Chapter 6: Aftermath
(Thanks to Sunnami for the nudge to update this one! :) I will have more Bya/Ichi on the way as well! Love to all, Spunky)
Ichigo came awake suddenly, his heart pounding and Ywach's dread voice sounding loudly in his mind, the sick feeling of his hands gripping tightly, and even his scent seeming to radiate around the room he was sure had been his own when he had gone to sleep. He tried to move, but his body seemed frozen, and although his eyes were open, all he could see at first was the place where the quincy king had held him down and assaulted him. He heard another garbled male voice saying something that might have been his name, but he couldn't make sense of the words. He quivered, working hard to force himself out of what he was sure was just a powerful memory, and very slowly, his senses returned to him.
The first thing that came to him was that he was being held, not roughly or possessively, but with affection and gentleness. The hands that held him knew just how to do so without making him feel confined. The soft, pleasant scent of the one with him soothed him. And he wasn't sure whether it was the words the person whispered, or just how they were delivered warmly into his ear that melted the ice that seemed to have encased his body. He sucked in a shaky breath and touched the other person's arms to show he heard the comforting sentiments.
"Byakuya," he breathed softly, when he could make his voice sound again.
"I am here," the noble answered, continuing to hold him in that same unrestrictive fashion, "You are home. You are safe. I will not let anything happen to you."
Ichigo's throat constricted too tightly for him to answer, so he laid his head on Byakuya's shoulder, breathing slowly as he gradually recovered.
"You have been our protector," Byakuya went on soothingly, "You took upon yourself the hatred and torment of our enemy. He did to you what he wanted to do to us all, Ichigo. He wanted to hold us down, to hurt us, to make us feel helpless. But, unlike you, we could not stop him. Only you could. Once your moment came, you put aside your fears and you fought him with all of the strength that was given to you. You cast him down and stopped him from destroying all of us. We are forever grateful to you for that. So, know that it is all right to turn to us now for comfort. At very least, we owe you our best in trying to heal the hurts that you took upon yourself in defending us."
"I'm okay," Ichigo lied, pulling free of Byakuya's arms and shivering at the sudden return of iciness he felt at the loss of contact.
Byakuya looked back at him quietly for a moment.
"I think if any of us said such a thing after what we have endured, we would be lying," the noble said firmly, but not unkindly, "Ichigo, the war weighs heavily on us all. But it weighs on you most heavily, because you faced and had to overcome an evil unlike any of us had ever seen. I am a taichou of the military. I was raised to understand war and conflict. Even so, I do not think for a moment that one can be all right after what has happened. You do not need to reassure me you are all right. I know you are not. I only want to do all that I can so that you will be."
Byakuya paused, opening up a thoughtful silence and allowing Ichigo time to think.
How does he know?
It's like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. He knows just how to hold me and what to say. I feel the fear in me melting away. I feel like it's okay to hold onto him, to let his voice into my head, where it forces Ywach's voice out.
How is he doing this?
It's like he must have done this before.
"Will you tell me something?" Ichigo asked, keeping his head rested on the noble's warm shoulder, "How do you know what to do right now? You seem to know just what to say. It's kinda like you're reading my mind. I'm glad because there are things I know that you know, but I can't make myself say them out loud right now. Where is that coming from?"
Byakuya's head turned slightly and his soft cheek touched Ichigo's as he answered.
"You are aware that my cousin, Tetsuya, was once a prisoner in an illegal noble's prison?"
"Yeah, I heard about it, although not many of the details. I know it messed him up pretty badly."
Byakuya nodded.
"When I first brought Tetsuya home to Kuchiki Manor, he had never been anywhere but in the prison before. He knew nothing of living in a home, how to dress and care for himself properly or how to conduct himself around others. The healers called him a feral child, and in truth, he was. I engaged our house attendants, Torio and Koji in calming and slowly educating Tetsuya. But nothing about that was easy. Tetsuya was terrified of all of us, even me, who had rescued him. The one person he trusted most was killed in the emancipation of the prison. Adding to that, Tetsuya had been repeatedly raped and beaten by pureblood relatives, who went on for years telling him that he was nothing, that his powers were stolen, that he deserved the pain he was in, that he did not deserve to live."
"Damn," Ichigo whispered sympathetically, "What did you do?"
"I sought help from Unohana Retsu in knowing how to help him. The elders tried to force me to send him to an asylum, but she argued on his behalf that he would only see this as being imprisoned again. I had Tetsuya's trust, so I needed to be a part of his healing and recovery. I listened to Unohana's advice and learned to comfort Tetsuya in this way."
Ichigo suddenly found himself smiling.
"No wonder you and Tetsuya are so close," he sighed, closing his eyes, "You're really good at this. If you'd asked me? I would've said that I didn't know what I needed. I just knew I needed something. But you know."
Ichigo paused and considered his next words carefully.
"I didn't know how to feel at first, knowing that you knew what that bastard did to me," he continued, "I didn't want anyone to know, but at the same time, I didn't want to be alone with it. Knowing you're aware, and that you understand helps a lot. And I'm grateful to you for being quiet about it."
"I would never betray your confidence," Byakuya promised, "This is a private matter. You should decide what to say and whom to tell. I could not help learning of it, so I will be discreet."
"Thank you," Ichigo said sincerely, "I feel like everything's out of control right now. It would just be one more thing if everyone knew, you know?"
"I understand. I will not reveal what I know to anyone, but I do hope that you will seek assistance for the post traumatic stress. I know that the last thing you want is to speak about what happened. Maybe now is not the time, but when you feel ready. No one should force you to seek that help. It must be because you feel ready to face your demons about what happened to you. While you work towards that point, I hope you will feel safe sharing your discomfort with me."
Ichigo let out a long, shaky breath that seemed to carry away the last of the tension.
"I feel like I could tell you anything," he breathed into Byakuya's shoulder.
"Rest now," Byakuya advised him, laying back down and bringing Ichigo closer to him, "Both of us have been injured recently."
"Yeah," Ichigo agreed, snuggling closer to him, "Thanks for protecting me, too."
"I am not pleased those quincies tried to attack you, but it is gratifying to be able to repay some of the debt I owe you."
"Heh, you don't owe me anything," Ichigo chuckled more lightly, smiling more widely as Byakuya's fingers slid through the short strands of his ginger hair, "I wanted to protect everyone."
"And you did. Now, please rest and heal. The battles are over and it is time for us to enjoy the peace we worked and suffered so much to earn."
"Yeah," Ichigo sighed sleepily, "okay."
He focused on the little caresses on his hair and skin, and breathed in Byakuya's pretty sakura scent, sinking slowly down into a calmer sleep, still rested against the noble's side.
XXXXXXXXXX
Kuri opened his eyes and frowned in disappointment in finding that Tetsuya had left his room. He sensed his mother and sister's healing power being used nearby and the presence of Kuchiki family attendants nearby. Tetsuya's gentle reiatsu radiated somewhere a short distance away, and Kuri sensed a sadness in the younger man's heart.
What is wrong, angelito?
He sat up slowly and was pleased to note that much of the pain had drained out of his body. He slipped out of the bed and stood still for a moment, adjusting to being back on his feet for the first time. He wrapped a yukata around himself and put on a pair of warm slippers. Heading out into the gardens, he carefully avoided the eyes of the attendants. Following the little touches of Tetsuya's reiatsu, he headed out the back gate, and along a quiet pathway that ran past the barn where the spirit steeds were cared for, and ended at the quiet cemetery, where the Kuchiki family's departed relatives rested.
Ah, I see.
He followed the wisps of Tetsuya's reiatsu into the cemetery and to a quiet, shaded corner where Tetsuya knelt in front of a tall carved headstone, facing away from Kuri, with his head bowed and holding wildflowers in his hand.
"I am to be given to a clan leader in marriage," Tetsuya said softly, "But you don't need to worry. Kuri-kuri-sama's family is not like most of the clans. They have a large family and they love and protect each other as you and I did. Magdelina-sama is beautiful and wise. She already treats me as though I was born into the family. Aderia-san is sweet and kind…except when she is scolding her brother. They fight a lot, but there is so much love, they even fight lovingly. Kuri-kuri is a powerful man, but he has had his heart broken badly, as I have. While he has been recovering here, I have seen how he still cries in his sleep for his lost love. I feel that same heartbrokenness every day for you. It seems, Kuri-kuri can understand how that pain never goes away. But it feels less heavy when I am near him. Sharing that weight of grief with someone takes some of the pain away. I will never forget you and Kuri-kuri will never forget his Hideaki. But we enter this marriage knowing that each of us is not the other's lost one. We will build from the ashes of what was lost, but we will grow in new ways together. I feel in my heart that this is what you would want for me, and this gives me the courage to move forward and take his hand willingly. To do this, of course, means giving up my place as Byakuya-sama's bodyguard and healer, but maybe…maybe I will, with my new family, be able to become just a healer as I have always wanted to do. I know Byakuya-sama was right to help me become able to fight. I had to be strong to protect my freedom, but…"
Tetsuya blinked and sucked in a surprised breath as Kuri's hand touched his shoulder gently.
"Ay perdòn," the Shima leader apologized, "I am sorry to bother you, Tetsu-hana, but your words were so beautiful and hopeful, I am touched."
Tetsuya blushed brightly.
"You should be in bed, Kuri-kuri-sama," he said self-consciously, "not out here, listening to other people's conversations."
"I am a cad," Kuri agreed, giving Tetsuya a little smirk, "My apologies for offending you."
"I hope I did not offend you," Tetsuya replied, looking up into his fiancé's handsome turquoise eyes, "speaking so boldly."
"Eh, it is better that we should always be honest with each other. And you are right. Although you and I will always love the ones we lost, we can make our own happiness. We must first learn about each other. And I think that you just took a large step, telling me about your wish to become a healer."
Tetsuya's blush darkened.
"I didn't exactly tell you," he exclaimed softly, "You were snooping."
"I said I was sorry."
"You don't look terribly sorry," Tetsuya accused him gently, "In fact, you look pleased with yourself."
Kuri smiled so warmly, Tetsuya felt his momentary anger fade swiftly.
"I am not pleased with myself for snooping," he explained, "I am pleased because I know something that means a lot to my Tetsu-hana. And because I know, I will help you."
Tetsuya looked back at him speechlessly for a moment and Kuri curved a warm palm around his cheek.
"You have spent years perfecting your ability to give proper responses and to conduct yourself like your pureblood brothers," Kuri said quietly, "but I feel your more spirited self beneath the surface, Tetsu-hana. You chafe at their rules and restrictions. You love Byakurai, but you love your freedom even more…so much that you sometimes barely contain yourself."
Tetsuya gave him a mystified look.
"How do you…?" he began.
"A rebel knows a rebel, even when he tries to hide himself," Kuri chuckled, "You may act as you are supposed to while others are looking, but I know for a fact that you find ways to be yourself."
Tetsuya's expression turned curious.
"You don't look as though you disapprove."
"Not at all," Kuri assured him, "And you can be sure that Mamà and Deripie will spoil the living hell out of you, letting you run wild. They know how you have suffered. Like me, they want to see you deliriously happy."
"Why does my happiness mean so much to you?" Tetsuya asked, frowning, "You barely know me."
"You did not know me, but you saved my life."
"Anyone would have…"
"No, not anyone, Tetsu-hana. And even if they would have, they were not there with me in my time of need. You were there, and you kept me alive. I am very glad not to have died, and I want to repay your kindness."
Tetsuya's lips tightened against the smile that tried to overtake them.
"You can repay my kindness by not undoing the hard work I did, saving your life," he said sternly, "Let me take you back to rest, Kuri-kuri-sama."
Kuri rolled his eyes and snickered, but allowed Tetsuya to wrap a supportive arm around him.
"We are not yet married and already my Tetsu-hana is lovingly nagging," he laughed affectionately, "Very well. I see there is no arguing with you, eh?"
"Not about this," Tetsuya insisted, "Please come back with me now."
"But you've forgotten to give those flowers to your late husband," Kuri objected, snatching the wildflowers from Tetsuya's other hand and turning back to Naoki's grave.
He bent forward and laid the flowers gently on the grass in front of the headstone.
"Naoki," he said in a suddenly solemn tone, "I thank you for taking good care of Tetsu-hana while you were both imprisoned. And I promise you that I will do my best to protect him and to make him happy as you would have. Please rest peacefully, knowing that I will let no harm come to him and I will treasure him."
He heard a soft sniff behind him and looked over his shoulder to find that Tetsuya's blue eyes had filled with tears. He took Tetsuya's hand in his, rubbing the younger man's slender fingers comfortingly.
"What is it, Tetsu-hana? Did I say something wrong?"
"No," Tetsuya assured him, "it wasn't that at all. It's just that only Byakuya-sama ever spoke so respectfully to Naoki. Even after he gave his life to save mine, the elders disapproved of Byakuya-sama declaring us spouses and allowing Naoki to be buried with the main family."
"A bunch of fools," Kuri said off-handedly, "But like you, I do not like being told what to do. You don't need to worry about that anymore. We will defy anyone who disrespects the ones we have loved."
Tetsuya found a little smile returning to his lips.
"I don't know anyone like you, Kuri-kuri-sama," he sighed, accepting the Shima leader's embrace and a chaste kiss on his flushed lips.
"What can I say?" Kuri said warmly, "Like you, I am one of a kind. Mi hermana would say thank goodness for that!"
"Come back with me, please," Tetsuya insisted, tugging on his arm, "You're going to have everyone looking for you."
"All right, all right," Kuri chuckled, accepting Tetsuya's arm around him again, "but do you promise to stay and talk to me more, Tetsu-hana?"
"As long as you promise to rest," Tetsuya said firmly.
"Then, I guess I am resting," Kuri laughed, leaning against Tetsuya as the two returned to the main house together.
XXXXXXXXXX
Byakuya laid quietly against the pillows, holding Ichigo against him and humming softly as he gazed out the window at the starry, moonless sky.
It is good that he is finally resting comfortably. I know that this is only the beginning of his recovery, but it will help him build up his strength. Something like this is not easily dismissed. He will need to face his emotions about being sexually assaulted, but right now, the wounds are too fresh. Right now, we can only focus on healing the physical hurts and helping him feel at home again. The wounds on his body will heal, but we must hope that somehow his heart too will be healed.
Whatever it takes, I will see that done.
I owe him that.