Authors note: hey guys I only have time for a quick note here but regardless I hope you enjoy the story- all reviews are greatly appreciated^^ see you tommorow then
'By the way, I should apologise, in advance, for the disappointing start.' The wolf began. What? Hiccup thought, curiously, settling himself comfortably like he was listening to one of the elders spinning a tale of their youth. With the extraordinary circumstances- how could it be disappointing? This was how a pup grew to adulthood without anyone to look after it! 'I... don't actually know the beginning of it.' What?
Hiccup's ears lifted up in a startled 'huh?', as he repeated the sentence to himself. He didn't know the beginning of his own life story? How did that work? It was his life- he was there!
'I mean, I just can't remember my time as a pup. The first year or so of my life- poof, gone.' He explained. Hiccup's head lifted off the ground- all weariness forgotten.
'You can't remember the first year of your life!' He reiterated- now very much alert. He'd never heard of such a thing- and the thought of it alarmed him. Loss of memory was something that happened to old wolves, not someone almost on the approach to their prime!
'Yeah.' He confirmed. 'Weird, huh? It's like I just appeared, somehow, and I just kinda knew how to survive out here.'
'You don't remember anything?!' Hiccup stressed, still struggling with the concept. How could he just not know what happened in his early years?! How could he be okay with that?!
That one year shaped and moulded you- it set you up for the future. It was when you learnt everything! To have such a massive memory gap of such a crucial stage in life... It was insane! Did he just wake up one day, with no idea who he was, or where he'd come from? Now that was a thought that truly terrified him. Not knowing was one of the few things that scared him- and to be in the dark about your very beginning... It was just so wrong! He simply couldn't imagine it! How could this wolf have coped with it? How did it not drive him insane?!
'Not even your mother? How you survived? Anything?!' He said, for some reason getting uneasy over something that had happened a long time ago- and not even to himself.
'I don't know... I guess I had a mother, and... I think... I just have this strange feeling I had a sister at some point, but I just really can't remember... Maybe my mum sensed there there was something up with the litter inside her, and went rogue to look after me and the other pups. Maybe some other passing wolf took me in. I could've been raised by a family of arctic foxes for all I know.' He joked, surprisingly at ease with the memory loss that had Hiccup so perturbed. 'But, I guess something must've happened to my mom and my sister, or whoever it was who looked after me- no way could I have survived by myself. Or perhaps something happened to me- I don't have a clue. All I know is that I'm here, somehow: a malborn runt, who, against all odds, survived. It's a shame, really, it probably would've made a really good story.' He said, bringing the story up to a more cheerful note. 'You'll have to make do without the year after I outgrew my milk fangs, but I've still got a good few stories you might like.' He said, diving right back into the story like he was plowing into a snowdrift.
Hiccup had been staring at him the whole time he'd been explaining his past- of lack of one. He really did remember nothing... He could only guess at how terrifying that must've been: waking up a complete stranger to the world. No familiar smells, or faces- no landmarks, or people, that you recognised. Only you- the stranger in your own skin- to accompany you in your journey, as a lone, broken runt, in the harsh reality of the Outerlands. He knew this guy was a lone wolf but having that gap in his memory suddenly made the lone lifestyle seem even lonlier. He got the feeling the older wolf probably wouldn't bring it up, but it had to have been hard scrounging up a way to survive alone.
Even in the worst of times, Hiccup had always had someone around- even if the company had been reluctant, or downright hostile, he'd still had someone to share the storm's beating winds with him; to ease the effort of, and improve the success of, hunting; to take turns running point through the deepest of snow fields. Lone wolves weren't uncommon, he knew... but everything was just made so much easier with a pack- he knew that now... and besides, out of all the lone wolves that existed in the world, how many of them would've had to find a way to survive with a Malborn defect, and the weak strength of a runt? One, he decided- and he was lying right next to him.
He listened as the wolf went on to tell him about the time a slightly crazy, but very quick on her feet she wolf had told him to listen to the birds that she'd claimed were her friends- and how, later that week, he'd been saved by those very same birds when alerted him to the presence of an predator (he'd lost his meal, but at least he hadn't lost his life). He claimed he knew a wolf that had the same colour fur as the golden flowers you could see in the green season- and another that refused to eat rabbit. He even said that an old grizzly, from far up north, had taught him how to fish in iced over rivers. They'd had a hard time 'communicating', apparently, so he just copied the heavy animal as best as he could. Yeah, right. He snorted in disbelief- as if he actually expected him to believe that! Talking to grizzly- what nonsense. The only interactions between grizzlies and wolves, involved fangs and claws- and he spoke as if he'd somewhat befriended one of them?
'What? You don't believe me?' He queried.
'No.' Hiccup responded, chuckling- mirthfully panting softly, as his tail gently beat the ground. That was the best joke he'd heard in a long time. As if a wolf and a bear could ever get along.
'Alright then, disbeliever- I'll show you at the next river we come across.' The white wolf promised, teasing good naturedly. 'But first...' Hiccup looked over to him, curiously. First? Where was this going? 'I want you to tell me your story.' He finished.
Hiccup stilled... He'd known this moment was coming, but that didn't make it any easier... Did he want to tell him? Could he really open up that old wound? A glance at the white wolf told him that the older wolf fully expected him to say no... but still he'd asked... Hiccup found that he'd warmed up to this strange wolf- with his unknown deformity, near invisible, snowy pelt, and cheerful, friendly attitude that seemed to make light of any hardship... And, if he'd managed to make years of struggling for food and survival sound oddly easy- and even fun... maybe he'd be able to do the same with his painful memories. Perhaps he could find a way to turn them around, and make them hurt not so much. Well, if that was what he wanted to do (and he could see, from looking in his crystal blue eyes, that he did), he was going to have his work cut out for him.
'Alright... But it's not a happy story- in fact, I'd say, it's probably pretty dull.' He warned, already slipping back into the bitter state of mind that came to him whenever he thought of his old pack.
'Go on.' The white wolf prompted, reassuringly. There was a strange concern in his eyes, like he was actually bothered about this scrawny sack of tawny fur. Hiccup wasn't looking at his eyes, though- he was too busy preparing himself for the dive into the past. He took a long, steadying breath... and took the plunge into the darkness of his pack's shadow... to that dark day of which he'd always been forbidden to speak of... until now.
'Well, very early on in my life, just as me and the rest of the litter had got weened off milk, a predator got into the den.' Jack's ears flicked up in alarm- he could already sense where this was going. Hiccup hurried on quickly, before he could think about what he was saying and and freeze up. 'My mom and siblings were killed, but I survived- and the only reason I did is because my dad just about got there in time...' ... Dad... He thought, remembering the tough, thickly muscled warrior chief that looked nothing like him... and his head lowered towards the ground with guilt- the same guilt that always filled his mind when he thought about his father.
The guilt of existing.
'It should've been one of my siblings that survived- not me.' He muttered, repeating the words that had been haunting, and following, him his whole life. Nobody ever said it out loud, but he knew they all thought it. 'I'm just the broken runt who should've been cast out to die a long time ago. My dad had everything: a wife, a litter of strong, healthy pups- and then everything was taken away from him, and he was left, with me... I always knew I was a disappointment to him, he never really tried to hide it. I saw the looks he kept giving me when he thought I wasn't looking. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him: I wasn't strong, I wasn't tough- I couldn't even hold my old against a large rat, and I still can't!
'...What kind of son could I ever be to him? My own, stupid, name marked me out as a failure, right from the very beginning... 'Hiccup', they called me... just a hiccup in my dad's previously perfect life. I'm a mistake, in other words- that's all I ever was. It was a mistake I was born, and it was a mistake that I'm still alive. The only reason I'm not dead is because of the pack elder's stupid pity towards my father, because he ended up with a runt like me as his only legacy. A twisted, scrawny Malborn pup.'
'And, if I was born a mistake, then I lived like one too. It was all anyone ever treated me like. I was picked on even worse than the omegas, and no one ever bothered to stop it. 'It was toughening me up', they said 'I should just shut up whining and deal with it'... I was worse than nothing in my pack- and I'm still worse than nothing now. That's all I'll ever be destined for: nothing. I'm just a stupid, broken runt with no worth, no purpose in life, and no chance at survival.'
'...Might as well face it. I'm doomed... I'm just going end up scrounging whatever scaps of food I can find... until some dumb animal comes along, and finishes what that predator started when I was a pup... I was kidding myself thinking I'd ever get into another pack... What pack would ever take me in?' He muttered, with a quiet, miserable whine.
That just about summed up his life... He didn't know why he was even saying all this, but it wasn't like it really mattered. He was going to die anyway; he might as well face it with a weight off his chest.
He'd almost forgotten the white wolf was there. Still lying there... still listening... He had no idea what the older wolf made of all that, but he didn't want to check. He just fixed his eyes on a tiny snowflake that had landed just in front of his nose... It wasn't like he expected the older wolf to care, or anything- he just couldn't seem to stop once he started.
'Not that I expect you to be bothered about all this- about me. No one else is. Not my pack, who hated me- or my father, who was disgusted at my very existance. I guess I just wanted to come to terms with This whole thing before a predator comes and-.' He stilled, as some soft, warm fur brushed against his side.
He felt it wrap his entire left half in a blanket of comfort and reassurance... What was he...? He thought, confused, as he looked up to see to the wolf's snowy white head rest on the top of his back- silently staring at the howling winds of the turmoiling sky, and the ragged trail behind them. The gesture spoke beyond words... it spoke with emotion.
It offered him sympathy and solace- companionship, comfort, and so much more... It reminded him of a better time he nearly couldn't remember. The ancient, almost forgotten memories of when he was a pup... His mother's soft presence forever at his side... radiating warmth, safety... and love... This, now, felt something like that... He'd never been comforted before. His packs attutude had always been 'get a grip, and move on'- and the best you got was a shove to bring you back to reality... For the first time since he couldn't even remember... he felt a tension he never even knew he'd been carrying his whole life leave his body.
So this was what it was like to receive comfort... to be cared for, he thought... He closed his eyes, as he let himself relax with the feeling... and deep within him... He felt something settle... His twisted bone might forever be that way, but in that moment... he felt whole.
He was so lost in the soft lull of the wordless, reassuring embrace, he almost didn't notice the white wolf shift his head to tell him one, simple, powerful, message...
'No one is worthless...'