Okay, so I know I said I was writing these in the order I received them, but I loved this prompt too much to wait. So behold: struggling Christian!Kurt and church picnic shenanigans!
Kurt's been going to church regularly for three years.
He used to go all the time when he was little. There was Vacation Bible School, Church Camp, Sunday School, and Church Choir. He and his mother and father were familiar faces at the Lima Reformed Church, and everyone there loved them to pieces.
After his mom died, his dad seemed to lose his way for a while. They stopped going to church and Kurt didn't get signed up for Vacation Bible school that summer. He didn't really mind all that much, because it had been getting kind of old. After a few months, Sunday was just like every other day of the week with nothing special happening and no freshly ironed dress pants lying over the ironing board.
Kurt didn't think anything of this new development until he turned thirteen. Suddenly people were telling him that he was becoming so grown up, that he was so mature for his age, that he dressed like a mini-businessman. He was expected to take on more responsibilities, and that reminded Kurt that church still existed.
He considered the pros and cons of going back to church for about a week. He knew he was gay and he knew that the church frowned on that, but he had some wonderful memories tied to that place. He still believed in God and Jesus, so maybe going back to church would give him the answers he was looking for: could he be gay and Christian at the same time?
So he started going back. Everyone he remembered was still there, and they all remembered him too. They asked him how he'd been and what he was up to and how school was going. They told him to say hello to his father for them. The pastor gave him a firm handshake and a warm smile after the service, telling him it was good to see him again. Kurt fell back into the church-on-Sundays routine and even snagged a spot in the choir again.
He's become a pretty established member of the church in those three years, but he's never told anyone the real reason he came back. He'd been hoping for answers, but he hadn't found any in the pastor's sermons. He tried going to different churches sometimes, thinking that maybe a different denomination would approach the subject more openly, but he never found answers there either.
Now he's frustrated, confused, and needs answers right this second. He stays after church one day and asks Pastor Dan if they can talk together about something important. Pastor Dan says of course they can, and before Kurt realizes that this is actually happening, he's sitting in Pastor Dan's office.
"What's going on, Kurt?" Pastor Dan asks. "You look worried."
"I am," Kurt admits, telling himself that he has nothing to be scared of. This man cares about him and is a man of God, so he'll know what to say. "I've been paying close attention to your sermons for a while now, and I've realized that there's one controversial topic you tend to stay away from."
It's the truth, because Pastor Dan has talked about everything from murder to incest to stealing to atheism, but he's never once mentioned homosexuality.
"And what topic would that be?" Pastor Dan asks, folding his fingers together neatly and leaning forward slightly.
"Homosexuality," Kurt says the word as if it would bite him. Pastor Dan's knuckles tighten and he shifts in his seat uncomfortably. Kurt looks and sounds apologetic when he adds, "I just wondered why you never brought it up."
"Do you think I should?" Pastor Dan asks, and his voice sounds strained. "Do you think there is a member of our church family who would benefit from such a sermon?"
"I believe it is good to be educated," Kurt treads carefully, not wanting to just blurt out, 'Yeah, me,' and be done with it. "We live in a very conservative town with only two openly gay men in our population, which leads me to believe that most people here don't fully understand what homosexuality is."
"What is there to understand?" Pastor Dan isn't responding as Kurt had hoped. "Homosexuality has a black and white definition and the Bible addresses it. What more does the church need to say?"
"The church needs to offer guidance," Kurt tries to keep his voice even. "I don't think anyone in our church community would know what to say if someone were to tell them they were gay. They wouldn't know how to spread God's message of love to someone who, in their eyes, goes against the Bible's teachings."
"Again, I have to ask: Do you think there is a member of our church family who would benefit from such a sermon?" Pastor Dan repeats his earlier question.
"Why does it matter?" Kurt's arguing with the man now. "Do you think someone in the church is suffering from incestuous feelings? Because you gave a sermon on incest a while back."
"Kurt, I think you are overreacting," Pastor Dan says gently, reaching out to put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "All you need to know is what the Bible tells you. And don't let the wildly liberal agenda of the two openly gay men affect your belief in God. Don't let them pull you away from His word."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurt's eyes flash, wondering how Pastor Dan got to that conclusion.
"Well, questions like these don't just come from nowhere. Someone has to have told you extensively about their homosexual agenda, trying to steal you from the care of your Lord and Creator and embark on the pathway to Hell." Pastor Dan's brow furrows and he adds, "Never give in to temptation, Kurt."
Kurt can't help it. His eyes start watering and his lip quivers. His pastor just told him that he is doomed to Hell, just because he is attracted to members of the same sex. He's felt like that for as long as he can remember, so he knows how hard it is to try and trick himself into thinking that it's a choice.
"What's wrong, son?" Pastor Dan asks, handing him a tissue. "What's the problem?"
Kurt wipes his eyes hastily and practically wails, "I'm gay! I've never told anyone before because I thought if I pretended I wasn't, it would go away. I thought I could change myself, but I just can't! And now I don't know what to do because nobody in the church ever talks about it, and I need to know that it is possible to be Christian and gay at the same time! Tell me it's possible, please!"
Pastor Dan leans back in his seat, folding his hands together again. His lips are drawn in a thin line and Kurt really doesn't like the way he's looking at him.
"I think you should go, Kurt," he says finally.
"Excuse me?" Kurt is sure that he's heard wrong.
"You need to leave," Pastor Dan says shortly, standing up. "We can't have someone like you inside a house of God. It might… rub off on some of the children."
"Excuse me!" This time it comes out as an offended exclamation, not a question. Kurt stands up as well, tears gone from his eyes and a deep frown on his face.
"Allowing you to stay would be hypocrisy on my part, and I cannot lie to my family like that," Pastor Dan motions toward the door. "You need to leave Kurt. Please don't come back."
Kurt feels embarrassed and hurt and dirty, but he obeys and leaves Pastor Dan's office.
He doesn't tell his father what's wrong when he gets home, just stops going to church after that day. He decides that if Jesus doesn't want him, he doesn't want Jesus, and decides to be an atheist instead.
After he comes out to Mercedes and to his father, it's easy for Burt to put two and two together. He asks if Kurt wants him to go down to the Reformed Church and have a stern talking to with the pastor, but Kurt says no.
His discussion with Pastor Dan eventually comes up in conversation with his friends. Mercedes tries to convince him to come to her more liberal and accepting Baptist church, but Kurt says no. Rachel suggests that he come over to her house one night during Hanukah and see if it sparks any interest, but Kurt says no. Artie tells him that those suckers weren't worth his time anyway and gives him a fist bump.
Kurt decides he likes Artie's response the best.
After Day of Silence, a lot of the members of the club had talked to Kurt about their experiences and asked him if that's what his entire life had been like. He would casually mention his talk with Pastor Dan, acting like it was no big deal. He didn't think anyone bought it.
Then Mr. Schue announces that the Lima Reformed Church has asked if they will perform Like a Prayer at their annual church picnic. Everybody agrees that it sounds like fun (the promise of free food helps too) and Mr. Schue passes them their sheet music. Kurt notices that he has a solo.
"I wanted to spread around the solos for this song," Mr. Schue explains. "I thought it would sound nice if Tina and Kurt alternated the main part while the rest of you harmonize."
Rachel doesn't even protest, probably because she's not looking forward to singing at a church. Kurt, while he's touched and happy that Mr. Schue decided to give him a solo, is dreading it. Pastor Dan told him not to come back, which basically was the equivalent of saying, "Jesus hates you."
But Kurt's a team player, so he just smiles along and practices the song and plans to come down with a sore throat on the day of the picnic. Rachel could take over his part and everything would go perfectly.
He didn't expect the entire club to (literally) corner him the day before.
"What's going on?" he asks, feeling very uncomfortable with the wall pressed against his back and twelve faces staring at him.
"We're supposed to sing at your old church tomorrow," Mercedes informs him.
"Yeah, I know," he says impatiently. "Can I go now?"
"No," Mercedes says it with a bite in her voice and Kurt wonders why she's so angry at him all of a sudden.
"Kurt, why didn't you tell us you used to go there?" Quinn asks him, her voice much calmer than Mercedes' tone.
"I didn't think it made a difference," Kurt shrugs. "So I might recognize a couple people. No big deal."
"But they're the ones that said all those horrible things to you," Rachel butts in. "You told us how cruel your pastor was when you went to him for guidance and for help. How can you act like it's nothing when clearly it's a big problem?"
"Technically, the rest of the church doesn't know I'm gay, so they never said anything," Kurt feels the need to point this out, because he really doesn't like the look on Puck's face.
"I almost torched the place when Quinn told me," Puck says, confirming Kurt's fears. He's almost touched, in a way, that Puck cared enough to get worked up about this. But he still doesn't understand what the big deal is, so he asks point blank:
"Will someone please explain why you've all cornered me in the hallway about this?"
"Because we want you to sing something else," Rachel is positively glowing. Finn looks like he's about to burst out laughing any second, and Kurt is kind of afraid for his life right now.
"You're going to sing The Gay Agenda from the musical comedy Bush is Bad," Jesse steps forward and hands him a packet of sheet music. "It's kind of my guilty pleasure show."
Kurt flushes pink as he flips through the music and some of the lyrics stand out.
"We decided blunt and to the point was the best way to get our point across," Mercedes is grinning now. "Show those reformed idiots what your life's like and why they make it worse."
As much as Kurt doesn't want to be at the picnic at all, he has to admit that singing this song would lead to some completely hilarious results. The song is witty and funny and completely honest, and Kurt makes a mental note to ask Jesse about the actual musical later.
"We also thought it'd be funny if someone sang Epiphany from Altar Boyz," Jesse holds up another packet of sheet music. "Any Catholics in the house?" Quinn holds out her hand expectantly. Jesse grins, saying, "Brilliant."
Kurt's not entirely sure how they're going to get away with all this, but he's too excited to worry about that now. He's got to go home and learn this new song.
He asks Finn about all this later that night. He wants to know just how long they've been planning this and who all was in on it.
"We all were," Finn tells him. "Mercedes was the first to put it all together and figure out that we'd be singing for the guy that kicked you out of a church because he's an asshole." Kurt laughs at that comment. "So she got us all together to brainstorm and the next thing we know, Jesse's shouting about Off-Broadway musicals and George W. Bush and how he's always wanted an excuse to use his guilty pleasure musical for a performance. We all thought it would be a nice change from Day of Silence, to put it all out in the open through song."
On the day of the picnic, Kurt doesn't come down with a sore throat. He gives his solo to Rachel anyway, knowing that she misses the spotlight even though it is for church. He keeps his head down for most of the day and stands in the back during Like a Prayer. Quinn sings Epiphany once they've finished, catching everyone by surprise. At first nobody's quite sure how to react, but by the end she's getting some laughs and there's real applause.
When he steps forward to sing his song, there's some murmuring among the crowd. Mr. Schuester, who's obviously letting Quinn's solo slide since it was funny, sits up a little straighter. Pastor Dan, who's all the way in the back, actually stands up. It's clear that he recognizes Kurt.
"Hi, everyone," Kurt says as Quinn hands him the microphone. "I don't know how many of you remember me, but I'm Kurt Hummel. I used to come here a while back, but I stopped after Pastor Dan made it clear that I wasn't welcome." He locks eyes with the man, taking in his stern expression and grinning. The crowd is buzzing now and Mr. Schue looks torn as to what he should do.
"I'm gay," Kurt announces, and there are gasps and a couple women cover their children's ears. "Oh, get over it," Kurt sighs. "Just tell your kids it means I'm happy if that'll make you feel better. But I came to this church trying to find help. I needed someone to tell me that it's okay to feel this way and still want to have faith that God loves me, but Pastor Dan gave a kick towards the door instead. He was too afraid to help me because he doesn't understand who I am.
"So I'm going to sing about it."
"Shut up, queer!" someone yells, and Jesse steps forward. He launches into the beginning monologue of the song, winking at Kurt as he does so.
"Ah yes, hatred of gays," he begins, voice projecting to the crowd even without a microphone. "As we all know, homosexuals rank among the greatest threats to our society." His sarcasm is just slight enough that about half of the crowd actually buys it. Kurt can hear the rest of New Directions giggling behind the two of them, and he bites his tongue so he won't start laughing too. Instead he looks at Mr. Schue, who looks constipated.
"Here," Jesse indicates Kurt, "let's let one of," he paused, looking Kurt up and down, "them spell it out." He steps back and Brad, who's over at the piano, begins playing. Kurt spares a moment to appreciate just how chill Brad must be if he's willing to go along with all of this.
He launches into the song, gesturing wildly and acting as flamboyantly gay as humanly possible. He throws his head back and skips around the stage, choosing one of the glee boys at random and pulling him forward, using him as a prop. It turns out to be Mike, who seems to be genuinely okay that Kurt's basically all over him.
It's controversial and funny and it keeps everyone still. Not a single person moves until the song is over, probably because things you don't understand are always fascinating. Nobody claps, they just sit there staring at Kurt and Mike. One little boy laughs, but his mother shushes him.
Mr. Schuester is the first one up and moving. He hurries them offstage, and when he makes to go back out, Rachel grabs his arm and says, "Mr. Schuester, don't you dare apologize on behalf of this club, because not one of us are sorry. Nothing anyone says will make us sorry."
Kurt beams at her.
Mr. Schue does go back onstage and says, "I should apologize for that, but… to be honest, you all probably deserved that. I hope we opened your eyes today and I hope you learned something. And if you can take one thing away from this, let it be this: never speak on behalf of a God who loves all of His children, no matter what."
Kurt's almost 95% sure that Mr. Schuester flips Pastor Dan off after he says that.
Prompted by and dedicated to: Callette.