Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck now, nor have I ever.
A/N: A big, big thank you to EnigmaDW, MXPW, and SM93starbuck for their input in this chapter. Wouldn't have been nearly as good without you. Also thank you to all of those of you that took time to review. It really, really means a lot to have that kind of support from the readers. The Chuck fan fiction readers really are the best, and I feel blessed to be a part of this community. Alright, now I hope you enjoy Chuck: The College Years chapter 6: Regrets.
Chapter 6: Regrets
Regrets of a Father
Even after all of his time in this world filled with spies, lies, and violence, Stephen Bartowski hated the thought of people having to die for any cause. So it was with a twinge of regret that he watched through the video surveillance that he'd planted on Chuck's roommate as both Bryce and Jill conspired to end the threat that was the blonde agent.
That's when everything went to hell. Chuck came into the room and began shouting at his friends, took the CIA agent by the hand, and left. The man known as Orion to the intelligence community knew that the two left behind had stayed silent to protect their cover, and he couldn't blame them. In fact, he didn't want Chuck to know what was really going on either. He had to admit, however, that exposing the truth to his son would have been better than letting him fall into the hands of the Agency.
All of his efforts, and sacrifice since leaving Charles and Eleanor had been intended to keep them away from the world Orion had been immersed in for so long, but now, all of that would be for naught. Chuck would be taken away, and forced to live a covert life full of death, deception, and disappointment. This is no time to mourn the loss of his innocence, Stephen. He can still be saved. You know what they want, so give it to them.
Stephen pulled a modified satellite phone from his coat pocket and, hesitating only slightly, dialed a number he'd hoped to never have to dial again.
"Graham, secure."
"Langston, this is Orion."
"Ah, I thought I might be hearing from you." The director's smugness was evident in his voice.
"I'll bet you did." Stephen replied, his voice full of thinly veiled malice. "You can have what you want, Graham. I'll come back to work on that damned computer, and your inhumane Project Omaha. Just leave my son out of this."
"We'll see, Orion. We've been deceived by you before. When you show up in my office, then we'll talk."
"Graham, I'm serious. You people have already done enough to tear my family apart. You took Elizabeth from me and the kids, you forced my hand and made me leave them behind, please don't destroy us again."
"We'll see," Graham repeated simply.
The call disconnected, and Orion was left holding the phone, literally. That son of a bitch hung up on me. I swear, one day, Graham. One day.
Regrets of Deception
"Sarah, what the hell was that?" Chuck finally asked.
Since leaving the house, she hadn't said a word to him except to tell him to get in the car, and, being that her voice held no room for compromise, he'd acquiesced.
They'd been driving for at least twenty minutes, to where, Chuck hadn't a clue. He was ready for some answers, and seeing as they'd left Jill and Bryce behind, they would have to come from Sarah. But she still wasn't looking at him, and he hadn't been able to get a word from her.
"Sarah?" Chuck's voice was pleading. "I really just want to know what's going on."
"Chuck – I…" Sarah's voice trailed off. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, surprised that she actually meant it.
"You're sorry? Sarah, I already told you that you have nothing to be sorry about. This isn't your fault. At least I don't think it is. So just tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be fine," Chuck assured her.
How does he do that? Sarah thought. Once again, Chuck had disarmed her. Her: the girl that conned people out of money as a child and never thought twice about it. She was the girl that gladly became a CIA agent, accepting with that role all of the things - killing, lying, cheating, seduction – that may go along with it. Somehow this simple, nerdy man could soften her. He could make her have a conscious. He could make her feel regret.
But as much as she wished he was right, and that she really had nothing to be sorry for, she knew that she had to tell him the truth. He'd been strung along for long enough, and if he was going to join willingly, as Graham had ordered that he must, then he would have to find out sometime. Like ripping off a band-aid, Walker.
"Chuck, I haven't been completely honest with you," she began.
"What? What do you mean, Sarah? I mean, I saw Bryce and Jill attack you. It had to be because of what you told me, right? Unless – oh my god, were they mad because you lied? I mean, that's still no reason for Bryce to attack you, but if you lied, and then I accused Jill..."
"I did lie to you, Chuck, but that's not why they attacked me. I'm not exactly who you think I am," she stated.
"What? What does that mean?" Chuck's face had taken on a look of bewilderment. Sarah's words were making less and less sense by the minute, and he wasn't exactly keen on being lied to.
"Chuck, I'm a CIA agent," she said.
"You're a – a spy? Does Bryce know about that?"
"Yes, he does. Chuck, Bryce and I are not a couple. He's my partner," she said, keeping an even voice.
"Wait, Bryce is a spy too? So, if Jill was helping Bryce attack you, does that mean that she's involved as well? Oh my god, this is – this is-" Chuck couldn't find the words to finish his thoughts. On one hand, it was kind of cool to be surrounded by spies, but on the other hand, it was very scary. The scary part was winning out, and Chuck was trying to will himself to not freak out. Then another thought occurred to Chuck. If Bryce and Jill attacked Sarah, who was also an agent…
"But if you're all agents, why would they attack you? Sarah, did you do something bad? Are you," he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, "are you in trouble?"
She was relieved that she could answer him somewhat truthfully. He deserved some shred of honesty in the horrible mess that had developed.
"No, Chuck, I'm not. I'm one of the good guys. I don't know who Jill works for, but she and Bryce were attempting to interfere with a government operation. Bryce is acting as a rogue, and it is likely that he's joined up with whoever is giving Jill her orders." Sarah explained.
"What operation? What's going on? Wait, if you tell me, do you have to kill me, because if you do, then you don't have to tell me. I mean, I promise I won't tell anyone who you are. I'm great at keeping secrets." Chuck rambled.
Sarah had to suppress a smile. He was really adorable when he rambled like that. Adorable wasn't something she ran into everyday as a spy, and certainly not something she would expect of someone that was so wanted by the CIA.
Adorable was also dangerous, if it was going to make her act so affectionately towards him. She'd have to be on her guard. Maybe when he learned to harness that, however, it could become his greatest weapon. 'Killing them with kindness', she'd once heard it called. She wondered if that could actually work in a world full of ruthless killers. Yeah, probably not, she thought.
"Chuck, I promise, I don't want to kill you. The operation ˆis you." she explained.
"Me?" Chuck asked.
"Yes, you." Sarah said. "I was, well, I am supposed to help recruit you. We want you to be one of us. We want you to serve your country. This is a great opportunity, Chuck."
"Wait, why would they want me? I'm not a spy, Sarah. There must be some mistake. I mean, I'm just a normal guy." Chuck replied with panic in his voice. Then something else occurred to him. "Back at the house, that's why you were trying to, you know..." Chuck said uncomfortably, which bellied his dejection and anger at the thought.
"Yes, it was Chuck," Sarah said frankly. "But that has nothing to do with you. I just thought that I would convince you…" her voice trailed off as she took in the growing look of irritation on the face of her passenger.
"I don't know why they want you. It's not my job to question orders; it's my job to carry them out. But I know they want you. And I know how much this can change your life. I know that it can give you meaning. It has for me." she told him.
And she meant every word of what she said. Before Graham brought her into the Agency, she was lost on a road to being nothing. She owed the CIA everything, and it made her proud to be able to offer that chance to someone else. She only hoped that Chuck wasn't right. She hoped that Graham knew what he was doing bringing this kind hearted man into the world of international espionage.
"You know, you could have just asked." Chuck huffed.
"I – what? Um, Chuck, would you please come work for the CIA?" Sarah asked with a confused lilt to her voice.
"Okay." Chuck said simply.
"Okay?" Sarah questioned. Could it really be that easy? Could she have just asked him from the beginning? It certainly would have made her mission a lot simpler.
"Yeah, okay, I'll do it. If they think they need me, then I want to do it." he answered her.
It seemed like the right thing to do. It had been only a year prior that Chuck had sat in his room at the fraternity house with Bryce and watched as the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were attacked. So many people had lost their lives that day, and if he could do something to stop such things in the future, he knew he would want to. He knew deep down that he needed to.
Sarah picked up her phone, excited that her first solo mission seemed to have been a great success. If this was as important as Graham had made it out to be, then completing the task could earn her great favor with the director. In fact, she thought that she might be able to finagle a position within this project that Chuck was being brought into. Staying on Chuck's good side would certainly help with that, so before she requested extraction, she decided to try to earn some points with the agency's newest recruit.
"Chuck, can I ask you something?" she asked innocently.
"Umm, yeah, what's up?" he responded distractedly.
"When they start your training, and they bring you in as an agent, would you be willing to work with me?" Sarah asked hopefully.
"Sarah, you're the only spy I know that has been straight forward with me. Well, I guess you've been straight forward, other than the not asking me directly if I would help, and trying to seduce me. But then I probably wouldn't know if you were lying to me all along, now would I?" he mused dejectedly.
"Chuck, I promise you, I have been as honest with you as I can. I lied to you when we first met, but I haven't told you anything that wasn't true about the agency." Except that part where I told you that Bryce was sleeping with Jill, but we'll forget that for now.
"Well, anyway, what I was going to say is, I don't know who to trust in all of this."
"Chuck, I promise you this. I'm here for you. Trust me." she said.
"That's just it, though. I do trust you. I don't know why, when everything inside of me is screaming at me to run away, and trust no one, I trust you."
Sarah was taken aback by the earnestness in his eyes. He really does trust me. There's nothing fake there at all. Why would he trust me? I don't deserve that! You stupid man, don't you know who you're dealing with? I'm a spy! I will deceive you at the drop of a hat if my orders are to do so. Dammit Chuck, question me! Question everything! No one is going to look out for you now.
Of course, she didn't voice any of those thoughts. The side of her that was the daughter of a con man, and a rising CIA agent wouldn't allow her newly forming conscious to overrule her fully ingrained dedication to the job. So steeling her more tender and caring thoughts away, she dialed the number for her contact that she arranged to get both her and her charge out of Mexico.
"Walker, secure. I have the asset in tow. Requesting immediate extraction." A pause, as she listened to the reply. "Affirmative, we'll be at the rendezvous in ten minutes. Walker out."
She turned back to her passenger with a smile. "We'll be boarding our plane for Washington in ten minutes Chuck. This should be fun, right?"
Chuck thought over the question asked of him. It would be a learning experience. It would be life changing. It would be honorable, and the right thing to do. But fun?
"It's work." he replied stoically.
Regrets of Loss and Failure
Bryce and Jill sat in stunned silence for several minutes after the failure of their ill conceived rescue attempt, neither able to make eye contact with the other.
Bryce had a myriad of emotions and feelings running through his head. He was amazed that a plan, hastily put together as it was, had been able to fail so completely. He was angry at his partner for deceiving him, and taking his friend away. He was also angry at himself for letting Chuck down. Chuck was like a little brother to Bryce, who'd grown up without any siblings of his own, and he'd always felt protective of the taller man. But in the end, he couldn't keep Chuck away from a life that Bryce was sure was all wrong for him.
Then there were the less caring, less compassionate thoughts that he was starting to have. He'd been backstabbed by the Agency. While he knew that it shouldn't come as a shock to him that a covert organization may operate in such a shady manner, it still hurt that he'd been kept out of the loop. Maybe it was selfishness, but why didn't they think he was capable of recruiting Chuck by himself? Chuck was his friend, and they'd send a stranger? Maybe he could earn more of his employers trust if he was the one to uncover Fulcrum. He had an actual agent of the clandestine group here with him, and she'd never know he was planning to turn her in, until it was too late.
If Jill was concerned that Bryce may be having such thoughts of betraying her, she didn't show it. She was too consumed with her own feelings of failure and loss. After staring at the now vacated doorway for what seemed like hours, but in reality only five minutes, she slumped to the floor, her shoulders sagging under the all too heavy burden of defeat.
She'd lied to, and hurt Chuck for months now in hopes that it would keep him away from the dangerous world that she'd been thrust into. Sadly, in the end, it was those lies and cruel behavior that served to push him head first into it. Her inability to protect the man that she loved so completely tore at her heart and a part of her just wanted to curl up and die right where she sat.
Her more rational side knew that inaction wasn't going to help the situation. All was not lost yet, and Chuck could still be helped. Of course, she couldn't do that from a detention cell or a grave, so she needed to make sure Bryce was still on her side. She couldn't let him turn on her in hopes of salvaging his own career, or his pride.
"So what do we do now?" she asked.
Bryce looked slightly startled at the sudden break in the silence so prevalent in the room since chuck and Sarah had left, but quickly recovered.
"What do you mean? We lost, Jill! She has him, which means the Agency has him. I told you what –" He paused, not yet willing to tell Jill about the existence of, or Bryce's knowledge of Orion. She was, after all, still an enemy agent. "I told you what I found out. They plan to experiment on him. They'll do things to him that can possibly kill him, and even if they don't, they'll train him as an operative. He's too pure for that! He won't survive in the field."
Jill wasn't one given to motivational speeches, but Bryce's defeatist attitude wasn't helping solve the problem at hand. She had to say something to get him out of his current funk, because she certainly couldn't do anything to help on her own.
"And you're just giving up? Do you think Chuck would give up on you, or would he do everything he could to save you? Because I think it's the latter. So which is it, Bryce? Are you going to sit there wallowing in self pity, or are we going to save your friend, and my boyfriend?"
Bryce stared blankly for a moment at the woman who'd suddenly become so impassioned by their current cause. He knew she was right. Chuck would never abandon hope for helping a friend or a loved one. He would do anything in his power to help, right through to the bitter end. Now, Chuck deserved that same sort of effort from Bryce.
"Fine, but we need a better plan this time. I have a couple of people inside that I can talk to that can hopefully shed some light on what exactly it is we're up against. We need to know the details of this operation they're bringing Chuck into if we want to get him out."
Jill was relieved that the proactive, confident Bryce that she knew, and sometimes loathed, was back. That's the Bryce that would help her get Chuck out.
"Yeah, that works. I should probably report to my Fulcrum superiors that everything has gone as planned. They wanted me to let Walker have Chuck in hopes that I could reconnect once he's on the inside. I should be able to keep them off our trail, and maybe glean something from them about what they know about the project. After all, if I'm supposed to contact Chuck, I'll need to know what I'm dealing with."
Bryce was a little uneasy dealing so directly with an enemy of the state such as Fulcrum, but in this instance, doing so seemed like the lesser of two evils, and Jill had a point. They could keep Fulcrum at bay, and hopefully learn more about this 'Project Omaha' by telling them what they wanted to hear.
"Fine, that works," Bryce said. "I'll try to rustle up some sort of transportation out of here, as it seems my wonderful partner took the car we came in."
A/N: Thank you once again for reading my stuff. It really means a lot, and I mean that. It just wouldn't be the same without the readers and reviewers. And speaking of reviewers, I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace.