Chapter 6~ Don't Look Back

Clary

When I run, it's the one time I can be alone with my thoughts, the time when I sort through my life and try to make sense of it all. Normally it's relieving being able to get a grip on things that are normally moving too fast to puzzle over. I was running all alone, ahead of the big pack by quite a distance, and the quiet was kind of peaceful.

But today, my thoughts were centered on only one thing. The mystery that was Jace Wayland. I just couldn't seem to figure him out! One day he was flirty and relaxed, then next he was egotistical and acting like a player. Taking a deep breath, I tried once again to sort through my feelings and get to the facts.

I had met Jace on the beach, and my first impression was that he was a fake. But after we both relaxed a little, he seemed okay. Actually, he seemed more than okay. That day, he was funny, charming, handsome, and relatively kind, if not a little on the sarcastic side. But at school, my overwhelming reaction to him was one of anger and annoyance. Jace talked to girls as if he owned them, and judging by their reactions, he kind of did. He acted like everything was a joke, and wasn't afraid to knock someone down with his harsh, arrogant words.

Normally, I would never puzzle over a guy's actions like this. I mean, they were guys. Most of them weren't worth the time. Except for one thing. The Jace that I knew on the beach? I kind of liked him. A lot. Enough that I almost wanted to spend more time with him. But the Jace face he put on the rest of the time, no. That was the kind of guy that I knew to stay away from before I even gave him a chance. I wasn't sure how it was possible to like one side of someone, but absolutely hate the other side, and the biggest problem was, I wasn't sure which one was the real Jace.

I hadn't really been paying attention to my surroundings, and I barely even realized that I was passing a small park in the middle of a clearing. I wouldn't have noticed it at all, except that there was a drinking fountain. Thank goodness, WATER! Thirst was my one weakness when I ran, so I started jogging over to the fountain when I noticed an indistinct shape on the ground. The closer I got, the more visible it was, until…

"Jace? Oh my god. Oh my GOD." He was kneeling on the ground, hunched over his center, a tear slowly trickling down his cheek. "Jace? Can you hear me?" All past thoughts about his bipolar behavior gone, I crouched down next to Jace, lightly shaking him. "Oh my god. Jace, this isn't funny. Can you hear me? Say something!" He looked uncharacteristically weak, and I could see the pain in his eyes. "JACE! Snap out of it!" When he still didn't respond, I started to panic.

"Hello? Can anyone hear me? I need help! Please!" I didn't know what was wrong with him, but it felt like he was just…gone. His body was here, but his mind was somewhere else, reliving some other time.

We sat there for what felt like an hour, and when Jace still hadn't responded, I gave up and resigned myself to just sitting there, letting him lean against me as I waited for him to recover. I wondered why no one else from the team had come, but figured they probably just took another route back to the school. Time passed slowly, and I'm sure track practice had long since finished by the time Jace finally woke from his stupor.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, as if he hadn't breathed for the past three hours. I watched the light flood back into his eyes as Jace slowly took in his surroundings, his gaze landing on me in confusion. He sat up, taking his weight off of me, and with nothing more than my sports bra and shorts to cover me, the sudden chill of the crisp evening air rose goosebumps on my arms.

His expression flashed from uncertainty to embarrassment to understanding as reality caught up with him. Hurt flickered in his eyes as he remembered whatever caused him to be like this. "Hi. How did you get here?" Jace's voice was raw from the tension and strain of the last couple hours. There was no hint of the conceited Jace that ruled the school now, as if going through what he had stripped him of any façade.

"I…I don't know, really. I was coming to get a drink from the fountain, and I saw you just huddled there. It looked like you were in a coma or something, and I didn't know what to do. I've been sitting here the rest of the time, waiting for you to wake up."

He wiped the last of the tears from his salt-patterned cheeks and looked up at me through beautiful, long eyelashes. "Why?"

I didn't know why I had sat here with him, why I hadn't just gone and ran for help. "Well, I couldn't just leave you here alone. What if someone else found you like this? Or you…stopped breathing or something?" But I knew it was more than that. I didn't want anyone else to see him like this, weak and defenseless, no matter how much I hated his overly inflated ego. I didn't know for sure, but I felt like this was some private moment. Also, though I didn't want to admit it, part of me was hoping for the reappearance of my Beach Jace, and I wasn't sure if I would ever get to see that part of him again.

"So if I had stopped breathing, you would have given me mouth-to-mouth, right?" he said with a half-smile, a weak attempt to pick up his sarcastic defenses again.

I just shook my head. "If I had to, yes." He smiled, but the reality of the situation still lingered on both our minds.

He stood and offered his hand to help me up. When I took it, it was warm and slightly calloused, and a tingle shot up my arm. But Jace would be Jace, and he could only stand to be dependent for so long. "Look. I'm sorry you had to see that, and I appreciate you staying with me or whatever, but you really should go." His tough front was slowly creeping back into him.

No! I didn't want him to hide behind that disguise anymore. I was tired of him always playing it tough, never being real, and I didn't know when I would get a chance like this with the real him ever again. "Wait, Jace. First, can you explain what happened to you back there?"

He stared at me, an indecipherable look on his face, but the anger came into his voice, along with dulled anguish. "It's not your business."

"I think it is. After all, I was the one who waited for you for hours while you recovered. I deserve to know."

"NO one deserves to know," he snarled softly. I couldn't shake the image of his broken figure huddled on the ground.

I could feel the conflicting emotions flurrying inside of me. On one hand, I wanted to be cautious. After all, I barely knew this boy, and most of what I did know wasn't good. I just saw him completely broken on the ground, so I wasn't too sure about his mental health either. But on the other hand, he was…Jace. He was standing in front of me, looking more like a tortured Greek god than he had any right to, and this may be the only time she would ever get with him. Ah, hell. I had known which path I would choose since that day on the beach.

"Jace, wait. You're right. It's none of my business. I'm sorry. Come on, let's get out of here."

Jace

Great. Just great. The one person that I absolutely didn't want to see me like this was walking next to me after witnessing one of my worst attacks. I knew I should be embarrassed, or at least feel something but I didn't have the strength. The memory had stripped me of my toughness. Or maybe she had. Clary.

I still couldn't believe that she was standing right next to me as we began the long walk back to school. I didn't want her here, yet at the same time I wouldn't have asked for anyone else. She continued to surprise me with whatever she said, and every time I thought I had her figured out, she'd proved me wrong.

We walked in silence for a while, alone with our thoughts and enjoying each other's company. I couldn't forget the memory that had rendered me incapable for so long. Was it real? Did my parents actually take me there? I couldn't be sure, but something about it told me that it had happened. I had buried all memories of my parents after the day I heard the news because any recollection of them caused an ache inside of me. The completely unexpected attack left me breathless and released the hurt that had been building inside of me. The result? A Jace stripped to his core, revealing the real me.

And of course, Clary was there to see it. I still didn't know what to make of her. She was witty, feisty, independent, and attractive, all of which was appealing, if only for a short-term relationship. But there was something more to her, a depth that most of the other girls I'd dated seemed to be lacking, and a unique personality that I didn't think I would ever completely understand.

In another situation, with any other girl, I wouldn't hesitate to take her hand. But something about Clary made me falter. After what she had just witnessed, I'm sure she was questioning my mental health, let alone my romantic capabilities. So instead, we walked in a comfortable silence the rest of the way. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Instead, I found myself just enjoying her quiet company, though I didn't know how she felt about it.

The remaining sunlight was slowly dripping into the horizon, streaking the sky pink and orange when we reached the school parking lot. I turned to face Clary, at a complete loss of words. What were you supposed to say to someone who had just witnessed a mental meltdown and that you may or may not have feelings for?

"Umm, good night?" GAH, it was definitely not that.

She smirked and gave me an amused look, as if she knew exactly what position I was in. But that wasn't possible. "Yup. Good night."

I wasn't sure what to do, or if she wanted to say more, but Clary took care of that problem with one simple action. She turned away.

I took a step back and looked at her one last time. She was stunning in the fading evening light, with the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail waving lazily in the wind. With a small smile, she got into her car, pulled out of the parking lot, and drove away without looking back.

Hey you guys! Thanks for reading my note so quickly and getting back to me, it really makes a difference in my story! I hope you liked the next chapter (though that's pretty unlikely) and if you read this, PLEASE review. Let me know how I'm doing! (this is my first ever fanfic…)

Thanks so much, love you guys!

UniqueStreak