Author's Note: Yeah, sorry about that whole, 'over three months without a real update' thing. I've been real busy with other stuff, of which suck. Like this chapter!
Two R.O.B.s, the crappy toy that Nintendo seems hell bent on making relevant again, are standing below Totally-Not-a-R.O.B.- I mean, Ancient Minister.
"So, boss!" Rob the R.O.B. said, "What the hell are we doing?"
"Oh, nothing much…" Ancient Minister commented, "EXCEPT A SUICIDE BOMBING!"
"… What?" Bob the R.O.B. asked. Before you say it, I know. My names are amazing.
"Nothing!" Ancient Minister replied quickly.
"If you didn't want us to know, why did you even say it?" Rob the R.O.B. asked angrily. Haha, you thought this chapter was gonna be FUNNY!
"… Shut up!" Ancient Minister cleverly retorted, "Now, I'm gonna drop. Da. Bomb."
"That jokes never gonna get old…" Bob the R.O.B. muttered, as Ancient Minister, guess what, dropped. Da. Bomb.
Both Rob the R.O.B. and Bob the R.O.B. connected to da previously dropped bomb.
"You know, maybe we should get some lunch after this suicide bombing!" Rob the R.O.B. suggested.
"… You don't know what 'suicide' means, do you?" Bob the R.O.B. asked, as Ancient Minister flew off.
"No, what does it mea-"
You can insert some explosion sound here.
Meanwhile, the Prince… Princess? I don't know. Anyway, the… Royal person of… Don't ask me, I'm Canadian! Anyway, he/she-
"I'm a boy," Marth said, to YOU! (See, I'm interactive), "And before you ask, I'm not gay."
After Marth's message, of which I'm totally going to ignore for the sake of people-thinking-he's-gay jokes that have never been used before, you see he's standing on top of his fortress. He sees the explosion of evil diarrhea caused by the R.O.B.s in gulf the Battlefield.
Despite this being an understandable time to hide and strategize, Marth is standing up on the top of his fortress, being, if the fandom is correct, angsty.
But suddenly, for some reason, he decides to fight the monsters invading his kingdom, such as the horrible weird puppet things and the over-powered motorcycles.
You start the level, and, luckily for me, you can only play as Marth. This is a win win for both of us. I don't have to write a long-winded explanation of choosing a specific character, and you get to play as one of the most cheap-ass characters in this game!
For some reason, Marth has to find some keys to get out of the castle, because Nintendo logic!
"Well, at least I'm finally safe. There is no way something will attack me before I finish this sente-"
"META KNIGHT SURPRISE ATTACK BITCH!"
Meta Knight attacked Marth with his sword, Galaxia, as Marth avoided and reflected the attack.
"Ah, we meet again!" Marth called out as he swung at the minority of the Kirby universe.
"… Meet again? We've never even met before!" Meta Knight objected as I, the narrator, attempts to think of a witty remark to make this story worth reading.
"I don't know, I thought our meeting was a country exclusive game. Why the hell are we fighting, then?" Marth replied, as he, guess what, avoided and reflected Meta Knight's attacks. This story isn't gonna be repetitive at all, is it?
"BECAUSE THAT'S MY THING!" Meta Knight yelled, as he… God this plot needs to get moving.
After that witty and intelligent remark, evil itself started crapping all over Marth's Kingdom, and Primid's began rising from it. Meta Knight and Marth, being the intelligent characters from two intelligent franchises, keep fighting each other.
"Alright, alright!" Marth yelled in anger, "Can we just stop fighting and move the plot along?"
"Who gives a crap about the plot?!" Meta Knight retorted, "I don't even have a backstory! Let's just fight!"
"Are you freaking serious?!" Marth argued, "This was like, a two second long cutscene in the actual game!"
"We're padding the chapter length," The Author informed them, "Sooooo, yeah, keep fighting. Screw the plot."
"I AGREE!" Meta Knight cried as he attacked.
While they do that, let's see what these two Primids are talking about. What? You want the plot to move along? Too bad, Primid time.
Primid X (because I'm just so goddamned good at naming characters) looked on at the fight and sighed, "Hey, buddy", he said as he tapped his friend's shoulder, "We're gonna die, aren't we?"
"What?" Primid X's friend, Primid Y, asked, "Why do you think we're gonna die?"
Primid X sighed, yet again, "Because the two cheapest characters in the game are fighting each other right in front of us."
"Okay, two things," Primid Y said, "First of all, we should really stop being so meta. Second, they've been fighting repetitively for the past billion paragraphs! If they were going to attack, they would've already." Primid Y assured.
There was an awkward pause between the two, as they watched the fight. The silence lasted about as long as it took you to read this stupid paragraph.
"You know, if this were a crappy fan fiction comedy, I would've been killed while saying that li- DYING CURRENTLY!" Primid Y yelled as Marth sliced the Battery-Power-Baddie in half.
"THAT JOKE WASN'T FUNNY!" Primid X cried as Meta Knight brutally sliced him with his sword.
Yeah, they decided to move on with the plot. I'd tell you how, but the Author is much too lazy to show it.
It looks like it's time to start the actual level. You know what that means? It means that it's time for the boring paragraph of which I choose which character I play as! Have you not been paying attention at all?
After pondering for several minutes, I make an awful decision. I go to the internet for advice. After researching the darkest, evilest part of the internet, forums, for an absurd amount of time, I have found information on both characters. On one hand, Marth is a 'gay ass japanees fag lol', but on the other hand, Meta Knight is a 'cheap as fuk' character. I have, from that, decided that Marth is slightly more hated. I choose to play as him, because I doubt I have a fan base to piss off.
Marth sighed as he proceeded to murder the fuck out of some motorcycles, "This is gonna get repetitive…"
AND IT DID! After several waves of enemies on a similar scale of overpowered-ness that Meta Knight is on-
"I take offense to that, Narrator Man." Shut up, Meta Knight, shut up.
Anyway, they get through the level, and see Ancient Minister.
"META KNIGHT CUTSCENE ATTACK BITCH!" Meta Knight yelled as he chased after Ancient Minister, who was carrying another bomb to drop.
"Bitch please!" Ancient Minister replied, as he flew.
"Wait a second!" Marth said to his purple ally, "I have a cheap moveset too!" Marth attempts to uppercut Ancient Minister's bomb to death, but fails. "Damn you, plot based weakness!"
"Well, looks like I'ma gonna go drop da bomb aga-"
"IKE SURPRISE ATTACK, BITCH!" Ike cried as he Great Aether'd da bomb.
"I'm blasting off agaaaaaain!" Ancient Minister yelled as he flew off, with his dropping bomb destroyed.
Ike landed square on the ground, panting, "So, guys, what did you think?"
There was an awkward pause, "… I'm trying to make that my catchphrase…" Meta Knight sighed.
After that conversation, which was sadly of normal quality for this series, we get another level.
"Holy Pauletena! I'm gonna be in a level!" Ike said enthusiastically. Haha, no you're not Ike, no you're not. Since this chapter has had enough padding, we don't need to go through the gameplay of this game! Off to continue the plot!
Luigi, the mustachioed wuss, walked on a beaten path.
"Hopefully nothing bad is going to happen to the Luigi…"
Going the other direction was Wally Waddle Dee, (master assassin), muttering to himself, because he's creepy like that. "Time for your time… Time for Wally, master assassin!"
Wally approached Luigi, who went into fighting stance, "I warn you, Luigi know plot-fu!"
"PLOT-FU IS NO MATCH FOR HAMMER!" King Dedede yelled, in his southern accent, at Luigi.
Luigi screamed, "NOT A PENGUIN! I'm-a sorry they made the power-up out of your cousin's skin…"
King Dedede's hammer swung down, knocking Luigi into the sky, "Five, four, three, two, one…"
Luigi's trophy fell down ontop of Wally, Master Assassin. Yes, we're making him a butt monkey too. We surely don't have enough of those!
"Well, that was extremely plot relevant!" Dedede said with pride. He then saw Wario's Vaguely Hover Car-esque vehicle. "DAMN. Those would be great for my vaguely-defined goal!"
King Dedede, using Luigi as bait, proceeds to steal Wario's Hover Car thing. Don't ask how, I'm too lazy to narrate it.
… Wow, that's a disappointing ending. Quick, review and express your violent, unhealthy hate of this story!
Author's Note: Yeah, if you couldn't tell, I have no idea how to end this chapter. Sue me.