A/N: I don't own Instant Star, just having fun with it. I recently started Summer classes, so if it takes me awhile to post a new chapter, sorry. My professors are hard core and lots of homework! Thanks for all the reviews and support. I hope you enjoy this latest installment of Tommy's side.
All weekend all I could think about was how stupid I was to have put my foot in my mouth the way I always seem to do with Jude. There were a million ways I could have handled the situation differently. Jude is still upset with me, but she's thawing out. I think it's helped that I've kept my mouth shut about Shay. I so didn't want to be here this morning, but Georgia called and asked me to show up a little earlier. She walked over to me as I was pouring a cup of coffee. "Tommy, good morning!" I just gave her the evil eye; it was way too early for me to be happy. She laughed and smiled even brighter. "I see you had a great weekend, you look absolutely chipper today. I need you to start thinking about Jude's first video. EJ is meeting with some directors and she has it narrowed down to two. Tomorrow we meet with the one she picks out. But, here is what I think is so great! Shay and Jude kissing on the video! EJ came up with that, the press is going to love it!" I took a big gulp of my coffee and thought hard for a minute. I didn't want another repeat of open mouth, insert foot. "It's Jude's call. If she feels comfortable with it, then I have nothing to say. I support her decisions." Georgia looked at me, trying to see past the impassive facade I was projecting. "Tommy, I do believe you are acting weird. Just don't let this go on too long, I want Tommy Q back, not this." She waved her hand at me and walked off.
Later on, I was working on mixing a song when I say Jude and Shay out in the lobby. They were on cloud nine and showing it, hands all over each other, smiling at each other like they were the only ones in the room. I shook my head and turned back around. I kept hearing Georgia's words from earlier play back in my head. I couldn't get over the idea of them kissing on camera. I just knew it was going to be a bad idea. He was going to break her heart, but I reminded myself of the promise I made to myself. I sighed and focused back on work.
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Tuesday morning I was stuck in a meeting with the director for the photo shoot. We'd been there for about an hour going over different ideas. I know Jude has been practicing dancing, but it wasn't working out and Georgia knew that as well. "So, the dance concept on the video has been officially rethought." Jude looked up at her and smiled. "Thank you, that was so wrong." Darius walked in like he owned the place. "Yup, she's right. The concept was weak, way too soft for Shay's male demo." I just shake my head and take another sip of my coffee. I didn't get much sleep last night, nightmares from my past kept creeping up. Yeah, I so don't want to go there. I slammed the lid on those thoughts closed. I looked at Georgia and D fighting it out. Back and forth like a tennis match until Georgia is declared the winner and the loser stalks out. "Well, I think that's it." Georgia stood up. "Tomorrow we'll begin shooting early. Jude, get to bed early, okay?"
I stayed sitting and watched everyone walk out. Georgia was the last to go, but she turned back at the last minute and closed the door. I looked up at her as she sat down next to me. "Tommy, I know this is hard on you. You haven't been yourself lately and you definitely missed out on some sleep last night. Do you want to talk about it?" I think, me talking to Georgia about having issues over a fifteen year old girl showing interest in a guy her own age; or, what about the fact that I royally screwed up my marriage among other things and probably don't deserve to have a good romantic relationship at this point in my life. "No, Georgia thanks for the offer, but no." She looked at me closely for a minute before nodding and leaving me there, sitting alone with my thoughts in the conference room. I sat thinking for awhile before Kwest found me and dragged me off to work.
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I showed up to the video shoot bright and early. I actually broke down and took a sleeping pill last night. It knocked me out so I didn't have to deal with any more dreams creeping up on me. No, I wasn't going to keep on taking them, but I had them for the rare occasion that I needed one. I watched as Stewart snapped pictures of Jude, smiling the whole time. She did look amazing. Darius walked up to me. "I see the way you look at her, pride ownership, the same way I look at Shay." I turned to him, "You make them sound like property." He laughed, "Nah, man, this is all from a place of love and respect. We know what's best for them even if they don't." I wonder where he's going with this. "Yeah, I get that." Darius motions to the table next to us. "So explain this, donuts and coffee, a busted up camera. This is amateur night." I sighed and looked hard at him. "So, let me guess Darius, you want to lend G Major the cash, huh? Let's 'bling' it up?" I let some of my anger and frustration with him show on my face. "This is Georgia's show, stop trying to control things." He shook his head "Back at you." And walked away.
I poured myself another cup of coffee as the crew prepared to restart the shoot. I sat down just in time to watch Jude being pushed in a car by some guys. They were sloppy, bringing her to a clumsy stop. I could image how money would help us out, buy us better tools to work with, but no way was I going to blindly accept D's money, he'd take over completely. I watched as the Director yelled cut. Jude had been leaning in to kiss Shay and I could see how badly she wanted it. That look on her face made my stomach twist, but I just ignored it and looked elsewhere. I saw EJ talking on her cell, she looked upset and frustrated. I wondered what's up. I didn't have to wait long, the lights went out and she walked over to Georgia and I. "Our checks still didn't clear. The owner wants us out of here pronto." I looked at Georgia, I knew she'd been having some financial issues lately. She closed her eyes momentarily before replying, "Tell them it's an accounting glitch." D jumped in like I knew he would. "Is that a fancy word for I'm so busted I can't even pay my bills?" "Oh, save it Darius!" Georgia threw him a dirty look. "Hey, I make one call to my bank and this all goes away, but that means I get creative control." I can see it happening, Georgia caving into Darius's plan. "Georgia, don't it's a mistake." She doesn't even look at me, her eyes focused on D. "What's it going to be? No video or my video?" She gave up, "Make the call." I looked at them both before walking away.
I was not going to explode in front of everyone. I knew D, I knew what happened when he took control of things, you wound up doing things you'd never thought you'd do. He didn't want to show people the real you, just whatever brought in the most cash. He was all about the Benjamin's. I calmed down enough before I headed back inside. Most everyone had packed up and left already. I walked over to Georgia where she was staring at the set. "Georgia, I'm sorry that D had to get involved like this." She looked up at me; I could see the pain in her eyes. "I know. I know that you think this is a mistake, and I think it is too but I have no choice. I can feel my baby slipping through my fingers. I built this company with my blood and tears, but we're having so many problems." I sat down next to her and let her talk it all out. She normally kept a tight lid on her personal stuff, and I knew she needed to purge. "I'm so tired of all the hoops I have to jump through day in and day out. I just hope that soon things will straighten out a little or else I'll be kissing this baby goodbye." I pulled her into a hug. "It'll work out somehow, Georgia." She leaned into the hug for a moment before pulling away and wiping her tears. "Yeah, but I'm taking it one step at a time. Darius rescheduled the shoot for tomorrow. See you there." She turned to leave, taking a few steps; she stopped and looked back at me. "Thanks for listening Tommy."
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It's Thursday morning and I'm just waiting for Saturday to get here. It's another freaking early morning and I'm sipping on my Starbuck's like it's the only thing keeping me alive. In a way, it was. I refused to take another sleeping pill last night and woke up at two a.m. from a nightmare; D had bought Georgia out of G Major and pimped it up to his style. The word awful could not cover it. I looked around, yeah; this is how it would be if D ever got his hands on the company. The video was no longer about Jude; it was all Shays' from the steamy car wash to the hot booty girls. How the heck was Jude supposed to fit into this? Oh, right, she was the chick that he wanted to add to his bed post count.
I sat down as shooting started for the day. I ignored most of what was going around, just concentrating on the music. That was until I saw Shay grab Jude's ass. I almost leapt out of my chair right then, instead, I cooled it and yelled from my chair "Whoa! Hands!" D just looked at Shay, "Hands are fine, Shay." I looked at Jude; she definitely didn't want his hands there. Before I could cut in she came to her own defense. "No they aren't!" D got up and walked over to them, it was a strain, but I could hear them arguing. "Look, Jude. I know there've been big changes, but it's my video now." She smirked at him. "Right, and last time I checked it's my body. So his hands go where I say they go." She grabbed Shay's hands and put them above her hips and turned to the director. "I'm ready, let's roll." D walked back to his chair as shooting restarted. I inwardly cheered her win, Jude one, D zero.
The director reshot everything up until the kiss when he called a halt. Jude took off and sat down away from everyone. I watched her play with the threads from her mini skirt for a minute. She looked like her dog had just been run over by a semi truck. I walked over to her, "They're setting up for the big kiss, huh?" She ignored me so I continued. "Want to talk about it?" She looked at me like she wanted to gut me with a knife. "No! With you, I want to yak enough as it is." I grimaced, but knew I couldn't walk away. If we didn't talk this out, she'd be holding this inside, chewing on it for hours. "Sorry, I'm kind of all you got right now." She sighed and looked away, like she wanted to distance herself from me while talking about this. "How do you kiss someone who's just dumped you? I don't think I can handle it." I was proud of myself, I didn't run over to Shay and beat him to a bloody pulp. C'mon, they were on cloud none the other day, Jude is so into him and he just dumps her overnight? What the hell? Instead, I took off my shades before replying, giving myself a calming breath or two. "The way I saw you stand up to Darius, I think you can handle anything."
It was true; I've seen Jude show that amazing strength she keeps hidden most of the time. Sure, she'll go along with you on the small stuff, but when it matters big, she stands up for herself, for what she wants. She sighed and looked at me. "Okay , well what if, hypothetically, this is my first real kiss? Well, with someone who's kissing me back? I just wanted it to count, you know?" Her first kiss? No way, Shay is going to ruin her first kiss! I had to wrap my head around the knowledge that he would be her first before I could think of what to say. "Then hypothetically, it will, but this won't be it. Look Jude, a real kiss, it isn't in the lips, it's in the heart. And if yours isn't in this one with Shay, then it doesn't count." She looked up at me and smiled. "Thanks Tommy. I walked away to let he think over what I said. I wanted another coffee so bad, but my hands were already shaking so I just took a stroll before shooting restarted. I cleared my head and then slipped back into my chair.
Shay was jamming into the microphone; the director was instructing his to play cool and cued the booty girls. He turned to Jude. "Okay Jude, you ready? This time lay one on him!" Jude smiled devilishly at him, "Gladly." She turned to Shay and sprayed him with the water hose that she held in her hand. I covered my smile, trying to hold my laughter inside. She dropped the hose and walked off the set. Shay looked at her furiously before following. Meanwhile, the director is stunned, "Ah, can we just stick to the script, is that possible?" I watch the fight going on between Shay and Jude. "Girl what is wrong with you?" Jude threw him a dirty glance over her shoulder. "Oh, what about you dumping me because Darius told you so? What are you, five?" They stormed into the back and I couldn't hear them any longer. I sat and thought about what Jude said. Darius made Shay dump her? Yeah, I could see that, and truthfully, Shay jumps when D commands it. Jude needed someone stronger than Shay in her life. Whoa, don't go there, dude. I closed those thoughts down and got up to get Jude. The director was motioning to me that he wanted to restart the shoot.
I walked to the back, just in time to hear Jude say "I wanted it to mean something; I wanted it to be with you." I pushed everything to the side in my mind and focused on the job. Later, much later, I could take it all out and examine it, but this wasn't the time. I leaned into the door, catching their attention. "Guys, we need you back on set. Shay looked at Jude and then at me, "You tell my uncle he can wait five minutes." He grabbed Jude's hand and pulled her into a back room. I didn't want to witness whatever was going down, so I left to find D.
A few minutes later, they returned to finish the video shoot. They must have worked out their problems because Jude was absolutely freaking glowing. They finished the video shoot like pros. I turned my head away when they kissed; I wasn't into self torture much. Georgia was so excited at how well it turned out, she hugged me big time. "I have a feeling we're going to make it Tommy! Just wait and see!" For her sake, no, all of our sakes, I hoped she was right. The happy couple left for the day to go eat after Georgia gave them both tomorrow off. I looked around at the crew dismantling the set, grabbed my jacket and took off. I was done until tomorrow. I jumped into my Viper and headed to the lake, it was my thinking place.
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I sat down on the bench where it all started, that moment of connection we shared. I thought over the past two weeks. Working with Jude and Shay as a couple has been grueling. I've been doing pretty good keeping a lid on all of my emotional crap, saving it all until I have time to look deeper into it. I pulled out the idea of Jude having her first kiss today. I looked at it from all angles and sides and still came to the same conclusion. Damn, I wish it had been me. If only she was older, just a few years older, it would be possible. I closed my eyes and let myself imagine, just for a moment, that she was eighteen. Imagined how her lips would feel, how she would taste, the smoothness of her skin as I wrapped her up in my arms. A horn from nearby car pulled me from my thoughts. It was a good thing; I couldn't go down that road. I wasn't going to be that guy, the guy who obsessed over what he couldn't have. I realized it was a mistake to even open that particular door. No, the door to Jude is now firmly closed from here on out. If only it was as easy as saying it. I stood up, removed my shades and looked around one last time. I pictured Jude sitting on the bench, guitar in her hands. She's changed so much in these last few weeks. I slam shut the door in my head and put my shades back on before taking off. I cranked up the music and let the wind take everything away. Maybe I'd call Kwest to see if he wanted to hang out at the bar tonight.