TITLE: Lovesick (Chapter 6)
AUTHOR: rcruz
Disclaimer: If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 6
Callie ended the night on the couch asleep on Erica's shoulder. She awoke to the very annoying sensation of poking. She was being poked in the side by Eric.
"Everyone's gone and this is my bed, so up, both of you."
"Hey quit poking her," said Erica. "You okay, Callie?"
"Yeah, wow, have I been asleep a long time?"
"About ten minutes. Everyone's gone." There was a pause. "You don't have a car," stated Erica.
"Seriously up, my bed, need it," said Eric taking off his shoes.
Erica stood and pulled Callie with her. "You don't have a car, so I need to take you home."
"No," said Callie. She didn't want to go home. She wanted to stay here or wherever Erica was. "Want to be with you," she said still sleepy.
"Well go be with her in her bedroom and not here," said Eric as he threw blankets and pillows on the couch.
"Don't forget to brush your teeth after your sister gets out of the bathroom," instructed Erica before leading Callie to her bedroom.
She picked up Callie's jacket which was the only jacket left on the bed.
"Callie, I think I should take you home," she said draping the jacket on Callie's shoulders.
Callie was cranky. She was tired and didn't want to leave, so she shrugged the jacket off and began removing her shirt and shoes.
"What are you doing?" asked Erica reaching for the jacket that had fallen to the floor and looking away from Callie's almost naked upper body.
Callie saw her glance at the very open door and walk to it, closing it quickly. By the time Erica turned around, Callie had removed her pants as well.
"What the hell? First of all Eric is out there, so please stop shedding clothes and second you need to put your clothes back on so I can take you home."
Callie was already pulling back Erica's covers and climbing into the bed.
"Erica, you need to come to bed," she said matter-of-factly.
"Callie we can't sleep in the same bed. We tried it and it didn't work, remember?"
"I remember trying it a second time when I wasn't being a freak and liking it a lot. I'm not a freak now, but I am tired and I have no car and it's late, so no you are not taking me home and yes, I am sleeping here with you. Now take your clothes off and come to bed."
Cranky Callie was apparently a little more articulate than normal Callie.
Erica stood her hands crossed at her chest.
"I am not taking my clothes off and getting into bed with you."
"It would be more comfortable," sighed Callie. She really was tired and would rather snuggle than argue.
"For you maybe, but not for me. I would definitely not be comfortable." She removed her glasses and put them on her dresser. "At the very least, please put some clothes on," she said as she rummaged through her drawer and found a t-shirt tossing it to Callie before stepping into her bathroom.
Callie caught the t-shirt. She fingered it debating the merits of continuing the argument and hoping she would win and get to sleep partially naked with Erica or giving up and just sleeping in Erica's shirt. She considered Erica's comment. Was Erica not comfortable because she still found Callie attractive or because she didn't anymore? Deciding that the possibility of partial nakedness was more desirable then sleeping in Erica's shirt and wanting to believe that that the tone of Erica's commentary on feeling comfortable suggested she still found Callie attractive, she shucked the t-shirt to the side.
Erica came out of the bathroom minty fresh and still fully dressed. Callie got up in just her bra and panties in full view of Erica. She walked over and grabbed Erica's hand leading her to the bed and making her sit.
"You can't sleep in your shoes," she said as she started removing them. Once she was done she pulled Erica up and started working on her pants. "And pants are uncomfortable," she said.
Erica's hands covered hers. "Callie we can't do this."
"Erica, we're not doing anything. I'm just taking off your pants so you can go to sleep. You do it every night."
"I don't have it done to me every night."
"Well I'm really, really glad to hear that."
Callie continued working on the pants, pulling down the zipper and hooking her fingers on the waist. She pulled down the jeans tried to keep her breathing regulated and helped Erica move her legs so she could step out of the pants.
She thought she was under control as she straightened, but her hands settled themselves on the waist in front of her and the feel of Erica's skin sent familiar tingles up and down her body. She closed her eyes and breathed. Erica's hands moved to Callie's arms and squeezed.
"We can't do this," she repeated.
"We're not doing anything but getting ready for bed," answered Callie softly. She reached for the hem of the long sleeve t-shirt Erica had been sporting and pulled removing the shirt.
"See, now we're even," said Callie as she let the shirt fall from her hands and gave her eyes license to roam up and down Erica's body. Erica had closed her eyes, but she opened them now, saw Callie's interest and could not help her response.
"Not even close to even. You are still…so very beautiful, Callie."
Callie smiled. "You are exquisite Erica Hahn." Callie wanted to kiss her, but she was on thin ice, so she didn't. "Let's get under the covers. We're just two adults going to bed."
"In our underwear?" asked Erica. "Callie I'm going to need a t-shirt."
Callie sighed but picked up the shirt Erica had given her earlier.
"Okay, here try this one."
Erica looked at her. "I know we've seen each other naked and we're practically naked now, but can you please turn around. This whole situation is already insane, no need to make it worse."
Callie smiled. "If you insist," she said as she turned.
Callie listened intently for the release of the bra clasp, heard the rustle of clothes on skin and turned quickly.
"Come on," she said grabbing Erica's hand. They separated as soon as they had climbed on the bed, finding their places naturally as they gravitated to the positions they had favored the few times they had slept together, with Erica on the left and Callie on the right. They lay in silence for ten minutes before Callie sighed loudly.
"Still awake? I thought you were tired?" asked Erica.
Callie turned on her side facing Erica. Erica mimicked her.
"I'm finding it hard to sleep next to you and not…" She brought her hand to Erica's face caressing the skin she found and reveling in the feel of it under her fingers. "Touch you," she finished.
"I know the feeling," said Erica. "But we can't Callie. We aren't together anymore and my niece and nephew are right outside that door."
"I know," she breathed. "I know."
She kept up the touching of Erica's face anyway mostly because it felt good and Erica was letting her. She could hear Erica's breathing quicken and she couldn't help herself.
"I want to be with you," she whispered.
"Oh Callie, please don't do this to me," said Erica in a soft incredibly husky voice.
But Erica's hand was somehow on Callie's waist, her fingers beginning a slow stroking of the skin just above Callie's panties. Callie's own hand moved from Erica's face down the arm that was stretched out across the distance between their bodies. She moved in a slow deliberate motion, with pauses for long strokes up and down Erica's arm, starting at the shoulder and ending at Erica's wrist. She felt the wrist make small movements as Erica continued stroking her skin with delicate fingers.
The movement of Callie's hand up and down that arm caused the both of them to shift involuntarily toward each other, closing the distance between them. Their breathing was getting harder.
"Callie we can't do this," said Erica, but she did not stop her motions, did not stop her legs from reaching for Callie's wanting to feel the skin she remembered.
"I want to be with you," repeated Callie tangling her legs with Erica's and practically eliminating the space between them altogether. "So very much," she said as her head followed her legs instincts moving closer to Erica.
"Erica?"
Erica took a few seconds to answer. Callie heard her swallow before the hard breathing resumed.
"Yes?"
"Please kiss me."
"Callie we can't…do…this."
"I want to be with you," Callie choked out. "I need to be with you."
There were tears threatening, but Callie willed them away.
"Callie," she heard in a whisper before Erica ate up the remaining distance and kissed her.
Their bodies ignited at the contact and there was no more pretense as to how much they both wanted this. Callie opened her mouth welcoming Erica's tongue and sucking on it. She wrapped her arms around Erica's head and shoulders wanting to bring her closer. They came up for air taking huge gulps.
"I've missed you," said Erica staring into dark brown eyes that were open and warm and inviting.
Callie was breathing hard and didn't know if she was actually capable of speech. She wanted to let everything show in her eyes, but it wouldn't be enough. Finally the gulps of air brought oxygen to her brain and she could respond.
"I've missed you too, Erica. I've missed you so much," said Callie.
They kissed again and for a long time the only distinguishable noises were the hush of soft whispers and the even sound of heaving breaths.
Callie woke abruptly feeling very cold. It took her three seconds to take in the room, recognize where she was, note that she was naked, and very much alone.
"Erica?" she called out listening for bathroom noises. But the bathroom door was open and the room inside was dark.
She got out of bed searching for her clothes, looking around and noting that the clothes she had removed from Erica's body last night were gone. She saw her own in a neat pile on the dresser and put them on.
She walked out quietly. It was early and she doubted Eric would be up at this hour. She looked over at the couch and sure enough he was tangled in sheets snoring softly. She made her way to the kitchen looking for a note from Erica, something that would tell her where Erica had gone off too. She looked outside. Erica's car was still there. She noticed the coffee in the pot and put a hand to it. It was warm. She poured herself a cup, picked up her jacket and walked outside, thinking Erica must be out there somewhere. Callie found her sitting in a chair on her patio wrapped in a blanket staring out into her yard. She walked toward her making sure she made noise as she went. Even with the noise Erica did not look at or acknowledge her. She wanted to wrap her arms around her, but instincts were on high alert. Erica had not looked at her, had sent no 'last night was great, come here lover' looks her way. So instead of acting on her desire she approached with caution.
"Hey," she said softly taking a seat nearby.
"Morning," said Erica still staring out into the yard. She took a sip of the coffee in her hands still not looking at Callie.
This was not good. Erica was intentionally not looking at her.
"Erica?"
"Yes?" said Erica her eyes still fixed forward.
"Please look at me."
Erica laughed lightly. "No, I can't do that," she said and took a deep breath.
"Why not?" asked Callie her voice getting shaky.
"Because if I look at you, I'll want to be with you again and I can't do that."
"Why not?" asked Callie putting her cup on the wood floor under her. She had suddenly lost all desire to eat or drink.
"Because we are not good for each other," said Erica.
"I don't believe that," said Callie. "I don't think you do either. You're scared. I get that. I'm the queen of being scared, but running away from this isn't the solution. I tried that once and it so doesn't work. In fact it sucks and makes you miserable. I am miserable without you."
Erica shifted her eyes upward. "You were miserable with me too. That's exactly why we are bad for each other. We're constantly hurting each other and we'll probably continue to do that if we start this again."
"No, I don't believe that. I know I messed up Erica, but I've apologized for that a hundred times. I can't change what happened; we need to put it behind us. I was scared and stupid and reacted badly, but I wasn't miserable with you. I was never miserable with you."
"How about when you told me you couldn't do this anymore? That you didn't like having sex with me. You were miserable then. I was pushing and you were miserable."
"No, I became miserable the moment I saw the look on your face when I said that. I was scared. I wanted to go back to the way things were before I got scared, so I said that, but I wasn't miserable until you walked out of that room and I realized what I had done."
Erica looked at her cup. "I don't make friends easily. I told you that once. I don't risk my heart easily either. I don't like being that vulnerable. I did both with you and both times I got hurt." She laughed that oddly pained laugh again. "Fool me once…"
"This isn't a joke Erica. Last night was not a joke to me."
Erica closed her eyes. "I know that. I do Callie. I know what you want and in an odd way…it sets me on fire knowing you want me, but I'm feeling a little fragile right now and I need to protect me. I can't risk myself with you…in this."
"Ever?"
"I don't know. If you push me, I'll say yes, I can't ever be with you again like that, but I can't deny that being with you…" She looked skyward again. "God, being with you makes me feel so wonderful. It makes me want impossible things, but then I remember… I remember you telling me you didn't like it; I remember Mark Sloan; I remember watching you walk out of my house when I told you I was gay. I remember and my heart breaks all over again."
"I'm sorry," said Callie through tears.
"I know you are," said Erica. "I know. And you're right; neither of us can change what happened. We can just decide to put it behind us. I want to do that, I'm trying to put it behind me, but trying this again with you…that's something else entirely and I'm pretty sure I can't do that."
"But last night…"
"Last night was wonderful, so…very…wonderful and beautiful, but it doesn't mean we should get back together."
"I don't understand, if it was so wonderful why can't we just…"
"I love you," said Erica, but still her gaze did not turn Callie's way.
"I love you too," said Callie easily almost getting up and going to her.
"It's not enough."
Callie felt the words like a blow. She put her head in her hands letting the tears fall through her fingers. She couldn't take this. It didn't make sense to her. They had been together last night. It had been perfect and suddenly the memories of last night were too much to take as she sat there with Erica telling her that love wasn't enough. What else was there?
"Can you call me a cab?" she asked.
"I'll take you home, Callie."
"And have you not look at me for another twenty minutes when all I want to do is crawl into your lap?" snapped Callie. "No, I'll just…forget it. I can call a cab. I just need to get my purse."
"Callie, I'd feel better if you let me drive you home."
"Well add that to the list of ways I've hurt you then because you're going to be disappointed."
"Okay, I'll get your purse," said Erica ignoring the jibe.
Callie was starting to shake and that ache that started in her belly, the ache that was a constant reminder of the misery she was living with was returning in full force. She rocked her body in the chair and tried not to think of last night. How they had whispered I love you and I want you over and over again. How they touched each other, the kisses, the gentle caresses, how Erica held her. She cried and swallowed and tried to ignore her head and stomach and wondered where the hell Erica was with her purse.
She heard soft footsteps on the deck. "Thanks just leave it there. I can call a cab and then I'll be out of your hair."
She felt a hand at her back and saw a pair of light orange sweat pants in her line of vision.
"Callie, let me take you home."
She recognized Jess's voice and was surprised and disappointed that it was not Erica. Regardless, she was not going to be able to hang on. "Just give me a minute Jess," she managed to say. She started counting in her head and then out loud, trying to clear her mind enough so she could stand.
She wanted to ask questions. What was Jess doing here? Why was Erica letting her use the car? But all she could do was continue counting out loud and try to push back the thoughts that were causing all the aches. Finally she stopped counting, wiped her face with her hands and got up. She grabbed her purse and started walking.
She got in the car and concentrated first on the seatbelt and then on her breathing. She could tell Jess was nervous as she got in. Jess checked the mirrors and fastened her seat belt before starting the car. It was a welcome distraction to watch her prepare to drive her aunt's car.
"Do you want me to drive?" asked Callie.
"No, no, I got this. I told Aunt Erica I would get you home safe, so that's what I'm gonna do." She took a deep breath and shifted into reverse.
Callie closed her eyes and tried willing her stomach to wait until she got home. They made it out of the driveway and started rolling down the residential street slowly.
"Can I ask what happened? You're looking…"
"Stop the car!" shouted Callie causing Jess to slam on the brakes.
Callie opened the car door and ran for the curb emptying the contents of her stomach. She stood clutching her midsection, her eyes closed, breathing deeply. She felt a wave of relief for a moment and was able to stand up straight, but then the misery returned. She saw that Jess had pulled the car over and was now getting out and coming toward her a phone attached to her ear.
Callie was still in pain, but she was thinking more clearly now.
"Put the phone down. There's nothing for her to do. It's just…a thing."
Jess was looking at her with very worried eyes.
"Never mind," she said before hanging up the phone.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, let's go," she said making her way back to the car and getting in, but Jess did not follow directly.
She remained behind, her gaze a half a block down. Callie stepped out of the car again and saw Erica making her way down the street at a pretty good clip.
"Jess, let's go. If you don't want to drive me, I'm just gonna walk and find a cab."
She waited while Jess deliberated and then seemed to come to a decision. She walked back to the car and got in.
"You're going to need to tell me what's going on," she said fastening her seat belt and putting the car back in drive.
"Go, Jess. Make a right at the corner."
They pulled away and in seconds Jess's phone was ringing.
"You shouldn't have called her," said Callie.
"You were sick. I had to call her."
"I'm not sick. It's just a thing."
The phone kept ringing.
"Can I answer it?"
"Not while you're driving."
"Will you please answer it?"
Callie closed her eyes as she picked up the phone and hit talk.
"Erica, everything's fine. I'm fine. Just go back home." She closed the phone.
"What's going on Callie?" asked Jess.
"You're aunt doesn't want to be with me, that's all and as you can see I'm handling it really well."
"What happened? You guys seemed to be doing so great last night."
"Last night….yeah last night we…last night we…"
The bile started churning in her stomach again.
"You were together last night?"
Callie nodded. "I need to get home, okay? I can't talk about this in a moving vehicle."
Jess's phone started to ring again.
"I'm not answering it and neither are you," said Callie as she pressed Ignore and set the phone down.
Coming in Chapter 7 – Just more heartache.