And now we're back to the original storyline! This chapter will follow Mihashi as things… progress. It should be an interesting chapter. As a side note, the first time I wrote this Mihashi ran away with the story and started doing crazy things and basically ruined my plot. Since then, I've gotten him under control and we came out with something that made a lot more sense. I hope.

The Strong One

Mihashi was nervous. This isn't a new feeling for him to have, as he gets nervous quite easily, but usually he had someone there to push him forward. Whether it was Coach Momoe dragging him into the baseball team, Tajima getting him to talk with people, or Abe telling him to watch his health, Mihashi never had to take the first step by himself. So this was a new experience for him in that way.

Gulping down his nervousness, he raised his phone to send a message to Abe asking if he could go over today to get help with math homework. It was a trivial thing, he knew, and something that most people had no problem doing. To Mihashi, though, it was an insurmountable task. His brain was already providing reasons why this was a terrible idea. Abe could think him too arrogant, or annoying and he might have to respond yes while being terribly polite because he really doesn't want Mihashi to go over but doesn't want to say no and lose their friendship even if Mihashi going over there is such an imposition to him and then Abe starts to dislike him…

But even as he had those thoughts, he was pretty sure they weren't even true. Abe had been fully trusting of Mihashi recently and they talked a lot in school and out of school even in random text conversations (another hurdle Mihashi had gotten over a few weeks earlier). Ever since a few months ago when Abe had admitted he had a problem and Mihashi began to help him, things had been great between them. Furthermore, these past few weeks since Abe broke down in the locker room have drawn them closer than ever. So he was able to push the nagging fear behind him and hit send.

Flopping back on his bed because it was still early and Mihashi wasn't completely awake yet, he began to drift off back to sleep. He knew that he shouldn't, his mom said breakfast was going to be ready soon, but he couldn't help it. He just felt at peace right now. His thoughts circled back to Abe, and how he'd realized that he liked him a little while ago. The feeling had only been growing since he first realized it, now a heavy lump in his chest. But it was warm. It reminded Mihashi of a little egg, a new life, growing there in his chest. It got bigger and bigger each day as he filled it up with his thoughts. To hold hands, but not like they've done in the past, but to hold tenderly, longingly, lovingly even. To look into his eyes and see the warmth reciprocated there, a small smile on his lips. Lips that looked so sweet, so soft, so juicy, so tantalizing… what it would be like to kiss them, to press his own lips to his and-

And then his phone buzzed. Almost jumping off the bed in shock, Mihashi calmed himself down and opened his phone to find "Sure, come over after 12." Mihashi felt his cheeks flare up after the thoughts he just had as he connected the words on his screen with the object of his thoughts, and he desperately tried to push them away. It took him a minute to do so, but he was eventually able to calm himself down enough to look at his phone again without feeling guilty. It wouldn't be right to reply to his friend with those kinds of thoughts, which only made him turn red again. Crap.

Calming himself down for real this time, Mihashi texted back a quick okay and jumped off his bed to go downstairs and eat breakfast, pushing his provocative thoughts to the back of his mind. He tried hard not to just wolf down his food in eagerness, his mom was admonishing his poor eating habits, too, but it was hard to slow down. He had only been over to Abe's house when he had broken his leg several months ago (wow it had been a long time) and it wasn't exactly a happy time. They had had a nice conversation then and got a lot of the issues they had at the time out in the open, but it was marred by the fact that Abe wouldn't be playing baseball.

It was funny, Mihashi thought, how close he had felt to Abe then and how he thought they couldn't be closer. He had assumed that was the closest they would ever get, but it doesn't even compare to the level of trust they have now. He didn't think it would get any better than that, but it did. And even then, it still wasn't close enough. Mihashi shook his head at the thought and raced upstairs to get ready.

Mihashi arrived at Abe's house a little earlier than noon. He was standing in front of the door, ready to knock, when he heard people yelling inside. Instantly, Mihashi was thrown into a state of panic. He didn't recognize the voices, but because one was male and the other was female and they both sounded older, Mihashi assumed it was Abe's parents. So his parents were arguing? Mihashi stood there for a minute trying to think about what to do before he ultimately decided to go in anyway. Standing out here listening to them fight seemed kind of rude, and maybe with a guest in the house they wouldn't yell?

Mihashi rang the doorbell and both voices quieted down, so Mihashi rang it again so they could hear it, (which was actually kind of hard for him, ringing it twice. Still seemed kind of rude, but he really didn't think they heard the first one.) A few seconds later, Mrs. Abe opened the door with a smile as she straightened out her hair and caught her breath a little bit.

"Oh hello, Ren, Takaya said you'd be coming over in a little bit. He's upstairs in his room," she informed him and moved aside to let him in. Mihashi gave a jerky nod, still a little tense, and entered the household. It was as he remembered it, clean and orderly, with various baseball paraphernalia scattered around the walls. He quickly took off his shoes and laid them next to what he thought were Abe's and with another nod, left to go upstairs.

It was only when he was upstairs did he realize that he'd never actually been in Abe's room and had no idea where it was. Looking at the doors, none of them gave any indication of belonging to Abe, they were all just blank. Mihashi was about to start knocking on doors when Abe opened one and stuck his head out.

"What're you waiting out there for? Come on in." Letting out a small sigh that disaster number two in the past few minutes was averted, Mihashi followed Abe in and sat at the table in the middle of the room, mimicking Abe as he pulled out his notebook to get started on math.

"What are you having trouble with?" Abe asked as he took Mihashi's assignment and looked it over.

"Uh, um, I can't think of the next step for the proof…" Mihashi answered. They were doing geometry in math right now, coming up with formal proofs, and Mihashi had no clue what was going on with it.

"Yeah, I see that. Give me a second." Mihashi nodded and watched as Abe riffled through his notes. Mihashi's thoughts strayed to the argument that Abe's parents were having downstairs, but he hesitated on whether to ask about it. He may have known Abe for a while now, but he still knew very little about his family dynamics. Maybe it was normal in this family to yell to work out their problems. Abe didn't look too concerned about it. Mihashi figured that if it was important enough, Abe would tell him.

Soon enough, Abe was explaining to Mihashi how you formulate the steps for a proof by looking at where you want to go and seeing which formulas contained the right pre and post conditions necessary. Mihashi soon saw that it was mostly like a puzzle game, and from there could figure out how to do it. He would occasionally ask Abe to explain one of the formulas to him, maybe more than occasionally, but still. Abe was patient with him and answered all of his questions; had this been a few months ago, Mihashi never would have thought it possible. But here they were, the proof staring him in the face.

The proof was literally staring him in the face, Abe's eyes watching him almost curiously. Mihashi began to look around nervously, wondering if he missed something important or if Abe said something and Mihashi just didn't notice it.

"Calm down," Abe said in an airy tone, almost laughing even, "you were just spacing out for a second."

"Oh, uh, sorry, I…"

"There's no need to apologize, spacing out isn't a crime, y'know." Mihashi knew that, but he still felt bad. When he spaced out, Mihashi usually missed parts of a conversation and then got left behind in it. This happened a lot in middle school, but since he came to high school, people usually pulled him out of his thoughts if he was going to miss something important or funny. It had been a while since he just let his thoughts roam.

Mihashi watched as Abe shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips, before a knock came at the door.

"Coming!" Abe called got up to open the door, revealing his mother there with a tray of onigiri.

"You've been up here studying your brains out for so long, I thought I might as well make something for you and Ren," she explained, handing the tray over to Abe. Mihashi saw Abe wince when he put the tray on his arms, and he immediately became concerned. Apparently, his mother did as well.

"Are you okay? Did you hurt your arm?" Mrs. Abe asked sympathetically, reaching out to take the tray back. Abe pulled away and his expression quickly morphed into a glower.

"I'm fine mom, just bumped it this morning."

"Ooh, you need to stop being so rough. Why can't I have any girls, they wouldn't be so rough. We could go shopping together, share shoes…" Mrs. Abe trailed off as she left down the hall, lamenting her lack of daughters. Mihashi saw Abe roll his eyes at his mother's antic and set the tray down on the table before sitting down himself.

"You hurt your arm?" Mihashi asked, being careful not to be accusatory. After all, it was entirely possible that Abe really did just bump his arm. It was just that given Abe's track record so far, it was much more likely that it was done on purpose.

"Yeah I…" and here Abe paused to look at Mihashi. He could see the conflict in his eyes, confirming what Mihashi already suspected. Abe didn't even have to continue on anymore, but he did anyway. "I did it this morning… on purpose."

"What happened?" Again, Abe hesitated, his gaze lowering to the ground, staring at it intently. Mihashi waited for Abe to gather his thoughts. When Abe finally started speaking, his usual strength was absent from his voice, it took on a more… resigned tone.

"My dad was mad that I invited you over. There's a game on today that he wanted to watch with me, but inviting you over apparently ruined his plans. So he said you couldn't come over, I said that he was being stupid, he got mad and yelled, well talked loudly, more, and then I just… left. So then, my mom comes in to defend me and they start arguing over it and other things, and… yeah. I came up here and I just couldn't help it," Abe finished off with a small shrug, as if that explained everything.

Mihashi wasn't quite sure how to respond. Automatically, his first thoughts were that he was at fault here for inviting himself over and reprimanding himself for being so assertive when he's not used to it. If he hadn't done that, they wouldn't have argued and then maybe Abe… maybe Abe wouldn't have hurt himself.

"Stop blaming yourself, it's not your fault." Mihashi opened his mouth to protest when Abe glared at him. "It's not your fault," Abe said more slowly and forcefully this time. "It's just the way my dad gets. Once he has an idea in his head, he's pretty set on it. I forgot that he wanted to watch the game with me and invited you over. I should've remembered that and told you to come later. So don't worry about it."

Abe finished what he said with a smile, but Mihashi wasn't fooled. It wasn't a happy smile, it didn't reach his eyes. He was just trying to be strong again and hide how he felt behind the mask. Mihashi was tempted to just go along with it, but there was a bigger problem here. One that he just couldn't let go of.

"Why didn't you call me?" Mihashi asked, his friend reflexively recoiling away. Abe had promised Mihashi a while ago that if he ever felt like this, he would call Mihashi who would help him calm down. Mihashi watched as Abe fidgeted and rolled his head to look around the room, tapped his fingers on his leg, and bite at his lip. Mihashi tried to read the emotions he saw on Abe's face because clearly he was being very emotional right now, but he couldn't pick them out. There were too many there, shifting and sliding over each other as if Abe couldn't decide on what emotion to choose. Eventually he huffed and scowled at Mihashi.

"I just didn't, okay?" was the eventual answer. Mihashi shook his head, knowing that there had to be something, some kind of reason. Did he not trust Mihashi anymore? That seemed like the most logical answer. It had been a while since they talked about anything that wasn't baseball or school. Maybe the bond they had had faded and Abe pulled away without Mihashi realizing it.

"Do you not trust me anymore?" Mihashi asked, his voice subdued. Immediately, Abe spun around to face him, surprise written all over his face.

"What?! No! It's not that, it's just…" Abe trailed off, frustrated.

"Just what?" Mihashi prompted.

"I just, didn't think to call you. After it happened, all I could think about was how stupid I was for forgetting about my promise with my dad and how foolish I was. And then I just hid up here and did it. Calling you didn't even cross my mind."

Mihashi's mouth formed a little "o" as he processed what Abe said. This, Mihashi thought, might be worse than if Abe didn't trust him. At least then, Mihashi could work on earning the trust back. With this, Mihashi wasn't even considered in his thought process. It was like Abe was indifferent to him, which hurt Mihashi more than he wanted to admit. It also raised another troubling idea.

"This wasn't the first time, was it?" Mihashi asked.

"No, it wasn't. When you're not around and I get that urge, I've never thought about calling you. It's passed through my thoughts as a consideration, I guess, but it never sticks long enough to act on it. It's only when you're right there that I remember to talk to you about it."

Mihashi didn't know how to react to this. He felt relieved at first because Abe still seemed to trust him, but he knew that there was still a problem here. Should he be mad at Abe for hiding this from him? Disappointed that Abe wasn't strong enough to ask Mihashi for help? Sad that Abe looked so hopeless about his situation? Frustrated because he knew that there wasn't anything that he could do to help?

And then Mihashi realized something with a sudden moment of clarity. It was something that he should have been able to figure out long ago, he supposed, but he never thought about it. It wasn't until he came here and it was thrust his in face that he acknowledged it. And it worried him greatly now that he was conscious of it.

Abe's parents had no idea that he hurt himself the way he did.

As Mihashi realized this, he also became aware that Abe was staring at him, waiting for his response. Right, Abe had just told him something big and would expect Mihashi to say something now. Mihashi didn't want to accuse Abe outright of not telling his parents, so he asked something that would confirm it subtly.

"Why won't you tell your parents?" Mihashi saw Abe's flash to surprise briefly before he immediately became defensive, already seeing where Mihashi was going.

"You can't tell them," Abe replied, his tone harsh and his voice quiet.

"Why not?"

"'Cause."

"That's not a reason," Mihashi pressed.

"Urgh!" Abe growled as he put his head on the table and clasped his hands behind his head, looking like he was squeezing his head between his forearms. Mihashi watched him for a few seconds before he continued. "You just can't," he ground out through his teeth as he came up to a sitting position, "My dad wouldn't understand and my mom… I don't want her to think she failed or something. 'Cause she's done an amazing job, dealing with my dad and raising me and my brother."

"Oh, does your brother know?" Mihashi asked. He had totally forgotten Abe had a brother.

"No, I don't want him to worry or develop the habit himself." That made sense, Mihashi himself was tempted to try out Abe's method one time when he had a test coming up. In the end, he knew how much he hated it when Abe did it, and recognized that Abe would feel that way if he did it. Abe, though, doesn't seem to care that he worries Mihashi like this. Or maybe he did… is that why he was hesitant to tell him in the beginning? So Mihashi wouldn't worry all the time? And if Mihashi told Abe's mother…

"Ok. I understand. I won't tell your family," Mihashi found himself agreeing.

"Thanks, Mihashi. Do you want some onigiri then?" Abe gestured to the tray on the table, already picking up one to eat.

"But," Mihashi continued, knowing Abe would be against this, but he had to say it anyway, "I think you should get help."

Abe froze in mid bite, scowling at Mihashi, but Mihashi wouldn't back down. Normally, he would. Normally, Mihashi would cower away and nod meekly, accepting the onigiri. Normally, Mihashi would never be this brave and confront someone like this. But this wasn't normal. Abe had a serious problem, somewhere, that he needed to fix. And as much as Mihashi hated it, the only thing he could do was put a Band-Aid on the open wound. He could only ever react to Abe panicking, never prevent it. Mihashi had thought he was making progress and that Abe was slowly learning not to panic as much, but that wasn't true at all. He was still panicking and breaking down, it had just become that Mihashi sometimes put Abe back together for him.

Mihashi would never be the solution to the problem.

Abe needed someone that was trained to help people like him, and the best thing Mihashi could do was to convince him that was true.

"I won't."

"Why?"

"It's not that bad, it only happens every once in a while."

"It is that bad."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"It costs money I don't have."

"Then go to the school."

"They'll tell my parents."

"They won't."

"They'll tell coach."

"They won't."

"I won't be able to play baseball, anymore."

"Abe, you're not-"

"I just don't want to go, okay?!" Abe nearly screamed as he slammed his fist on the table, knocking over their homework and the tray of onigiri in the process.

Throughout their banter, Abe had been looking down, making up excuse after excuse as to why he couldn't go. Now, though, Abe was looking up at him and Mihashi could see the fear in his eyes. All the blood was gone from his face, his breathing was shallow and rapid, and his lips were pressed in a thin line. The thought of getting help terrified him for some reason.

"Abe," Mihashi started, not sure how to continue with his thoughts.

"Just stop. Maybe one day I'll get help, but not now. I just… can't. Please," Abe said and Mihashi saw the fight drain out of him, leaving him vulnerable. His emotions were all over the place, unable to settle down on being angry, afraid, or depressed. Nothing Mihashi said would get through to him right now, so he let it go.

Instead, Mihashi reached over and grabbed Abe's hand, rubbing small circles on the back of it in a soothing manner. He could feel Abe's eyes on him, but he didn't want to look up right now. If he did, he might give away the feelings he had been keeping guarded. Abe didn't need that right now on top of everything else. Abe needed a good friend right now, not a love interest. Maybe when Abe was more stable, Mihashi would tell him. Until then, he would keep this warm feeling inside and let it grow little by little. He would be the perfect best friend and keep Abe's secrets for him and put him back together when he broke; it was all he could do for him right now.

I have most of the story planned out now, but there are a few possible courses I could take. Someone mentioned this in a comment, so I'll throw it out there for everyone else to comment on. When I had originally planned this, it was going to stay just a friendship thing, but it seems to be progressing differently. I totally blame Mihashi for getting ideas that he normally wouldn't have due to developments that I created for a different purpose and he ran away with on his own, aka, chapter 4. On that note, since this is M, I can pretty much go anywhere from platonic friends to shy lovers to full on sex scenes (not that I've written any before, but eh, why not?), so what do you think? What do you want to read and what do you think would make the most sense? I'd love to hear the feedback!