Alternusa: Kitsune

I feel like crying. I wanted to cry. But it'd only make it harder for everyone else. Especially for me. Because I didn't want him to go. I watched Keitaro walk away. Down those long steps that now feel too short. I hear Shinobu sobbing and Naru trying to comfort her. I refused to look at them. Because I didn't want to feel sympathetic. I earned this devil called regret that was gnawing at my conscience.

"Good riddance." said Motoko. I clenched my fists as she went inside. She was one of the reasons that Keitaro was leaving. Hurting him all the time with that damn sword. How many times did she swing at him? And for no good reason!

But, look at me. I wasn't much better. I pocketed so much money from him that I only thought of him as my get-out-debt card. I made fun of him all the time. I'm no different then the same people who gave me hell. God, how must Keitaro feel right now? Probably like shit. Maybe even worse than that. No wonder he wanted to leave. To get away from us, from me.

"Su!" Naru called. I saw Su dash down those steps. To go after Keitaro. How did she feel about all this? She may be a kid, but she was a freakin' genius too. But when it came to matters of the heart, she was clueless. But she just wanted to be given approval. And Keitaro gave her that. What is she thinking right now?

"Come on, Shinobu." Naru cooed. "He'll be back. He just needs to see that he was wrong about this and when he does, everything will be back to normal." I had to choke back a laugh. It was ironic because that was almost the same thing she said when she came back. To make us feel justified in kicking Keitaro out. It just happened, but I had a hard time recalling. Naru took Shinobu inside. It was just me and Sara.

I hope she doesn't make a stupid comment like Motoko. I've just had about all I could take from the people here. One more thing could set me off like a bull seeing red. Sara may be Seta's kid, but even that won't spare her from my wrath. Shit, I might as well--

"Why do I feel bad for the dork?"

"Huh?" was all I could say in surprise.

"I mean, he's not all that great of a person. He always let's Naru and Motoko do whatever they want to him. Why didn't he fight back? He's just taking all of this stuff sitting down. He's weak and a nerd. Nothing like papa at all. But, I don't want him to go like him either." That's when I saw her tears. I couldn't help but pat her on the head. She looked up at me with those dripping, azure eyes. "Why do I feel this way, Kitsune?" she sniffed.

"It's because he was one of the best things that ever happened to you. And seeing that go makes you feel sad." I'm just realizing it now too. "You and me both, we never knew what we had until we lost it. Keitaro was a little slow, but he had the patience of a saint. He put all of us on a pedestal. And I think that's what hurt him so much. Because he's found out that were not the perfect girls he made us out to be. Keitaro just got a severe kick in the mouth called reality and he's trying to deal with it. Alone."

"But he'll come back, right? Naru said so." she asked.

"I don't know. We hurt' em. And that's the truth we hafta' accept." A few moments passed. As I glance to the empty scene where Keitaro used to be.

"Did you love him?" I look at her. And thought seriously about it.

"Maybe I do. But a lot of good that did for him. I didn't take the effort to understand him. I immediately took Naru's side. Not even trying to see what he was going through. I just condemned him." And that hurts. It really does. Because it happened to me. But look what I did. I did the same thing. And made the biggest mistake of my life. "Even if I were to say sorry, would he accept it?"

"I don't think that Keitaro would be that cold. Because he's Keitaro" she answered. Wiping away her tears. "I hope he comes back. To tell him that I'm sorry. For hurting him all the time. I want him to pat me on the head, again. I already miss that feeling." There were going to be a lot of things that I'd miss too. But I'm gonna miss Keitaro just being around most of all.

Alternusa: Motoko

I run to my room and lock the door. I did not want any of them to see me this way. Weak and distraught.

"Why was I crying? I should be glad that the bastard was finally gone! I am a swordswoman of the Shin-Mei-Ryu! I am just shaming myself by showing weakness! I do not have use for these accursed emotions--"

"But then what do you have at the end of the day? All you have is your illusive honor--"

"Then that's just fine!"

"It is really? All you ever did before you came here was run away from your emotions--"

"I am not a coward--"

"Then what is Keitaro? He stood with you, yet you show gratitude by sending him to god knows where! He's a much better person then you are--"

"I am not a pervert--"

"And you are not? You write those erotic pieces of work--"

"I do not actually do any of those things--"

"And Keitaro does? When has he ever shown you anything but concern and compassion? You are quick to condemn him, but fashion yourself as innocent--"

"Stop it--"

"You are afraid to admit that you love the man!"

"I don't love him! I hate him!"

"Then why are you crying your heart out for a man you claim to have no feelings for?"

"Because, he doesn't love me back!"

It stopped. My spirit became silent and the maelstrom within my mind had quelled. In this moment of clarity I knew what was that was causing me such distress. I was jealous. I was scared that this ugliness would push him away.

Keitaro would always be so kind to me, but that was it. He always stopped when I was prepared to go further. It infuriated me to such an extent that I lashed out at him all the time. And I have lost him because of it. It terrifies me now to realize that I may never have the chance to say that I love you.

Alternusa: Su

"Keitaro oni-chan. Come back. Please don't leave. I'm sorry. I lied. I don't want you to go." I run down the stairs. I look around, but I couldn't see oni-chan anywhere. Did I lose him already?

I lock my eyes on the tea house. I run towards it. I see Haruka run out of there and throw up on the bushes. Ew. I wants to throw up too.

Keitaro walked out to her. He didn't leave yet. Yes. Maybe I could tell him to come back. But I stop because they're talking. I could hear everything they said. Keitaro is talking about everyone, even me. I didn't understand what they were saying really. Haruka is crying and telling him to stop. I don't know why she was crying. But it made me sad too.

When oni-chan was talking about Naru, his face got all… cold. I didn't know how else to describe it. What did "found another man" and "lost before I had" mean? It sounds like Naru found someone else to play with and Keitaro was leaving because of it. But he had everyone else. Shinobu, Sara, Kitsune, Motoko, and me. He shouldn't leave just because he was lonely. He's not alone.

Haruka said things that made more sad too. That we don't deserve Keitaro's defending. Did I do something bad? All I wanted to do was play with oni-chan. I didn't know that what I was doing was hurting him. I sniffed. Tears were in my eyes. I sniffed some more. I wipe them away.

I see Keitaro hugging Haruka, but at the hips. Haruka was red. Keitaro said something and Haruka punched him. I almost screamed. How could she hurt oni-chan? But wait… didn't Naru do that all the time too? How come I never asked him if it hurt? When Naru does it, it looked kinda fun. But when Haruka did it just now… poor oni-chan. I wonder what it feels like to be hit with one of my inventions. Does it hurt too?

I watch Haruka chase Keitaro. He was way faster. Haruka shouted at him to come back to see her. Keitaro screamed back that he would. But would oni-chan come back and see all of us? Or even me? Maybe he would come by to see Haruka, but only her? That would be very mean! I would want to see Keitaro too! He's my oni-chan after all!

"And what are you doing there, Su?" I freeze up. I look up to see a very angry Haruka.

"Um, hi." My right ear hurt all of a sudden. It hurt so much that I had to stand up. I then realize that Haruka was pulling it! "It hurts!" She let go. I hold my ear to make it feel better.

"That was the point." she sighed. Her face was… normal again. "How long have you been there?"

"Um, if I say yes, would you pull my ear again?" Haruka frowned. She extends her hand and I cover my ears quick. I was waiting to feel something hurt, but I feel her hand on my head instead.

"You came to see Keitaro, didn't you? Why didn't you come out?"

"Because," I look down and poke my fingers together. "oni-chan looked happy."

"Su, what happened up there?" I gulped. I really didn't want to say anything. Haruka was scary when she was mad. But I don't think lying would be good either.

"Um, we, that is… kicked Keitaro out of the Apartments?" I cover my face. I wait for her to scream, but nothing came.

"I know that much. I want to know why all of you guys agreed to it."

"Well, Naru said that even if we kick Keitaro out, he would come back to ask for forgiveness. And when that happened everything would go back to normal."

"And you guys believed that?"

"You mean Naru was lying? It sounded good to me. Keitaro always leaves sometimes and I thought this wasn't any different."

"Then why did you come here?"

"Because, it looked like Keitaro really meant it this time. He said some thing's that I didn't understand, but he had this look in his eyes that I never saw. It made me scared."

"I see." Haruka keeps looking at me. It made me nervous. "Su, what you heard, you can't tell anybody, understand?"

"Why?"

"Because, Keitaro is going to tell them." That made me happy. Because that meant Keitaro was coming back. But then Haruka pulled out some envelops. "There's a letter addressed to all of you." I hold out my hand. But Haruka didn't give me anything.

"I'll give them to you, only when the time is right. So you have to be good girl until then."

"But it's mine!"

"Keitaro gave them to me first because he knew that I'd give them to you when you were ready."

"But--"

"I said no, Su." I was mad. How could she be so mean? It's no like I did anything to her… but I did do something bad to oni-chan.

"Then how do I get the letter?"

"For starters, you can try and get along with Kanako when she comes to take over Keitaro's duty as manger."

"What?! I have to get along with the bitch goddess!" Haruka dropped her cigarette. She had a blank look on her face, then it cracked. She burst out laughing. Was it something I said?