disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 6: Unbelievably Complicated
I, feel as if I'm wasting,
And I, wasted every day.
Casey, Derek and Marti all walked into Edwin's room. Marti was between Derek and Casey, holding their hands in hers. She was worried, even though she was only nine; she knew what was going on, what happened and what could happen. She felt safe though, holding Derek's hand, he always knew what to do.
As they walked in, Edwin immediately stood up and ran to them, he wasn't one for hugs, being a male fifteen year old but he had to hug them. He was so worried since no one would tell him anything about his family members. He grabbed his family into a group hug and wouldn't let go for a while.
Once he let go, Casey got a good look at him. The doctor was right; he was walking away from this terrible accident with only scratches. The only thing that was showing that Edwin had hurt himself was a cut above his left eye that wasn't deep enough for stitches. Casey guessed that he must have hit his head on the window, which explained why he had a full examination.
"You took long enough," Edwin said, joking with them. Derek smiled a ruffled his hair.
"Ya well you should have known not to get into an accident before noon," Derek joked back. All of the siblings smiled a bit, unable to laugh. Casey then asked a question that was bugging her since she stepped into the room.
"Do you know anything about mom, George or Lizzie?" She asked Edwin and he shook his head.
"They won't tell me anything, they said that they were waiting for you but I don't get it, Lizzie wasn't that badly hurt, I saw her on a stretcher, and a doctor saying that they needed to do more tests, maybe it's just a precaution," Edwin said and Casey nodded her head trying to blink back the tears. Derek was going to try to say something comforting but didn't have the chance because Dr. Sheppard walked into the room.
"Hello again," he said as everyone stared at him. He stared back, telling himself that it is easier for the family to hear bad news if he gave eye contact. He had to use all of his strength to keep eye contact with Casey. He hated having to do this but he was doing what he was told to do. He sighed and decided to just say what he was told to say, the sooner he started, the sooner it would end.
"How's everyone?" Casey asked before he could speak.
"No updates with George Venturi or Nora Macdonald-Venturi."
"And Lizzie, how's Lizzie doing?" Casey asked and Dr. Sheppard dropped his gaze, unable to look at her. He pretended to look at his file as if reading the question that he had memorized.
"Does your family have any history of cancer?" he asked, shocking Casey. Casey shook her head, not understanding why he was asking her this.
"No, we Macdonalds have always been healthy, why?" she asked him. Dr. Sheppard couldn't look at any of them, keeping his gaze on the piece of paper, he was mentally talking himself into saying what he had to say.
"Well while we were doing the tests on Elizabeth Macdonald, checking for concussions, internal bleeding, etc., when we found, well uh…"
"Found what, just say it. I won't believe it until you say it," Casey said, feeling Derek grab her hand and squeezing it, giving her enough strength to not break down then and there.
Dr. Sheppard look directly into Casey's eyes, knowing that he had to say it, this was his job. "There's was a possibility that we found cancer and we did more tests and well, it seems she has lung cancer, we caught it early, and there is a very good chance that she will survive. We will start her on chemotherapy immediately, except she needs a parent or guardian to sign the forms," he said.
Casey nodded, not really paying attention to the doctor anymore. All she thought was that Lizzie will beat this, she has too, she can't die this young. She has to live life.
"Casey, I'll call your father, you just go see Lizzie," Derek said gently. Casey looked at him, apparently Dr. Sheppard was going to bring them to Lizzie. Casey nodded again and started following the doctor. Marti ran to Casey's side, holding her hand like Derek told her too. Edwin followed on the other side of Casey, keeping his gaze to the floor.
Derek then left the hospital, holding Casey's cell phone. Her father was on speed dial and as he listened to the rings, he wondered how this could have happened. How could their whole life crash and burn this fast?
Casey walked into Lizzie's room, which was a couple rooms down from where Edwin's room was. She saw Lizzie laying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, as if she was mentally talking to someone. Casey couldn't help but sniffle when she saw her. With Edwin and Marti, they were walking around, asking questions about everyone else, but Lizzie, Lizzie looked like she'd given up on everything.
"Hey Lizzie," Casey said once she reached the bed. Lizzie turned her head, tear stains all over her cheeks.
"Did you hear?" Lizzie asked her. Casey nodded, feeling like she couldn't hold back the tears.
"You're going to be fine you know, you're a fighter," Casey said.
"How do you know I'll be able to fight this?" Lizzie asked her.
"Because when you were six I saw you beat up Brad Danford because he called you a sissy. You won't let cancer beat you," Casey replied.
Lizzie smiled; this was what she needed to hear. She then turned her head and started talking to Edwin and Marti. Casey looked at the door, seeing Derek standing there and she walked over to him.
"Your father's coming, he'll be here in the evening," Derek said and Casey nodded, looking back at her siblings, they were all laughing at a joke Marti made.
"Thanks Derek," Casey said.
"For what?" he asked her.
"For being here for me, for everyone," she replied.
"Hey, I'll never leave you," he said, seeing more tears rolling down Casey's face. He grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, holding her so closely that Casey could hear his heartbeat, making her able to calm down.
Casey was pacing in the living room, walking back and forth and checking her watch every three seconds. It was ten after five and Derek still had not come. She kept telling herself that this was normal, when was Derek ever on time? But that was when he was eighteen, he should have matured, bought a clock or something. This was good though, it gave Casey time to reflect on the dream that she had last night, she realized these dreams were getting worse, that day just went downhill from the start.
"Can we go now? He obviously stood us up," Marti said.
Casey turned her head, looking at her family members. Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti were sitting on the couch, all with their arms folded, looking bored. They were sitting there because Casey insisted that they should look at least a bit presentable so she told Marti that she couldn't wear her ripped jeans, Lizzie couldn't where her 'life sucks' sweater and Edwin couldn't wear his Metallica shirt. Casey didn't want any wrinkles in the clothes and was convinced that if she let anyone of them out of her sight then they would get their clothes dirty and insist couldn't go out with Derek. So she made them sit on the couch. The only one that wanted to go and spend time with Derek was Zachie, who was sitting in Derek's chair, swinging his legs back and forth and playing with his action figure. She wanted him to stay where he was though, he's a boy, it's in his nature to want to get dirty.
"He's going to come, have a little faith," she reassured them.
"Ya, have faith in Derek, now why would I not want to do that," Marti said, glaring at Casey. "He's not going to come, why would he? He doesn't care about us."
"He does too," Casey said just as the doorbell rang. Casey instantly relaxed, he came, he really came. She ran to the door and opened it, smiling a bit at Derek.
"Sorry I'm late, work ran a bit longer than expected," he said as Casey stepped aside to let him in.
"That's alright, I understand," Casey replied, closing the door. She was a bit surprised when Zachie leap off the chair, ran to Edwin, jumping onto his lap, and hid his face into Edwin's chest, as if he was afraid of Derek. She guessed that he only liked Faith, not Derek. All of their siblings looked at Casey and Derek like they knew they were going to dread the whole evening, at least on Tuesday, they could ignore Derek but today they promised Casey that they were going to make an effort.
"Well should we get going, I was thinking about going to Smelly Nelly's is it still good there?" Derek asked, trying his best to stay positive.
"Uh, ya, it's still good there, guys go get your coats," Casey instructed them. All of them got off the couch reluctantly and grabbed their coats without a word. "Alright, have fun," Casey said, stepping aside for them to pass her.
"You're not coming?" Derek questioned. He expected her to come, and he felt like he needed her there, to get everyone to speak to him.
"Oh no, I have 25 short stories to mark, I'll be here all night," Casey said.
"Well I'm sure that can wait, why don't you come?" Derek pushed.
"I should get them done now, to get them out of the way," Casey replied, not budging to give in. Derek nodded, knowing how much Casey loved to work ahead. "Have fun guys," Casey said pushing everyone out the door. "Don't bring them home too early," Casey whispered to Derek before he left. He nodded hoping that five thirty wouldn't be considered too early.
Derek drove to the restaurant; the whole car remained silent, no one wanting to say anything. They all got out of the car and went into the restaurant. As they sat into the booth and gave the waiter what they wanted to drink, everyone looked at their menus. All of them had been at this restaurant countless times but none of them knew what to say. When the waiter came with their drinks and took their orders, all of them just stared at their drinks.
"Okay, this is ridiculous," Derek finally said breaking the silence. "You guys are going to go home and Casey is going to ask you what we talked about. We all know when you say nothing, she will give you her annoyed look and although it is funny to make her mad, she will end up in my office tomorrow yelling at me and I don't need that embarrassment at work," Derek continued. This made everyone at the table smile; everyone could completely picture Casey yelling at Derek in his office, she never was shy at yelling at Derek in a public area.
"Maybe we want her to yell at you," Lizzie said, making Derek fidget a little. "It was always entertaining to watch, trying to figure out what you did to make Casey mad," Lizzie finished and started to laugh, as Derek relaxed.
"We could never get all of them, it happened so often," Edwin added chuckling himself.
"I'm surprised you got any of them," Derek said, laughing as well.
"Please, nine out of ten times it was because you pulled a prank on her," Lizzie said.
"You do pranks?" Zachie asked once they all calmed down and Derek nodded. Zachie smiled, "Cool, can you teach me some?" he asked him.
Derek nodded again and whispered, "Just don't tell Casey."
This caused everyone to laugh again except for Marti, as the waiter came with their food. Edwin, Lizzie and Zachie were talking and laughing with Derek through the meal but Marti wasn't, she couldn't until she knew the answer to the question that had been bugging her all these years.
"Derek, why did you leave?" she asked him so bluntly that everyone turned their heads at her then at Derek all waiting for the answer.
---
"Hey Dr. Madison," Casey said to her mother's doctor as she walked into the room. Dr. Madison turned her head and smiled at Casey.
"Hello," she said. "I'll be out in a sec," she continued, knowing that Casey only came to visit her mother by herself when she had something on her mind.
"Any change?" she asked.
Dr. Madison shook her head. "No," she said, closing her file. "I'll let you talk to her," she said leaving the room.
Casey nodded, walking over to her mother's bed. She sat down at the end of the bed, looking down at Nora, watching her chest rise up and down, knowing that she's breathing but only because of machines. She reached and grabbed Nora's hand, but only barely touching it.
"Hey mom," Casey started. She always had trouble talking to her mother knowing that she could most likely not hear her. "It's sunny today, right after a snowfall last night. I know you always loved the sight right after a snowfall, looking at the untouched snow as it glistens in the sunlight. You would always make me look, since I was a little kid, making me look at the beauty before I jump and played in it. I do it now, make Zachie look at the snow before he plays in it, although I don't think he really cares, grade one boys usually don't care about that sort of stuff." Casey paused looking at her mother, knowing that if she was awake and that she was really talking to her, Nora would have nodded, waiting patiently for Casey to say what was really on her mind.
"This isn't why I came here, to tell you about the weather," Casey continued. "Um, Derek's back, he came back except when I found out he was here, I did nothing what I thought I would do. When he first left, I thought he would come back, I thought he would miss us so much that he would come begging back and I thought I would take him back in a heartbeat, telling him that we all make mistakes. Then after a year past by, then two, then three, I became angrier and angrier. I thought if he came back then, I wouldn't let him back in, tell him to get the hell out of our lives and stay out.
"But when he came here, when I saw him in the mall with his girlfriend and at the house, I couldn't do anything but try and be polite because I knew, I knew he didn't come back because he knew it would hurt me too much." Casey tried the best she could but she couldn't help stop the tears she'd been holding back come out and roll down her cheeks. "I made him stay away from his family; I made our family suffer when I spend these past six years trying to make everything go back to normal.
"So I asked myself why it took me so long to realize this, why I needed Derek to come and hurt me to figure this out and the reason is that I was just a kid. I was eighteen, going to the university of my dreams, dance around the world and be with the love of my life and then I had to grow up over night. I had to become the mother and the father of this family while you and George were in comas then stayed the parent while George went out to bars to drink and drive home almost killing himself every night. I was forced to become the adult so I spent the whole time trying to do what's best for our family, ignoring my feelings towards Derek.
"The truth is thought I miss him mom, I miss him so much and I don't want to anymore. I want the pain to stop, I want you to wake up and fix everything." Casey said to her mother. She then let go of her mother's hand and rested her hands on Nora's shoulders. "I want you to just open your eyes right now and wake up, wake up," she said, slightly shaking her. "Please wake up mommy, please wake up!" Casey said. She let go of Nora's shoulders and rested her head on her mother's chest hearing her heartbeat but instead of soothing her as Derek's had when she found out about Lizzie having cancer, it upset her even more. She knew her mother was alive but not alive enough to help her.
---
"Auntie Casey!" Zachie shouted running into the house. Casey got up from her seat in the kitchen and met Zachie in the dinning room as he jumped into her arms.
"Hey honey, did you have fun?" she asked him and he nodded quickly then wiggled himself free to go play in his room.
Casey smiled and looked at her siblings. Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti all seemed to be smiling and so did Derek. She then caught Derek's eyes and she couldn't break eye contact and neither could Derek. Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti noticed this and all secretly knew what they had to do.
"Well, later Derek, gotta start trying to put Zachie to bed," Edwin said, following his son up the stairs.
"Ya, and I gotta try and finish my essay tonight," Lizzie said walking up the stairs, followed by Marti, claiming that she also had homework.
Casey and Derek stood there in an awkward silence until Casey decided that she should say something. "So do want some coffee or something?" she asked him.
Derek nodded, "coffee sounds good," he said, taking off his jacket and shoes and followed Casey into the kitchen. She grabbed a mug and poured some coffee as Derek looked at the short stories that Casey was marking. Derek started reading one of them but stopped when Casey handed him his coffee and asked him a question.
"So everyone looks happy, did you guys have a good time?"
Derek nodded. "We had a good time, how was your night marking work?" he asked back.
"It was good," she said. Then there was a slight awkward pause.
Derek cleared his throat. "So uh, I listened to the song you told me to, I liked it, nice beat."
Casey smiled a bit, feeling her cheeks get hot from embarrassment. "Ya sorry about that, and yesterday, I shouldn't have yelled," she said, sitting down at the island as Derek sat across from her.
"No need to apologize, it made things seem normal," he said, while smirking.
Casey couldn't say anything, she was caught up looking at his lips but told herself to pull it together. "So what did you guys talk about?" she questioned. Derek stopped smiling as he debated if he should tell her and decided to.
"We talked about why I left," Derek said, causing Casey to look down at her coffee.
"Oh." Was all she could come up to say.
"Marti asked me. Do you want to know what my answer was?" he asked.
Casey shook her head. "I already know the answer," she said.
"Oh? And what is that?" Derek asked her.
"You couldn't handle the responsibility," Casey replied. Derek then jumped up startling her. He ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.
"Is that what you think?" Derek asked walking to her, grabbing her hands into his. Casey was too surprised to pull away. "Is it?" he asked her, looking into her eyes, making Casey feel completely vulnerable.
"If it isn't that then what is it?" she asked him.
"Casey I left… I left because I couldn't stand everyone in pain and I couldn't fix it. I couldn't make them happy, I couldn't make you happy, that's why I left," he said softly. Casey then ripped her hands out of Derek's and got up.
"So you left because you couldn't make me happy? That's your reason why you stuck me with being the only adult in the house, leaving me to handle everything?" she shouted. She walked out of the kitchen, to the coat rack, grabbed Derek's jacket and threw it at him since he followed her. She then opened the door. "I think you should leave," she said quietly. Derek didn't say anything, he put on his shoes and left the house.
Casey then closed the door and looked at the top of the stairs, seeing all of her siblings staring back at her, all with broken faces, knowing that they probably were not going to see Derek again. "Damn it!" she said. She threw the door open and ran outside without a coat or shoes.
"Derek!" she called making Derek stop backing out of the driveway. He rolled down the window looking at her as if she was crazy.
"What?" he asked.
"Come here tomorrow, same time, take them out somewhere, anywhere, just do it," she said. Derek nodded and Casey smiled a bit then ran back inside. She was glad that she was able to make her family happy, that was her first and only job, to make sure that they are happy.
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