt as long as they 'enjoyed themselves'."

Sano, who was leaning up against the wall in the same position Kenshin often had – minus the sword, of course – made a noise in the back of his throat. "They attacked you."

She barely whispered the affirmative. "They were the last patients of the day – or they ought to have been, if they had been patients. Instead, the one who claimed to have a headache closed the door and said he had a better cure than a powder…"

"Stop. I don't wanna hear details," Sano said. Although he had not shifted from his position, the tension and anger radiating from him were unmistakable.

"I should have stopped them. I should have tried harder. I could have screamed."

"And stop blamin' yourself! There were two of 'em, and you may pack one hell of a punch," he smiled fleetingly, "but they took you by surprise and I'll bet they got the drop on you, caught you off guard. Dammit, Kitsune, you're a doctor, not a gangster! You're not SUPPOSED to be prepared to defend against an attack at any second!"

"Is that supposed to make me feel any better?" She raised her head to look at him, tears tracking down her face but hints of amusement coloring the pain in her eyes.

"Uh, no," he fumbled, his anger momentarily softened. He was certainly not angry with her! "I guess not. Did it work anyway?"

"Maybe," she said, lowering her head again.

"Point is, it isn't your fault. And you're still shivering."

"I'm a bit chilled," she admitted after a moment.

He rose without another word and left the room. On his return a moment later, she felt the weight of two extra blankets as he covered her carefully. "Oiy. You can't take care of anyone else until you start takin' better care of yourself, and that's MY orders. As a doctor's assistant," he said with an offhand tone.

"You're making fun of me," she yawned.

"Yep. Now, do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

"I already told you –" she began, but he cut her off, not liking the defensive hostility in her tone.

"I'm not even talkin' under the same blanket. Although I might sneak in between the top two, if you want me to stay with you, but I just meant stay here. Megumi… have I ever done anything to show that I don't respect you as a woman, not just as a doctor?"

She thought about it, slowly reviewing all she could remember of their every encounter. The first days, he had largely stayed apart, watching her warily. It was Yahiko who had slapped her rear, and Oguni Genzai who had rubbed it on the day she moved into the assistant's quarters at his clinic. She blushed at the memory of all the times she had embraced Kenshin, not entirely with the sole intention of upsetting Kaoru. But neither Kenshin nor Sanosuke had ever laid so much as an uninvited hair on her.

~Or even, she mused, ~especially in Kensan's case, an invited hair for that matter.~

Sanosuke waited patiently as she mulled over his question. He watched her face, paying special attention to her eyes, trying to guess what she was thinking based on her reactions. He failed utterly. All he could do was wonder what was making her blush.

"No," she finally said, interrupting his own thoughts. "No, you never have done anything to disrespect my person." She spoke slowly as though uncertain not of what she said but of how he might react.

"See? So it's up to you if you want me to stay or go. And if you want me to stay, just tell me where. All you gotta do is tell me what to do to make you happy."

[AN] It's about time someone knocked some sense into those two, ne? [/AN]