Sorry for the long pause but with new work schedule, work interviews and trips to see family my time has been filled. I hope you like this one though :)

I love reviews, I'm a total slut when it comes to reviews. I love you all who have been patient with me :)

I'm not going to think about him. I am not going to think about him. At least I was going to try that this time. I was way out at the sea, the beach no longer visible to me. All I could see was the sea. The sea was calm today, and I could feel that it was going to rain. I loved swimming when it was raining. I took a deep breath and dived down, doing a somersault on the way down. I felt like a mermaid with my hair freely flowing around my face and my eyes were open, taking in the blueness of the sea. I felt strong as I kicked deeper, my legs kicking powerfully and my arms making large circles as I swam deeper and deeper into the ocean, letting the cold waves embrace me and make me feel right at home.

I flipped so that I was facing upwards, almost like I was sleeping in the water and relaxed. I closed my eyes and loved the feeling of slowly being lifted up towards the surface and the feeling of burning in my lungs was as sweet as honey. The urge to take a deep breath was huge but I remained limp as I got nearer and nearer the surface. Then my body broke the water and I was laying on the sea, greedily sucking in some oxygen. I opened my eyes and saw that dark clouds had moved in and shadowed the water. It was no longer blue, but now more green and brown. I relaxed on the surface and soon small droplets of water hit my face softly.

My thoughts washed away as the rain started to pour down on the earth, sea and me. I imagined how everybody rushed inside or cursed themselves on not taking their umbrella with them; how they would reluctantly hold the new newspaper they just bought over their heads and watch the ink go smudgy. How all the news would wash away, almost like they never happened. But among the crowd rushing there would be a small girl standing, twirling in the rain. Her laughter would disappear among the other sounds, the furious honking from the trucks, the curses and footsteps of the crowd. Her hands would stretch to the sky, her mouth would be open to try to catch as many drops as possible. She wasn't like everybody else. She knew that herself as well, she knew before her mother started to complain about it. She had always known.

The girl's mother would rush over, hysterically complaining about some flu and how she was going to get sick, bringing the girl's mood down. Her mother would take her arm and drag her to the car while she was trying to catch one more drop on her tongue. Her mother would stop and push her curls away from her face and sternly comment on her actions. She would try to ignore the words that sliced her apart but she couldn't. The words would shape her confidence; they would make it harder for her to trust someone.

Years later the girl would find herself alone. She was young, in her late teens. She watched her friends and their boyfriends and feel the envy rise inside her. She was the third, fifth and seventh wheel and she longed for that comfort her mother didn't give her. Her father was called away; she was his girl through and through. Yet she felt like he had betrayed her, and she hated herself for thinking that. He hadn't a choice, he hadn't abandoned them. But it felt like that. She was alone at the mercy of her mother's words.

The she met him. He told her pretty words, she bought every ounce of nearness he gave her. Then she gave herself for him even though she was afraid and knew that she probably shouldn't. The longing of comfort and closeness was overpowering. He took her and left. She was left alone and emptier that she had started with. She left like a shadow of her former self.

It took years for her to cope. She let her mother pressure her into marrying a man she didn't love. She did it only so her mother would approve her. She said she didn't need her approval but deep down she longed for just that. So she said I do, while her heart was screaming I don't! Like she already knew, the marriage didn't last. Her nearly mended heart broke, no shattered into small pieces and this time it took longer to mend it. Then the first guy showed up.

Her heart filled with love, not love for him but love for a new chance to make this work. She worked hard, oh so hard and yet she was unsuccessful. If she hadn't met him she would've made it work. But that day in that diner she knew that there was something larger meant for her. She wasn't meant to settle down and be okay with being a housewife. This man let her taste the rain again. As time flew by this feeling grew stronger, and the feelings for the other man grew smaller. She knew, they knew but still they continued with this game with her heart. And she knew that she was going to get burned. She knew but he didn't stop it. She loved the thought of two men loving her. She was drunk with the feeling of love and comfort. She had sought for this and finally found it. That was when the shit hit the fan and ruined everything.

Now the girl was alone. Neither of them loved her anymore. Sure, she had a few friends and she loved them but she longed for so much more than that. She wanted to taste the rain. She wanted to dance in the rain. She wanted to be a mermaid. But after all of these years, she had forgotten how.

The girl's salty tears mixed with the rain and the ever ending sea.

I awoke when the sun shone down on me. Disoriented I sat up and sank deeper into the sea. I emerged from underneath the surface and gasped for breath. I pushed my hair away from my face and looked around. The sea had brought me closer to the shore I could see the house looming in the horizon. I realized that I had been here for quite a while, the sun was almost setting and my stomach made itself heard. I let out a small laugh and started to swim towards the shore. I loved the way the water felt around me as I sped towards the house. The thing I didn't like was the way my hair clung to my face after I stepped out of the comforting sea and into the cold world.

Today was no different. The hair clung tightly and I brushed it away stubbornly. My steps were light as I took my towel and wrapped around myself. The sand was warm underneath my toes and I sank down a bit, making it harder to walk but I loved that. It makes my body move in a way nothing else manages to make. It was the only time I felt sexy.

Enjoying the feeling I smiled. What was better than a day in the sea and walking on sand? As the sand ended so did my confidence. I clutched to the towel and tiptoed into the living room. Tank was in the kitchen with Lula. As I stepped in they both looked over and then resumed to what they were doing. I felt glad that they didn't bother me. Then I did something that surprised them.

"What's for dinner?"

Lula and Tank both smiled to me. "We're making homemade pizzas. I think they're ready in about a half an hour and then we thought that it would be nice to watch a movie together. What do you think?"

"That sounds good. Uhm, I'm going to go to take a shower and then I'll be down." I said and escaped the room before they started to talk to me more or that there would be an awkward silence. I ran up the stairs and walked right from the hall and entered the last door of the corridor.

This was my room. It had a large window facing the sea, and a balcony. The room itself was large, a queen-sized bed on the end wall, opposite the door. The covers were in petroleum blue and there was a huge pile of pillows on the bed. The bedside tables were in dark wood as was the frame of the bed. Above the bed hung a beautiful picture taken somewhere in the tropics, portraying a small island and turquoise water. The walls were off white and the floor in deep brown wood. There was a small round rug beside the bed and a large door opposite, beside the door. Through there was a beautiful bathroom in turquoise and blue. There was a bathtub and a shower and a large vanity in dark wood filled with my stuff. There was also a dark door leading to a walk in closet but it was almost empty as I had left almost all of my clothes back in Trenton.

I walked in and threw my bathing suit on the towel drier and stepped into the shower and turned the water on hot. As I was finished I think I had burned off some of my skin but I loved the feeling. I stepped out and decided to wear the sundress I had Lula buy to me a few days ago. It was in light blue and the straps were like ropes. I liked the nautical feel of the dress and felt good in it. I slipped the dress on and patted onto the balcony to let the wind dry some of my hair.

I had cut my hair shorter a few days after that we arrived. It was now a curly bob and shorter than I had ever had but I liked it. It brought out my cheekbones and made me look thinner than I had ever looked. I had lost 22 pounds and I was leaner than I had ever been thanks to the non-stop swimming. I looked good on the outside but not on the inside. I was a mess inside.

As I stood there leaning out I heard a car drive up to the driveway. I could see the driveway from my balcony and even thought I was filled with fear of who the visitor might be my curiosity kept me there. The car was black but that didn't tell me anything. The driver stopped the car and stepped out and my heart stopped. Even though his hair was shorter I knew those shoulders and arms. He turned around and took his sunglasses of and looked directly at me. My heart raced and my arms gripped the handrail so hard that I think I broke something.

We were both paralyzed.

Thoughts?