(AN: Yeah, sorry for the delay, but once DR3 started I got busy, and I wanted to wait it out. I just want to clarify, in the DR timeline, this was always meant to be in between the first game and Another Episode. I mean, it's silly but sticking to canon is important to me.)

"Hagakure, you're being ridiculous. Let go of me." The lavender-haired detective calmly told her former classmate.

"No way dude! I had a vision and-" He started to explain himself but was quickly cut-off by Togami, who was walking towards them.

"Stop wasting her time. Kirigiri, we have another one of those atrocious files. Would you like to join me?" She nodded, and walked off with Togami.

"Ghoul with a sword!" Hagakure shouted, completely ignored, and tried to follow them, but was blocked by Fukawa. "Kawa, come on, I need to warn them!"

"No." Fukawa said. "Don't waste my white knight's time with your fortune telling nonsense." She then proceeded to stalk, I mean, walk behind Togami and Kirigiri, until they found a break room with comfy couches.

Togami was the first to notice Fukawa, and he curled his lip in distaste. "Fine, stay and read this garbage, that should be enough punishment for you."

*'**"***"**'*

I DON'T EVEN KNOW OKAY

IF YOU CAN MAKE ANY SENSE OF THIS YOU ARE AMAZING

THIS WILL BE THE LAST INTELLIGIBLE SENTENCE YOU SEE

Togami: That's… unusual.

Kirigiri: It makes it sound like it was done against the author's will…

Fukawa: If the author had any self respect, they would saw off their limbs before writing anything as terrible as before.

Konichiwa! Watashi Mikako Sanada! I'm so kawaii desu!

Fukawa: The cute type, huh? How unpleasant, pretending to be nice, you're probably just a bitch, aren't you?

Togami: Like Ms. 8th Division?

Kirigiri: Don't be rude, besides, she outranks you.

Today is my first day hope's peak academy! I'm the super duper high school level Kawai Desu Anime Girl Cosplayer!

Kirigiri: Cosplayer? Also, I have the feeling that kawaii and desu will appear a lot in this.

Togami: That is going to be very annoying.

I have hot pink hair that is 10 feet long! It has purple streaks!

Fukawa: Her hair is almost twice as tall as she is. That much hair is disgusting.

Togami: What about your own hair?

Fukawa: My hair is only… about… 4 feet? And I keep it tied up.

Togami: It's still disgusting, like the rest of you.

My eyes are rainbow.

Kirigiri: Pretty sure that is genetically impossible.

Togami: That seems to be the least of their problems.

I never wear the same outfit because I'm always in cosplay desu.

Kirigiri: That would get expensive fast. Only Togami would be able to afford it.

Togami: But I don't, because that's a waste of resources.

Today I'm dressed as Miku Hatsune! It's so kawaii! Everyone says I'm ugly but there bakas! I'm sugoi!

Fukawa: E-ego much? Besides, she is ugly, that fake.

I stood in front of the school, my super sparkly eyes sparkling more because I'm kawaii desu!

Let's go to class!

I stepped in side and then I got all dizzy and swirly. This is so baka!

I woke up on a desk desu.

Togami: I can literally feel my brain cells dying.

Kirigiri: Technically, they aren't dying. They're just being used to comprehend this information, and store it in the dark recesses of your memory where they will, hopefully, never see the light of day.

"This is so not sugoi! Or Kawaii! Baka! Baka!" I yelled. I then saw a note on the floor. I read it and gasped. It's so late! I screamed.

"Being late is almost as bad as being a Neko getting chased by a Kuma and an Inu! So not Sugoi to be late! If I had an Onee-chan, he'd be so mad! Well, Sugoi Monogatari Onee-Chan!" I yell.

Fukawa: Onee-chan? Does someone have a brother complex? And all of this talking to herself, is she crazy?

Kirigiri: That is the most logical conclusion right now.

I try my hardest to run. But then I realize that I'm not dressed as Miku anymore! Baka! This is so not Sugoi! I'm dressed as Sailor Mars!

Togami: No one cares what you are wearing.

Kirigiri: It's bad enough these works are ruining the Killing School Life, and now they seem determined to destroy my childhood.

Fukawa: What was that?

Kirigiri: Nothing.

What the Shi? I pull my hair and run around in circles screaming. Then I stop and go to the entrance hall desu.

"YOU! YOU'RE LATE!"

"Baka! I'm so sorry, fellow student-kun! Me being late is so not Sugoi! I don't look Kawaii at all! Desu." I wailed and sat on the floor.

Fukawa: So childish and immature. She's whiny, attention-seeking and annoying.

Kirigiri: It really is grating.

And then I saw someone who was totally Kawaii.

He had blonde hair and glasses and a nice suit and my eyes turned to hearts and stars.

Fukawa: W-why do they keep going after my white knight? I mean, he is perfect, b-but he's mine!

Togami: I am not yours, or anyone's else's for that matter, so get your grubby hands off of me! Have you taken a bath at all?

"Kawaii Desu…So Sugoi…Yatta…I found my one true Hasubando!" I scream and stand up.

'Would you introduce yourself?" Asked a really fat guy but I didn't care.

Kirigiri: Ignoring Yamada also seems to be a trend.

"Mikako Sanada…" I say in a super Kawaii voice as I stand up in front of my new Hasubando.

"What can I call you hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama?" I asked him.

Fukawa: All those honorifics… absolutely pointless. You don't just slap those on to make it clear that someone is special to you. I-it has to be personal, and fitting, otherwise you're just making up a relationship that doesn't exist.

Togami: Like the relationship between us?

Fukawa: B-but that's real love! Not like the aberrant admiration this creature is retching onto you.

Kirigiri: Retching? Is that the word you want to use?

Fukawa: Y-yes, since it's vile garbage that was regurgitated by the author.

Togami: That is not a mental image I want.

That was a lot of fun to write, but it also burned my eyes, agh!

Poor Byakuya, I dislike him, but he doesn't deserve being loved by a Mary-Sue.

Togami: I don't understand… are they bipolar or something?

Kirigiri: It could be DID, but they seem too aware of their actions… they seemed to have been forced to write this. This suggests the theory that all of these were created by the same group of people, considering their similar themes…

Togami: Don't waste speculation on this. There's still more to get through.

(Ch2)

I know, I know, why would i keep doing this to myself.

But then I realized that it'd be more Sugoi to introduce myself to everyone-san so that they can see how Kawaii Desu I am.

Fukawa: They'd probably revile you m-more than me, which is saying a lot.

The first person was Sayaka Maizono-San and she was a baka and so not sugoi because that blue hair was totally fake but I was born with my Kawaii pink hair and streaks.

Kirigiri: Naegi would throw a fit if he saw this.

Togami: I still don't understand how he forgave her for what she did to him.

Kirigiri: It's because he's not an ass, like you. Need I remind you of what you did in the 2nd case?

Togami: I will not apologize for fun.

Taka-Kun was a rule abiding baka and i didn't like him he was so not sugoi.

Fukawa: H-he was kind of an idiot...

Toko-San was a j*** she said that my hair sucked even though it's so kawaii Desu! What a baka!

Fukawa: Oh screw you too. Your hair does suck.

Kirigiri: Did she just censor the word jerk?

Togami: That's even more pointless than anyone of Hagakure's "predictions".

Leon-Kun had fake not kawaii hair and he was so rude!

Kirigiri: Incorrect. His hair was genuine, just dyed, or is that what you meant?

And the fat guy I forgot his name was a creep. I'll call him creep-kun.

Fukawa: He was a creep with poor taste in literature.

Hina-chan was pretty kawaii but she was a baka.

Togami: Less of an idiot than you.

Chihiro-chan was so Kawaii I just wanted to pick her up and hug her forever but then i wouldn't be able to hug my new hasubando.

Kyoko-Sama was so sugoi! She was so mysterious and stuff!

Kirigiri: I do not feel comfortable with this.

Togami: It's not so funny now, is it?

Junko-san was boring and a big j*** and such a baka and not sugoi!

Fukawa: A-again with the censoring?

And Mondo-Kun was an even bigger baka!

Sakura-San was really scary but she was super strong so I'll make sure to always tell her that she's sugoi.

Yasuhiro-kun was THE BIGGEST BAKA EVER

Fukawa: His stupidity is only rivaled by you.

Kirigiri: Yesterday he was screaming about bagels dipped in orange juice.

Celeste-Sama was so sugoi! She was really pretty and I loved how tall her pigtails were!

And of course there was my hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama! His name was Byakuya Togami and he had a totes Sugoi voice!

Fukawa: My white knight's voice deserves better adjectives than "totes" and "sugoi". Are those the only words you know, you illiterate mistake?

We all talked for a while and the the TV turned on and i heard a creepy but kawaii voice say

"Upupupupu!"

HELP ME PLEASE THE WAPANESE IS DROWNING ME

Togami: Thank god that's over.

Kirigiri: For now, at least.

(AN: With the new V3 info, this story has become infinitely more funny, as there is a legit SHSL Cosplayer now. And bonus points for looking like if Fukawa and Maizono had a baby, two people this author hates!)