"If you're going to take a chance to play with fire, don't worry about getting burned. Worry about become an arsonist and setting fire to everything you've ever known." - Kat Savage
Chapter Five
The sound of waves crashing against the shore and the crisp air of a warm and fresh summer day fell and moved over Helena's body as she sprawled her body onto the towel below her and next to Bonnie by her side. Her sister and her friends were down near the water kicking and splashing water at each other. Boys were chasing after girls in crop tops and shorts and her own sister was eyeing a boy who Helena thought she could do better than, but it did not stop her.
Bonnie looked almost disappointed. "How are some girls so good with boys?" She said with a wistful expression to her brown doe eyes.
Helena frowned, her eyes flickering back and forth between the group of older boys and girls and then back to the two of them sitting by the tree line. "They like popular girls and anything new that walks in." Bonnie frowned at this seeming only further crestfallen by my statement. "Why would you want to date someone like that?"
"I don't know… what other option do we have? Not all of us can catch the attention of a Cullen," Helena rolled her eyes and glanced to Lu as to avoid accidentally letting on to the embarrassment on her features. "Is it so crazy to just want a boyfriend?" Bonnie giggled as if shameful.
Helena laughed along with her and the issue seemed settled, their elbows digging into the sand through our towels.
Her foot had healed, and she did not see the Cullen family again save for the Doctor after a few check ups. The days before their sophomore year were slowly growing thinner and much of anything had failed to happen. It should have been a relief after their first day of break ending with us almost spending a night in the forest and only gave rescue after I broke my ankle. But it wasn't, something felt boring and off. The comfort of her books and Bonnie's company was not enough.
"Who are your sister and her friends talking to?" Bonnie's question drew Helena from her thoughts and glancing to where her sister stood talking to a tan-skinned boy and some of his friends. It was reservation boys. It was hardly surprising, they were at La Push, but something of the way they blended into her sister and her friends seemed unusual.
Lu caught the two's eyes and begun waving them over. A few tan faces turned as they got up, exchanged cautious glances, they stumbled down to the shore. The boy Lu had been giving flirtatious stares was standing close to her side and giving weary eyes to one of the boys in particular. Lu spoke first, "Helena, we were just about to start up the bonfire and they were going to join us, can you and Bonnie go get the cooler from my car?"
Helena nodded and caught the keys when her sister tossed her to them, her sensed too on edge from the strange air of the situation to complain. Turning to Bonnie, she raised her eyebrows and the two started to the parking lot where her sister's faded blue Mercury sat by the an unfamiliar truck and a couple of the other kid's cars that had packed the Forks kids in for the journey.
"Your sister was acting weird." Bonnie said, walking to the opposite door of Helena and opening it to retrieve the cooler with drinks and hotdogs to cook over the fire.
Helena nodded and glanced over her shoulder. "I think she likes that boy." She figured she did not have to distinguish which one it was. After another moment of thought she continued. "And I think she is trying to make him jealous, inviting the La Push boys."
"This sort of thing isn't uncommon." Bonnie tried to defend, but with a sigh Helena realized though it was hardly a rare event for some Forks kids to interact with some of the locals when venturing to the beach, that her sister was definitely plotting. "So then why did she send us off?"
Snapping her head in her direction, Helena realized she had been a bit too caught up considering her sister and the boy that she hadn't thought too much about it. "I don't know." She said with her eyebrows furrowed. "Let's just get this stuff over."
The two of them held the opposite sides of the cooler and carried it down to the beach, seeing the pile of firewood some of the boys had assembled earlier beginning to have the start of a fire as flames itched their way into the air above. Around the fire was the others, and in their hands unmarked bottles. A terrible emotion washed from Helena's head to her toes, leaving them feeling cold and her lips painted into a frown as she realized why her sister had sent the two of them away.
A deep frown set in her features, she pulled Bonnie a bit quicker to place the cooler in the sand besides them before standing in front of her sister, not bothering to care that it blocked her out for giving side winks to the boy she had been flirting with all day.
With crossed arms Helena spoke, "Bonnie and I are going to wait in you car whenever you are ready to go home, or I can just call Mom." She tried to say it as calm and neutral as possible, but the looming threat stood. Lu's smile faded and she put the covered bottle into the sand besides her and stood up.
"Seriously?" Lu asked, her voice hushed as to not draw any further attention from the eyes around them. When Helena did not back down, not even with her taller sister standing with her hands on her hips in front of her and a confused Bonnie questioning the two of them behind her, Lu sighed and grabbed her forearm. "Come on," she said annoyed as she towed her sister up the beach with Bonnie trudging along behind them.
When they reached her car she realized Helena. "Why are you doing this Helena?" Lu accused of her.
"Why are you guys drinking? Did you think sending us to get the cooler so you guys could set up would make us oblivious?" Helena accused right back, Bonnie slowly growing into realization besides her.
Lu groaned and stomped one of her foot. "It isn't a big deal, don't get all self-righteous on me, alright?" Helena's anger fell a bit; she really was more disappointed than angry, though in her naivety did not understand why her sister was being so foolish. It was one to do it behind locked doors, but out in the open? It seemed stupid to her. She never got that sort of thing to begin with. The stuff was poison. "I'm just trying to impress Tyler okay? Please don't tell Mom."
"Then drive us home." Helena said, glancing to Bonnie, as if afraid to speak for her.
"I don't mind waiting." Bonnie added with a small shrug and her usual passive tone.
Helena looked back to her sister and sighed. "How about you drop us off halfway at the gift-shop and I have mom pick us up from there?"
"She'll get mad at me." Lu said.
"I'll tell her I went hiking with Bonnie and we didn't want to walk back or make you leave early." It still might annoy their mother, but it would be better than having to stick it out while Lu and her friends drank and Helena and Bonnie tried to entertain themselves while pretending it wasn't happening.
Lu nodded in compliance and finally took her keys in between her fingers and gestured to her car "Alright, deal."
The ticking of the clock… the sight of the hourglass on her table as she waited away the time left for their study session… Helena could not focus. She felt ready to groan or scream and kick, maybe even throw the Math book against the wall. The time for summer was fading and the summer work left buried on her table suddenly was unable to be ignored. English was easy, History as well, those the more enjoyable of the work. The math work though… well it left Helena ready to tear at her hair. She did not understand the point of it anyway. Weren't they supposed to be on a break?
"I can't do this anymore." Helena finally blurted out, discarding the sand still left at the top section of the hourglass that was telling her she should be doing more. She almost surprised herself; she loved schoolwork and was usually quite good at it. Sure she enjoyed her break and now she had Bonnie to help pass time, but what had happened to make her so reluctant and distractible?
Bonnie sighed but put her pencil down and nodded, rubbing at her hairline and running fingers through her dark hair. "Can we take a break?" She asked and Helena nodded almost immediately. After a moment of silence where Bonnie seemed to want to say something, she finally spoke. "You know that day at La Push?"
Helena blinked and took a moment to think before remembering, it was the day her sister and her got into their fight of some dumb case of underage drinking. Their mom had luckily not considered the situation too much, only mumbling a few complaints and reminding her hiking was how she broke her ankle not too long ago. Neither had gotten in trouble though- so she was unsure why Bonnie was bringing it up now. "Yeah I remember," she said quietly.
"Do you ever wonder why they have such an easy time? Drinking and all that." She asked and Helena frowned.
"I think it is different from person to person, but there is nothing wrong with not wanting to." Helena figured her friend was having a bit of self-doubt and was trying to calm her suspicions but by the lack of comfort on Bonnie's face she realized it might not be the case. "I just wonder sometimes if we are missing out, not on drinking really- just other stuff."
Helena spoke without even thinking. "I do too." That longing ache filled her chest as it always did when thoughts strayed too distant from her control. It felt like what the books could not fill, the desire for more, something physical that she could touch and see with her own hands and her own eyes.
Bonnie let out a breath as if relieved she was not alone. "I want an adventure, you know? Something fun to look back on, a bit daring, it doesn't even have to be illegal."
"Like what?' Helena asked. There was hope in her chest now; did Bonnie have something in mind? Would that change things? Would then her life be more than the average boring and dreary Fork day spent living in her fantasy worlds?
"There is this club in Port Angeles that has a teen night, I hear some girls talking about it last year. It could be fun, one last night out before school starts up again." Helena could not help but smile at this prospect, and Bonnie fed off of it, continuing. "I could ask my parents to borrow their car for the night, we wouldn't be allowed out too late but still."
As Bonnie finished, breathless and her textbook squeezed in her fingers, Helena was left with a big lopsided grin on her face. She nodded; it would be fun, get some fresh air and expose herself to some new experiences, right?
The street was passing by in a blur, too quickly. Too fast.
Not that Bonnie's driving was bad, really she was quite good for her experience, and cautious enough to avoid speeding. Yet Helena felt she might as well be going a hundred. It was the night for their big adventure and she felt like her heart might as well be trying to break out from her ribs. She was impeccably nervous to a pathetic point. Maybe her lack of social reaction hadn't all been interested in simple disinterested after all.
None of that would do her any good now, the people who swarmed the brick building with the loud music did not care if she was in advanced classes or that she preferred the speech of the eloquent characters of her books and the mystic of fairytales over their rambles. If they knew that they would just ignore her, not care enough to even give her a second glance let alone try to adjust themselves according to her desires.
As Bonnie parked and almost leaped from the car, Helena realized that her friend was in a much different mental state than herself. Taking a deep breath, she unbuckled her seat belt and stepped onto the asphalt. The sound of bass seemed to vibrate the ground around them and the laughter and conversation of others mulling around the building filled the usual silence of the night.
With Bonnie by her side, she braved the entrance, and soon emerged into the musk of the indoor. The dance floor was dark, as if to hide the movement and actions of its inhabitants, and the DJ booth and the tables surrounding lit in blue and pink lights that fell into and contrasted with each other. Helena considered it a pretty sight, but was too preoccupied with her unease to take a full appreciation.
"What do we do now?" Helena nearly had to shout into Bonnie ear as they looked into the crowd.
Bonnie flashed her a wide smile, "Dance I guess." Helena's eyes widened but allowed her friend to drag her into the darkness and madness of the center of the room. Almost immediately sweaty bodies were pressing up against her and shoving past her, not in consideration of her whether it be bad or good but rather ultimate lack of acknowledgement as they moved and pushed against each other. Helena wondered how anyone could ever enjoy this. Bonnie seemed to be trying to figure it out, and Helena realized a boy was looking at her and almost wanted to shield her away from her glance with her body before she realized this was probably what her friend wanted.
It was not what she wanted. She did not even know what she wanted.
Swaying slowly as bodies pushed and shoved against her, she saw the figure against the wall. If it was anyone else she would not notice him, no one would with the way he painted himself to the wall. But even with that terrible pain that seemed to have found its way onto his features she could not miss him, apparently neither could a few other girls.
Jasper Hale was standing against the side of the wall staring at her.
Any movement Helena had been making before left her limbs as she allowed herself to be pushed and shoved by the bodies around her, she could only stare back. The music sounded like only the rhythm in her ear, the light shining on his scrunched up features like he wasn't breathing. He kept looking at her, even when it was painfully clear both were quite cognizant of the other's stare.
Helena stared, and wondered how in the world Jasper happened to be in the same place at the same time to find himself standing against the wall staring at her, ignoring the attempts of bright eyed girls fawning over him near him and glancing at him as if trying to catch his eye- he did not look over once. It was complimenting, in a way, but it also terrified her- leaving her heart frozen, as she seemed to constrain her breathing. She wanted to go over to him, to ask why he was here and why he seemed to be in so much pain and yet still was standing here painted against the wall.
The sound of Bonnie's giggling and knocking into her was the only thing that stopped her from starting towards Jasper. Her trance was broken and she took a moment to come back down to reality, it felt like she had been floating or in some alternate dimension for those moments she spent staring at the boy on the wall. Bonnie was trying to talk to her. Helena had to lean down so she could speak directly into her ear for her to hear her.
"I'm going to dance with that boy." She said with a smile on her face that made Helena wonder if she had been drinking before they met up. Before Helena could respond, most likely to tell her to not go up to the stranger or to at least be careful, Bonnie was bouncing away and disappeared into the crowd. Helena was left standing alone in the sea of bodies, the only one still in the violent crashing of limbs. She was almost insulted, but when she remembered Jasper, she took it as an opportunity.
Turning back to where he had been, she had to take another glance after finding her vacant. She assumed she must have guessed where he had been wrong but after a couple more seconds of inspections, while fighting to not be swallowed by the crowd, she realized the empty spot of wall must have been where he had been standing. Now he was not.
Shoving her way through the crowd she nearly knocked them all out of the way to escape from the suffocation of the crowd. Desperation set in, a primal sort she did not understand, and as she glanced every direction she could crane her neck in to find him. Finally her eyes set on the circle of girls who had been giggling in his direction.
Stomping over to them, her eyes most certainly wild, she entered their group. They stared at her in confusion, a few as if disgusted she had dared interrupt, but she spoke regardless. "Did any of you see where the blond boy just went, the handsome one?" She felt that was enough of a description.
From the recognition that flashed in their eyes, it apparently was, but their eyes quickly drew guarded. One girl with pin-straight hair and a tight dress narrowed her eyes at Helena. "Why are you asking?"
"I'm looking for him." Helena continued, refusing to be scared by the girls attempt at intimidating her into leaving. She was not sure what came over her, but allowed it to wash over her, to overtake her as she searched for Jasper. It was like her body just needed to see him again.
One of the other girls scoffed and gave her a one over, "I don't think you'll be his type sweetie."
Helena's head seemed to burn and a fire lit in her chest as she pursued her lips. "He's my boyfriend, now tell me where he went."
The girl seemed taken back, and frankly so was Helena. She had no idea what had come over her, why she felt protective or desperate enough to prove herself and get the information that she had to make up the lie. She almost felt pitiful, but maintained a poker face; the girl seemed to believe it- though hesitant. Why would she lie after all?
Helena didn't know.
"He went out that door." The girl finally resolved into saying, pointing in the direction of a side door along the wall. The pressure in Helena's chest seemed to release as she discarded the girls to move towards the door, ignoring their incredulous stares as she walked away.
Pushing the door open, the fresh air of the Washington mountainside and the suburbia that framed the edges of it seemed to hit her with a near violent breeze as she threw herself into the night. Turning on her heel she glanced every direction for Jasper only to find one unfamiliar boy in dark clothes only lit by the cigarette between his fingers.
Helena's face crinkled and she sighed in disappointment. Had the girls been lying to her or had Jasper actually come out here and just had already left? Either way, it meant the fire that swelled in her heart from the intensity of his stare quickly was squandered by the cold air of the night. She held her arm around her bare shoulders, regretting not bringing a coat, and feeling foolish and regretting her choice of describing her relation to Jasper when talking to the girls.
"Hey," Helena glanced to her side, to the boy with the cigarette hanging from her lips and redlined eyes. He was looking at her now, no longer distracted by his smoke. There was something that felt on edge about him, sharp and unpredictable as a knife.
"Hello," Helena whispered, realizing that she was now alone with him and she felt confident in the belief he might have more in his system then just some nicotine. She started towards the door, to enter back into the heat of the indoor and the safety in numbers, ready to give up on her attempt to find the disappearing Jasper.
"Wait! Don't leave." The boy was behind her, his hand on her shoulder. Helena turned around to him; he did not seem so immediate a threat, yet still there was something unnerving in his eyes.
"I have to get back to my friends!" Helena insisted.
This only made the boy seem more desperate. "Come on, give me some company, do you smoke?"
"No, she doesn't" Helena and the druggie turned to the figure that had approached behind them.
Jasper stood with darkened eyes, his face lit half in darkness and half in the fluorescence of the light outside the club, with his hand in his pockets and his eyes with a tense aggression to them- staring at the boy behind Helena. She could feel his hand drop from her shoulders and hear the step he took backwards from her.
"This your boyfriend?" The boy was talking to her now, but Helena no longer felt frightened. She looked back at him and opened her mouth to speak but was unsure what to say.
She was going to settle on, "No but please leave me alone" when Jasper filled the silence. "Yes now, please take your drugs elsewhere." Helena was staring at him as he left- did Jasper know something she didn't? It was like he was staring at him and could just smell the ill intent and sense the hidden secrets shoved away into his pockets.
He held up his hands and back away, moving around the corner and leaving Helena alone with the figure besides her. A breeze blew over her and she trembled. Almost immediately Jasper was taking his jacket off, the black leather soon surrounding her shoulders. Glancing backwards to him she was too stunned by all the actions that had led up to the chivalrous action that she could only mumble a thank you before going back to staring at him.
"Thank you," she said again, this time more certain and this time because of his scaring off the boy. Helena turned around to face him, holding the jacket closer across her even though she was warm enough without doing so. She wanted the scent of him closer to her. Her cheeks reddened at the thought and hoped that he figured it was just from the brisk air against her exposed skin.
Jasper nodded, his eyes softened into their usual pools of gold as he seemed to analyze her, stepping back to get a better look as if making sure she had not be injured anywhere. She nearly laughed at the ridiculousness of the action, one because she had only had an unnerving conversation not a run in with a pack of mobsters and two because Jasper was not supposed to care so much.
He couldn't care so much even if the times he was around it sure seemed like it, because obviously he was not around often for good reason. Surely if he cared, which he didn't, he wouldn't be so flaky in his appearances.
"Are you okay?" Jasper asked, his accent thicker than usual, Helena enjoyed the thought that it must be because he was emotional.
She nodded, her heart still racing but now for a different reason. She couldn't care much for the boy that had gotten to close anymore, now she was with Jasper and back in all the intensity he seemed to bring with him- wrapped up in his leather jacket.
"Did he bother you?" Jasper asked again, as if trying to keep her talking, and he seemed on edge. Though why he seemed so deeply so she didn't understand.
Helena shook her head, and forced herself to speak. "No I'm fine, seems you've saved the day again." She said trying to lighten the mood, remembering the day months ago when he had come rescued her stuck in the mood. This time her ankle wasn't broken and she wasn't covered in mud.
"It has been quite the coincidences." Jasper responded, though his face still hardening each time he directed his glance behind her to where the boy had turned around the corner.
But as he said it, she suddenly got the idea that maybe it wasn't. She nodded anyway and took a deep breath. "Thank you again."
"It's my pleasure." All southern charm, all good looks. She remembered that he had called her his girlfriend. As if reading his mind he said, "I apologize if it seemed like I was overstepping back then, I wanted to make sure he left you alone." Helena smiled, "It's okay, I don't mind." She nearly turned into a tomato when she said the last bit, but Jasper just smiled at her with that lovely grin as she remembered she had done the exact same thing only ten minutes ago.
"Do you want to stay?" Jasper asked, gesturing to the door besides them. Helena looked at it and frowned.
"No not really, but I probably should find Bonnie…"
Jasper sighed, as if frustrated. "I'm going to stay here, wait to make sure you two get home safe." Helena gave him a small smile; something that felt like tickling in her chest emerged with Jasper's words. It was sweet, like the southern drawl that was like honey laced on his voice and she was the girl with the sweet tooth. She would leap into a pool of Jasper's essence- even if that seemed crazy. Something about him was like that, she realized as her eyes flickered from the pavement by their feet and his lovely gold eyes that he was more. He was more than the warmth of a sunny day or the sweetness of strawberry shortcake or even the pull that all of her books and fairytales gave her.
As she stared at him with eyes of awe, she figured he was her real life fairytale, and she was ready to leap into him if he would let her.
A/N- I've been a bit busy with travel but managed to get this long chapter out, and boy have we gotten to a bit of a changing point. Without giving anything away I want to reassure if anyone is having doubts that though Helena is all happy now that she is going to be getting a rude awakening very soon.
Side note, thank you so much to everyone who added this story to their favorites and follows and especially to those who reviewed. It really helps me get these out, very encouraging! Thank you again! Though I must say I am confused a bit by one guest review, thank you Debbie Hicks but it looks like you might've included a chapter excerpt? Not sure if that was on purpose or not XD