I do not own Vampire Academy no matter how much I wish I did. Please review this story and I'd love it if I could get all of you to follow both of the Scars once the alternate one is created. ^-^
Sorry for the ginormous wait but finally I am once again back and dedicated!
I'm not sure how great this chapter is but here it is…. :/
I stood there, my heart pounding in my chest from his nearness. It had been such a long time since I had seen him, Dimitri, my Dimitri. He had barely changed physically since I had last seen him, about two to three years ago now. His hair, his duster, his height, his eyes all drew me towards him and made my heart yearn for him as they once did. But deep in his eyes it seemed as if a flame was extinguished. Where once I had seen a matching longing in his eyes there was none now. Where once there had been a laughing glint in his eyes or stern gaze at my antics there was none. His eyes were shields masking his distant emotions from me now.
It felt like my heart had been dropped and stomped on. Where was the man I had once known? This Dimitri that stood here before me seemed but a shell, a mere imitation of the person who had captured my heart so long ago. I had not even talked to him yet but I knew everything had changed during our duration apart.
He just stood there staring back at me. Finally he spoke, "Guardian Hathaway." He nodded his head in a respectful gesture towards me. Last time I had seen him I was but a mere novice, a student, and he was all but a god among the guardians. But now…now we were equals. Two talented guardians who had gone through nearly equal training. He had a number of years on me in experience but I was not exactly a slouch or a newcomer to the duties of a guardian.
"Dimitri…" I smiled back at him and flipped my hair over one of my shoulders. Many female guardians cut their hair short for the occupation and once upon a time, back at the academy, I had been worried about having to do the same. I remembered that back then Dimitri had told me to just put my hair up instead, he had liked my hair just the way it was then. I came back to my senses and finally realized that I had still just been standing there in the hall staring at him.
I leaned back against the wall of the hall forgetting my phone entirely for now. "So how are things with Tasha?" Was that a venomous tone in my voice at her name? There was no changing that now. I crossed my arms across my chest and looked back at the man who I had longed for, for years now.
He looked at me, "Things are fine. Roza, don't be that way." He had begun to fiddle with his wedding ring as he responded to my question. That nickname for me, his nickname for me. It made my knees go weak, my heart beat faster, and my arms just want to embrace him. Perhaps this cold detached persona of his was just a mere farce? Maybe he was trying to fight back emotions the same way in which I was?
"What way?" I replied immediately defensive in my tone and words. My hands landed on my hips and I stuck out a hip putting most of my weight on a single leg.
He shook his head and chuckled softly, "I see you haven't changed much." Finally I saw a glimpse of the man I had once known. "What are you doing up here anyways?" This specific wing and especially this floor were for socially high-ranking resident and visiting moroi only. And considering that he was here with Tasha, Dimitri obviously would know that this was not where Lissa and Christian lived. So there went any excuse I had that could avoid the truth.
"I…uh…I left something…" I had not really intended on trying to explain my relationship with Adrian to my old flame. "Behind..." I finished lamely. I watched as the expression on his face shifted and clearly showed he understood that I had not left something there on business. However within a second his visage shifted into that of neutrality once again.
Just then I heard a shuffling emit from behind Adrian's door and pushed myself off of the wall. "Why don't we go get a drink or something and catch up." I suggested not wanting to be there when a sleep-deprived, pissed-off, possibly hung over Adrian opened the door to find the two of us casually talking in the hallway. As well as the fact that although Dimitri may have figured out that I was involved in a relationship with a moroi but he did not know that that moroi was Adrian, and I would rather keep it that way for now. Dimitri paused at my words and seemed as if he was about to argue but I began to walk before he could get the chance to point out that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.
I began to make my way down the hallway assuming that Dimitri would follow me. I heard muffled thuds on the carpet behind me and smiled slightly to myself, knowing that he indeed was. We headed down and it was just my luck that the only place open right now, since it was moroi nighttime, was the café that I had been in earlier with Adrian, and where I had run into Lissa, Christian, and Tasha. And now I realized that I had quite literally ran into Dimitri on my dramatic leave from the scene. It seemed as though that the café would most likely close up relatively soon however.
The sun was beginning to peek up over the horizon painting the sky bands of golds, oranges, and yellows. It was dawn and I realized then how much I had missed the sun. Being a dhampir the sun had no malignant effect on myself or Dimitri however since I worked for the moroi it had been a long time since I had just been able to spend a little amount of time in the sun, no matter how little light it was. That's when the idea hit me and I rounded on Dimitri as he continued to head towards the café with me. I held out my hand in a halting motion and grinned up at him, "Why don't we take a walk around the grounds comrade?" I suggested ignoring the voice in my head that said walking alone with a married man while the others slept might not be the smartest idea I had ever come up with. However I seriously doubted that many moroi would be up at this time and he had been my mentor so it wasn't necessarily suspicious I tried to tell myself. But somewhere in my mind I knew that if word got back to Tasha that I was screwed. There was no way she would see it as just a friendly meeting between a student and mentor but would read more into it.
Once again, as he did earlier, Dimitri seemed to hesitate at the idea. However I reached out and began to tug him by the hand down a path to our left, sticking to the dense shadows cast by the buildings in the early morning light. After a few moments of walking side by side down the path however I realized I was still holding his hand, and more than that he was letting me. But despite the urge to just stay like that I averted my gaze from this man's direction and gingerly slipped my hand free of his own. My heart beat was hammering unnaturally loud in my chest it seemed and I worried for a mere second that he would hear it. Damn it, why did he have to have this effect on me. Even when he was silent and did not even glance my way I still longed for him.
A silence loomed over us as we continued to walk around the compound that was the moroi court. I glanced over in his direction and thought I had glimpsed him avert his gaze, was he perhaps looking at me? From what I had seen of him so far he didn't seem anything like the man I had once loved but I was desperately hoping this was just a ruse to try and discourage any rekindling of our passion for each other.
I hopped up onto the top bar of a fence that encompassed a garden type area and stared out at the rising golden orb. I felt the fence slightly move as Dimitri leaned back against it watching with me. It would have been a perfectly wonderful moment if only he wasn't with Tasha. Why was I thinking that way? I was with Adrian, I tried to focus on this one thought in my mind. Even though we had fought earlier I knew that if I tried to start something here I would only be acting like a two timing bitch.
I stared down at my lap and despite how I was usually confident and cocky my next words were drawn out and quiet, "Are you happy with her?" The awkward silence between us obviously wasn't going anywhere and I needed to know. Know that maybe one of us wasn't regretting past decisions and actions right now. A light pressure found its way to my chin and without any conscious effort on my part my head turned to face him, his finger lightly under my chin.
"Roza…" he let the name hang there. A pained expression was on his face and it wasn't until then I realized the stinging in my eyes and the tears that had silently streaked down my cheeks. I pulled my head out of his grasp and wiped furiously at the wet stains as if they had betrayed me.
"Please…just answer the question." I begged of him not wanting to hear him try to comfort me or ease the pain away. I stared back at him with red-rimmed eyes wanting a completely honest answer.
"I…I don't know." He admitted as he turned to stare back at the sunrise and ran a hand through his hair. Oh how I wished I could touch that hair of his, wrap my arms around him, kiss him…. These thoughts only caused my heart to ache in longing.
For minutes we just sat there silently. I spent a couple watching him but then had proceeded to stare at the horizon willing myself to just give up. He was married for god's sake! But that didn't make me want him any less. Thoughts and memories flooded my mind in the peaceful morning, those of me and my Dimitri in the gym back at the academy, of how he had been able to calm me down when others couldn't, how he was always there for me. But then the train came to an incendiary crash as that final memory hit me. I was caught in the headlights and there was no escaping the memory now. How he had left, how I watched, doing nothing but pining, taking no course of action. A familiar tingling started in my eyes… NO! I thought to myself, I will not break down, not here, not now, that's the past I can't redo it but that doesn't mean that I can't try to correct my mistake in the now.
"Dimitri?" I turned my head towards him and just as he turned to look at me in response I took action. Leaning in my lips brushed against his, softly at first and then more demanding. After a few seconds I finally registered that it wasn't just me but that he was kissing me back right now. No thoughts crossed my mind of how he was married or how I was supposed to be with Adrian in this moment. It was only me and Dimitri, just as if we were picking up where we had left off back at the academy. We both were acting with a long hidden need and longing.
I felt him pull me closer to him and I carefully kept my balance on the fence as he moved to stand in front of me as I sat there. His hands moved lightly up my sides, lighting a fire to my skin as they did so. Then those hands were gently holding my head as we kissed. I nipped lightly at his lower lip and was met with a low groan. But suddenly I was jerked out of this bliss as I realized his lips were not on mine anymore. "Rose…I can't." He sounded pained, I could see the concentration in his expression as he tried to stop himself from continuing with this path of action. His cheeks were flushed and no doubt my lips looked swollen.
The tears were back and boy were they strong. Slowly they trickled down my cheeks and I looked away from him and off to the side. Despite crying I held my head high and jutted my chin out in defiance. "Then just go back to Tasha if you are just fucking with me." I knew I had started the meaningful kiss but he had continued it. If he was just leading me on to get his kicks well he could go to hell.
After several silent moments I got up off of the fence and shoved him away so I could head back towards my rooms. Just as I reached the entrance to the building in which I lived I felt a hand quickly grab my wrist and spin me around. Before I knew what was happening my lips were against someone else's, someone who I would know anywhere. He ended the kiss again this time but not so abruptly. "Roza…I missed you." He sighed, "But you know I'm married. It's not as if I am simply dating someone."
I nodded my head slowly although the fury that burned within me was barely contained. Over the past couple of years with Lissa I had had to contain my volatile anger in hopes of not being fired as a guardian. Not that this was put into practice when not at a moroi social event. But now I used this and tried to make my mind think of the logic in his words. However all I could remember were his lips on mine and the passion that still lurked between us. I looked up into his eyes and could see he was having just as difficult a time with this as I was. The sun caused his wedding ring to glint in the light just then. It was like a shock of cold water, I jerked my hand free from his grasp and put on a more resolved façade. "Like I said I don't want to be toyed with."
I turned around then and swore to myself not to look back. Heading up to my room the dam broke and my cheeks were coated with salty tears of regret and fury at everything. By the time I fell into my bed my eyes stung and I was shaking.